the monsters inside will get you, a vocaloid fanfic

song: eet by regina spektor

the monsters inside will get you

Love, love, love.

it was so easy,

and the words so sweet

you can't remember

you try to feel the beat

"Nine o'clock," he told her. "Does nine o'clock sound okay?"

"Of course. It's fine. Thank you, Len."

He chuckled. She envisioned a cheeky smile shaping his full lips, and sighed internally. "No worries, gorgeous. I'll see you soon."

The phone beeped, then silence fell over her.

Rin smiled to herself, over at her reflection in the mirror; she sat cross-legged on the edge of her blue bedspread, dressed in fresh pyjamas. Her heart fluttered, like a beautiful bouquet of butterflies was blooming in her chest.

Meiko was just being paranoid. Len wasn't doing anything bad behind her back. Everything was okay.

Okay.

The girl jumped up from her bed to start getting ready. She wanted to impress him, just in case. Just in case he was ever considering—

No, he wasn't. Len was faithful. He was a good guy.

He loved her.

She closed her eyes, trying to calm herself. Love.

He loved her.

They'd been good friends for years, and somewhere along the way, Rin had fallen for him. Hard. It was like someone was squeezing her heart in their hand whenever she couldn't get his attention, whenever she felt he was drifting away; a pathetically unbearable pain.

Only recently had she gotten the confidence to confess to him – and he asked her out, much to her surprise. She could never guess who Len had feelings for – he was a tough book to read – so when her feelings were reciprocated… it was like the world had gone from monochrome to colour, the rivers started flowing, time started moving.

It was all she wanted, really – to have him love her back.

"Rin," he cooed, and she turned to meet dark eyes and a mischievous smile. Len moved towards her, arms outstretched into a hug. She fell into him with a sigh of relief, and he began stroking the top of her head gently. "How is my pretty girl?"

Instead of answering his question, she remarked, "You smell… different."

Len pulled back, looking surprised. "Oh," he said. "You noticed?"

Rin nodded.

"I got a new deodorant," he continued. "I didn't think you'd pick it up so I didn't mention anything…"

"Oh, that's fine. I just wasn't expecting… that smell."

He chuckled, tilting her head up with his fingers. "Is it okay?"

"Yeah? It's alright. It's a little… sweet, somewhat." Rin tried to pinpoint what the smell was, but couldn't think of anything. She smiled up at him. "How was your day? I missed you."

Len hummed. He steered her over to some seats by the river, making her sit. "It was okay, I suppose. It was just another day of pleasing photographers and looking pretty. How about you, beautiful? How was your day? I hope what Meiko said didn't trouble you too much." He leaned back into the seat and draped an arm around her shoulders.

"Oh – um, no, of course not," Rin said, feeling her cheeks turn hot. She had been hyperventilating about it all day, actually. "My day was okay, too, I guess. Just studying and stuff. Nowhere near as interesting as yours."

He snorted. "Just studying, huh? You're such a nerd, as always." The boy ruffled her hair, to which she huffed and moved away from.

"What's wrong with that?"

"Oh? Nothing, I guess." Len cracked a grin.

Rin melted a little, looking away. "So mean…"

"I am not! I'm only just teasing you, Rin," the boy said. He pulled her chin around to face him, leaning in close. "Don't pout like that."

She stuck out her tongue, to which he responded with biting down on it with his teeth. Rin yelped and Len laughed, pulling her into a tender kiss.

"That hurt," she whined once they broke away.

Len shook his head. "You loved it," he told her.

Rin went quiet.

He looked back at her and frowned. "N'aww, gorgeous. Don't be so sad. I love you, okay?" He pecked her forehead and wrapped his arms around her, a warm embrace.

"Mm," she mumbled into his chest, knowing full well she'd already lost to him. "I love you too, Len."

"You… you believed him. You believed what he said. But not me?"

Meiko's voice had gone awfully high-pitched.

Rin fiddled with her sleeves. "I – I trust him," she said.

"But not me," Meiko responded.

"You didn't have any evidence, though," Rin mumbled, looking down at her hands.

The brunette scoffed and folded her arms over her chest. She was angry. "Why should I need evidence? I'm your friend, Rin. I wouldn't lie about this sort of thing to you."

"But—"

"You know what?" Meiko snapped. "If you're so infatuated with that boy, why should I even bother to knock some sense into you with what he's doing behind your back? Obviously the only person who's right is him, isn't it?" She stood, her chair scraping loudly against the vinyl floor. "That's it, Rin. I'm done. You can continue living in your pathetic happy world with happy endings and fairies and shit. But I haven't lied to you at all, not once. Your boyfriend is the liar. Have a nice day."

She turned away and stormed off, out of the classroom, leaving Rin stunned silent.

The girl stared down at her hands, trembling.

Meiko… wasn't wrong. She knew that. She knew about everything – oh, she knew, she knew, she knew.

She knew that all along he was sleeping with and seducing other girls behind her back. She knew everything he'd been doing in hopes she wouldn't find out. But she'd already found out a while ago and –

Just for once, she wanted to forget about it. Forgive her for desperately wanting to live in her 'pathetic happy world with happy endings'.

Rin just wanted to be loved. She wanted to be loved. She wanted to matter. He loves her. He loves her deep down inside, surely? He just doesn't know that well, that he loves her. He loves her.

He loves her.

"Rin." Len blinked. He'd gone a little pale on seeing her.

She knew why, but as if she'd ever let the reason cross her mind. She wanted to forget, so she would do that exactly.

Rin acted surprised. "Oh, Len. I didn't know you finished work early?"

"What are you doing in Shinjuku?" the boy asked. He looked a little dishevelled.

"Mm? I was just running errands. I thought you were working in Shibuya today."

Len swallowed. "I – uh, yeah. Finished work early, and one of my colleagues wanted to meet up here."

"You should've texted me – I could've come to hang out with you while you waited," she said.

He rubbed his neck. "Right, I should've. I'm sorry, today has just been hectic – I just, I didn't think of it."

Rin gave him a gentle smile. "That's okay. Next time, though, alright?"

Len smiled back hesitantly. "Sure, princess." He leaned forward to kiss her forehead. "I'll talk to you later, okay? I've gotta run."

"Okay. I love you."

He gave her one last grin, before turning and running off in the opposite direction.

She sighed, her arms shook. Her heart had turned into rock and was weighing her down on the pavement. It was the sensation that she was in a nightmare, but to her own horror, it wasn't.

Rin closed her eyes and took another breath, trying to ground herself.

He loved her.

Deep, deep down, he loved her. She knew it. That was all that mattered.

(He didn't love her, and she knew it. But she didn't want to wake up from this perfect dream.)

im a nuisance and i bother everyone and im shit and im stupid and i hate myself and i wish that i successfully killed myself during vacation i just want to get out of here i want to disappear ill disappear

thanks for trying to understand