LONELINESS, MY FRIEND.

Disclaimer: I own nothing except this Storyline and plot. Glee (TV Series), Glee Fan Trailers on Youtube, All Music mentioned all belong to their respective labels and what not.

Rating: T

Warning: Scenes of Bullying, Depression, and Language. Do Not Read if you're easily offended.

Genre: Drama, Angst

Era: AU WMHS - Post WMHS

Notes: Three Shot - and yep. I'm still a bit stuck with my other stories but I had this stuck in my head. It's angsty. Just giving a heads up there.
Italics = flashbacks and song lyrics Italics and Underlines = lyric changes
Established Faberry

Pairings: Quinn/Rachel

Loneliness was a friend that Rachel knew she could rely on to always be there and in all honesty it wasn't like she wasn't used to it.

She was used to being lonely, she was used to being ignored, and she was used to being abandoned by everyone she loved; she was used to being pushed aside and having no one who loved her enough to always constantly be there for her. She was used to it so much that when Quinn started pushing her away she figured that it was something that was going to happen eventually anyway. After all, no one ever stuck around her long enough. Not her fathers, not her mother, not her other family members, not her friends from school (when she had them before high school), or former boyfriends, so why would it be any different when her girlfriend; the most popular girl in school; even after she came out; decided to just pull away from her?

Rachel was just used to it and it tore her apart every day. Not that anyone would notice such a thing. After all without Quinn she was just Berry the self absorbed diva who cared for no one else but herself and was such an attention seeker that it was amazing that someone like Quinn Fabray would even consider dating a loser such as herself. When they had first come out, much to Rachel's reluctance because she feared for Quinn's safety, everyone thought that there was going to be an epic prank but over time nothing happened and people just stopped waiting for it and went about their business as usual.
But now everyone was starting to see that Quinn was pushing Rachel away and so the teasing started to slowly come back because they figured, 'Oh well, it's just Berry,'
There were even times when Quinn wouldn't even notice that she was laughing along with the rest of crowd at Rachel's expense until she saw the hurt run quickly across her girlfriend's face and then she'd realised what she had done but it was too late to apologise for it as the crowd had dispersed by that stage.

"Rachel, I'm so sorry," Quinn had apologised for the nth time, "I shouldn't have laughed, I shouldn't have let them do that to you, I'm so sorry,"

"It's okay Quinn, it was rather funny, I guess," Rachel would say.

"Oh, you think?"

And not wanting to enter into any conflict Rachel would just nod her head.

"Well, I'm still going to do better next time," Quinn had said but of course the cycle would just continue.

The pushing away had started small, a missed weekend here, a blown off dinner there, until it started to become months apart since Quinn and her had a date night or even just hung out in her lonely home. And now Rachel was alone a lot of the time.

"Oh loneliness, you really my friend," Rachel had said over the now cold dinner that she had made for her and Quinn for what would've been their date night but Quinn texted to say she couldn't make it due to circumstances.
Rachel wiped away a tear as she collected the food that was left and popped it into a container hoping to give it to Quinn later. She never did.

Quinn had even stopped saying she was pretty or that she even loved her. Rachel couldn't remember the last time the blonde had ever said any of those things to her.

"I love you Quinn," Rachel would say before she hung up the phone.

"I know, same here," Quinn would say back in return but the warmth that had been there in her voice was replaced by an automatic reaction that brought across the feeling of coldness. It was as if Quinn just said it without giving it any ounce of thought.

Rachel sighed as she sat alone in the choir room opting to give Quinn some peace from her mere presence today during their lunch period as she took a bite of her sandwich.

"I just want someone to love me so much that they'll remember I exist," Rachel had whispered at the floor with a small tear running down her face.

Of course she never ever got her answer back as the bell rang and she was left having to leave and walk to her next class alone.

As she walked pass one of the classrooms she heard giggling coming from the inside.

"Berry will flip if she knew about this," Santana was heard saying.

"Well she won't flip if you don't tell her so please just act like you normally do to her and she won't suspect a thing," Quinn said in return, "Now shush, we don't know who could be listening,"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah,"

Rachel wasn't sure what she was feeling. Hurt of course was there, but a part of her just couldn't feel connected - a part of her already knew that this was an inevitability, it was an inevitability that Quinn would get bored with her and cheat.
At least that's what it sounded like.

Rachel sighed as she walked to her locker to gather her books only to be greeted by the one thing she hadn't expected she'd get in a very long time. A slushy.

"Hey loser, you look better now," Karofsky laughed as Rachel just wiped the red slushy away from her face.

She chose not to say anything, not a word. What difference would it make anyway?

She looked into her locker and grabbed out the slushy kit that she had stashed in there, glad that she had followed her gut and left one in there as she went to the bathroom to get cleaned.

As she was about to finish the door to the bathroom swung open and Rachel saw a glimmer of blonde hair.

"Rachel," Brittany said as she looked at the brunette, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good," Rachel answered as she slowly packed her kit away, "Lucky I had my spare stuff huh?"

"Rachel, this isn't okay,"

"I know, but this was a inevitability,"

"Huh?"

"It means that I expected this to happen eventually,"

"It's because Quinn's pulling away isn't it?"

Rachel paused as she slowly looked at Brittany.

"I'm not that stupid, I can see her pulling away and it's making you sad all the time, why don't you tell her?"

"I tried, but she didn't listen to me, I think she was texting someone,"

"Rachel, you need to try again, she has to stop doing this to you,"

"There's no point Brittany,"

"Of course there is, Quinn's not going to know that this is hurting you unless you tell her and make her listen this time,"

"Brittany..."

"Look, for someone who's incredibly smart Quinn can be incredibly stupid, you need to talk to her,"

"I'll think about it Brittany,"

"Rachel you can't continue trying to be strong forever,"

"Whoever said I was strong in the first place?" Rachel asked rhetorically as she walked away.

- page break -

And so the day wore on. Quinn didn't mention anything about where she was at lunch nor did she talk to Rachel about being slushied. There were only two options that Rachel ran through her head. Either Quinn didn't know about her being slushied, or she knew and she didn't care.

It didn't matter either way.

"Hello everyone, let's get started shall we?" Mr Schuester said as he walked into the room and clapped his hands. Everyone went and took their seats. Quinn decided to sit next to Santana today as Brittany frowned at her, not that either the Latina or the other blonde noticed that, "So, Nationals is not too far away and we need to make sure we're ready for them this time,"

Everyone nodded their heads in agreement with that.

"Right, so, this year the solo is going to..." he started but was cut off.

"Hold up Schue," Santana said as everyone looked at her, "If you're going to say that it's going to Berry then please, save us the trouble,"

"Hey, Rachel's a great singer," Finn said.

"So?"

"Look Santana we talked about this, Rachel is a fantastic singer and she's the one who'll lead us to victory," Quinn said, "So if you could please quit being a jealous bitch to my girlfriend,"

"If she's your wonderful girlfriend then why the hell are you sitting next to me and not her?"

"Because you were whining about me not spending time with you,"

"Pssh, please, you're probably avoiding her because she's a pest,"

"Santana, stop it, ONE, she's my girlfriend, stop insulting her because you're jealous, TWO, I've been hanging out with you for the last few weekends, you can't complain now,"

In all that time Rachel just looked between the two but didn't say anything. At least she now knew who Quinn was blowing her off for.

"Guys, please, can we just continue with the lesson," Rachel said quietly yet strongly, "We need to get ready for Nationals,"

"Oh, and are you going to say you deserve this solo?" Santana asked in annoyance.

"No,"

"Yeah that's what I...wait what?"

Everyone looked at Rachel like she had grown a second head and perhaps she had, perhaps she had grown one that was too tired to try anymore, too tired to keep going, too tired to be around this place that she knew it was her time to just go. It was her time to just let everyone here go and move on.

"Are you kidding me?" Mercedes asked.

"No," Rachel replied again.

"Rachel, as glad as I am that you're saying no to this solo, this is going to be in New York, you have to do this, you SHOULD want to do this," Kurt started as Rachel just shrugged at him.

Mr Schuester was a bit at a loss over this one. He had never heard Rachel say, 'No' before to any solo and a small part of him wanted to ask what was wrong, but the other part of him was just glad that she quit being so dramatic all the time so he chose to say nothing about the matter.

"Uh, so, would you like to be in the duets?" he asked her instead.

Rachel just shook her head at that.

"Rachel, what's going on? It's not like you to not participate," Mr Schuester said to her more out of curiosity as opposed to genuine concern.

"It's like you said Mr Schue, I'm not a team player and it's not okay anymore, so I want to be a team player and see others have a chance to shine," Rachel shrugged as everyone chatted amongst themselves at this new development.

"But um, Mr Schuester," Rachel started, "May I sing one song please?"

Everyone didn't say anything about it this time. Something was different and it was rather unsettling.

Rachel gave her music sheets to Brad and the band club who were helping out that day before looking at everyone and saying, "This song is called Bones by Ginny Blackmore, I don't really know who I'm singing this for anymore,"

And as the music started and the lyrics began to flow. Quinn really started to pay attention and feel that something was really and truly wrong. (She wasn't the only one).

"I wish that you could see

Who I really am.

It sucks being a woman,

In love with an unkind woman,

Cause baby I would give you the world,

In fact, I already do.

And how do you repay that?

Talk to me like I'm just a regular tramp tryna screw you over,

do you even have a clue

What I gave up just to be here,

To serve your ass with steak and beer?

Baby that's love

Baby that's real

And all I've ever wanted was for your damn arms

To wrap themselves around me and say

Hey, girl you're the prettiest thing my eyes have ever seen

Come and lay your bones down with me

Come and lay your bones down with me

Hey girl you're the prettiest thing my heart has ever known

Come and lay your bones down with me

Come and lay your bones down with me

I'm not tryna play the victim

Don't wanna go head to head

But girl I shouldn't have to stand in the mirror

Convincing myself I'm fair

Baby that's your job to do

Baby you should think I'm beautiful

Why you wanna watch the set

When I'm layin' right next to you in our own room

I feel like you don't even know I'm there

But I put a brush through my hair for you

Run my fingertips over your back real smooth

Cause girl I need love

I don't get enough
And all I've ever wanted was for your damn arms

To put themselves around me and say

Hey, girl you're the prettiest thing my eyes have ever seen

Come and lay your bones down with me

Come and lay your bones down with me

Hey girl you're the prettiest thing my heart has ever known

Come and lay your bones down with me

Come and lay your bones down with me

I look you dead in the eye and say I love you

In the eye and say I want you

In the eye and say this is what I'm asking for

How can you sit and stare at the wall

Do you even like me at all?

Start talking 'bout makin' it better

It ain't that complicated

I just wanna feel your arms around me, babe

Please say...

Girl you're the prettiest thing my eyes have ever seen

Come and lay your bones down with me

Come and lay your bones down with me

Hey girl you're the prettiest thing my heart has ever known

Come and lay your bones down with me

Come and lay your bones down with me

Please, please baby

It's a woman's dream,

I just wanted you to say you love me."

Everyone gave her a clap but were unsure of what to say. Quinn now felt her heart thumping hard against her chest as she felt a worry build there. Brittany just shot an angry glare at her, not that she noticed, before looking sadly at Rachel.

In the end Mercedes got the solo and Santana got the duet with Puck and when Glee was over everyone else filed out happily until it was just Rachel and Quinn left in the choir room.

"Rachel," Quinn started startling the brunette out of her stupor.

"Wha, yes, huh? Quinn?" Rachel said as she closed up her back pack and looked at the blonde.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing,"

"Rachel, it's not like you to give up solos or anything,"

Rachel shrugged a bit.

"See, even this, normally you'd be giving me a rant about why you decided to do what you did, but this, this isn't something that normally happens, what's going on Rachel?" Quinn asked/

"I," Rachel started but was unsure of how to finish her sentence.

"And that song, is that how you really feel Rachel?"

"I, I think we should break up," Rachel blurted out instead.

Quinn froze as she looked at her, "What? Rachel, you can't be serious,"

"I am,"

"What? Why?"

"I'm making it easy for you Quinn, now you can be with whoever it is you want to be with without having to hide it from me," Rachel said with a sad smile, "I will cherish what we had but I can see that you were never happy with me,"

"No Rachel, that's not true," Quinn started feeling slightly confused as to what Rachel was talking about.

"Quinn it's okay, for some people love is just something that doesn't exist, I've come to terms with that a very long time ago, you leaving me alone was an eventuality, it was inevitable, I had already anticipated it when you decided to start pulling away and avoiding me, at least now I know who you were with,"

"Rachel, what are you talking about?"

"You kept blowing me off and ignoring me, at least now I know it was with Santana, seems that she always manages to grab people I love, doesn't surprise me though, she's pretty, smart, strong, and she gives people what they want on the whole, not like me,"

"Rachel..."

"Quinn, don't, I know you were with her today alone in the classroom at lunchtime, I was walking towards my locker today and I heard you two,"

"Rachel it's not..."

"It's okay Quinn, really, everyone always leaves me in the end anyway, my fathers have, my mother has, did you know before High School I actually had a couple of friends? But even now they're gone too, they left me behind for popularity, my extended family want nothing to do with me, Finn left me, Noah left me, I'm not surprised that you eventually pulled away too,"

"Where's all this coming from? Why didn't you tell me this?"

"I tried but you didn't listen to me and you brushed me off, it's not like I'm not use to it, loneliness is my only friend really,"

"Rachel I didn't, I just, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize that this was how you felt, I should've listened,"

Rachel just shrugged at her, "No one really knows the real me Quinn and I think sometimes you don't know the real me either, but I'll be honest I'm really too tired to keep trying in hopes that someone would be able to stand me long enough to remember me and that I have feelings too,"

"Rachel, I,"

But Rachel held up her hand before saying, "I'm not blaming you Quinn, we both know that you deserve so much more than I can give you, I am too tired to keep trying Quinn, I am tired of being left behind and alone when I am supposed to be with someone I love, even when they don't ever tell me that they truly love me back,"

"I have said that I love you Rachel,"

Rachel smiled, "Loved Quinn, we know it's loved, you haven't told me that you actually love me in a very long time,"

Quinn was silent as Rachel said that. She didn't know Rachel felt that way. Was she really that terrible of a girlfriend that she didn't know how Rachel was really feeling? Was she really starting to pull away so much that the brunette before her was feeling disconnected and sad? By going with what Rachel was saying to her, she obviously was. And now the song was starting to make more sense in her mind as she pieced things together.

"Goodbye Quinn, I love you," Rachel said as she kissed Quinn's forehead and started to walk away.

"Rachel, wait!" Quinn called out as she was finally brought out of her stunned silence and started to walk after the brunette. But this time Rachel was faster than her and she disappeared, no one who lived in Lima ever saw her again.

Last that Quinn had ever heard of Rachel Barbra Berry was that the brunette had skipped town, but in what direction she went no one knew.

AN: Yep. So there we go Angsty. The next part will feature Rachel's point of view and where she went as she grows. And the final chapter you'll see what Quinn was up to with Santana.