"You heard from her?"

"Huh?"

"I mean I'll roll with it, but I know as well as you do that Liv isn't in DC. Not today and not for the rest of the week." Lowering her eyes to afford Fin a moment to compose his response Rollins added, a little softer, "She okay?"

"Not really."

"I won't ask….." said Amanda, allowing a small sigh, "… but if you need anything. Either of you."

"Thanks."

"Fin?"

"I thought you weren't gonna ask…." flashing a lopsided smile Fin rolled his eyes and heaved a sigh. "No, yes, I don't know. I get what you're asking. It's the same thing I've been asking myself over and over the past few days."

"Can she survive it?"

"She'll survive it. She's Liv, right?" said Fin, and then catching Amanda's eye he swallowed slowly. "What I'm wondering is what's gonna be left of her, you know? I just got this feeling, a feeling like he's what she's made of somehow. He's in her bones or something."

"Huh."

"She'll survive it for Noah, she will. I'm just not sure…." he felt sad, so very sad it steeped his veins, "… well I just get scared he'll take a piece of her with him is all."

"I guess that's loss, though, right?"

"She's had more loss than anyone one person deserves already but…." pausing a beat Fin said that which was still barely comprehensible, "…. Stabler?"

"Yeah."

"That's different, and I dunno Rollins. That I just don't know."

"You could've stayed away. You've been gone so long what difference would it have made?"

"I don't know how you want me to answer that question."

"Honestly."

"All the difference in the world…." said Elliot quietly, softly, without hesitation, "… to both of us I think."

"I was fine."

"Okay."

"I was happy, I had a life. Noah and I were settled."

"Were settled or were settling?" challenged Elliot. Her head shot up so fast he swallowed hard and regretted being so bold. They had always had that though, that relationship. There had been a time where he hadn't been afraid to say anything to her.

"That is rude and out of line."

"I apologise…. " he sighed.

"I just wish it wasn't so damn accurate."

"I'm sorry."

"Will you please, please stop apologising?" she scoffed, closing her eyes and rubbing at her furrowed brow. "It's annoying. It's unnecessary. It's serving no real purpose at this point. You're sorry you left, you're sorry you came back…." shrugging, desperately Olivia laughed grimly, "… you're sorry you're dying."

"I…."

"You're dying…." she echoed. Trembling fingers traced her lips, as the words felt almost to burn. It wasn't possible, she couldn't bear it.

"What do you want me to do Olivia?" he asked directly, turning his body toward her and rounding his shoulders openly. "Because honest to God I'll do anything you want. I'll go, I'll stay, I'll say or be anything you want. Anything that helps. Anything that gets us someplace else than where we are right now because honestly I don't even know how to…."

And then she kissed him.

Her fingertips were lightly dancing on his cheek, warm and cold simultaneously. Her breath was warm on his face and her lips gentle but urging on his. Feeling his whole body relax, melt, give itself over to the moment he reached a hand to the nape of her neck and drew her in closer. Lips parting their tongues danced with an increasing hunger, a thirst, a burning and insatiable need. Coming together, pulling apart, finding each other again.

"Damn it."

"What?" he gasped, physically breathless, unable to earth himself from the heady heights at which he'd flown.

"I was hoping I'd been wrong…." she murmured, barely audible, her eyes locked with his, "… all these years."

"Liv…."

"I gotta go…."

"No!" he said, his voice raised enough to stop her in her tracks as she went to walk away.

"El…." she said under her breath, back still turned to him.

"Don't walk away."

"That's your speciality."

"So don't make the same mistake…." he said softly, moving to stand behind her and reaching a light hand to her shoulder, "… don't go."

As she turned around slowly, a shiver of anticipation set her spine tingling, and lifted the the hairs at the back of her neck. He stood motionless, unflinching as she lifted her hands to his chest, laying her palms flat against his shirt and started at him brown eyes unblinking. Breathing slow, shallow, she let her fingertips float up his chest, his neck, trace the line of his jaw and cup his face in hers.

"Are those tears Stabler?"

"Don't."

"What?"

"Make light of this….."

"I…." she floundered, her heart pounding and her blood coursing so fast through hot veins she felt quite light headed.

"Don't make this any less than it is….." the words fell from his mouth, loaded and dripping with the kind of raw agony and ecstasy that had always been their blessing and curse, "… we've waited long enough to get here. Haven't we?"

"I want it all Elliot."

"Humm?" he tested, daring to reach out and lay his hands on her hips. Drawing her body to his, just close enough that they were touching, he held her gaze.

"If we do this, for however long we do this, it's all or nothing." Swallowing slowly, her voice trembling she insisted, "I'm done guessing, hiding, waiting. If you're here, and we're here, and we're doing this then…."

"We've both got a lot to say, a lot to talk about."

"You have no idea!" laughing at herself she rolled her eyes, lolled lightly against him and then needed more. Pressing her body into his she moved her hands to the nape of his neck and their faces so she could feel the warmth of his breath. "I'm still mad as hell Elliot. I'm furious. There aren't enough words. You've just about wasted 18 years of my life. You're ruined me for any other man. You've stitched yourself into every part of me in a way I can't ever undo."

"But?" he dared to hope, and he gave her that little boy smile and that devilish twinkle in bright blue eyes that still knocked her sideways.

"I don't want any other man, despite everything. I don't know if that makes me weak, or stupid, or a damn fool but I'm not sure I care anymore. I don't want to unstitch you….." shrugging softly she realised that which five years of therapy had failed to bring home, "… and the truth is I'm not sure I ever did."

"There's no one else, Liv. Not for me. Not now and if I'd been honest with myself all this time, there wasn't anyone else from the second you first rocked up in that squad room. When Cathy and I divorced two years ago…"

"Oh El…."

"She knew. She isn't angry. She knew nothing ever happened, she knew I was never unfaithful, but she knew. We're good friends still, she knows I'm here."

"She does?" asked Olivia, with genuine surprise but no sense of shock. Kathy Stabler had never struck her as unkind or lacking compassion.

"You asked me why I came back and there are a lot of answers. I've always wanted to, I've never stopped missing you or thinking about you. I've been laying a lot of demons to rest and I always knew I wanted to make right with you. I guess I was afraid. I guess the real reason to why now, is Cath."

"Yeah?"

"I think she said, something, something like….."

"Go on…." said Olivia softly, already knowing somehow, somewhere, deep down, what he was about to say.

"She makes you feel alive….." he chocked, his face crumbling slightly, "… ironic, huh?"

"She knew."

"Yeah, yeah she knew."

"It is not fair Elliot, it just….." closing her eyes, tears so hot they burned her eyes and then fell warm down her cheeks as she lent her forehead against his, "… it's not fair!"

"If we do this, for as long as we get to do this….." reaching his hands to her face he brushed away her tears with his thumbs and shrugged, "… I'm all yours now, Liv. For what it's worth, for all the good it'll do now."

"It was always worth everything to me El and you know it. You were always worth…."

"I will spend every second I've got left trying to make it all up to you….." kissing her forehead, her nose, he hesitated millimetres from her lips and smiled, "… say you'll let me? Please?"