"I set him free," she says, her cuffed hands trembling, hovering in front of her face. "I set him free from this prison I'm still trapped in. From th-this hell."

A single tear rolls from her downcast gaze and she smiles fondly, as if in love. Her cheeks turn red as if she's cradling a secret crush. "One day I'll get out and see him – he's too good for this world."

Click. Static.

Tails looks up at Sonic from his lap as he looks absently into the snow on the screen like a zombie. "Hey. Sonic."

He doesn't respond. From the distant look in his eye, Tails wouldn't be surprised if a line of drool were to drip from the corner of his mouth and land on his cheek or his forehead. "Sonic. That was just starting to get good, why did you change it?"

"What?" He looks down and slurps. Nailed it.

"The Tv," he says, raising his head. "Why did you change it?"

"I changed the Tv? Into what?"

"The channel," Tails sighs. "You changed the channel."

"I didn't change nothin'," Sonic sez, he sez.

"The remote is in your hand."

"What?"

"The remote is IN YOUR HAND Sonic you changed the goddamn channel. That was just getting good, I said."

"Channel musta changed itself," he sez.

"Channel musta changed itself, he sez," he sez, laying back down in Sonic's lap.

"That's it. What's Shadow's cell number."

"20956-##. Why?"

Tails reaches over his head and past Sonic to pick up the blue corded house phone off its cradle on the wooden and glass stand next to his armrest. He punches in some numbers and presses the receiver against the side of his face, eyes rolling around the back of his head.

"Yeah, Shadow the hedgehog? ... No, duh, my name is Tails. ... Yes, that Tails. ... I'm having sex with your boyfriend, if that's what your insinuating."

Sonic's ears perk up, but he quickly loses interest.

"Yes, that means he's cheating on you. ... Uh huh. ... Wanna talk to him? ... Okay, here you go," Tails says, holding the receiver out in front of his face to no response. "Sonic?"

"What."

"Phone for you. It's for you. Phone."

Sonic groans and grabs the phone being pressed awkwardly into his chin by his dickhead booty call. "Yes fine what is it." Tails gets up and stretches and he stops listening to the earpiece on the phone. He waves bye and walks out of the house. Someone is saying something on the phone. "What, wait wh- urgh. Yes who is this?"

"Sonic are you having sex with the weird mutated fox?"

"Yeah I'm having sex with the weird mutated fox. What do you care? Who is this?"

"This is your boyfriend, Sonic. This is Shadow."

"God damn it. No wonder he left. Thanks a lot."

"He called me, Sonic. Jesus Christ, are you even coherent?"

"Yeah, I'm coherent," Sonic sez, getting up. The landline has a really long cord to the wall, that's why when he gets up and walks to the refrigerator for a beer, the dark place behind the couch where it's plugged in just feeds more line. He opens it and forgets what he came for. He thinks about it for a second.

"Well, you're cheating on me again. That's nice."

Sonic size, no wait, Sonic sighs. "I thought you didn't caaaaare. We've been over this. We did it on the couch you don't even sleep on the couch I do. Fuck's sake."

"I said out of sight out of mind, dickhead, that doesn't mean have your fucking whore call me while I'm at work to remind me that you're an obnoxious moron."

"Bluuuuh!" Sonic sez between raspberries. "BLUUUUGGGGHHH. Look at me I'm Shadow with my stupid job and my stupid importance and that makes me better than you." More fart noises. "BLUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!"

"Sonic, stop."

"So I had sex with Tails again. BLUUUUUGGH." The sound of a wet fart this time. "Bluh. I do that all the time."

"Could you just fuck someone on the couch that doesn't call me to tell me about it on multiple occasions?! Hey, I got an idea. Maybe stop giving them my fucking number."

"You know me, man. I gotta tell the truth." Sonic grabs a beer, not even remembering that's what he initially came for, settles on that and cradles the receiver between his face and his shoulder. He cracks open the beer, tossing the cap towards the trashcan but missing. He takes a swig. He's not listening.

"You do realize that withholding is not tantamount to lying in this relationship, right? Like, Christ, I've let what a wretched bastard you are slip by for so long. I've urged you to get a job so you can start supporting yourself despite the fact that you're fucking Tails constantly under my roof, I supported your dumbass 'Bring Back Childogs' campaign, I bring you home a case of 4loko Golds every week, I put in a good word for you at The God Fairy, what more do you want?! All I ask for you at this point is that you fuck your whores on the couch while I'm NOT around and not fucking let me know about it, okay?!"

Sonic is chugging his beer. He stabbed a hole in the bottom of the can and ripped the tab and he's chugging it, like a true frathouse champion.

"Fucking. Okay?! Are you listening?!"

Sonic vomits in the sink. He turns on the sink faucet to make the smelly bad stuff go away. He doesn't turn it off. "Yeah what?"

"I swear to god, if I get a call from Tails letting me know you two are having sex again, I'm gonna nail your ass to the wall."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Well how about this," Sonic says, making his way to the garage and opening the door, more line feeding from behind the couch as the cradle drags noisily behind his feet.

"How about what?!"

"How about I fart in your cereal." Sonic picks up the nailgun. Inspects it.

"I don't eat cereal and you know I don't eat cereal. I only consume superfoods. Please stop being obnoxious."

"You're being obnoxious!" Sonic sez, making his way back to the tight cubby withholding access to the front door. He picks a good position to stand in front of the front door next to the walls and he kicks off his shoes. "You're the one making loudvoice and threats. Not me. Not I, said the needlemouse."

"Are you done?" Shadow sighs. He's tired, so very tired.

*THWWP* *THWWP* "Not even close."

"What are you doing, Sonic?"

He's nailing his shoes to the floor from the inside. He doesn't say that, though. "I know you are but what am I."

"Sonic, please stop whatever you're doing."

Sonic steps inside the open shoes, nailed to the floor. He nails his left foot into the floor. "FUCKLE GOBBLEKNOCKS."

"Okay, now you're just screaming things."

He nails his right foot into the shoe. "GODLESS DOGS. FUCK DOGS."

"Now you're just being racist."

*THWWP* *THWWP* "FUCK MY WHOLE EXISTENCE."

"Jesus Christ what are you doing?! Please don't fuck up my house. I hear the nail gun."

"D-don't worry, b-buddy, just a little p-project I'm w-working on." Sonic's palm and forearm are nailed to the wall adjacent the door.

"FUCK, all right, I'm coming home right now. Goddamnit, Sonic."

Sonic rests the side of his face against the adjacent wall, and puts the business end of the nailgun into his cheek, pressing it against the cool plaster.

*THWWP* *THWWP* *THWWP* *THWWP*

He can hear the key being jammed into the lock and turning. It's showtime. If he'd had full control of his face, he'd be smirking as the door opens.

Sonic pries his face off the wall to face Shadow as he walks through the door, the heads of the nails tearing a ragged, golf ball sized hole into the right side of his face, blood spilling down his chin and across his clavicle. He breathes heavily for a few seconds, staring at him him in the eyes for a moment while his skinflaps make light farting noises. Shadow can see his teeth and that makes him uncomfortable - even moreso than the fact that he's nailed himself to the floor and wall. He hangs desperately and his free hand, hovering uselessly over the nail gun starts tremble as he uses every ounce of remaining strength he has to raise it, pointing at him similarly to how an earthquake points at the sky.

"Y-you d-did thish to meee..." Sonic whistles with maximum effort.

"Shut the fuck up, Sonic."