A Choice With No Regrets Drabbles

Attack on Titan fanfiction

By

Blue Sonnet (Nana_41175)

Part Two

Authors' Notes: Here's a little bit of something to ease off the bitter taste of manga chapter 84. I've made sure to add in heaps of sugar and to serve it piping hot. Enjoy!

The Commander's return will be delayed.

The message was matter-of-fact and concise, bloodless like the piece of white paper it was printed on. Erwin did not even have time to scribble a few words down himself. The hasty message was written by a stranger, a clerk— a mere cog grinding away in the complex machinery that was Parliament at Mitras.

Levi glanced at the waiting messenger and shook her head. No, there was no need to send her husband a reply. She turned away and headed down the corridor, her face carefully blank.

He was now gone three days. Three days instead of the one night he had promised. It was clear that something unexpected had come up, demanding his continued presence in Mitras. Normally, Levi did not mind when he was away— it happened all the time— and she was astonished that she did, now. She found that she minded very much that Erwin would be gone so long and not send her a proper message, which was absurd.

Absurd, absurd, absurd, she thought as she went about her day, her irritation carefully wrapped under her clipped voice as she directed the new members of the Corps through their afternoon routine with the 3DMG.

Fucking ridiculous, she thought, scowling as she picked her way through her solitary dinner. She was not in the mood to mingle with the others in the mess hall and instead had brought her tray up to Erwin's office. Yet sitting in his chair and gazing around the room while she chewed at her food only brought home the realization that the office was far too big and empty without him in it.

Finally, inside their quarters, when all her chores were done for the night and as she got ready for bed, she found that the scoffing words had gone from her head, leaving only emptiness. She missed Erwin. She could bring herself to admit that now. She missed him— missed his big, graceful person that seemed to fill up any room he happened to be in. She missed the sound of his voice, the touch of his hand on her.

Levi glanced at the corner of the room and, satisfied that there were no more sounds coming from it, began to undress for bed. She paused as she reached into the cabinet for one of her night shifts and turned her gaze instead to a chair by the bed and the shirt that was tossed casually over it.

He had worn that on the night before he left for Mitras. She should have sent it off to be laundered but for some reason she could not bring herself to remove it from the chair where he had left it. She still could not understand why she had left it untouched, but now she was thankful. Hesitantly, fully aware that she was being absurdly sentimental, she slipped into it and suddenly the faint scent of Erwin was all around her. The linen shirt was much too big for her and nearly came to her knees, but it was the nearest thing to having Erwin's arms around her and it immediately made her feel better.

As with his room, the bed felt too big and empty without him. Levi eyed the patch of bright, pale moonlight on the quilt before her before she sighed and turned to her side. Sleep always eluded her and tonight, she knew it would be even more difficult to drop off, which meant she would be awake for several hours more, tossing and turning, with nothing but her thoughts to keep her company.

More than anything, Levi did not want to be left alone with her thoughts, darker than the night outside, waiting to pounce as her mind let down its defenses, leaving her at her most vulnerable.

Most nights, she would be busy with Erwin. Nighttime was just about the only time they had for each other; but Erwin was not here now and Levi was embarrassed to admit how much she missed him.

Get used to it, fool, she whispered to herself, and shuddered as her mind started to play games with her by twisting the words and giving them a new, ominous meaning.

Yes, get used to it, Levi, a voice whispered within her. You didn't just marry a soldier, you married the Commander. Get used to him leaving your side, and get used to the fact that one day he may never come back—

Levi squeezed her eyes shut just as she strangled the treacherous thought before it could complete itself. This was why she did not like falling asleep. Before Erwin, she did not know how she managed to. She usually drove herself to exhaustion so that all she would remember afterward was her waking from the deep, dark chasm that must claim her, night after night.

She had never known that sleep could be a pleasure until she married Erwin.

Erwin…

Levi curled in around herself under the covers, breathing in the faint, masculine scent of Erwin, already fast fading, from his shirt. She closed her eyes and let her mind relax as she thought of Erwin and what they could be doing now if he were here.

She felt the slide of the fabric of Erwin's shirt against her skin and imagined his fingers trailing teasingly down her body. He loved to touch her like that as they lay in bed, talking. She could sense his moods through his touch: distracted, amorous, fond.

She sighed and, with eyes still closed, she drifted soft fingers down her throat, imagining it was Erwin with his long fingers, the way he would tenderly cup her breast through her night shift as he spooned behind her, his warm body shielding her night after night as she drifted off to sleep.

Not content with mere snuggling, Levi imagined Erwin's fingers drifting down farther, down until he reached her sex. Levi cupped herself in imitation of Erwin's knowing touch, the fabric of her underwear muting the light pressure of her fingers, changing the quality of the sensations as she stroked at herself the way Erwin would.

She sighed as she felt the first stirrings of pleasure deep inside her. She kept her touch light and slow, and felt the first evidence of moisture through the cloth that shielded her. A distant part of her mind scoffed and gave a tch at the thought of having to get up and change her underwear once this exercise was over and Levi realized it was time for her mind to shut up.

She dipped her fingers into her underwear, feeling the heat and moisture, the firm nub of her clit against her fingertips, and her lips parted around a sigh. It did not feel anywhere as good as Erwin's touch but it was good enough. She let the pace pick up and she was just beginning to grind against her hand when she heard a soft sound by the door.

She froze, not doubting what she had just heard: a key turning in the lock.

She kept still with her back to the room, her hand frozen against her throbbing mound, as she heard the door open and close, and the heavy, unmistakable footsteps that followed.

Erwin had returned.

With her back to him, she heard him cross the room to linger by the corner, as was his habit now. Slowly, stealthily, her heartbeat loud in her ears, Levi pulled her hand away from herself and affected sleep.

After a moment, she heard him move again. He was closer now, shedding his heavy coat and draping it across the chair as he had done with his shirt. There was the sound of him removing his jacket, and Levi finally felt the bed mattress dip as he sat down to tug off his boots. She heard the clink of metal as he removed the straps of his harness.

He gave a tired sigh as he lay down and stretched out beside her, and Levi counted the seconds before he reached over to touch her. It did not take long at all.

She felt his fingers on the hair at her nape before she felt the brush of his lips on the sensitive skin there. His arms slid around her, carefully gathering her to him, and she could smell the fading scent of his cologne amid the stronger whiff of expensive tobacco that clung to his clothes, evidence of the long hours of closed door meetings among the rich and powerful.

She could also sense his fatigue, the disappointment that lay heavy in his arms as they encircled her. With her eyes still closed, her body languid, she made a small movement against him.

She heard his voice, a mere whisper against her neck: "Levi. Did I wake you?"

"Hmm," she breathed. "It's so late. What time is it?"

"Almost midnight."

"You could have waited till morning to come back."

"It already took three days. I didn't want to wait a minute longer," he said. "I left immediately after the last dinner."

She turned her head to him, eyes still shut, and she felt him press a kiss against her closed lids. "How was it?" she asked.

She felt him shake his head. "I missed you, Levi," he said instead.

She would have wanted to say that she missed him, too, but all that came out was, "it's alright. You're here now."

She was still on her side, and he was pressed so close to her from behind that she could not turn fully on her back. She opened her eyes to see him watching her, his blue eyes catching at the last rays of moonlight in the room, turning almost luminous as he gazed at her fondly. She relaxed against him as she felt the touch of his hand, for real this time, through her shirt.

Except it wasn't exactly her shirt.

He paused and Levi could tell that he had noticed. He said nothing, though he bent down to touch the side of her face with small kisses, his mouth slowly growing insistent as he trailed a hand down to cup her breast.

"Did you miss me, Levi?" he whispered, his breath hot against her skin.

"It's late," she merely murmured.

He might have heeded her had his hand not gone down farther and encountered the dampness between her legs.

"You're soaked." Erwin's voice was low in Levi's ear, caressing, a slow smile of pleasure evident in his tone as he said, "have you been thinking about me?"

Her face hot, she would have twisted away from him, but his arm was around her, his fingers firm against the moist scrap of cloth that covered her, torturing her with his slow, patient ministration. She could stop him now if she wanted, but all she could do was arch against him, her desire clearly overriding her embarrassment. She had forgotten how quickly Erwin could shift from being fond to being fiercely possessive, and a part of her liked him this way. That part of her, rooted deeply in instinct, irrepressible and bold, that she could never call into question and had served her well in her years in the Underground, had responded to Erwin from the first moment they met and was presently reveling in the fact that he had discovered her wet and wanting him.

"It's alright, Levi," he said even as her lips thinned from the effort of keeping her mouth shut against the moan that threatened to erupt from her. "I want to hear you. Let me hear you, please, darling."

It was the endearment that was Levi's undoing. She found that she had missed that most of all from Erwin.

A tortured sigh escaped her as he freed her slowly from the prison of her underwear, dragging the piece of fabric down and off her legs. He kissed her, swallowing her strangled moan as his fingers finally touched her bare, wet flesh. She could feel herself coming— too soon, too early, yet his fingers urged her to it until she could do nothing but scream into his mouth.

She felt his cock, huge and hard, against her back. She lifted her leg and let Erwin guide himself into her from behind. She let him claim her, his movements strong, almost rough, the pent-up desire held back for days finally gushing forth. He devoured her mouth, her neck, her breast. The linen shirt had ridden all the way up her shoulders and she felt his teeth, sharp against her skin. She felt his fingers biting into her thigh, opening her wide as he pounded into her, and she realized with a start that through it all, she had not stopped coming.

She was still shuddering when he pulled out of her and found his release, the sounds escaping them low and urgent and hungry. When it was all over, they collapsed against each other, her leg resting on top of his hip.

"I was right not to wait for morning to come back, then," he said from behind.

"Of course you're right," she said. Then, more softly, "and I missed you, too."

He laughed, low and content. She felt him take her hand to press a kiss to her knuckles, and she shivered as she felt his tongue dart out to lick at her fingers when he smelled her there.

"I know," he said. "I know, Levi."

Afterward, he moved to strip himself of his clothes—he had not even made it out of them the entire time— and Levi felt him watching as she pulled his shirt off her to wipe at the semen on her stomach.

"I'm sorry for the mess," he said. "We could wash up now and—"

Levi shook her head. "It can wait until morning," she said.

"Are you sure?" Erwin asked, his tone dubious but pleased.

She reached over to kiss him lightly on the lips. "You're not the only one who likes to be marked every now and then," she replied, and she liked it very much when she felt his smile.

She settled down beside him in bed, her head resting on his shoulder and his arm around her, and knew that everything was right with the world again. She would have no trouble sleeping now.