I threw her leg off me. I opened my eyes to see a woman's pale, soft leg thrown over me. My first thought was of Harley, how badly I wanted that leg to belong to her. Unfortunately, the leg was attached to some nameless hooker. She was a blonde and pale and had a piercing giggle but other than the few similarities to my clown she was utterly boring. I got up and went to shower the scent of her cheap perfume off me.

I pounded my fist against the shower's walls as they water pounded against me. I missed my little clown, I also missed my lifestyle. I haven't had any fun in weeks, Frost kept my busy. He's been treating me like a lovesick child and it was getting infuriating. I took a lot of my anger out on those dogs. I kicked them when they whined and withheld their feedings. Every time I saw them I also saw a flash them walking next her or resting their heads in her lap. Everything in this building reminded me of her and she reminded me of my wife. Her blonde hair, her pale skin, her look of wonder and optimism. Even the way she held onto my arm reminded me of Jenny.

Every night since I found my wife in that tub I dreamt of her. Of seeing her in a pool of her own blood, of her reaching a bloody hand towards me and mouthing You did this. Now a new set of terrors haunted me each night. I would be standing on the balcony with Harley and then I would push her but she wouldn't fall. She stood their suspended in midair looking right through me. She saw right through the Joker and looked at the skeleton inside.
….

I woke up that afternoon with one thought on my mind: Kill Joker. I had prepared for weeks, I built up my strength, I had saved up a small arsenal of weapons, and most importantly, I became mentally stronger. Harleen and I spoke a lot and I promised her I wouldn't go back to him, she promised me that she'd be strong for me.

I woke up and poured myself a cup of coffee. I walked outside with my mug in hand. I walked past the greenhouse and could see Red singing to a row of saplings ready to go outside. I loved the feeling of the late day sun on my shoulders, the warm grass greeting my feet. I walked over to Rosie's place. The roses reached towards the sun with longing. I felt like I was saying goodbye to the baby I never got to meet. I didn't know if I would succeed in killing him, I could die and never come back to the rose bed again. I never got to see what this baby would look like, I never felt her kick, I never heard her cry but I loved her. My heart ached every day in memoriam to my baby, the phantom pain of my miscarriage still haunted my womb.

I sat there for a while; I was meditating, clearing my mind. I took steady, calming breaths as I watched the roses tremble in the breeze. I watched the sun set through Gotham's sky scrapers and I knew I should start getting ready. I walked to the cottage and went to my closet to get my outfit on. I thought about a jumpsuit like Selina's but I didn't like how my butt looked in it. I found these shorts that are covered with black sequins, I wore a black crop top and I stitched a red diamond onto the breast. I wore fish nets, and a holster on my thigh. I loaded my guns and my back up magazines.

I did my makeup; I did a black smokey eye and red lipstick. I pulled my blonde hair into pig tails and curled the ends. I laced up my knee-high stiletto boots. I slipped on brass knuckles and I unwrapped a cherry lollipop and stuck it in my mouth. It was a quarter to midnight and we needed to head to the docks. Red, Selina and I were on our way and my heart pounded the entire trip.

"Ya ready?" I asked them both.

"Uh-huh." They hummed in unison.

"You got this, Harley." Red said as she squeezed my arm reassuringly. I believed her. We were at the docks at the place Joker would be making his deal. We all stood behind a stack of crates. It felt like we were waiting forever. I tapped my foot impatiently but was interrupted by the sound of a car door close. I held my breath and peaked over the corner to see Johnny and a bunch of other guys. My heart started pounding. The pounding came to a stop when I saw Joker trailing behind them. I hadn't seen him in weeks. Every emotion flooded me at once and I felt light headed.

The exchange started happening and I signaled Red to interrupt. She put her arm out and the weeds poking through the asphalt grew into a mess of large vines and wrapped around the creep Joker was dealing with and his goons. Selina rolled out from behind the crates and flipped into the air. She threw she legs up around Johnny's neck and brought him to the ground. My knees felt wobbly and I didn't know if I could face him.

I saw Joker charge Selina, she tightened her legs around Johnny and she fought Joker's hands off her. I took a deep breath and shuffled over to Joker. I put my gun to the nape of his neck and he froze. He put his hands up.

"Turn around!" I growled. He slowly turned and his eyes met mine with disbelief. My stomach dropped when I saw him, I felt like I was going to be sick.

"Harley," He exhaled. He kept blinking like I was some flaw in his sight. I felt so compelled to cry but I held my composure and thought about Rosie.

"Ya look like you've seen a ghost." I glared at him and tightened my grip on the gun.

"Harley," He exhaled my name like smoke and reached towards my face like he was checking if I was real.

"Don't touch me!" I yelled and pushed the gun practically in his mouth. His hand stopped.

"Harls, I thought you were dead." He growled while looking me up and down.

"I was. You killed me." I spoke low. "You killed my baby." I fought back the tears trying to escape me.

"Harley, baby, why didn't you come home?" He asked tilting his head. I knew what game he was trying to play and I was not participating.

"That place wasn't a home. It was a prison, ya kept me there like a hostage. Ya tortured me, treated me like shit." I paused as a tear fell down my cheek. "All I've done. Every trial, every test, every initiation. I proved I loved you and you could never accept it!"

"I am not someone who is loved." He growled.

"No ya not. You're a coward. You aren't someone's who's loved. You're someone who takes, someone who kills. You threw me off that balcony 'cause you were scared. You were afraid because you loved me." He started shaking his head. "Yeah, ya did. Ya loved me and that scared you. And after ya threw me out like a piece of trash I realized that I hate you. I saw my hate for you in the blood, in the pain I felt when I lost my baby. I heard it in my own cries as I felt my baby die. I saw it in the bruises, in the broken ribs, in the stitches on my head. I hate you more than anyone." Tears rolled down my cheeks as he looked at me with wide eyes.

"I used to love you so much. I loved you the way the Earth loves the sun, the way the moon loves the stars. I needed you the same way I need oxygen. But now I want you dead. You aren't someone who's loved. You're someone who's hated." I meant every word I said. I felt powerful and finally like I've said something good and true. My confidence plummeted to Earth when I heard Joker start to clap. He clapped slowly and chuckled under his breath.

"Oh Harley, wasn't that heartfelt. You're gonna make me cry." He frowned theatrically. I felt stupid, I squeezed the handle of the gun and my finger hovered over the trigger. Do it! Harleen screamed inside my head.

"You weren't the only one who lost someone that day on the terrace. I lost my little clown." His voice softened and he stepped towards me. My throat dried out and I couldn't think of anything to say. He grabbed the barrel of the gun and put it between his eyes.

"Do what you gotta do. But know, that I'm all you got. You're my little clown, my Harlequin." His words shot right through me. If I heard anymore I'd fall for it, I couldn't do that. I cocked the gun back and heard the bullet pop into the chamber. I went to put my finger on the trigger when he charged me. He pushed me onto the ground and took the gun out of my hands.

I put my head down and started to whimper. I pulled myself together and put my hand on my back up .22 holstered to my thigh. I aimed upwards and pulled the trigger. The sound of the shot made me dizzy. I looked up and saw Joker staring at me with wide eyes. The bullet grazed his right shoulder and tore through his purple coat. He grunted and threw my other gun up in the air and caught it by the barrel. In that moment, he struck my face with the gun's handle. I held my face in my hands and I was in shock.

"Harley," He growled as he kneeled on the ground in front of me. He put his hand under my chin lifting my face up. I could feel my cheekbone bruising and I knew it was cut. He kissed my cheek and licked the blood off his lip. "I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want any of this. But you gave me no other choice." He whispered to me. I felt his breath on my face, it had been so long since I felt him near me.

The guilt rushed over me. Maybe he was right. Harley, don't fall for it. Fight it! Harleen screamed. I tuned her out and just focused on the smell of scotch on his breath.

"C'mon Harls, come home. Our babies miss you." He said putting his hands on my face.

"I missed Bud and Lou a lot. I didn't think about them." I thought about my babies, I never said goodbye. One day I just wasn't there and that must've been so confusing for them.

"They weren't the only ones that missed you. I missed ya, Harls." He growled and started inching his face towards mine. His lips were so close to mine that I could almost taste them. My heart was beating so hard I was sure he could hear it.

"Harley, be strong!" Red yelled distracting me from his lips. I watched her struggle to restrain the guys in vines and Johnny was starting to get the upper hand on Selina. Nothing was going like my plans and I felt so stupid. This was all my doing and I felt so guilty.

"Harley, baby, come home. Be my clown again." J held my hand in his. I looked into his eyes, they were the kind that you just drown in. I thought about everything that I once was and everything I wanted to be and I saw J in all of it.

"Ah!" J winced forward. I saw Selina holding her whip over him.

"Don't hurt him!" I yelled and she looked at me with confusion.

"See what you've caused, Harley?" J screamed at me. "I don't think I could have you back at my funhouse. You'd just ruin everything! This was all you. I only wanted to have fun and you had to mess it all up. You were so… good but now you're all serious." He looked at me with disgust. I felt terrible, I hated myself for everything I caused. I wanted to be sick.

"I didn't mean for this," I started to cry. I felt like the biggest idiot.

"Harley," Red started.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did all this. I don't know why I did this. I'm sorry Red, Selina for not being a good friend. I messed up." Tears rolled down my cheeks. I felt disgusted in myself. I ruined everything I had. J was the only one to love me and I ruined that. Red and Selina were the only friends I've ever had and I wasted their time. I ruined everything and I hated myself for it.

"Harley, I just wanted you to be my clown." J sighed as he turned away from me.

"Oh Puddin'! I'm sorry." I cried as I ran towards him. He turned around just as I ran into his arms. I put my face into his neck and let out my tears. I inhaled his scent and felt like I was home. I missed my Puddin' so much. My heart didn't hurt anymore. I didn't feel pain for Rosie like I did before.

"Oh Harley, let's go home." J chuckled into my hair. He put his arm under my leg and scooped me up. I wrapped my arms around his neck. Being in his arms I felt all my pain drain away like dirty bath water. I breathed in his smell and I felt jittery. I missed the high he gave me, the weeks I was away I had gone through an almost lethal withdrawal. I missed my puddin' more than I ever thought I could miss someone. He was my home and I'd never leave again.

"Bye Red, bye kitty." He purred at them as he walked towards his purple Lambo. He put me in the passenger seat and then got in to his side.

"We goin' home now, Puddin'?" I asked putting my hand on his thigh.

"Well of course, Harley. I think you should start preparing yourself." He smiled as he weaved through the Gotham streets.

"For what?" I asked biting my lip.

"For your punishment. You ran away, you've gotta suffer the consequences." He put his hand on my thigh and dug his finger tips into my skin.

"What kinda punishments?" I asked as I kissed his neck.

"Cruel and unusual." He purred. I squealed.

"I expect nothing less from my Mistah J!" I kissed him hard as he blindly drove through traffic. I felt like I was in the place I was destined to be. With my lip between his teeth, his hand on my throat and my heart wrapped around his finger. He was my everything and I never want to know life without him and I don't think I'll ever have to. I loved my puddin'. He made me into everything I am and I could never repay for making me into his Harlequin.

A/N: That is it! I hope you enjoyed the ending, I'd say its bittersweet but I am happy with it. Throughout this story I feel that I've grown as a writer and I feel like Harley and Harleen will always be in my heart. I loved this story and I hope I did all of these amazing characters justice. I would like to thank DC Comics for giving us these amazing characters that we have all grown up loving and idolizing and I also want to thank every person that has read this story and left a review or favorited or followed or spent any time at all on my take on Harley Quinn's little life. It has been an honor writing this. And I wish you all a wonderful New Year and the very best.
Endless Thanks, Lonewolf