That's the Way I Loved You

AN: Sorry for being a big ball of uploading fail! Life just gets in the way sometimes, you know? I also happen to have a motivation issue sometimes but I have absolutely zero plans to just forget about this story. Anyway, here's the next chapter! Also, text like 'this' are text messages and text like "this" are thoughts.

Disclaimer: Twilight = not mine.

Chapter Five

September 28th, 2016, 11:50 am – BPOV

"Ugh, why did I agree to this stupid lunch? And why did I even show up early? It's not like Edward will actually be here on time."

I woke up this morning in my old bed, under the same blue comforter from high school, looking at the same light purple walls. And it had felt like I was transported back to the day I had my first date with Edward – completely on edge, nerves shot. I have no idea how Edward exactly expects to clear the air or how this lunch will go but it's for Alice and Jasper. They deserve a wedding with no drama, awkwardness, or animosity between Edward and myself. Trying to calm my nerves, I take a sip of my water on the table when I hear the light dew drops tone alerting me to a text message.

'Calm down, Bells. You've got this. It's for the best. You're doing it for Alice and Jasper and it will be good to have Edward back in your life, if you decide to be friends with him. I support you. I love you.'

I smile down at my phone and the sweet, supportive text message from Jake, instantly feeling all my nervousness just wash away. He always makes me feel calm and knows exactly what to say. I called Jake last night when I got back from seeing the Cullen's and he asked me how it went, how it feels to be back. We chatted for a bit before I told him that Edward asked me to lunch "to clear the air," as Edward put it. I offered to cancel but he told me I should go. And then I told him that I was on the fence about it and he told me it would be good for me to hear him out. He pointed out that maybe Edward would apologize, maybe it would provide closure and I could completely move on from this and get someone who used to be really important to me back in my life.

I told him he was right, thanked him for putting it in perspective, and agreed to not cancel on Edward. But I didn't even know if I wanted Edward back in my life, if I wanted to be friends with him. We hung up exchanging our 'I love you's and Jake reaffirming his support if I regain Edward's friendship. This lunch could provide closure but there's still so much pain there. I woke up this morning unsure of what to do. I'm currently still unsure and mulling it over when I see Edward walk in the door.

I check my watch and get up to greet him. "11:55. You're . . . early." I say, astonished.

Edward shrugs his shoulders. "What can I say? I'm not the same Edward that I was in high school anymore. We can get into that while we wait for our food. Let's sit down and order." Edward slides into the booth and I follow suit. I've already decided on what to get so, as Edward searches the menu, I take a look at Stanley's Diner to see if there are any changes. Like everything in this town, it's mostly stayed the same. Same black and white checkered, linoleum floors, same plain white walls with the white subway tiles and white crown molding at the base. Same white with black speckles Formica tabletops. The chairs are in the same style but they obviously invested in some new ones as the red plastic cushions look a little brighter and don't have the same several years old wear-and-tear as the booths do. They likely thought the booths weren't worth the hassle and, probably, also thought that it added character. They added a fancy espresso machine, though, and finally decided to have Wi-Fi. They also upgraded some of the music selection in the jukebox as Taylor Swift's "All Too Well" came from the speakers. The vibe that the Stanley's originally wanted was late 70's/early 80's one so music from that time period would always be playing when I hung out here four years ago.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward has put his menu down and is looking at me curiously.

"What?"

"You have your thoughtful look on. The one with the little crinkle in between your nose that you get when you're really thinking about something or focused on something."

"Oh." Snapping myself back to reality, I answer, "I was just looking at the few diner changes and thinking about how it's kind of crazy that so much can change in just four years yet stay exactly as it was at the same time."

Edward chuckles at that. "It is pretty crazy. Kind of feels like we transported instantly back to high school."

"Yeah, it does. We used to always sit in that booth over there." I point to our former usual booth in the back corner. "Emmett would always try to embarrass me. And he'd always succeed."

"Your face would always turn as red as a tomato. Rose would always drag him away to spare you." We reminisced a bit more until a waitress interrupted us for our order. I kept my water and got a chicken salad. I look at Edward curiously as he orders a turkey club sandwich and also sticks with water.

The waitress walks away to put our order in and he asks me "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Flustered at being caught and called out, I tell him "I'm just surprised. You look so much like the Edward from high school but you're like this Edward I've never met. You ordered a sandwich instead of a greasy burger. You asked me to lunch, to have this awkward, uncomfortable conversation. I noticed it yesterday, too - something about you has changed. You've. . . matured."

With a slight smile, he explains, "Yeah, college changed me. It was different, so different from Forks. But it helped me grow. And, since you brought it up, that's as good a segue as any. I wanted to say I'm sorry for how I treated you at the end of our relationship."

I'm shocked and speechless as he continues. "I didn't think about you or consider you for certain events. I didn't think about how the things I did, the way I acted, would hurt you or affect you or make you worried. I was young and immature and I should've handled things better, especially when it came to our anniversary. I messed up and I know us is long gone but I want to be your friend, Bella. Not having you in my life has sucked. I miss you - you were one of my best friends and I want that back. If you can't forgive me or you can but think that we shouldn't be friends, I understand, but I hope we can. If not, I hope this, at least, gives us both closure."

His apology speech lasted only a moment but, for the second time in two days, he's done something I've never expected in a million years. He took responsibility. He apologized. He didn't put the blame on someone or something else. College changed him, indeed. And, suddenly, I knew I missed Edward, too. I knew I wanted to forgive and be his friend again. After all, that was always the best part of us. I realize he's been waiting for my response so I find my words.

"I'd really like that, Edward. I've missed my friend, too. I'd also like to get back to our friendship."

He smiles brightly and, now that the air is clear, the room feels so much lighter. Our food arrives and we talk and joke like we used to. It feels really good to have Edward back in my life. I didn't realize how much I had actually missed him. We spend our time catching up on all that we missed in the past four years. How he double majored and graduated with honors but has no idea where to go next and came back to figure it out. How I graduated with my English degree and work as a columnist for an online publication. And I told him about Jake. He didn't seem too surprised, smiled, and said he was happy for me but something about it didn't reach his eyes.

Eventually, we each paid our half of the bill and said goodbye. I called Jake and told him everything that happened at lunch, including rekindling my friendship with Edward. True to his word, he was supportive and understanding. He even said he couldn't wait to meet Edward when he came down for the wedding. And, as I unblocked Edward from everything, I thought, "Forks really did transport us back to the past."

AN: Fin! I know it's been a while since I uploaded a chapter and that I already mentioned being a big ball of uploading fail but I do mean it when I say I'm not giving up on this story. Sometimes, I lack motivation. Sometimes, I'm busy. Sometimes, I'm not inspired. Sometimes, it's two of those or all of those. I wish I could say that I would be better about writing and uploading but I can't guarantee that, especially since I'm finally going back to college after moving across the country. The semester starts in January and I've been in school a long time and I'm ready to be done so school and then work will be my priorities but I WILL work on this story, too. If those of you who started with the first chapter are still around and still reading and still interested in my story, thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I really appreciate you and I hope you continue to still be a fan and reader of this. If you're new and just coming into this story, I thank you as well and ask for patience and understanding. I also hope you'll be fans and readers, even though my updating will sporadic and may not happen for months at a time. To all of you, you can always message me and ask for updates or questions. I promise I will do my best to answer and respond to them. I don't believe in asking for follows or reviews but, if you want to and decide to, I appreciate all of them and I appreciate all of you. Sorry for the long author's note. Happy Holidays, everyone!

2/25/18 UPDATE: I know I haven't been the best at updating this story and I do still plan on continuing it. However, thanks to a jerk who is leaving mean, anonymous reviews, I'm not going to be working on this story at all anytime soon. I have deleted and will continue to delete reviews that are mean. If you don't like it or don't like something but are nice and polite about it, then I won't touch it because everyone has a different opinion and you have the right to yours. However, that does not mean you get to be rude and I have the right to not be treated poorly but, instead, have the right to be treated like a decent being. To the person leaving the rude reviews, I have some advice of my own; 1 - there is a thing called CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM, of which yours was not, so, please, try it. If you think it was constructive criticism, I think you need to look up the definition. 2 - Based on your reviews, it seems you don't even like Twilight or Edward and Bella, of which this is a story for - and they're marked as the pairing whereas Bella and Jacob are not, by the way - so why are you reading it instead of something you actually like? It might be a better use of your time. And 3 - If you mean what you say and stand by it, have the guts to come off anonymous and use an account to review.

This is a community meant to build people up, help, and support them and their writing, not tear them down like you are trying to do. I will not stand for this abuse that I know I do not deserve. Treat people like people. Don't be a jerk. There is a polite and respectful way for you to say what you want to say but you are choosing not to use it and are choosing to be rude and hurtful. In summation for the internet troll, I am a human being and have the right to be treated as one. If you choose not to do that, get off my story because your hate won't be tolerated or accepted here.