Just to let everyone know, I am a Christian. I wrote this story because I thought it'd be funny to see Dan fight something like Christianity. The only reason I used some debatably blasphemous words and/or phrases is because I feel that's how Dan would react in the situation.

The middle of the night is a popular time for Los Angeles residents to sleep. For Dan and Chris, however, this was an ideal time for revenge. This particular revenge ended with Dan and Chris exiting a gym.

"Ah," Dan sighed, "Another day, another fine act of vengeance."

"Yeah," Chris sighed, "I still don't see how locking a bunch of fat people in a gym overnight is supposed to combat obesity."

"Obviously," Dan explained, "They're going to finally make use of the machines in there to lose weight. I win and obesity loses. I mean, what else could they do in there all night?"

This sentence is immediately followed by a gym window breaking and multiple fat people running out of it.

"Eh," Dan shrugged, "At least they're getting exercise."

Dan and Chris continue walking, but are stopped by a priest.

"Excuse me, sir," the priest asked, "Have you heard the good news?"

"I have," Dan giggled, "I can't wait for the government to finally kick all the illegal immigrants out of the country either."

"Uh," the priest stamnered, "No. I meant the other good news. The one about our Lord Jesus dying for our sins."

"Wait," Dan questioned, "If he's our Lord, that means he's an immortal God. So, how exactly can he die? These religious nuts, I swear."

Dan and Chris continued walking until they finally reached Chris' car.

"Hey," Chris asked, "Would you mind driving for me?"

"Seriously," Dan screamed.

"I think I sprained my ankle carrying that guy with the headband," Chris groaned.

"Bitch and moan, bitch and moan," Dan complained, "When will it be my turn to get something out of this relationship?"

Dan caves in and gets in the drivers seat, while Chris gets in the passenger's seat. They eventually start driving home.

"So," Dan planned, "Clear your schedule for next week. It's finally time to make Matt Damon pay for making me sit through Ocean's Twelve."

"He did not make you sit through that," Chris came back.

"He did, Chris," Dan screamed, "With his charms and charisma!"

"Right," Chris replied, "Listen, Dan, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about. I won't be able to go on any more 'adventures' with you, at least for a long time."

"What," Dan freaked out, "Oh, don't tell me this is about your stupid wife!"

"Dan," Chris counters, "She's pregnant. When I'm not working, I need to be there for her, taking care of her and making sure she's OK."

"She has two hands and two legs," Dan complained, "She can fend for herself."

"I'm not going to respond to that," Chris deadpanned.

Suddenly, an unmarked van drove into Chris' car. Dan and Chris jumped outside of the car, as did the van driver, who turned out to be a pastor.

"Oh man," Chris cowered, "That's not good."

"You have got to be kidding me," Dan screamed.

"I am so sorry, brother in Christ," the pastor apologized.

"You better be," Dan yelled, "You totally wrecked my friend's wife's car."

"Hey," Chris objected, "It's my car! I paid for it and my name is on the lease."

"Elise's name is on the lease," Dan snapped, "Your baby momma lied to you."

"I guess I was just in a rush to get these kids to our annual Christian camp," the pastor explained.

"Christian," Dan questioned, "Is that even still a thing? I thought that died out when America accepted Charles Darwin's theory that our ancestors were monkeys."

"First of all," Chris responded, "That's a gross simplification of Darwin's theory of evolution. Second of all, there is still debate throughout the country about the origin of human life."

"If I say we came from monkeys," Dan growled, "Then we came from monkeys!"

"Let me move this van for you," the pastor stammered.

The pastor then moves his van, revealing that Chris' car has a large dent, a flat tire, and two broken windows.

"This isn't too bad," Chris observed.

"Really," Dan questioned, "Isn't too bad?"

Dan then opens the backseat door, which makes it come off it's hinges.

"Yeah," Chris readoned, "If I just put on the spare tire, I can at least drive it until I can get it fixed."

"Not at a mechanic's shop, I'm hoping," Dan warned.

Chris and Dan proceed to open the trunk and find out that the spare tire is flat.

"How is that even possible," Dan questioned.

"Hey," Chris asked, pointing to the spare tire, "What's that?"

Chris pulled what punctured the flat tire out, which Dan promptly snatched from his hand.

"A business card," Dan asked.

Dan proceeded to look at the card closer.

"For a church," Dan questioned.

Dan looked at the card even closer.

"A Christian church," Dan growled.

"Oh boy," Chris deadpanned.

"Chrrrrisssstiaaaaaniiiiiityyyyyy," Dan yelled to the sky.

Suddenly, a title card appeared on screen, "Dan Vs." Then, the word "Christianity" appeared underneath, while a choir and church organ played.