A/N: There was just something that bothered me about the end to 'Know your fusion'. Sardonyx separation was quite dramatic, and it looked like it really hurt her to realise she stole the show, so i figured it should have done some damage to Pearl and Garnet, too, but they seemed 100% fine after Smokey Quartz saved them.

Take place after 'Know your fusion', but before the next episode.

IT IS NOT ABOUT US!

The memory of Sardonyx encounter with Smokey Quartz just didn't seem to want to leave Pearl alone. It kept repeating in her head over and over, starting when Sardonyx saved the house from Smokey's jojos, and ending when Sardony suddenly, desperately realised how she had hijacked the show and completely outruled Smokey, making her feel as unwanted and imperfect as her two parts.

Pearl had never experienced such agony within Sardonyx. The point with Sardonyx was that there was no agony, only freedom and a never ending supply of extreme confidence in oneself. Sardonyx were never 'down on earth', as humans called it, she was always up in the sky, bragging and glorifying herself without any shame. That's what made it feel so very great to actually get to be her.

Of course she knew that she took up a lot of space and attention, it was obvious, but she never meant to make someone feel bad about themselves because of it. She never, ever, meant to torture someone else psychologically, just because she never knew when and how to stop.

A gem who did that didn't have the right to exist, a fusion even less so. Sardonyx had wanted, pleaded and asked for her parts to separate. She had mentally been ripping herself apart so that she wouldn't be able to steal the show form Smokey Quartz anymore, and in the end it had worked.

Sardonyx disappearance had put them in a situation where the only one who could save them had been Steven and Amethyst's fusion, and through that they had ended taking back the scene which Sardonyx so shamelessly stole from them, and Pearl had seen that it had felt good for them.

The thoughts of what had happened during the day refused to leave Pearl's mind, and she sobbed quietly into her arms as the memories started over inside her head. Droplets of hot, salt-tasting water slided down the length of her arms and hands, falling from her fingers and landing in puddles on the solid rock of the goddess statue outside the temple. Pearl had come up here to do Steven's laundry, but quickly found herself distracted, and instead just sat down with her back against the slightly bent fingers on this particular hand, crying and reminiscing everything that went wrong.

"Pearl?" The warp pad activated, and the hologram of Sardonyx which Pearl's gem had produced, and who had been using it as it's stage, flickered three time and disappeared. Pearl was almost disappointed to see her go, feeling as if though it hurted less when it wasn't just in her head. "Pearl!"

She didn't even look up, didn't even bother to as much as look at Garnet as she called for her a second time. Pearl know without looking that the hologram of Sardonyx is just discovering how much she hurt Smokey Quartz and she weep a little extra as she remember the pain. It was the only time she had ever felt Sardonyx in such distress, and it killed her to experience. Reexperience. It killed her either way.

"PEARL!" Suddenly Garnet's hands were grabbing at Pearl, holding her in their strong grip as she tried to will Pearl to look at her. She still couldn't. Pearl knew what she'd want to talk about, and Pearl knew what she'd make her do. She wasn't ready for either. She wasn't ready to face the flaw in Sardonyx, that she created. She wasn't ready for Garnet to either ask her to fuse with her or tell her never to fuse with her ever again.

She didn't know which could be worse.

"Go away, Garnet. I know it was my fault, you don't need to tell me!" Shaking off Garnet's strong arms, forcing them to release her, Pearl buried her head deeper into her arm's and cried even more. She was too imperfect to be allowed anything good.

"Pearl what are you talking about? What was your fault?" Garnet felt scared, alternative versions of the future clouding her mind like bees in a hive. They were so many, so intense, so different that she had no hope of being able to figure out which was the most likely. The future was divided on a large field of possibilities that each carried only a low percentage chance of coming through, all except one, who had to be stronger, but got lost in all the other things that never would be.

"Sardonyx! She unfused because she was too self-centered, and that's my flaw that I put in her!" Pearl screamed, exploded, just couldn't hold it in anymore because surely Garnet knew what she was talking about? There was no need to try and pretend they didn't know what the next step were for the two of them, and for Sardonyx.

Garnet was rendered speechless. How could she believe, that Sardonyx sudden unfusing was her fault? She said that she placed the self-centeredness in Sardonyx, btu Garnet was convinced that if anyone did it it was she, who spent half her days talking to herself inside her head, unaware of everything anything around her. She was self-centered at the very core of her being, and if it was anyone's fault it would have been her for passing that trait on to Sardonyx.

"Pearl, it's my fault. If anyone passed on the trait of being self-centered to Sardonyx, it's me!" Garnet finally said, frustration boiling in her as Ruby was trying to hijack her body and leave Sapphire without controller. "I spend half my time existing only within my own mind, only in contact with those who make up the two parts of me. I am self-centered at my very core, and had the audacity to pass on that very trait to Sardonyx!"

Garnet weeped. Sapphire weeped. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she wondered why she even bothered to let people fuse with her anymore. It never ended good, because anyone more than two was a crowd, and it meant they were all horrible.

Sugalite was too harsh

Sardonyx too self-centered

Alexandrite too unstable

The only fusion Garnet had ever been in that worked, had been Poudretteite. Alexandrite had been what was left of Poudretteite, when Rose wasn't there. Alexandrite had never been and would never be perfect, because they needed Rose to balance them all. Rose would never be there to balance them ever again.

"Garnet, no!" Pearl is standing up, approaching her, wrapping her tiny arms around her waist and pressing her tiny body against Garnet's gigant one, her own tears having faded out and become nothing but sniffles as she try to hers. "Garnet please stop crying. It's not your fault, it's mine. I always feel as if nothing matter but Sardonyx when we fuse… I make her self-centered!"

Garnet remembered, after the war, how she asked her never to cry again. She promised her she wouldn't, but right now she didn't care. All Garnet cared about was how Sardonyx had faulted, and Pearl had blamed herself. Her sweet, sweet Pearl who deserved everything but claimed nothing took responsibility for something that was Garnets fault.

"It is not your fucking fault!" She scream, Ruby hijacking her entire body as she's finally gotten enough of Pearl's stupidity, putting both her hands on each side of her head, forcing her to look Garnet in the eyes. " . .Fault."

She got a vision, that she want to show Pearl. Now. So Garnet bend forward, ready to grace her lips against the smooth surface of the round Pearl in the middle of Pearl's forehead, but as she did, it was not a vision of the future that ran through Pearl's head, instead there was a feeling like electricity running through both their bodies, not stopping until they no longer were two gems anymore.

"Why am I here again?" Sardonyx didn't know what happened, didn't know why she had to come back around. Last time had been horrendous, and she had been such a despicable person that she couldn't even enjoy existing again at the moment, the memories to fresh and the wounds too raw. "Why do they want to have such a faulty fusion around?"

It hurt inside Sardonyx, inside her heart and soul, to say that, but she also felt as though it was the truth. She searched for an answer inside herself, within her two parts, wondering why they wanted to have her there.

"If I'm not perfect then you don't need me" Sardonyx said it outloud, she wanted to voice her thoughts and let them be heard, thinking maybe it could help her mind settle.

We need you

Because two wrongs can't make a right

And therefor you can't be perfect

But we can still love you

And love being you

Love flooded through Sardonyx veins as the words echoed inside her head. Suddenly, she didn't feel breakable and useless anymore, she felt strong and powerful like she always used to do before the Smokey Quartz episode broke her. She felt like herself again.

"Oh ho ho ho, the great, astonishing, fabulous Sardonyx is back in business!" She tried it out, let the words walk around her mouth, and is so delighted to find that it feels like they fit there again. Like she deserve to say them. "And I'm never leaving again!"

Because after all, no one's perfect, not even the fabulous Sardonyx.