A/N: Alright folks, we've finally made it. The final chapter!

I'd like to give many thanks to my mother, my unofficial beta reader. (She is a huge A/H fan, so she inexplicably started crying several times while reading this story. XD) Also, a GIANT thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read and/or review this story. Your support, excitement, and kind words have meant the world to me.

I've thoroughly enjoyed telling this crazy story, and I hope you all love this ending as much as I do! So, without further ado...

Chapter Nine: In the Best Possible Way

Artemis and Holly followed the manor's sidewalk to its end, then started up a green hill. The effort Artemis had to exert to climb said hill was so great, he nearly gave up on marriage then and there.

"It was one thing when you were twelve," smirked Holly, hauling him by his sleeve, "but this is just sad, Artemis."

Artemis continued to let her drag him up the hill. "There's a limit to how much a person can change," he said.

"Don't I know it." She rolled her eyes. "So tell me, why the sudden interest in bivouacs?"

"Well, Orion did save our lives," he pointed out begrudgingly. "I thought he deserved a moment of satisfaction, after all the years I've spent suppressing him."

"Hmm, I'd say you've done an awful job of suppressing certain parts of him," she said, raising an eyebrow.

He smiled wryly. "That is possibly correct."

When they got to the top of the hill, Holly took a sharp breath. As soon as Artemis had pointed them in this direction, of course she'd known where they were headed; there are some things you don't forget, places you feel in your bones, no matter how much time has passed. But it still took her breath away. Artemis's hand found her own, and they began making their way down the worn path.

"A little ironic, don't you think?" she whispered.

"Well, every day needs a little bit of irony, Captain."

There, at the base of the valley, was a familiar gravestone surrounded by a familiar bed of orange roses. Artemis knew that this was a paradox of nature; it had been his own life force that had grown the roses, so they should have withered away years ago. And yet, there they were, stretching out over the grave for at least ten feet. Their petals seemed like they'd been crystallized in their most vibrant state. The stems looked fragile, though, like all it would take was a cricket sneezing to knock them down. He'd have to be careful of that.

Inside the floral ring, there was a fresh hole in the ground; it was about as wide as a car tire. Off to the side of all this lay a metal crate. It looked like it contained a variety of building supplies: Plexiglas beams, a tarp, nuts and bolts, and various tools (Artemis shuddered at this). And suddenly, crawling out from behind the crate while buttoning his bum-flap...

"Is that Mulch?" asked Holly.

"You know," Artemis replied in disbelief, "I believe it is." He had not specifically asked for the dwarf to deliver the bivouac supplies. But it made sense that someone who could tunnel above ground quickly would be the obvious choice for 'delivery boy.' He realized that Foaly had been able to surprise him, after all.

"Well, well," Holly called to the dwarf when they reached the bottom of the hill. "If it isn't my favorite felon."

Holly ran up to hug the smelly dwarf, Artemis reluctantly letting go of her hand. "Second favorite, I hope," he called after her. She winked back at him.

"Hey, now," said Mulch, returning her hug, "all of my charges were dropped after Gruff and I stopped that gate from opening, or whatever - saved the world as we know it, in case you forgot-"

"I somehow did forget that part, actually."

"-and I just so happen to be a legitimate, not to mention world-class troll whisperer now. So no calling me a felon." He paused, then added, "At least during business hours."

"Well, I'm glad such an in-demand professional could spare an hour to bring us some building supplies."

"Oh no, it took way longer than that." Mulch petulantly shook one of his meaty fingers. "All of these boards, and beams, and duck tape. Had to make several trips - I could've pulled a muscle, Holly! The things I do for you kids..."

Holly's eyebrows raised. "Kids? I'm ninety-two, Mulch!"

"Yeah, but when you hang around this one," he waved a hand at Artemis, "it evens out a bit."

Artemis followed behind Holly, gingerly picking his loafered-way through the grass and dirt. "And I am twenty-four."

Mulch shrugged. "If you were a fairy, you'd still be in diapers."

"Oh yes, watch me count my blessings." Artemis rolled his eyes. "You'll be helping us with the building, then?" he asked, a little too hopefully. All the better that he's here, really, he thought. I dare say I was being optimistic regarding my ability to actually construct a bivouac. Too much lifting.

"Me and selfless manual labor? Don't make me laugh." He winked at Artemis. "You'll have to work for this one, Mud Boy."

Artemis groaned. The double meaning was not lost on him. He glanced at his nails, and realized that soon they would be the antithesis of immaculate. They would be... gross.

Juliet looked at the twins' handiwork in approval.

"I've gotta say, boys, you two have really outdone yourselves this time."

"We couldn't have done it without you, Jules," said Beckett, climbing triumphantly into the contraption. Actually, it was more of a tumble, considering that he tripped over the edge on the way in.

Myles nodded astutely, then jumped in next and pulled the top shut over him and his brother. "And now for the transportation phase!"

Juliet positioned herself in front of their project. She took a deep breath, then attempted to heave it onto her shoulders.

"Urgh," she gasped, her joints threatening to pop out. Still, she couldn't get it to raise more than about a foot off the ground. After what felt like an eternity of holding onto the blasted thing, she let go with an oomph.

"Maybe we should try without you two inside it?" panted Juliet, using a manicured nail to wipe the sheet of sweat off her forehead.

A muffled protest came from inside the project. "No!" wailed Beckett. "That would completely ruin the surprise!"

"We'll need to call in some extra muscle," said Myles.

A grin spread on Juliet's face. "I know just who to call," she said, sprinting off down the hall. "Wait there for just a second, boys!"

Myles and Beckett were left alone.

... For quite some time, as it happened.

"Jules? Is anyone out there?"

"This had better not be some kind of practical joke, Juliet... Can we get out now?... Hello?"

"'S all your fault, Myles."

"My fault? This was your idea, simpletoon!"

Mulch's farewell was riddled with sentimentalism, obviously.

"Arty, don hur your back, trawin' tuh lift a wrench or any'hing," he'd garbled, unfortunately after he'd unhinged his jaw. "An' Holly, don you hur his back ei'ver... well, uh'less you have tuh." Then he'd unbuttoned his bum-flap and descended into the earth, leaving a disconcerting mound of, ah, dwarf dirt right in the center of the burial site.

Artemis and Holly took a blanket from the crate, quickly covering up the area in question.

Naturally, they argued for several minutes over how they should start constructing the bivouac. Holly stomped off with beams under both arms and began to plant them around the flower bed, even though she knew as much about construction as Artemis did. Artemis grabbed the instruction manual from the crate and sulked off.

It took him several minutes to realize that he was reading the instructions upside down. "Like it makes a difference," he grumbled, turning the booklet around.

As he sat on the blanket that was placed directly on top of his (probably decomposed and now skeletal) previous body's grave... well, Artemis was beginning to have second thoughts.

To be more specific, he had realized that this was the most objectively terrible plan he'd ever had. Say what you will about the effectiveness of the last six steps of the plan - in Artemis's opinion, they had not been doomed to fail... doomed to not succeed, perhaps, but not fail. However, he now had some even bigger questions for himself. Most specifically: why had he thought that the construction of anything at all - no matter the sentimental value - would work in his favor? And then there were the possibly traumatic effects of proposing on top of his grave...

Artemis rubbed his eyes. He had no business calling himself a master schemer - he had not thought this through at all.

I suppose that's what happens when one plans a proposal in the middle of the night, he internally groaned.

If he had only done his planning just a few days in advance, all of the morning's chaos... would not have happened, he realized sardonically. Perhaps he could've even come up with a plan that wasn't utterly stupid. He could've kept everything under control, and the day would've gone exactly as planned - awkward and forced, yes, but not explosive.

He felt a strong poke in his back, and turned to see Holly. Her hands were smeared with dirt, and she held out a wrench to him.

"Come on," she said, a soft smile threatening to appear on her lips. "Try not to break anything."

He chuckled softly, taking the wrench with unfamiliarity. "I make no promises," he said, standing up. As he followed her to the crate, he decided that perhaps his plan hadn't been completely misguided. After all, a proposal without conflict would've been uncharacteristically tepid. He smiled. Not their style at all.

"Some genius you turned out to be," smirked Holly, as Artemis made futile attempts to fit square bolts into circular holes. "It's a shame Orion isn't here. I bet he'd know how to put this thing together."

Artemis's lip curled. "Do not tempt him. He'll hear you."

"Dom! Dom!" called Juliet as she ran from room to room. Finally, she found him in Artemis's study.

Butler was sitting at the desk, rifling through stacks of paper and under items. He had no idea why, but he'd suddenly had a hunch. A patently terrifying hunch...

Juliet breathed a sigh of relief. "Hey, come with me," she said, grabbing his arm. "Long story short, the twins have a questionable plan, but I promised I'd help them, and by association that means your help has also been volunteered."

Before Juliet had pulled him completely out of the chair, Butler finally spotted what he'd been looking for. His eyes widened, and he brought a hand to his mouth. This was as visibly panicked as he ever got.

He turned to Juliet. "That sounds like a good idea," he said calmly. "Artemis forgot something, too. I think I had better bring it to him."

He grabbed the black velvet box off the desk, and the Butler siblings raced out the door.

The man and the elf tried their best. They really did. It had turned out that not only could they both be aptly described as "emotionally evasive" - they were both terrible at construction as well.

Their temporary shelter was certainly not as visually pleasing as Artemis had imagined - Orion would have dropped dead at the sight. Each of the four Plexiglas beams was a different height than the others, lodged precariously into the ground (Holly had not wanted to plant them too deeply... given what was, ehem, under the surface).

They had draped the tarp over the beams and secured it as best as they could manage - they were only three feet and five feet, six inches, respectively. Also, Artemis had objected quite strongly to Holly's suggestion that she stand on his head to fasten the top of the tarp to the beams. So this was the best they could do.

"Hey, Artemis," Holly said through barely restrained laughter. "Look. There are four beams."

Artemis looked at her like this was the least clever thing he'd ever heard. Holly laughed even harder.

Although their construction project was more or less completed now, there was still one more thing at the bottom of the crate. Artemis reached in and retrieved a small, wooden picnic basket.

As Holly came up behind up him, she heaved an over-dramatic sigh. "I know you felt good about the tea, but cooking another meal? Aren't you being a bit too ambitious?"

"I'm always ambitious," Artemis pointed out. "But I didn't make this. It was in the crate."

"Thank Frond," said Holly. "Then you haven't had a chance to touch it yet. Here, give it to me before you burn it somehow." Artemis handed her the basket, slightly miffed that she had less confidence in his cooking than in the unidentified food they'd found at the bottom of a crate. Then again, he could not say he blamed her.

As Artemis and Holly crept into the bivouac, they both silently wondered what it would take to send the whole thing crashing down. Holly's guess was one of Mulch's weaker gas explosions. Artemis once again went with his "sneezing cricket" hypothesis.

They made themselves comfortable on the blanket inside. Holly decided that, with the blanket added, the mound of Mulch's discarded dirt made an alright seat for her. She certainly enjoyed towering over Artemis; he crossed his legs disdainfully, sprawled on the ground.

"I'm not sure I like you having the high ground," he said.

She looked down her nose at him, using her best "snooty" voice. "You should be used to that by now," she said. "I've always had it morally."

"And yet, here you are. About to dine on a man's grave."

"Only because he invited me."

Before she'd even finished speaking, though, she'd slipped off her seat, preferring to join Artemis on the ground. They began rifling through the contents of the picnic basket and wasted no time digging in. Breakfast had left something to be desired, after all.

Artemis smiled as he read the note that had been tied to the basket.

Artemis & Holly -
Here's something that each of you will like.
Have a good afternoon - don't fight too much.
Then again, you probably already have.
- Caballine

The food was delicious and plentiful, and had been tailored to each individual. Vole curry for Holly, and caviar for Artemis. Both thought that the other's food smelled absolutely revolting, but apparently they were not too revolted by each other, because they continued to sit side by side. Well, side by very close side, as it were.

"Caballine makes cooking look so easy," said Holly, licking some sauce off her fingers. "After breakfast today, I didn't even know that was possible." She looked pointedly at Artemis.

"Yes, well... it's harder than it looks," he said.

By the end of the meal, Holly had somehow gotten even closer to Artemis. He now leaned back on the mound of questionable dirt. She rested her head on his shoulder, exhausted from the hearty meal; she had absolutely no other reasons for doing this, obviously.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Then, taking a breath, Holly lifted her head. She moved to sit across from Artemis, and then she looked at him. The air crackled with energy, and they were surrounded by fragrant roses. Her eyes seemed to be urging him on. This was it.

She knows exactly what's going on, he thought, smiling. As usual, she's spent this entire day just waiting for me to get my act together. I should've expected as much.

"Holly," he said. He reached into his pocket, and grasped...

... absolutely nothing. No box. No ring. Nothing. Artemis looked up at Holly, like a deer in the headlights. He had no words. He almost started hyperventilating.

"Artemis?" she said, her face flooded with concern. "What's wrong?"

"Oh... nothing," he stammered.

And then, in the distance, perhaps a cricket sneezed. Or maybe Mulch relieved himself of tunnel gas. One cannot be sure of these details, although the result is the same either way.

The bivouac collapsed.

Oh, how Orion would've sobbed to see it. The beams wobbling in their unstable holes, pulling them all off-balance and causing the entire thing to crash down. The tarp torn down by gravity, then forced out of the valley by the roaring wind. The delicate orange roses crumpling and wilting under the weight of nuts and bolts. And, of course,the upended and disoriented pair that lay at the center of the mess.

With a great effort, Artemis managed to prop himself up on his elbows. He clutched his throbbing head; it had been endlessly abused today. Tumbling to the floor multiple times, crawling under tables, having large structures collapse on him... He'd never expected a marriage proposal to be just as life-threatening as a world-saving adventure.

Holly had landed squarely on top of him. She pushed herself up and rested her chin on his chest, heaving deep breaths. He was shaking and covered with debris. Her hair was a fluffed-up mess. They looked at each other.

And that is when, as is so often the case, it began to rain.

"You know, Captain," said Artemis, "I have a hard time understanding why you choose to spend time with me."

Holly laughed. "Oh, well you know me. I couldn't do without you."

"In that case, I think I must have better luck than you," he said, smiling.

The raindrops were each the size of Ireland. Well, not really. But they might as well have been, for how quickly and effectively they drenched the pair.

"So, you were saying something?" said Holly. She was surprisingly casual, given their current state. "Before all hell broke loose, of course."

"Ah, yes." Artemis grimaced, mentally berating himself for forgetting the ring. He'd been so busy trying to put out fires all morning, he was not sure the ring had even made it into his pocket at all that day. Of all the things he could've forgotten, he knew that this one would lead to the most disappointing outcome by far.

"It's just, well..." he trailed off, for once at a loss for words. He looked around, at the absolute mess that he'd made of the valley. He thought of the absolute mess he'd made of the morning, too. His eyes met Holly's, and he sighed. "Goodness, I've fouled this one up quite a bit already, haven't I?"

"Maybe," she said. "But you've done it in the best possible way, at least."

He pinched the bridge of his nose, collecting himself. That is, as much as he could in the ruins of a collapsed bivouac and a veritable monsoon.

"Holly," he said, "what would you say if I told you I'd misplaced the r-"

"Wait! Wait!" came a muffled cry.

Artemis and Holly broke out of their stupor, looking towards the voice. Up, at the top of the hill, were two familiar faces standing in the rain: Butler and Juliet... and a golden box.

Now, you might've been expecting a plain old wooden box. Badly painted and rickety. Something one might make in a junior high woodworking class. However, that was not the case this time.

The box was closer to a professional sculpture than anything else. Its paint was a gleaming gold color, smooth and ornate. Its sides had been painstakingly shaped to resemble stacked bars of gold. It is truly unclear how two twelve-year-olds were able to create such a work of art in a single day. Nevertheless, that is exactly what they'd done.

Artemis realized that the twins had taken one particular WikiHow article - in which it had suggested jumping out of a box and proposing - quite literally. He was not sure whether he should be exasperated, impressed, or exorbitantly grateful.

Butler and Juliet journeyed down the incline, carrying the box with them. Slowly but surely, Artemis and Holly managed to sit up in the pile of destroyed building materials.

When the Butlers reached the ruined valley, Juliet's furrowed eyebrows raised. "In God's name, Artemis, what did you do?"

Artemis glared at her. "I'll have you know that this," he gestured around at the mass chaos, "was Mother Nature's fault, not mine."

Juliet shrugged. "You probably did something to annoy her a long time ago."

Before Artemis could offer a retort, there was a loud thump from inside the box. "And now, the moment you've been waiting for!"

"It's the moment for which you've been waiting, Beck."

And right on cue, Butler and Juliet lifted up the box's gold-plated top. Myles and Beckett rose up from inside the box, jumping onto the wet grass; Myles would've slipped and gotten a concussion had Beckett not held him up by the sleeve. With them, they brought armfuls of fresh orange roses.

Well, they know how to set the mood, thought Artemis dumbly.

The twins quickly scurried around Artemis and Holly, trying not to trip over the beams as they scattered roses all around them (Beckett also threw a big armful directly over their heads). Once the couple had been sufficiently surrounded with a field's worth of flowers, Myles and Beckett stepped back to admire their work.

Butler stepped into the wreckage, bending down to Artemis. "I think you forgot this," he said, smiling. He pulled a small velvet box out of his pocket, and gently placed it in Artemis's hand.

"Th-thanks," stammered Artemis. Holly's breath hitched, her eyes widening.

Butler stood up quickly, making his way out of the flower bed. "We'll leave the rest to you two, then."

Juliet winked at them. "Have fun," she said, smiling ear to ear.

Myles and Beckett beamed at each other, high-fiving. Then the four of them started walking back up the hill, the twins gasping as they tried to keep up with the Butlers' long strides. After a minute, Artemis and Holly were again alone in the valley.

Artemis turned to her. She was watching him intently, holding her breath.

"This day... has not gone as expected," he finished lamely.

Holly ran a hand through his hair, and he found that he was suddenly far from annoyed to have a dirt-smeared hand in his hair. "Well, you know," she said, "sometimes things don't go according to plan. And they turn out exactly right."

Artemis chuckled. "Funny how that works, I suppose." He looked into her big eyes. One hazel, one blue. Taking a breath, he held the small black box in both hands.

"Holly," he began, his hands trembling, "you are my best friend, to put it simply. We've been to hell and back together - traveled through time and space, faced death on a weekly basis - we even survived this whole day." He laughed softly at himself. "But you've... you've never given up on me. Even when I gave you every reason to. I kidnapped you, for heaven's sake. You've always been my... my better half, I think. You are... you're truly magical, Captain."

He slowly opened the box. Holly gasped; her heart threatened to beat out of her chest. Inside the box lay a thin gold ring. Mounted on the top of the ring was an unornamented gold coin. With a small hole exactly in the center.

Artemis smiled. "You were the first person to ever tell me I had a spark of decency inside of me," he said. "Holly... will you marry me?"

Her eyes moved up from the ring, to look at this man who was so many things. He had caused her so much grief and heartbreak; he had also been the reason for nearly every treasured memory she'd ever had. Infuriating, intoxicating. A thief, a hero. Sometimes a genius, sometimes an idiot. But Frond, did she love him.

"Yes, Arty," she said, tears welling in her eyes as she laughed. "I will."

Although he would never admit it, there were tears in Artemis's eyes too as he carefully slid the ring onto Holly's slim finger. A perfect fit. They looked up at each other, and Artemis thought that Holly had never looked so exquisite as when she smiled at him then.

She did not bother grabbing his tie this time. Instead, she simply wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, their lips crashing together. After several moments, she broke away, laughing as a smile curled her lips. Artemis raised an eyebrow in question.

"This has all been terribly sentimental of you," Holly mused.

Artemis smirked. "I know," he said. "That's what I planned."

And then he took her face in his hands, and he kissed her. Just as blue sparks of magic sparked at the contact, fireworks exploded in the sky (courtesy of Myles and Beckett, of course). The rain continued to pour down, enveloping them in a shower of kaleidoscopic lights and brilliant, golden lighting.

Artemis Senior and Angeline Fowl remained sitting at the dining table. They munched hungrily on their tacos; it was about the only breakfast item from which more than a single bite could be taken, and they were quite famished. It was also the first time the two adults had ever eaten such an eccentric food.

Artemis Senior leaned his elbows on the table, resting his chin on his hands. "They're quite an explosive couple, aren't they?"

"Very much, dear."

They were silent for a few moments. When Artemis Senior spoke again, his voice was much quieter. Proud, even.

"They'll be getting married, won't they?"

Angeline smiled, leaning over and kissing her husband on the cheek. "Oh yes, Timmy," she said. "That is one thing I'm quite sure of."

The End