Disclaimer: I didn't own Diamond no Ace. If I were… MiyuSawa will be canon.
Warning: I'm not good in writing so please I accept constructive criticism. OH, English is not my first language. Self-harmed and phobias.

I almost forgot, this is my first DnA fanfic. Please Review!

"Kazuya…"

The catcher's eyes widened with the realization that someone managed to slip into his room without him noticing it. He was sure that the door was locked earlier. He made sure of that to avoid being interrupted in the middle of what he was doing. How can he missed the light flowing in from the outside? The sharp metal thing between his fingers slid down and clattered on the wooden floor along with a few droplets of the familiar red body fluid. The sound of metal hitting the floor shook him out of his stunned state.

He done it again.

The bespectacled boy promised not to do this again and yet here he was, standing near his own self-made puddle of blood. With the light from the opened door, he could see clearly that the crimson liquid that soaked his floor was reflecting something. He could see his face clearly and he was disgusted by it. He shut his eyes tightly and hid his left arm behind him to conceal it from the person who trespassed his room.

Just go away from me. I'm ashamed of myself.

He held his tongue, wasn't sure what to say and wait for the other to scream and slap him on the face for doing this sick habit of him again after that person asked, begged for him to stop.

Everyone thought of him as an ideal student and a baseball player.
Everyone respected him for being the captain and a catcher.
Everyone acknowledged him as important member of the team.
But in the end, everyone hated him as a person.

Always trying his best to meet their expectation of him as the team captain but what he received in return was far from what he wanted. He wanted to feel like he belongs not as team member but as him, Miyuki Kazuya. Funnily, even he wanted that, he never really made any effort for them to understand his needs. They treat him like a crap in return he treats them like a crap too. Messing up with anyone who tried to make fun of him became his hobby. He couldn't blame them for hating him because even the catcher himself can't accept himself.

A bitter smile made its way to his already chapped lips. Busy with his thought, the sound of door being closed and locked in front him didn't stirred him.

"Kazuya…" the voice called again his name with gentleness. He can't help but to open his eyes.

Please, just go away…

Eijun offered his hand to him; his face was surprisingly serene at the moment. The younger one didn't wait for his upperclassman to grab his hand instead he held him and guided him towards the catcher's bed. He chose not to raise any question regarding about the current situation and not planning to ask in the future. The only thing he wanted to do right now was to help Kazuya.

The pitcher walked away from the other after telling him that he would be back after he retrieve the first aid kit that Miyuki owned, he already knew where was it located after many times he cleaned the wounds of his battery partner. As the pitcher got what he wanted his feet guided him back at the heel of the bed.

"This will stink a bit." Eijun said as he held a clean cloth over Miyuki's wounded arm. He waited for a reply and received none. He decided to clean him now. He mentally thanked God because the cuts had stopped bleeding already so cleaning them was a bit easier but not less painful.

The silence in the room remained as the pitcher continue to fix his friend.

"There you go! You are good as new, Kazuya." Eijun exclaimed happily, his eyes on the other.

Somewhere deep inside of Kazuya, he wanted to believe the words the other spoken. But seeing and knowing the thing he did a few minutes ago made him think otherwise.

A hand caressed his cheek, his dull eyes behind his glasses refocused on the boy in his room.

He wanted to smile to his pitcher to assure -deceive him that he was fine now. Lying was easier than to explain why he was feeling like a crap right now. But right now, smiling was impossible because when he's like this nothing can make him smile. As if he was like a doll with no facial expression.

How can a kind hearted person like Eijun able to stand him and help him anytime he fell into his darkest times? Maybe, that's what kind hearted people do in their free time. They always like to help people like him. Aren't Eijun getting tired of fixing him?

"You know I'm always here for you if you need me". The shorter one said in a soft voice, pulling off Kazuya's glasses from his nose and placed them on the coffee table next to the bed. He lay on the bed with him, making sure to make them both comfortable. To make Miyuki feel at ease was his top priority at the moment. He pulled over the blanket over the both of them.

Something snapped in Kazuya's mind and he became fully aware of his surroundings. The clean bandage wrapped neatly around his arm. Why was he showing his disgusting side to the pure teen? The other didn't deserved to see such a thing. Kazuya doesn't want to paint Eijun's innocence into crimson color.

A frustrated laugh escaped his lips.

What was he thinking? It's too late to think about that because he already tainted the poor boy the moment he let the other into his dark little secret.

What a horrible person he was.

The pitcher's encouraging words didn't not affect him the way it supposed to be instead it has a negative affect on him. It threw Miyuki's mind into chaos the moment those words slipped from his friend's mouth.

He doesn't want to burden the other with his problem. He doesn't want the other to feel sad for him. He doesn't need anyone's help because he's fine. He was Miyuki Kazuya, the catcher and clean-up batter of the team, the perfect student and the captain. No one would think how broken he was.

"Why?" Kazuya asked wearily, his hand on Eijun's chest lightly pushing the other. He could feel that the cuts starting to hurt now under the bandage that Eijun had wrapped around his arm.

Before the younger one could answer, he interrupted him again, "I'm broken and a messed. I don't need any of your pity, Sawamura."

"But Kazuya I'm n-," he glared the pitcher.

"Sawamura, get out." Miyuki stated calmly.

"You don't really mean it. I won't leave you as long as you are like this."

"I said, get out!"

"No, I-I won't. Calm down." The freshman raised his hand to reach the other only to only get slapped by him.

"I don't need you so get out! Don't you understand me? Are you too stupid to understand me?" His face darkened as his honey brown eyes glared the other, hands curled into a tight fist.

Sawamura's eyes widened at him. He realized that the only thing that can make Miyuki to calm down was to leave him alone but he didn't want to risk leaving him. But looks like whether he didn't want to leave yet Miyuki already decided to kick him out by grabbing the collar of his shirt and dragging him out the room. He fell on his butt as the other slammed the door loudly.

The pitcher just let his tears to fall down his eyes. He failed Kazuya again. He failed to help someone very important to him. He wanted to help him to stop hurting himself because he knew the catcher was very kind person and didn't deserved to be sad. Seeing those cuts and blood near Kazuya earlier made him a bit dizzy and weak. He tried his best not to react while with the other but now he was all alone, he can't help but to let his fear swallow him whole. Because a part of him knew that if the catcher continued to that, there was high chance of complication…Kazuya could die from those wounds. And yet, Sawamura failed to help Miyuki.

He grabbed the wall for support, slowly and shakily he pulled himself up from the floor. A wave of dizziness hit him causing his surrounding to start spinning around. He slapped his hand over his mouth as he felt like the dinner he ate earlier wanted to resurface. His whole body started to tremble and couldn't catched his breath.

Shit…I need to reach my room.

Even with his terrible condition, the pitcher tried his best to go back to his room without alerting any of his teammates.

Kuromochi was busy playing with his video games when the door clicked open. He was sure the door was locked earlier when his roommate left the room. He was positive the person who opened the door now was none other than Sawamura who had the spare key for their room.

"Sawamoron, you are back early." Kuromochi put his game on hold to look up at his teammate only to see something he didn't expect. He quickly dropped the controller he was holding and rushed towards the younger one.

"Hello, Kuramochi-senpai..." Sawamura greeted the other with a pained face.

"Oi, what's wrong with you?" Kuramochi observed his kohai with eyes like a hawk.

Sawamura was trembling, the way he breathes was shallow and fast as if he ran a marathon, and he was sweating so much as well. He was also covered with dirt and was that dried blood on his stomach?

"Senpai…I c-can't breathe…" He clutched tightly the fabric over his heart, tears sliding down his pale face.

Kuramochi's eyes immediately shot at the small box on the study table of the younger one. He made sure to guide him on a chair before dashing quickly toward the said box and pulled out a white medicine bottle and grabbed the bottle water next to it. Damn it. Why now?!

His hands were trembling as he uncapped the bottled water. "Drink this." He ordered, helping the other to swallow the medicine he offered. Rubbing circles on his kohai's back to comfort him.

He shut his eyes tightly and prayed.

Please, just take effect already. It's painful to see him having these attacks. It's been a long time since his last attack…why now?

TBC?
Please, I want to know if what everyone's reaction about the first chapter.
Review helps me to know whether people likes this or not.