PETER KIRKLAND: User Guide and Manual

CONGRATULATIONS! You've just bought a PETER KIRKLAND unit! In order to make sure that you, the owner, get the best out of your unit while no doubt dealing with others, we've taken it upon ourselves to write this manual, and we suggest you read it before interacting with your unit.

Technical Specifications

Name: Peter Kirkland. Will also reply to "Sealand", "Principality of Sealand", "Pete", rather grumpily to "Petey", and very happily to "The Nation of Sealand".

Age: 12

Place of Manufacture: London, England

Height: 4'3"

Weight: 90 lbs

Length: Not as big as you'd expect.

Your PETER KIRKLAND unit comes with the following accessories:

Two (2) blue and white sailor uniforms

Two (2) pairs of knee-length blue shorts

One (1) pair of white stockings

One (1) pair of black shoes

One (1) HAMSTER unit

Two (2) sea-patterned boxers

Programming:

Your PETER KIRKLAND unit is equipped with the following traits:

Volunteer: While your PETER KIRKLAND unit is unable to get a proper job, due to his age, he's willing to try everything! He's also, unlike his brother ARTHUR KIRKLAND, a good baker, and is notorious at charity events for his great chocolate chip cookies.

Bycicle Messenger: A fun job that's easy to do, your PETER KIRKLAND is a great bycicle messenger! Set him up with the daily paper and a bike, and he'll rake in tips with his quick and enthusiastic service.

Removal of your PETER KIRKLAND from Packaging:

Your unit is very cheerful, and a morning person. It's highly unlikely that you'll be able to accidentally jolt him into a locked mode. However, he's got a bad problem with not listening. We, the company, have listed a couple failsafe ways to get him up and about and ready to reprogram.

1. Stand preferably away from the box, and proclaim that you think Sealand is a nation. Your PETER KIRKLAND unit will break out of the box in his Overjoyed mode, asking if you really think that, and you are free to reprogram him. If you want a cute little brother figure this is the most fool-proof way to get one.

2. Get an ARTHUR KIRKLAND unit to come and shout about how bad Sealand is. PETER KIRKLAND will jump up right away, yelling that he only thinks that because he's a jerk. It's advised that you lead ARTHUR KIRKLAND out. PETER KIRKLAND will thank you for taking him away, allowing you to reprogram him.

3. Activate the supplied HAMPSTER unit. PETER KIRKLAND will automatically wake up. This is no doubt the easiest way to activate PETER KIRKLAND, and once he's got HAMPSTER safe in his arms he'll let you reprogram him.

If you're certain that nothing went wrong in the shipping, you can open the box by pulling one of the wooden flaps on the front. However, if he was shaken in shipping he will be slightly grouchy, but still greet you and allow you to reprogram him all the same.

Reprogramming

After successfully awakening PETER KIRKLAND, you'll have the option to reprogram him. His modes are listed here:

Innocent (default)

Enthusiastic (default)

Overjoyed

Scared

Upset

Day-Dream

Furious (locked)

Snapped (locked)

PETER KIRKLAND's default modes are Innocent and Enthusiastic. In Enthusiastic, your unit is the cat's pyjamas - he will run around the house, laughing, and if you have a PAULETTE KIRKLAND unit, he will usually persuade her to play Battle Ships with him. In Innocent, PETER KIRKLAND will act like you'd expect an average child to - telling funny jokes and, once again, playing with his friends.

In Overjoyed, PETER KIRKLAND will be the little brother you've never had - looking up to you, telling you you look nice when you're going for a night out, and generally think of you as an older sibling. You can activate this mode by telling him you're a Knight or Lady of Sealand, or telling him you think he's a nation. To get him out of it, bring an ARTHUR KIRKLAND in any of his default modes into the room. This is guaranteed to bring down his mood.

In Scared mode, PETER KIRKLAND will act as if he's seen Jigsaw for the first time. He will be twitchy, paranoid of his surroundings, and scared very easily. He'll also jolt awake at the drop of a pin. To put him into this mode, get him to watch a scary movie with you. Some movies have been recorded to put him into a milder version of this mode, though, so be sure it's scary enough. Zombie movies are foolproof options. He'll usually deactivate this mode slowly through a week to a month's time, but if you let him sleep in your bed it will go by a lot quicker.

In Upset, your unit will mope in the corner, occasionally sniffling. He will often think of himself as nothing, and generally act depressed. PETER KIRKLAND has also been known to run away from home during this mode. To activate this mode, simply tell him you think Sealand is a horrible accident, or say that you overheard PAULETTE KIRKLAND talking about how dumb she thinks he is. Getting him out of it isn't very hard - just tell him you think he's the best person there is. This has also been known to sometimes jolt him into Overjoyed.

In Day-Dream mode, PETER KIRKLAND will often sit in the garden, looking into the sky and sighing every once in a while. He will mostly dream of being an empire someday. This mode can be activated by leaving him alone for a while in Overjoyed with a Motherly TINO VÄINÄMÖINEN, and to get him out of it - simply get a Playful PAULETTE KIRKLAND to tease him out of his daydreams.

Furious mode is locked, and for good reason. In this mode PETER KIRKLAND will start yelling, often getting his hands on kitchen knives and pointing them at people, threatening to kill them in the most violent way possible. This is usually out of anxiety and panic, and unlocking this mode requires leaving him with a unit in one of their respectful war modes. To get him out of it, leave him with a TINO VÄINÄMÖINEN or BERWALD OXENSTIERNA unit in their parental modes.

Snapped is much like Furious, but a lot worse. In this mode, your unit will attack anything that gets on bad terms with him and is known to drag dead bodies in the house like a cat with a dead mouse. To unlock it, harass him constantly physically, or verbally proclaiming Sealand is horrible and a waste of space. Although he's an amateur killer, he's somewhat good at hiding his tracks, so the police won't usually knock down your door and perform an arrest. Leaving him with a Stern BERWALD OXENSTIERNA unit for 2 hours should get him to snap out of it. Flying Butterscotch Bunny Co. is not responsible for any death, dismemberment, beatings, beheadings, stabbings, or explosions that may happen while PETER KIRKLAND is in this mode.

Relationships with Other Units

ARTHUR KIRKLAND: PETER KIRKLAND sees ARTHUR KIRKLAND as his jerk brother. He will often attempt to bother ARTHUR KIRKLAND, whether it be your or your neighbor's unit. They can't see anything past this boundary, so a relationship is unlikely to blossom.

BERWALD OXENSTIERNA: BERWALD OXENSTIERNA is PETER KIRKLAND's adoptive father, and the two are, contrary to popular belief, very close. Once again, there is a family only relationship here.

TINO VÄINÄMÖINEN: This unit is PETER KIRKLAND's adoptive mother. You're getting tired of these family-only relationships, aren't you?

PAULETTE KIRKLAND: PAULETTE KIRKLAND is PETER KIRKLAND's sister. With a lot of shoving, though, maybe it could sprout into something more..?

FASCIA VARGAS: PETER KIRKLAND sees FASCIA VARGAS as a best friend. A huge age difference is in play though, unless you're into that. In which case, Flying Butterscotch Bunny Co. is not responsible for any arrest, or PTSD inflicted on either unit.

Cleaning

PETER KIRKLAND is capable of cleaning himself, but if you ask to join him, he will usually decline, looking rather flustered.

Feeding

Your unit is known to prefer traditional British meals, like fish 'n' chips and chip butties, However he is not a picky eater, but will try new foods with some hesitation. He's grown accustomed to spicy foods and will not object to curry.

Rest

PETER KIRKLAND gets tired out when playing with PAULETTE KIRKLAND and FASCIA VARGAS all day! He enjoys a good snooze from time to time. PETER KIRKLAND is always in bed at 9PM, and awake by 9AM, giving him a full 12 hours to rest.

FAQ

Q: My unit came with a furry white and brown thing. Is it dangerous?

A: Apart from playful nibbles, no. That is the HAMPSTER unit.

Q: PETER KIRKLAND is acting really weird! It's like he's in his Upset mode, but worse..

A: He was probably bullied in the last 24 hours. Comforting him is the best thing you can do, but he'll get over it in a few days.

Troubleshooting

Problem: You opened the box shipped to you, expecting a little boy ready to overwhelm you with hugs, only to find a teen-sized boy with strawberry-blonde hair and green eyes, wearing a yellow and red lumberjack shirt and a purple onesie. The HAMPSTER unit was also replaced with a rat.

Solution: Whoops! We accidentally sent you a 2P!Sealand unit. This version of PETER KIRKLAND is grumpy, careless, and honestly the most difficult 2P unit for beginners. If you want to send him back we understand, and will give a full refund as well as regular PETER KIRKLAND.

End Notes

With enough patience, time, and candy, we're sure you'll love PETER KIRKLAND. We wish you good luck, and hope you enjoy your unit!

A/N: Hi everybody! I haven't really been that active at all, so here's a manual fic to compensate for that. Quick disclaimer - I do not own the HetaUnit AU! It belongs to 0ptimuspenguin AKA LolliDictator, so you should check hers out too!