"I would rather die a meaningful death than to live a meaningless life." - Corazon Aquino

CHAPTER XII: Detonation

THE lakuma announcement came in at 14:31.

The guild went completely silent at 14:32.

Natsu paled midway through the message at 14:32.

The glass in Natsu's hand slipped and shattered against the ground at 14:33.

Zeref's face disappeared in the image at 14:34, leaving silence at his disappearance.

Natsu should have been expecting it - He'd told himself that he had been expecting it, and maybe he had in the beginning, but he'd allowed his defenses to slip and fall around Zeref, and now Lucy was going to pay the price for his stupidity.

"Natsu?" Mirajane said slowly, finally breaking the unusual silence. He blinked at her, pulling himself out of the cotton clouds that had been gathering in his head. "Are you ...?"

"Shit." He said quietly, and then more loudly, "Shit, shit, shit. I can't ... aggh. Why didn't I ... Dammit. Dammit, Zeref." He hit the side of his head and began pacing, because he couldn't stay still anymore. "Why the Hell ... Crap. I'm an idiot. I can't believe ... dammit."

He breathed fire through his nose, and forced himself to sit down next to the Popsicle.

Then he leapt back up because he was not sitting next to that stripper. Not even if his life depended on it, no way.

"Sooooo," Gajeel drawled slowly, "I think Salamander's trying to say what are we going to do now?"

"Sit down before you make a hole in the floor, Natsu," Gramps said tiredly, and Natsu dropped onto the chair next to Lisanna. He clenched his fists and grounded his teeth together. "There's only one thing we can do - Stop Zeref and get Lucy back."

"Stop this, Zeref," Lucy commands as she tugs at the chains. "This isn't you."

He stares at her, and he says, "Don't you realize it? For every light you cast, there will be a shadow. For every hero, there is a monster. For every Beowulf, there is a Grindal. I just chose to be the monster under your bed, the darkness of the night." He smiles. "I wanted this."

Lucy shakes her head, and he thinks it's in disgust. He turns away from her, and he tells himself that it's because she is no bigger than an ant, not because he feels guilty for the way blood drips down her face.

Liar, liar, liar - You're a liar Zeref, to yourself, to your brother, to the world -

Enough.

"Did you know that once, I tried to be the hero? I just wanted my brother to be happy. But then the world rejected me and my hopes, so I rejected the world in return. For what goes around comes around, and that there must always be a balance in the universe.

"For every good man, there is a villain lurking in the shadows, waiting to catch you."

"Down here?" Erza repeated through the intercom Max had created. Natsu shivered as he stared at the dark, foreboding entrance into the underground tunnels that led out of Magnolia. He didn't want to go in. That was dark and it made his dragon senses protest.

"Apparently," Max replied. "I track Lucy's and Zeref's power signatures down there. Zeref's is pretty overwhelming, which is expected, but Lucy's actually surprised me. It's a lot stronger than I thought - At least on par with yours, Erza. Maybe even closer to Natsu or Juvia's in terms of raw power."

He was babbling and nervous, Natsu could hear it, but he still felt a swell of pride in his chest for Lucy. She'd come a long way from the weak crybaby he'd brought to the guild almost nine years ago.

"Right." He lit his fist on fire. "I'll go first, since I have the light."

So Natsu stepped into the dark tunnel, taking the lead because he was the one who had the light from fire. Erza pulled out torches, and he lit them for her and for Gray.

He hoped that he wasn't too late to save Lucy - and he wasn't about to give up on his brother.

"Nat-zu," Happy murmured, and he butted his head against his chin. Natsu smiled sadly and scratched behind his ear, the way he knew he liked.

"I'm okay," he replied quietly, looking at him. The light from the fire on his hand reflected in Happy's eyes. "We're just going to have to save Lucy... and Zeref, too. Somehow."

"We'll find them," Erza said and Juvia, Gray and Wendy agreed with her. He half smiled, and he walked further into the tunnel, leaving the light of day behind.

It was some time in before Natsu realized that he couldn't hear Gray or Erza or Wendy - just Happy. He looked up at the blue cat before squinting over his shoulder, trying to see through the thick folds of the darkness.

"Hello?" He called. His voice echoed back at him, bouncing off the caverns at least a dozen times before ebbing away slowly. He gulped, fear taking root in the back of his mind. "Uh, right. Okay then."

"Nat-zu, this is scary." Happy said quietly, and Natsu looked up at him sharply. This was coming from the person who had faced countless dark mages head on . . . But it made sense. All his senses were tingling, warning him of the sheer, utter wrongness of this place. But he couldn't stop now - He could only forge ahead and hope that it wasn't too late . . . He had to find Lucy.

"I know, buddy." He forced a grin on his face, hoping that it'll reassure him. "Don't worry. It's just a little darkness. Nothing we can't handle."

"Famous last words," Happy muttered. He shushed him, stepping deeper into the tunnel.

"Besides, Popsicle probably did something stupid and Erza decided to beat him up for it. And Wendy had to stay behind to heal him, and Juvia was angry at Erza so they got into a fight. Oooh, I can't believe I missed that." He knew that nothing like that had happened (well, Gray could have done something stupid), but he was nervous and he was babbling and he didn't care.

"It would have been the fight of the century, ya know? Erza's a monster. Juvia's terrifying. But they're as powerful as the other so . . . there would be no winner. And then Wendy would have to heal them too. And then she fell asleep. And that's why they're missing and not with us. They're most definitely not lost in the dark, and even if they were, they'd tell us to continue on because Lucy's in trouble and we have to keep walking forward to find her. They can take care of themselves. So. Yeah."

His pep talk sounded so much better in his head and so less lame.

Happy butted his head against his cheek, and Natsu smiled wanly, scratching his fingers against his scalp.

"You're braver than I am."

"No, I'm not. You have my back all the time, through thick and thin, even if you're scared and so much weaker than the enemy. You laugh at death. That's bravery to me. Me? I'm just cocky. It's taken me a while to realize it, but that's what I am. People like you and Lucy are the brave ones because you don't fear death even though you're not super powerful. And that's awesome."

Happy pawed through his hair and settled down. "You're not as cocky as you used to be though."

"Losing Igneel has made me realize a few things." He admitted. "That, and I've been watching you and Lucy and Zeref. Especially Zeref. I think he's braver than we all think he is."

"Even if he's a complete nutjob."

He shrugged one shoulder. "That's not entirely his fault. I think if I was in his place, I'd go completely mad. At least he's still sane when his curse isn't acting up."

"Mmm. Can't say I don't think you're biased since he's your brother, but okay."

He chuckled. "Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm right. It doesn't matter really, does it? It's just my opinion."

They stepped out of the darkness.

The raven crows six times.

Zeref's eyes snap open.

He's here.

Finally.

It took him long enough.

Zeref smirks.

But he doesn't want his brother to be here - Doesn't want to hurt his brother, doesn't -

Hush. It doesn't matter anymore.

"Lucy!" Natsu breathed, seeing the prone form of his friend. He half ran, half skidded across the smooth marble and landed on his knees in front of her, taking in the way lacerations littered her skin. Her eyes fluttered open and she coughed.

"Natsu?" And then her eyes widened. "Run. It's a trap!"

"I know," he said. Did she really think he didn't know that? "But I couldn't leave you."

She glared at him. He rolled his eyes and hefted her up.

"Hello, brother."

Natsu froze.

Oh. That's what she meant by a trap.

He traded a look with Lucy, who looked nervous. He looked at Happy who also looked nervous.

Natsu felt pretty nervous himself as he turned and looked over his shoulder. Zeref stood in the middle of the room, his stance deceptively relaxed.

"Uh. Hi, Zeref. I'll fight you later, okay?"

Zeref shook his head. Natsu gritted his teeth. There was no way out of here . . . If he moved, Zeref would mirror him. And he couldn't outright attack him with Lucy - Not that he wanted to. But Zeref had no conscious right now anyway . . . He'd just kill and kill without even batting an eyebrow.

Humming.

For a moment, Natsu froze, trying to remember where he heard that sound before - Back on Tenroe Island . . . before Acnologia . . . Zeref. Zeref had tried to kill him.

Zeref threw a ball of black fire at them. Natsu shoved Lucy out of the way and dropped down to the ground.

Time seemed to stop for a split second. Natsu spat blood out of his mouth, pushing himself up off the ground.

"What the Hell, Zeref?" He demanded, because there was nothing else he could think of saying instead. Zeref looked at him, his face straight. He glared at his brother. "Why are you doing this?"

Zeref tilted his head, and then he enunciated, "This world continues to reject me. I just decided that I am going to reject this world first."

Natsu shook his head. "You're bonkers," he breathed. Zeref's eyes flashed - The first emotion he'd seen from him since this whole fiasco began.

"I know. That's why you must kill me."

"You're definitely bonkers." Natsu leapt back, out of the way of his brother's fist. "I thought we talked about this before - "

"I'm going to kill you."

"This again?" He groaned under his breath. He leapt to the side, dodging out of the way of the barrage of fists. He swept his leg around, lighting it on fire.

"No, you're going to kill me."

And then they were fighting again, and he was barely able to avoid being hit in the face. Natsu punched a wall, leaping out of the way of some kind of black knife-shadow thing. Zeref crashed into the door as he swept his arms around in a wide arc, and the earth seemed to rumble under their feet.

"Fight me!" He shouts. "I know you're stronger than this!"

"I'm not going to fight you, moron!" Natsu screams back, frustrated because he isn't getting through to him and Zeref is being a jerk and he can't - "I won't, not when you're like this!"

Zeref pulled back, and there was a stitch in Natsu's side as he panted for air. He didn't like that look in his eye though.

"If you want bring an end to this, then perhaps I'll bring an end to your friends!"

Zeref bent double with a scream, and black magic exploded outward. Natsu reacted instinctively by swallowing it like he would eat fire, slurping it into his lungs, his throat, his stomach - It burned so badly though. It brought tears to his eyes.

Zeref gasped and Natsu fell to his knees, unable to stand on his feet anymore. He grabbed his chest - It hurt, it hurt so much, it hurt - Oh, God -

"Natsu!" Lucy screamed. He tried to throw her a thumbs up, but there was burning in his chest and everything hurt and his back and he couldn't breathe -

He started to cough up blood.

"Natsu!" He heard someone else shout - Gray? Or maybe it was Erza. There was a hand on her shoulder for a second and then it pulled away - He heard someone say something to Zeref but he couldn't hear them and he heard Zeref say something back. A sob ripped out of his throat before he was able to stop it.

"Oh, no." He saw black hair in his blurred vision. He clawed at the floor, his fingernails digging divets through the stone. Natsu gasped. Shuddered. He couldn't breathe it was hurting him too much -

"Zeref, you monster!"

"I know, I know." He heard. "I'm so sorry, little brother."

"Is there anything - "

A spasm seized Natsu. He jerked off the ground and cried out.

"Open the book, Lucy - "

"What? But this'll - It's the - "

"I know what it is! Open the damn book! It's the only way to save him." And then lower, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry . . ."

And then suddenly, the pain faded. Natsu blinked at his suddenly clear vision.

Zeref peered at him with wide, worried eyes. He groaned and pushed his face away.

"Nat-zu?" He heard Happy say. "You okay now?" He shifted his head back and smiled.

"Better," he replied.

"He doesn't look any different," Lucy said, and he tilted his head. "Well," she amended, "His eyes are red now. You're not mad or anything, right?"

He pushed himself up. "Nah. Just sore. You okay?" He looked down at his hand. Black ink stained his hands, twisting around them like vines. He gaped.

"Those'll fade over them," Zeref said quietly. He looked back at him, but Zeref was staring at his hands. "I'm sorry."

Natsu opened his mouth to respond when Zeref cried out again and clutched his head, shaking it. Lucy and Happy stepped away from him.

Hey, we'll be friends forever, right?

'Course! I'm your brother. Mama told me to look after you.

He crawled forward.

"Please, kill me." Zeref rasped, pulling his head back, locking their gazes together. Natsu couldn't move his head - couldn't respond - couldn't escape.

"I will not kill you," he replied, shaking his head. "I can't."

Zeref gritted his teeth. "You don't have a choice! I can't protect you like this and - "

"Oh, to Hell with the protection rubbish, you idiot!" He snapped. "I don't need it - I'm not a little kid anymore!" He threw his hands up into the air.

Zeref snapped. "If you don't kill me, I'm going to take over the world and I'm going to kill everyone and nobody will be able to stop me. I'll kill you and your friends and everyone you love and I won't let myself do that but I can't - you're the only one who can kill me and I just - AGGGH!" He screamed out, clutching his head.

Natsu blinked, his thoughts stopping. Zeref breathed through his nose heavily, pulling back up and looking him dead in the eye.

"Face it. I'm insane. Completely, barking mad. There's no salvation for me."

And that's when Natsu leapt forward and seized the front of his jacket. The burning, prickling sensation in his eyes became worse and his vision blurred.

"You are nuts. Do you really think I can murder my own brother?!" He screams, and he jerks his shoulders as if that would make him see reason. "Zeref, get your head out of the gutter!"

Zeref stared at him with his jaw slack. Natsu roughly rubbed his hand over his eyes.

"You just called me brother," he said. He laughed, because of all the things he could fixate on . . .

"Well, that's what you are."

And Zeref, impulsively, hugged his brother. Natsu went rigid, and he began to pull away before two warm arm tentatively circled around his shoulders. He closed his eyes and smiled against his shoulder, inhaling the scent of ashes and coals and something like the valleys of their home and the wild heather that grew on the mountains.

"I won't kill you," Natsu repeated, and Zeref tightened his hold around him. Of course he won't, he thought. And he's a coward. And in a way, Natsu was - But in other ways, he was so much braver than he expected him to be, braver than he should ever had to be.

He may be a coward, but he was stronger than Zeref would ever be. That was why E.N.D. was feared after all - Not because he was a demon, but because he was more human than most men.

E.N.D. created a guild for a reason, after all.

"Oh, Natsu . . . How did we end up like this?" He asked, not really looking for a response. Natsu mumbled something he couldn't understand, and he tightened his hold him. "As much as you hate it, it is my duty as your older brother to protect you. But Natsu - it is your duty to kill me."

"I can't kill someone I love," he mumbles, shaking his head, but Zeref hears him loud and clear. "Shouldn't you be protecting me from your stupid mistakes then? Because I'm pretty sure this isn't protection."

Zeref laughed slightly, but it felt more like a sob. That's the Natsu I grew up with all right. The one who finds the flaws in my logic.

"Please?"

Natsu shook his head.

He won't, Ankhseram said, and, I know, he replied. He won't put us out of our misery. He's much too merciful, even as E.N.D.

But what else did he expect? He'd thought that deep hearted desperation to protect the people he considered to be his family would aid him to fight back and to kill him, but he'd underestimated just how good Natsu was. Even to a monster like him.

And he is good - It doesn't matter if you are a monster or a villain or a human or a hero. You're still human.

That's the most admirable thing about him. And the worst.

He won't kill me unprovoked.

Attack one of his friends then.

Forgive me, brother.

He closes his eyes and breathes deeply before he opens them again. They burn red.

"Uh-oh," he hears Happy say and he focused on the cat. "Natsu -"

The shadow of death ran through the ground and wrapped around Happy's throat, cutting him off. I'm sorry, little friend. Soon.

"It's either me or it's your pet," he says, pulling away from him. Natsu stared at him with round, shocked eyes. He clawed his fingers, and Happy chokes, crying out. "ChOOsE wisely, brother."

Natsu shakes his head again. Zeref closes his fist and Happy claws at his throat. He watches the tears build in the cat's eyes and he sees the glossy shine in Natsu's.

"Happy!" Natsu cried out, but Happy doesn't respond. Can't. And he laughed, reveling in the feeling of life and death. But Zeref hated it and it made him sick to his stomach but he couldn't stop himself, literally couldn't. "Zeref, please don't do this!" Natsu screamed, again, except his fist has caught on fire and Zeref smiled.

His brother leats forward, screaming, yelling, - "Fire Dragon's Secret Art - "

And then something digs into his back. Something sharp and jagged, like a dagger or a jagged rock. And Zeref dropped as the fire crashed down and around him and he bit his lip to stop the scream from building up in his throat.

Ankhseram leaves.

The fires stopped abruptly and he felt warm, gentle hands turning him over and he saw Natsu looking down at him and he was crying -

But he shouldn't cry.

So Zeref lifted his hand up to wipe the tears off his cheeks, but they keep on falling down.

"Why?" His brother asked, demanded. "We were going to fix this. We were . . ."

He sensed the clutches of death calling to him, and he smiled at the call of freedom. I think I'm crying too.

"It's okay, little brother," he breathed hoarsely. Lucy looked at him with wide eyes. "Death is nothing but the next great adventure, no?"

"But - but - "

It's funny, he thinks

"I'll see you again. Try . . . not to . . . blame yourself . . . too much. Tell Mavis . . ."

I wanted to die so badly before, but now, I don't want to die at all.

"I'm sorry."

The End.

(MWAHAHAHAHAHAH.)

I feel so triumphant, that I finally finished this fanfiction after writing it and posting it for OVER TWO YEARS. It feels good to actually, finally, finish something. :P

Many thanks to all the lovely folks who reviewed this and left me such kind and encouraging words! I appreciate and treasure each one, and I'm so grateful for your support. It's been a lot of fun to troll y'all with vague hints about what's going to happen in future chapters, too. ;)