Part 10 forget me not

Dom's POV

My breath hitched, the anticipation killing me as I was riddled with suspense. I hadn't spoken in minutes, my hand still lacing itself around his, tightly, anxiously. His eyes were open, the pupils dazed and unfocused. I could still stare at their vivid hazel colouring, and I smiled so slightly, gulping back my despair.

"Honey, the holby crew are outside. I'll leave you two alone okay?" My mum had risen from her seat, anxiously approaching me on the other side of the bed. She placed her hand lovingly on my shoulder, swallowing sadly.

Before she left, she turned on her heals, leaning over the bed to peck Arthur on the forehead. He barely responded, but I could see the love on his eyes as she pulled away. Maybe I was imagining it, but to me, I felt like he was still here, still aware, somewhere deep inside.

"Thank you for making my son happy, I am eternally grateful for that." She gave him a teary eyed smile, sweeping back his hair for a final time. "G-Good-b-bye Arthur." She sniffled, finally turning away, so she wasn't burdened with the sight any longer.

I could admit that it was a sad scene, a sad scene that I was a part of. I never once thought that as I now sat alone with him, I would be saying my goodbyes.

I wasn't sure that I was ready.

Of course I wasn't ready.

No one can really say goodbye, not to their true love.

"Can you remember?" I started again, mumbling to myself as I tried to find the right words. I tried to pick the right story to tell, the right flashback to create. Why did it have to be up to me? Why did I have to pick the last thing he would think of. It was down to me to put a memory in his mind, it was down to me to let him go happy.

The worst thing was, I didn't even know if he could hear me, maybe he had already drifted away.

I had to do this for me. I had to make sure that the last moments I spent with him were ones reminiscing over a happy memory, a time where I had never felt so high.

Having Arthur was like taking a drug, something that numbed all pain, breathed happiness into my lungs. And as he floated away, I felt as if the happy little pill was being pulled away from me, and I was suddenly feeling agonising withdrawal symptoms.

I was crying.

I closed my eyes.

Think Dom, what makes you happiest, what little things stick in your mind. What can you tell the man you love on his dying day?

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Can you remember that night we decided to be infinite?" I mumbled, caressing the side of his cheek. "We pretended that we were invisible to the world around us, bold and majestic like two stars." I could feel myself choking up, but I continued anyway.

"That night, 3 years ago was the night I knew that I had fallen for you. It was the night I knew that I had truly found love."

"Can you remember that Arthur?"

Flashback

"Dance Dom, Dance with me." Arthur grabbed my arm, pulling me into his side as we fooled around.

It was late, a peaceful night along the beach In Clacton, just minutes from my home. We were visiting for a few days, much to my fathers annoyance, and as the summer months grew closer, we had decided to go for a picnic on the sand, watching the sun fall and the silver moon appear, creating a calm ripple of light, setting across the ocean.

"Diggers, careful!" I giggled, watching as he spun in unordered circles. He took my hand, pulling me towards the sea. We were in no more than a shirt and shorts, our feet bare against the sand. It wasn't long before he had bought us to the tide line, so the water just trickled over my toes.

The Music from my stereo was blasting into the open air, Oh Wonder loud and in its prime. I watched as my boyfriend put his hands on my shoulders, stepping around as we danced in the sea.

It was about 8:00pm, a dark sky beginning to emerge. I felt him burry his head I'm my neck, and I mirrored his actions as he tugged against my shirt.

"I love you." He whispered against the sound of the tide. He looked at me with teary eyes, his face young and beautiful in its prime. He gently pressed his lips against mine, finally looping his fingers around my ears.

"I love you too." I smiled, my forehead pressing against his as we rocked to the sound of the music.

"No Dom, you don't understand, I can't explain it I can't-" Arthur looked frustrated, suddenly holding out his hand. I was confused, but I took it, gulping as he lead me further up the beach.

We walked along the sandy heaven until he stopped, just minutes up the coast, leading me to take a seat on then rocks, rising further into the air.

"Baby, what do you want to tell me?" I asked, hesitant as he looked away, gazing whimsically at the stars above us.

"I have never felt like this before Dom." He breathed, his grip tightening around my fingers. "I don't know how to explain it." He sighed, his eyes averting back to mine, as he seemed to stare, his vision fixed.

"If you feel love, then I feel it too." I smiled, kissing the side of his cheek. He shuffled between my legs and laid down against me. I was sat behind him, just looking at his innocent expression as he focused on the sky.

"You see the stars?" He mumbled, pointing at the odd constellation. "That's what I think of when I'm not with you." He blinked like an angel, and I kissed his forehead.

"How come?" I giggled, shaking my head. "I mean I know I'm shiny with five sides to me. 4 of them bad and the other one just an evil facade." I was laughing and he hit my arm, pointing into the sky again.

"They are always there, they will always be in the sky. It doesn't matter if I'm on the other side of the world, or here right now in your arms. The stars will always shine and they will always appear. They are infinite Dom, the sky around us is infinite." I giggled breathlessly at his comment, shaking my head away from his cute nature. I could feel myself blushing, and I put my fingers through his hair.

"That's cute darling." I cooed, smirking down at him as he sighed again.

"You make me feel infinite." He sniffled, clasping my fingers. I leant over his form as he laid against my chest, and I kissed him there and then.

"And you make me feel like I'm on top of the world." I replied.

"Will we always be together?" He suddenly asked, cuddling up to my shirt. I felt the night get chilly and I wrapped my jacket around his arms.

"If it was up to me, I would never leave your side." I spoke truthfully, and I could feel tears prick at my eyes.

"You know what Dominic Copeland? We always will be together. You wanna know why?" I could feel his breath tickling my neck, and I liked that we felt so close.

"Why Diggers?"

"Each time you look up at the stars, imagine me, think of me. When I look up at the stars I think of your eyes, you're big Ocean green eyes. The stars are infinite my love, and if we are a part of them, then so are we." I could see a tear, trickling down my face. He wiped it with his thumb, giving me a sad curl of the lips.

"The stars, that's where you'll always find me." He breathed.

I kissed him.

As I finished my story, I could feel my face's wetness, the falling tears salty as they streamed across my cheeks. Arthur's eyes were closed, his heart rate dropping slightly.

I hadn't noticed the crowd around us, made up of Arthur's family, my mum and a few friends, all now looking at the two doctors that entered the room.

Jac and Mo.

"I-Is it t-time?" I whimpered, my hazy gaze focused on my husbands features. I squeezed his hand lightly, a stray tear now falling onto his arm.

"Arthur's heart rate is dropping considerably, and the ventilator is the only thing keeping him alive right now." I heard a strangled sob leave Zosia's mouth, as she bent over the bed to hold her best friend.

I was emotionless. Numb.

"Now we can keep him like this, until he can survive no more, or we can let him go, peacefully, in your presence. Of course it is up to you, and we understand it's very hard, but do you really want the last hands that touch him to be ours, pumping his chest until we can go on no longer? Or do you want to be the one to hold him, help him go in peace?" Jac looked sympathetic, anxious as she stood in a room full of crying people.

"Dominic?" Arthur's parents looked to me, beginning to hold their sons hand. "He would want y-you to d-do th-this." His mum said, sobbing into her husband as I nodded my head.

"It's time." I gulped, my breath leaving me as they began to detach him.

"H-Hold him Son." My mum rubbed my shoulder, the doctors lifting Arthur slightly as I climbed onto the bed. He was laid in my arms, and I pulled him into my embrace. I could just about feel his short breaths on my neck, and I choked back my tears.

"N-now you listen to me." I whispered, stroking back his hair. "I'm right here, we're all here." I was crying, blinking back my tears with no avail as a waterfall fell into his hospital gown.

"You'll always be with me, and I'll always be with you. You're right, we're infinite. We are two tiny stars in a galaxy full of millions. You my love will be the brightest star in the sky, the most majestic, the one that people see on a cloudy night, still breaking through the darkness. You're light, pure and angelic. You're my silver moon. So you know what baby? You were right, okay, you were right." I stopped as I took a shaky breath, not daring to look at the faces around us.

I pulled him closer, putting my fingers through his locks. I kissed his forehead, my breathing rapid as I saw his heartbeat slow on the monitor. He was completely unaided, and only time would tell when he would drift away.

"When I look into the sky, and the dark nights get too much, I'll see you, shining from my window. You'll be there for me, I just know it. And in that way, we'll stay together. Always." I wrapped my arms around his figure, burying my tear stained face into his hair.

"I love you Arthur Digby, my beautiful star."

And in that minute he went, the flatline sounding for just a few seconds as Mo turned it off.

I could hear the people around me, crying, screaming. I felt Zosia burry her head in his chest.

I didn't cry. I couldn't.

I just looked up, my eyes gazing through the window. There it was, the dark night sky.

And do you know what I looked at?

The stars.

Because that's where he was.