I don't own Steven Universe, and I'm not part of CPS. If I was, I'd probably move all the children out of Beach City. Wacky things happen there.

Someone was knocking at the screen door. "This is CPS! Is anyone home?"

Steven sighed and heaved himself up. Why was he always interrupted when a new episode of Crying Breakfast Friends came out? CPS… That sounded familiar, but he couldn't quite remember what that meant.

There were two people in suits at the door, a man and a woman. Steven opened the door innocently. "Uh, hi! Can I help you?"

"Are you… 'Steven Universe'?" The woman asked, looking at a sheet of paper in her hands.

"Oh, yeah, that's me!"

The woman poked her head in the house and looked around. "Hmm. Strange place this is."

"Yeah, well, I'm not sure how the Gems built it, but it's my home, so... Yeah!"

The woman looked at the man in confusion, and he shrugged and stepped forward. "Son, we're from Child Protective Services, and we came about an inquiry to your… upbringing. There are many people in town concerned about you."

Child Protective Services? He certainly wasn't a child, and the Gems did all the protecting he needed. He was glad that people were concerned about him, but that didn't mean he wanted weird adults at his door.

"Steven, can we ask you a few questions?"

"Uh... Suure...?"

The man cleared his throat. "Are you alone here?"

"Well, Garnet and Pearl are out on a mission... Oh, but Amethyst is in her room, I think!"

"Uh huh... How old are you?"

"I just turned fourteen! Aw, it was an awesome party, except for when I kind of turned-"

"That's nice, Steven." The woman interrupted, scribbling notes down on a clipboard. "Have you ever been to school?"

They were certainly intrusive. "Uh, no, I've never been to school. I learn everything from my dad and the Gems! Aaaand... the internet!"

Troubling. The poor boy was certainly deficient. The woman agent tapped her pencil against her clipboard. "Hmm. Steven, may we come in? For just a minute?"

The boy rubbed his chin. These people didn't seem dangerous, but they seemed awful official… Well, he could probably stop them if they tried to kidnap him or something. He put on a smile and opened the door all the way.

"Go ahead! Welcome… To our home base!"

The agents examined the house. "Hmm… What an odd house!"

"It's quite isolated..."

"Half wood… Half… What is this stuff? And what's beyond that door?"

"Oh, that's the temple door. It opens up differently depending on who's going in."

"Temple? Steven, is... Is your family religious?"

"What?" He sat down on the couch and turned to face them. "Uh, we're not really big on religion. This is just where we live! A Gem temple!"

The man laughed. "Son, I'm pretty sure if you live in a temple, you must have some religion. Is that why you don't go to school?"

"Uh, no. I'm… homeschooled! Yeah, that's it."

The woman surveyed the warp pad curiously. It reminded her of those strange ruins her own son was interested in. Who would build a house on top of all this junk? She turned back to the boy, who was staring at them cautiously.

"Steven… Is living here safe? Are you happy? Are there… any dangers in your life? Anything that might not seem normal, for example?"

"Weeell… We're not really anything normal at all… We go out on missions, and fight monsters, and do all sorts of wacky stuff!"

"Missions? Monsters?" The woman shook her head at her partner. This certainly didn't sound good.

"Yeah, the Gems are amazing! They-"

"Steven." The man sat down on the couch beside him. "Do you think we could speak to your parents?"

"Oh, I'll go see if Amethyst is here." Steven jumped up and ran to the temple door, almost knocking down the woman agent on the way. He pounded on the door viciously.

"Aaaaameeethyyyst!" He cried. "Some weird adults are here! They wanna see you, I think!"

The door, to the agents' surprise, turned purple and opened, revealing a short, purple-skinned woman, stretching and yawning. "Ugh, Steven, what are you going on about? I'm trying to sleep."

"CPS is here!" He said, smiling and pointing at the two bewildered agents. Amethyst froze mid-stretch and stared at them.

"C… CPS? Like, uh, Child… Child Protective Services?" She stammered weakly.

"Precisely. Are you Steven's mother? We've gotten some serious reports from people in town, and-"

"Woah, woah woah." Amethyst said. "I, uh, I'm not his mom! I'm just… A friend!"

"Amethyst!" Steven cried. "You can't just bail like that!"

"Um, whatevs. Let's just call Greg, bro. He can probably handle this."

"But Dad's busy!"

The woman sighed. This situation was getting stranger and stranger. She scribbled more notes as Steven started dialing his dad's number.

Greg laughed nervously as he met the piercing gazes of the two CPS agents.

"We've received many reports from Beach City citizens." The man began. "A few from the mayor, even. Apparently, young Steven here not only doesn't attend school, but is frequently exposed to violence and danger that more often than not threatens the town. Some say he's even the cause of it! Can you explain this to me, Mister Universe?"

"W-Well, uh, you see, Steven isn't exactly a, uh, normal boy." Greg gulped. This was ten times harder with them staring at him. "He's, uh… He needs a special education, and-"

"The matter of his education can wait. We're more concerned about these 'dangers'. Almost a year ago, an enormous meteor crashed into this very city, forcing the town to evacuate. According to a report we received, though, Steven and his guardians did not evacuate, and were in fact present when the meteor crashed! If this is such an unsafe environment, Steven should be moved to a-"

"Nonononono!" Greg and Amethyst exclaimed together.

"He's, uh, fine! No danger! He was uh… The ship didn't hurt him!" Amethyst said, panicked.

"The Gems have everything under control, you see, and-"

The man violently interrupted Greg. "Who are these Gems we keep hearing about? Steven's last name is Universe, strange as that is. Are there more adults living here?"

The warp pad suddenly activated, and Garnet and Pearl were there. The two agents stared in amazement as they stepped off and approached.

"T-They just…" The man stammered.

"Hello." Garnet spoke, adjusting her visor. "I am… Garnet Universe, one of Steven's guardians. We… heard there was some trouble."

"O-Oh, yes!" Pearl agreed. "You're CPS, aren't you? Welcome to our lovely home? I mean, yes, welcome! There's absolutely no danger here, no way! Aha..."

The woman scribbled on a clipboard, trying to distract herself from the fact that two incredibly odd women had just appeared out of nowhere. "So, you're all his guardians? Which one of you is his mother?"

There was an uncomfortable silence. Steven suddenly spoke up. "Well, my… My mom is gone, and the… Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl were her closest friends, and they take care of me because… Uh… Well, Dad is busy with the car wash, so…"

The woman softened a bit. "I see. I apologize. But that does not excuse the conditions here. Miss… Garnet. Is Steven really subjected to violent dangers and… 'monsters' every day?"

"Yes."

"Garnet!" Pearl exclaimed.

"W-What? He can't possibly live here, if that's the case. He needs to be in school, like everyone else, and he shouldn't-"

"No!" Steven cried. "I don't wanna leave!"

"Steven is protected and cared for here." Pearl said. "We are teaching him about the world every day, along with proper curriculum, and he has plenty of friends in Beach City that don't mind that he's a bit different."

"Yeah! We're great parents! Like… Uh… Like Connie's parents!" Amethyst shape-shifted into Mrs. Maheswaran and did a little dance. The two agents stared, agape. The woman tried to write more notes but ended up dropping her pen.

"Let's talk outside." Garnet said. She grabbed the two agents and carried them outside, ignoring their protests. Steven and the others looked on in confusion as they disappeared.

"Well… That got rid of them!" Greg laughed nervously. Amethyst sighed and reverted to her original form.

"Amethyst, you can't just shape-shift in front of humans like that! They don't like it!"

"Well, soooorry! How was I supposed to know that they'd freak?"

As they continued arguing, Steven frowned and hugged his dad. "W-Would they really take me away from you guys? It's not that big a deal, right?"

"Oh, no one's taking you away." Pearl suddenly laughed. "Garnet can explain to them, however incredible it may be, that you are quite safe and happy here."

"I am! Wouldn't they listen to me?"

Greg sighed. "Well, the government isn't always agreeable. They'd probably take you away in a heartbeat! You're not technically old enough to make your own decisions, even though the law doesn't necessarily extend to Gems... But, uh..."

"Nah, man! I'd beat 'em to a pulp!" Amethyst giggled and pumped her fists.

"Amethyst…"

Steven ran to the window. Garnet had set the agents down, and was talking to them. She'd be able to sort things out, for sure.

Garnet sighed and sat down on the sand. She had tried to carefully explain things to the two agents, but they were too mind-boggled to understand.

"So, you're saying that… You all are… Magic alien beings? And Steven… Is half-magic?"

"Yes." Garnet said. She held up her arms and materialized her gauntlets. "We fight to protect humanity from any and all extraterrestrial dangers. Steven is in training with us, and he is always in good hands."

The two agents looked at each other.

"I know this may seem very odd, but I assure you that Steven is in a safe environment. There are dangers, of course, but he is not quite human, and he can handle himself in a fight."

"A fight…?" This was not good. Aliens, magic, monsters… What would she tell her superiors?

This was too much. "W-Well, Miss Garnet, thank you so much for your time!" The man exclaimed, grabbing his partner and dragging her away. "We… We'll come check up later, of course! Adios! Bye!"

Garnet watched them go, a frown on her face. Steven and the others came outside as they saw the agents leave, and ran down to see what had happened.

"Did you get them to go away forever?" Steven asked.

"Oh, no." Garnet said. "They're going to come back later with the police. In a few days, I think."

"Whaat!?" Pearl and Greg cried.

"Garnet, what are we gonna do?" Steven cried. "They're gonna take me away, aren't they?"

"Nah, we'll annihilate them!" Amethyst said. "Let's get Lapis and Peridot! We'll rustle up an army!"

"No. We cannot go against the authorities. It will only make things worse."

"Then… What do we do?" Greg asked, pulling Steven close to him. He couldn't believe he had never thought this would happen… There was no way he could stop CPS from getting what they wanted…

"We just wait and hope we can work things out appropriately." Garnet said. She stood up and headed towards the house, and soon the rest of them followed. Steven stayed behind, watching the agents head past the Big Donut and up the street. He frowned, and his hand slowly curled into a fist.

"I won't let you take me away…"