AN: gosh golly . . . More Strong feelings about about how people hope Bella and Edward react to one another. Some of y'all are very cute about how you word things oh so "suggestively". No matter which way you want it, fast and furious or slow and soft, the way I write it will not be for everyone but if you feel like it, give it a go, it might surprise you. Sorry to say I will not be swayed on how my story will be written but I like y'alls moxie! That being said quite a few interesting opinions, which I love hearing so keep 'em coming!

Hey CSP4 ! You're cool, you get me, and this chapter is for you! ;)

Thirteen

We'd been back from New York for a couple of days now and everyone is acting weird around me. "Sly" glances made when they thought I wasn't looking, subject changes out of no where — that is if they don't just flee the room as soon as I enter.

Except Jasper.

No, Jasper has stayed his usual stoic self; which I'm glad for.

"What's going on with everyone?" I ask moodily, when once again my other siblings, and even my own mother, decide the best time to do other activities is now. In the middle of the movie they were all watching.

"You don't want to know." He mumbles, still enthralled with the misadventures of Clint Eastwood.

Not the best time to expect Jasper to partake in conversation when a western is playing.

That's alright — I can wait.

That is until Carlisle walked into the media room, caught sight of me and turned away without a word.

I run at top speed, snatch the remote and shut the movie off.

"Yeah, I do want to know."

Doors slam shut, engines rev and cars speed away and the house is deserted all within seconds of my interrogation.

Jasper sighs.

"Trust me, you don't."

"Try me."

My baby brother looks up at me, his golden eyes mostly annoyed but also, I think there's pity in there too. The annoyance he's projecting could easily just be him soaking up my emotions unwillingly but the pity . . . What the hell is going on?

"There's a new student at school." He says with a dead voice. Actually with a voice trying very hard to sound dead. And that is even more telling then if he had let himself speak truly.

The news is semi interesting . . . I guess — but I'm still not really catching on to the importance.

Damn, I wanna peak.

"So?" I counter. True this is a small town, but a new student isn't anything mind blowing.

"A girl." He adds.

Mother fucker.

"That's why they've all been acting like freaks these last few days?"

Goddammit, now it all makes sense.

We got back home on Wednesday night but, unlike Rose, I decided to keep Carlisle to his word that I could miss a week of school.

An extra few days of solitude was exactly what the doctor called for. Not literally of course, 'cause dad, and everyone else, has been badgering me to go to school.

'Edward, your education is important.' As if I haven't repeated high school a trillion times.

'You never know sweetie, you might discover something new if you go to school.' Impossible.

'Edward, go to school!' No-o-o-o.

Jasper nods, "Yep, they've been pretty desperate for you to find out on your own, though, in the flesh. Laying into Carlisle like you did really spooked them, you know."

"Apparently not enough." I grumble flopping down in a recliner beside Jasper's.

"Don't be too mad at them," He pleads half heartedly, "they did respect your wishes . . . in a way, they haven't out right said, 'Hey, Edward, lookie there, a new girl, it must be fate, go check her out!'"

I snort.

"No, but they've still been insufferable."

Jasper chuckles and I turn to him

"Why haven't you been acting the same? Running out of the room when I enter? Sharing annoying little looks?"

He avoids my eyes and drums a beat on his leg.

"Don't make me peak." That made him sigh, but not look at me.

"Because I'm not delusional like them."

He knows I'll never mate. He's accepted I'll never mate.

It's the truth. It's always been my reality.

And it hurts like hell hearing him sounding so resigned. Even if he's correct.

"Delusional is a bit harsh." I reply, looking away from him. Completely accurate but when I hear someone else say it, it honestly pisses me off.

Only I can admit I'm doomed to a lonely existence.

"A bit." He agrees, knowing he has to tread carefully around me.

"How come you do and they don't," I groan, "I'm tired of going through this with them."

"Well, actually, in their defense, this girl is . . . different." Jasper draws, sounding confused.

"Different?"

He nods, expelling a gust of unnecessary air.

"She doesn't feel as . . . unimportant as the other humans. Me and Em talked to her a bit and . . . Eh, I can't even explain it, but it doesn't matter anyway."

No, it doesn't matter. I've found the company of a few humans over the years not . . . Completely boring. Granted that was in my youth but whatever.

"Look, it'll all be over when we go to school tomorrow." Jasper sighs, eyeing the remote in my grasp. "You'll see her, everyone will be disappointed and life will go on as it always has."

Goddammit, he should have stabbed me instead.

Jasper's face scrunches up and he rubs his chest absentmindedly.

"Sorry, bro." He croaks.

I just shake my head, toss him his remote and run.

It takes me just a few moments until I'm in my meadow, despite it being late in the year, most of the flowers are still standing, their vibrant colors dazzling even in the dim light.

I sit down, careful not to crush anything beautiful, and cry.

Nothing too embarrassing, just quiet streams rolling down my cold cheeks, momentarily warming them.

I don't know what I have to do to get it through their heads. It's not like I'm still a young man, filled with hope that maybe we just haven't crossed paths yet. Wrong place — wrong time, kinda thing. We were living in Poland when I turned 18 and we thought maybe she could be in Brazil or the USSR or anywhere really, so we trespassed throughout the whole world.

I remember — at the time I thought I'd get "gut feelings." I'd tell mom and dad, 'Guys I have a good feeling about Ireland', 'Now, I'm feeling China, she's there, I know it!' 'Africa! We must go now!'

Now that I think back, it was just my boyish imagination, desperately wanting her and tricking me into believing she existed.

Then even more years passed, mom and Dad had Jasper, then Emmet a few years after him, they both turned of age and mated. We were still traveling all throughout the world, my hope dying bit by bit, but still searching for her. Em and Jazz both found their girls by what looks like chance on the surface, but was anything but. Mating is not left up to something as flimsy as a coincidence, it's fate, they were meant to — destined to — find one another, so they did.

And I never did. And never will. It still hurts, always will, but I've accepted it. I'll enjoy this existence as much as I can bare, cry surrounded by beauty and when it's time for me to go I'll gladly offer death my already deaden soul and finally find my peace.

I just wish my family would ease up, make this shit life easier on me and leave me alone.

If they hadn't been acting weird I would have met this new girl, whatever her name is, with nothing more than minor care. Her presence wouldn't have effected me in the least.

But now that I know they've gotten their hopes up it's inadvertently gotten mine up as well; even though I know it's a lost cause.

But now I'll meet her, my heart will be clobbered once again and the cycle will probably continue.

Maybe I should leave. The cycle can't continue, the reopening of my still sore wounds can't keep happening if I leave. . .

AN: Please Review!