AN: Hi lovelies! So I wanted to try out a new story after watching Suicide Squad, based on Harley's fantasy at the end. I'll be rewriting basically all of the canon, to where the Joker and Harley get dumped into the acid bath a little later in life. Let me know what you think, if it's good or not. Song is Valerie by Amy Winehouse. Happy reading!

Chapter 1: Perfection

And I've missed your ginger hair

And the way you like to dress

Won't you come on over

Stop making a fool out of me

Why don't you come on over Valerie?

Harleen Napier had the perfect life. Of course, it didn't start off great, growing up in the Narrows, with a drunken mother and a father in Blackgate, she eventually rose up despite the odds. She worked her ass off to receive scholarships in order to get her psychology degree. But now she had everything she wanted: a husband, children, a perfect home in the suburbs. Sometimes the blonde woman had to pinch herself to make sure she wasn't dreaming, which would then cause her to lightly giggle. Her life was heaven now.

It was one of those times as she cut off the crusts for her children's sandwiches- turkey for Isabella and ham for Isaac- causing another bout of breathless laughter. Her children were patiently waiting at the kitchen table, Isaac coloring and Isabella trying to balance her spoon on her nose. Harleen bit back a smile as she set the two lunches down, still in amazement that the two adorable twins were hers. Her beautiful children, despite all the mischief they caused. Harleen still hadn't cleaned up their latest crayon "masterpiece" currently decorating the bathroom walls. Little devils they were. Already five years old and causing more trouble than any of Gotham's villains.

"Mommy," Isabella whined, kicking her feet impatiently. "When's Daddy getting home?"

Harleen was in the middle of forming a reply when she heard the familiar jingle of keys at the front door. In strode her husband, Jack Napier, love of her life. As per usual, the first thing he did was go to kiss Harleen on the head before squeezing the twins in a tight hug, causing them to shriek in delight. While she was grateful to spend more time time with Jack, she was curious as to why his company would let him leave. The Wayne Corporation was huge, sprawling so far it even reached Harley's workplace in Arkham Asylum. The wouldn't let someone with Jack's importance leave before lunch, even if he wanted to.

"Puddin', why are you home?" She said.

Jack had the gall to play at mock offense, but sauntered over to her place at the sink, playfully dipping her. "What? Did you want me to go back? I'll leave if you really, really, really want me to."

"You know what I mean," She smiled, shaking her head.

"Fear Gas scare. They're decontaminating the building for the rest of today," Jack whispered, Harleen's eyes growing wide.

Fear Gas? Harleen had no idea Crane had already been so avid in the production of his chemical weapon. The man had only been fired from Arkham two months ago! And while she was sad to see him go, experimenting on patients was a huge no-no.

"Was the Bat there?" She wrapped her arms around his neck, face contorting into concern. Despite Batman's "hero" status in Gotham, neither Jack nor Harleen trusted him. Someone who wore a mask had too much to hide.

Jack frowned. "The Bat's who got us all out. Right as I was digging something up on the Waynes and Sionis-"

Jack could have finished, if it was not for their screaming children. Apparently Isaac had gotten bored and deconstructed his sandwich, only to place the contents on his sister's face. In retaliation, Isabella poured her juice all over her brother's head. Truly a normal day in their household. Hopefully it would be something that they would grow out of. Hopefully.

"I'll get new clothes-"

"I'll cheer them up."

Harleen and Jack had dealing with upset twins down to a science. As she walked down the hallway in their quaint little one-story, Harleen couldn't help but laugh as Jack started in on a few jokes to calm the children.

"So three raccoons walk into a bar…"

•••

"She's what?!" Harleen gasped into the phone, having to grab the wall to steady herself. Jack caught her eye, raising an eyebrow and walking closer.

On the other line was Harleen's best friend, Pamela Isley, or Red as the blonde liked to call her. They had been instant friends when they were placed in the same dorm, nearly inseparable since. Pamela and Harleen had both gone through graduate school together, cheering each other up during long nights studying for biology and psychology exams respectively. And the current subject of interest was their other roommate, Selina Kyle.

"It's all over the news," Pamela's low voice crooned into the phone. "Captured by the Bat himself."

"You know Jack and I don't listen to the news while the twins are awake, we don't want them hearing about all that pain and suffering, especially about the Narrows," Harley twisted the phone cord nervously.

Pamela sighed. "We all grew up in that pain and suffering, sweet pea. Even your precious Jack."

At the mention of her husband's name, Harleen looked over. She could see the impatience growing in his face. Even though he was really a sweet man, he did have a few problems with anger. Not enough to warrant a diagnosis, in the woman's opinion. But enough to frighten.

'Selina's Catwoman. She just got arrested by Batman,' Harleen mouthed, to Jack's evident shock. She knew they were thinking along the same lines, how Selina might shoplift the odd tangerine from the supermarket but certainly not priceless jewels. All this was communicated with eyebrow raises and slight changes in facial expressions.

Pamela's voice brought Harleen out of her silent conversation with Jack. "It seems like everyone's going insane lately. First Jonathan, now Selina. We all went to school together as well, there must be something in the water. Jason thinks they must have fed all of us chemicals at Gotham U."

Harleen's face fell. "You know what I think about Jason."

She had caught Jack's bristle at the name of Pamela's fiance. Again, the husband and wife shared similar taste in people. And Doctor Jason Woodrue rubbed them both the wrong way. Maybe it was the fact that the longer Pamela was with him, the more the redhead seemed to waste away. However, Harleen knew for a fact why Jack hated him so much. One night, when Jack and Harleen had come back from a date early, they had caught the man rifling through Harleen's things. It was a miracle Jack hadn't throttled the frail doctor, for how angry he was. Harleen still hadn't gotten around to telling Pamela, who was she to get in the way of love?

"You only think he's strange because Jack thinks so. You both have an age difference as well," Pamela retorted.

"Eight years is a lot different than eighteen, Red. He was already a legal adult by the time we were born!"

"Well, we can't all have the perfect romance like you. Even though I still Jack's hiding something from you. Don't be surprised when he ends up on the news again for doing something criminal…"

"His days working for Falcone are long over, Pamela. Goodbye," Harleen said curtly, giving the phone a nice slam down on the holder for good measure.

First she brought up Jason, and then Jack's past? Harleen really needed to get better friends. Of course she had known, not from the get go but well into their engagement. Jack had anxiously told her about his less than savory past, promising he had left that life far behind him a long time ago. At first, the blonde was shocked, but then she began to rationalize it in her head. Being muscle for Falcone back in the day had been probably one of the most high paying jobs at the time. He did what he had to survive in the slums of Gotham and Harleen knew that better than anyone. But even at the mention of the crime boss, Falcone, Harleen knew Jack was imagining the GCPD banging down their door.

"It's okay Puddin', you're here with me, it's alright, yeah?" She whispered soothingly, folding her body into his. She continued on like that, whispering and tracing her fingers in slow circles on his back. "You're not like that anymore, you know that, I know that. That's all that matters."

He held her tightly, as if she was going to disappear. And in a very different universe, she might have. Had Harleen been slightly different, she might have encouraged Jack's crimes. Or they might have been pitted against each other on either sides of the law. She knew that despite every possible scenario, she would choose Jack, every damn time.

After about ten minutes, Jack pulled away, taking her hand and leading her into the living room, retracing his steps slightly to put on a record. Harleen giggled, knowing he was trying to romance her.

The blonde started to sway as Amy Winehouse's crooning filled the room, but not too loud as to not wake the children. She felt hands close in on her waist, turning to face Jack. Her smile only grew as they moved to the music, her rather well and him not so much. Harleen didn't care. This was perfect to her, especially as Jack leaned down to kiss her. She never wanted this moment to end, no matter how impossible it seemed.

•••

Richard Sionis strutted between the abandoned desks of one of the Wayne Corp.'s accounting buildings, dragging a gloved hand along the tops of of the polished wood. Paying Scarecrow to install an unopened canister of Fear Gas in the building's air vents had merely been pocket change to the crime boss. Anything to keep his secret with Thomas Wayne.

The millionaire stopped in front of a door, where his men had said one of his firewalls had been decrypted. The computer in this room was the offending one, the one that could initiate the downfall of both the Wayne empire and his own. Information the police would roll over and beg for. Information they couldn't have.

He held up his hand, signaling his men to wait. The crime boss took a closer look at the name stenciled on the door. Jack Napier. A nobody who fancied himself a somebody. What would a man do with this information? No doubt turn it into the GCPD. Most likely straight to Jim Gordon himself, the only cop who wasn't in either Sionis' or Falcone's back pocket. A no-good snitch that would have to go.

"We're leaving. And paying one Mr Jack Napier a house visit tomorrow," Sionis drawled, turning on his heel.

A few of his men let out a strangled gasp. The hardened ones that had been with him since the very beginning. He hadn't expected that. These men had been through too many bloodbaths to count, each one loyal to Sionis until their dying breath. And sometimes that sentiment was very literal.

"Speak," He commanded.

Marcus Johnson, the one who's been on the payroll the longest, cleared his throat. "He's… Napier was one 'a Falcone's guys in the old days. Real nasty. Put lots'a guys six feet under."

Sionis' grin curled into a smirk. "Well it looks like we'll have some fun tomorrow, won't we?"