Genre: Humour, Friendship
Summary: For the crew of Monkey D. Luffy, all this adventuring is slowly getting out of hand. So they draw up a set of rules to make life on board the Thousand Sunny easier … well, they say hope always dies last.
Disclaimer: I once dreamt it was mine ...
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Code of Misconduct
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1. The captain's hat is the most sacred relic of the straw hat pirates.
- Keep your hands off it!
- Don't you dare steal it!
- Damaging it will not end well for you!Should you encounter the hat without its owner anywhere in sight or hearing distance, you are obliged to deliver it to the
captain immediately. That applies to crew members, ship guests, friends, acquaintances, distant acquaintances and prisoners as well as former and current enemies.
This is the first and supreme rule of the Straw Hat policy. Everyone failing to meet it will be keelhauled without further discussion.
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2. This is the Thousand Sunny, ship of the future Pirate King.
- Board at your own risk.
- Harassment has to be taken into account.
- Expect the worst.
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3. Monkey D. Luffy is the captain of the Thousand Sunny.
- This is not up for debate!
You guys should know better by now. - Usopp
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4. Your opinion will always be secondary to his.
- This applies to ALL crew members.
- This applies to friends as well as allies.
- It doesn't matter how mad the captain's ideas are.
- Don't bother. Your arguments won't reach the necessary synapses anyway.
- Just deal with it.
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5. You are not to question:
- The captain's choice of course.
- The captain's choice of friends.
- The captain's choice of food.
It would be better for your mental health if you didn't. - Zoro
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6. Crazy adventures are a daily fare. Keep calm and PANIC!
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7. If you have any problems, don't turn to the first mate. He won't understand.
We have a fist mate? - Zoro
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8. Whoever leaves the ship together with Zoro is responsible for him.
- This rule remains in effect until he is safely back on the ship.
Not somewhere near to the ship. ON the ship! - Nami
You're such a dork, Zoro! - Luffy
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9. Once you pick a fight, you are to win it.
I don't care how many tries it takes! - Luffy
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10. Wait until you are fully healed before you pick another fight.
Doctor's orders. - Chopper
So what? - Luffy
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11. Nami's maps are off limits.
This is for your own good, believe me guys. - Usopp
I believe you. - Brook
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12. The same goes for:
- Luffy's hat (see rule 1) (It can not be said often enough. - Nami)
- Zoro's swords
- Sanji's pots and knifes
- Brook's guitar (For he is the only one who CAN play it. - Sanji)
- Choppers medicine (And the rumble balls. Last time was a disaster that does not need to be repeated. – Usopp)
- Everything that is not yours!
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13. Do not hide Sanji's cigarettes. It's not funny.
It was. - Zoro
Ignore the last comment, the author is a brain-dead ape! - Usopp
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14. The captain is strictly prohibited from entering the pantry.
- This has nothing to do with lack of respect, it's a measure vital to survival.
I don't care how he managed to convince you to break into the strongroom, Torao! Next time you'll walk the plank! - Sanji
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15. Should Zoro kneel over in his drunken stupor, just leave him there.
- Do not tie him upside down to the mast!
- Being drunk does not qualify him as baitfish!
If you hadn't blown it Nami, we would have gotten that sea king! Right, Usopp? - Luffy
You blithering idiot! - Usopp
So it was the two of you! I should have known! - Zoro
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16. Don't tell Brook that he is going grey. Or bald.
- Not even for fun.
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17. From this day on Brook is forbidden from ever setting foot into a church again.
- This rule also applies to any other kind of religious building or meeting place.
We don't want the "resurrection of the flesh" to be taken the wrong way. - Robin
I didn't know they would react like that. - Brook
Yes, you did! - Nami
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18. No skull jokes in the presence of wounded or dying people as well as their kinsmen.
- It's downright insensitive!
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19. Allies are not to be force fed.
- Especially not if they said that they just don't like bread!
He was having an allergic reaction. - Chopper
If we just try hard enough we can cure him from this terrible disease! - An idiot
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20. Do not try to reenact one of "Captain Usopp's Great Adventures". People have tried before and it went horrendously wrong.
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21. If you were drawn by lot, you are going, end off discussion!
- Must-Not-Get-On-This-Island disease does not exist.
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22. The Chicken Voyage is a emergency manoeuvre only. It is not a merry-go-round.
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23. If you are about to carry out a Coup the Burst, kindly inform the others beforehand.
Just do it! Or I'll wipe the floor with you! - Nami
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24. The captain is only allowed to drive the Black Rhino FR-U IV if another crew member is also on board and said crew member is capable – physically as well as mentally - of warning civilians.
- The same rule applies to the Brachio Tank V.
- The Shark Submerge III is only an exception from this rule if there are no fishmen around. Or sea kings for that matter.
If you cling to life, just don't let him steer. - Zoro
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25. From now on cannon fire competitions are strictly prohibited.
- This includes the Gaon Cannon.
- This above anything else includes the Gaon Cannon.
- Gaon. Cannon. Got it?!
I don't care where you got the other ones from! Get them off the ship now! - Franky
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26. All swimming classes for devil fruit users are to cease immediately.
- Even if they take place in the fish tank!
Face it boys, you are lost causes. - Usopp
Who had that madcap idea anyway?! - Nami
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27. No sharks in the fish tank. The first time was enough!
- The same applies to sea kings (Even baby sea kings! - Nami)
- And fishmen.
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28. The fish tank is for fish and fish only. No more experiments.
Why are you all so obsessed with it anyway? - Franky
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29. On board the Thousand Sunny following beings do not qualify as pets:
- Fishmen (It's quite sad that they even have to be mentioned on this list. - Nami)
- Sea kings (Really boys, anything related to sea kings is forbidden! - Sanji)
- Anything bigger than the ship
- Anything heavier than the ship
- Anything poisonous
- Anything able to breath fire (Franky, Nami just kicked you out. - Usopp)
- Zombies (Before Thriller Bark I would never have dreamed that this needs writing down. - Nami)
- Anything out of a ghost train (And there goes Brook. - Usopp)
- Freaks
Who are you to decide that?! I am the captain! I can do whatever I want! - Luffy
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30. If it tries to eat a crew member, get rid off it.
- It doesn't matter how cute it is.
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31. If it looks dangerous, smells dangerous, feels dangerous or sounds dangerous, then it IS dangerous. Leave it alone!
- Neither captain nor first mate are the right people to assess the situation.
Neither is Robin. - Usopp
Don't pick on the girls!- Sanji
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32. Under following circumstances, a crew member is entitled to declare a state of emergency:
- The captain's hat went missing.
- All the meat is gone.
- The flag was stolen. Again.
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33. Following events do NOT count as emergencies:
- The sake is gone. (But it is! It is! - Zoro)
- A crew member went missing. (The'll show up eventually. Hopefully. - Usopp)
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34. On some occasions, the booze must be sacrificed for the greater good.
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35. Living is a right, not a privilege.
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36. Murder is prohibited, unless:
- It's for the captain.
- The bastard had it coming!
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37. Zoro's hair is green. That doesn't give you the right to put fertilizer in his shampoo. Or flowers in his hair.
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38. No sexually suggestive comments about the captain. Ever.
- That includes cheap jokes about rubber.
- Jokes from visitors won't be tolerated either (not even from friends and allies!).
- It doesn't matter how drunk you are!
- Just save your breath. He won't understand anyway.
He is just a kid, damn it! - Zoro
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39. The navigator is not permitted to introduce the male crew members as her "lover boys" (see rule 38).
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40. Nobody is to mention the name of their crew or ship after they managed to antagonise a whole island.
- Under no circumstances.
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41. Strategic retreat is not the same as cowardice.
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42. If you have to get somebody sloshed please abstain form the captain.
- We all value our lives.
- He is bad enough as it is.
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43. No more drinking contests.
- Seriously.
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44. On board the Thousand Sunny, wearing clothes covering at least your private parts is compulsory.
- It's not up for debate.
- This rule applies to ALL crew members, male AND female.
Enough is enough. We do have a reputation to loose. - Usopp
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45. Only licensed musicians are authorized to play an instrument on board the Thousand Sunny.
- Regardless of the time of day.
- Singing will only be tolerated at parties or under supervision.
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46. We do not have an official crew song nor do we need one.
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47. The Straw Hat Pirate Crew does not hold a competition for "The Member Of The Month".
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48. The captain is allowed to officiate marriages.
- The captain is obliged to obtain the lucky couples' permission before he does so!
I just wanted to... - Luffy
Shut up! - Nami
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"Hmm", Usopp held up the piece of paper, which by now looked worse for wear. "That's a bummer."
Sanj took his hands out of the sink and raised a questioning eyebrow. Usopp waved the sheet at his face.
"You know, forty-eight is such a … lame number. I had hoped we would meet the fifty."
Sanji chuckled to himself as he tied the apron around his waist. "Come off it Usopp. We are the Straw Hat pirates", he said with a smirk. "Give it another week or two and we will meet the hundred."
Usopp sighed, but put the paper down and took the cup set out for him on the counter. "You're right, I guess I should be grateful", he admitted and took a sip of his drink - only to promptly spit it out again
"Sanji! That's the worst cup of coffee I've ever had in my life!"
"You dare insulting my – You stupid sod. That's not coffee, that's dishwater."
"Pardon me", Usopp replied and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. "In that case it's very tasty."
Sanji tipped his forehead and went back to work.
"Speaking of trouble", Usopp mused as he poked around his drink with a spoon. "Do you know where Zoro went off to? Last time a saw him was two days ago ..."
"Like I care. Probably got lost. Damn that Marimo, always getting into trouble - "
Sanji was cut off by when the kitchen door flew open and nearly unhinged from it's frame. Zoro came stumping into the room, there was no doubt that he was pissed off. He stopped in front of the counter, pulled the paper towards himself and began scribbling on it as if the devil itself was on his heals. Said devil turned out to be Nami who appeared behind him in the doorway only moments later. Zoro leaned back against the counter, crossed his arms over his chest and challenged her with a glare. Nami cracked her knuckles at him.
Usopp thought it was time to make a quick escape and leave them to it. He snatched up the paper and with a quick "see ya" darted past Nami to the door.
"Oy oy!", Sanji grunted and ripped off his apron. "No fights in my kitchen! Marimo, leave the lady alone and - " The crash nearly blew his eardrum.
"Impressive", he acknowledged the dent in the counter which hadn't been there a second ago. "Wait for me, Usopp. I'm coming along."
They dashed down to the deck away from the war zone. Usopp shook his head sorrowfully as he made himself at home on the lawn and turned his attention towards the new rule which had made it into their code. Sanji bent over his shoulder so that he could read along.
49. Crew members are not to be sold, loaned, lent out or in any way exchanged for money, treasure, food or other goods.
"Had to happen sooner of later",Usopp declared loudly over the screams of agony coming from the kitchen. Sanji nodded wordlessly.
Zoro told his story over dinner. To be more precise, he yelled a tirade into Nami's face while his own turned as green as his hair.
Luffy thought it horrendously funny and spent more time rolling on the floor with laughter than devoting himself to gluttony, which for a change led to the crew going to bed happy and sated – apart from Zoro who had spent most of the evening running around the deck trying to escape from Nami and the enormous battle axe which had materialised under mysterious circumstances.
Sanji's damn right, Usopp reckoned to himself as he turned over on his cot and thought of the peace of paper pinned to the mast. They would tackle the hundred in no time. He fell asleep.
In the end Usopp didn't even have to wait another day. The next morning, the sheet of paper greeted him with a new rule scribbled down in a terrible chicken scrawl.
50. Rules are bendable. - The captain
He didn't bother to remove it.
~ TBC ~
AN: Short, but incredibly fun to write. There are tons of stories I hope to type up, but by brain kept on bothering me with this …
A "code for pirates" is not exactly a new idea, so I went ahead and made one myself. I have never read a similar story about One Piece. Are there any? I would love to read them.
While I was writing, halfway through the story I realized: It's the Stawhats! They wouldn't be stopped from doing what they wanted by something as stupid as a code. That's how rule 50 came to be.
As for TBC: This does have a second chapter. So, if you liked it please be so kind and let me know one way or another. That inspires.