A warning: this is going to be dark. Rated M for explicit language, violence, sexual content and character death and perhaps all of it together at times. It won't be fluffy, and it won't be a story about good people doing nice things. There will be no Ron bashing, no Death Eater turned Saint, no Damsell in Distress or Mary Sue. There will be no further warnings, so proceed with caution. From here on there be monsters. Thank you for reading.

...

grandfather: It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father, and today, I'm gonna read it to you.

grandson: Does it got any sports in it?

grandfather: Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, True Love, miracles...

grandson: Doesn't sound too bad. I'll try and stay awake.

~The Princess Bride

Chapter 1 – The Letter

My dearest friend,

I deeply regret what I am about to tell you, for I never intended it to be a story for you to read, a letter you might never receive. It was supposed to be our story, and Ron's, and so many other other's. Merlin's beard, but I miss Ron, and I miss you and I miss myself and our time in Hogwarts that feels so distant now, like some kind of dream your uncle would have hated. I have not been to the castle ever since after Dumbledore's funeral, and one might call me a coward but I might not find it in me to care any longer. I have changed, Harry, and the times have changed, too, and when I once liked to plan ahead and made you think about your future (Circe knows you would have made an excellent Auror) I can no longer see this future, I just don't believe in it any more. Ever since our first year we have fought, again and again, to save a world that might have never been meant for me, certainly wasn't meant for Ron and I have no idea if I will see you ever again.

I wonder, Harry, if you'd even recognise me. If we were to return to Hogwarts ever again, you wouldn't have to worry about your scar standing out, would that make you smile a little? Would you still trust me, still like me? Too much has happened, and for all I doubt and wonder, I know for certain that we can never go back. Whatever lies ahead, the past is gone and so are homework and embarrassing Valentine's Days, innocent self-righteousness (not excluding anyone here) and those lazy summer days where time seemed to stop and flow away at the same time.

I don't know what the future will bring, but I might not have much time left and maybe it's for the better (if you were here, you'd tell me to never even think that, and I'd tell you to let me explain and it would be just like those evenings spent in our common room, when you two'd refuse to believe that Potions is an important class). So before I walk into whatever it is that awaits me, I want someone to know and I will break the silence that has been one of my closest companions and give my story to the only one who might understand or condemn me and I can only hope that you might live to do either. Know that I have never stopped to think about you and Ron, however much you might doubt it as you read my story.

I so hope that my letters find you alive, and if they do not – well, in that case I might see you soon anyway in a truly better place. Whatever happens, I hope to find you on the other side and I hope you can forgive me.

I love you, and I'm sorry.

Hermione