Disclaimer: I do not own D . Gray-Man

Drabble # 1: Nice Things

Kanda never thought he could have nice things, never thought he deserved happiness. Ever since he climbed out of the pit where he was made, the world was never delicate with him, never forgiving. There had been one exception in the form of a cheerful, warm child that had been brought into the same cruel life as he had. Alma had been the first thing his confused mind and foggy vision had latched on to: bright, glittering eyes and equally blinding smile. It was their warm, small hand that had pulled him from the water. That person had been the only true balm in the harsh, disgustingly painful ordeals that they had been forced to endure together. It was Alma's smiles, Alma's kindness, Alma's hands on his shoulders, and Alma's embraces that had given Kanda hope that perhaps he could be somewhat happy, could maybe have something nice.

And then it was the same cruel, awful experiences that they went through that literally forced them apart. Even now, he could not remember what hurt more: suffering through those awful experiments, having Alma die in front of him, or having to kill his precious person was his own two hands.

Years later, a white-haired and scarred boy that reminded him too much of Alma crashed into his life. Just like the first person who pulled him into the world, this boy had been too kind, too naive, and it was then that he had known that Allen Walker was going to suffer just like Alma...and just like him. They fought, they bickered, and they argued like it was going out of style; however, they also covered one another's back without question, defended the other from the damn tribulations the universe threw at them, and also, after experiencing the other's demons, held one another up when they were so close to falling apart by the seams. As hard as he tried, Kanda could not help but lull into a false sense of security. Yet again, he had a sliver of hope that perhaps he could be somewhat happy with this cursed, odd boy who brought out the best in him yet pissed him off to no end. It might not have been Alma's sweet, warm compassion, but Allen's own brand of blindingly hot, patiently cool kindness that made Kanda want him.

He knew he should not have wanted anything, should not have desired good or nice things, because it was not long after that his world came crashing around his ears. His first precious person had been brought back to suffer yet another time (even worse than the first, he firmly believed), and his second precious person had been forced to undergo his own maddening hell. Every good thing that Kanda ever touched had been brought to ruin: he had stabbed that contradiction of a boy with his own sword, causing his inner demon to lurch forth and truly begin to consume his mind one memory and thought at a time; and it was his own rage and pain that caused him to fight that wonderful, bright person, eventually leading to him holding that person in his arms as they crumbled apart. Dust to dust, ashes to ashes.

Kanda knew he could never have nice things.

But...

"Hey, Yuu, come over here!" Alma waved from their spot, sitting in grass. There was a crown of flowers in their hand, white petals contrasting against their tan skin. They wiggled the flower crown in Kanda's direction as they said, "It's time you learned how to make one of these!"

"Ack, you're getting pollen in my face, love." Allen tilted his head in Alma's lap in order not to get pollen in his eyes and to better face the long-haired man. "Yeah, Bakanda, these flowers aren't going to weave themselves. Lucky for you, Alma and I were nice enough to make one for you." A pause, then, "Well, Alma was. I voted to just let you suffer without one."

Alma placed a big, golden sunflower on Allen's grinning lips to get him to stop talking. "Be nice, Al," they giggled.

...But as he watched his two precious people interact with each other, free from pain and free from worry—if only for this short period of time—Kanda once again had hope. Sitting down next to these two, he allowed himself to soak in the tranquility. All of them had been hurt in numerous ways by the cruelty of the world, the cruelty of others. Even after all that pain, mercury and chestnut eyes looked at him with such a loving, dear look that it made his breath stutter for just a moment. In all his memory, the fragmented few from his past life and the clear ones he had from this one, he had never been this at peace. With a light crown of daffodils and daisies gently resting in his hair, he could not help but let a small smile crease his lips and a breathy laugh trickle from his chest. He did not have the best luck with hoping—hoping for anything good in particular—but he felt good about this. He wouldn't let anything tear this wonderful, beautiful moment away from him, wouldn't let these breathtaking people be wrenched away from him...

He would be damned if he let anyone ruin this nice thing that they had, that he had.

Published: 8/7/16

A/N: Alma is nonbinary here and uses they/them pronouns.

A/N 2: I've also posted this on my AO3 page account and my tumblr (badlydrawnyullen). I needed these peeps to be happy. The Yulmallen AU originally started as a thing I drew for my badlydrawn blog, but I liked it so much that I started a lil fic series for it. Hope you guys liked it!