A/N: Hello there! Here comes my another crappy story that is supposed to be funny. Nah. With the exception that this one will be multichaptered. Aaand maybe will develop into some sort of fluffy romance (probably with some smuties on the way there). It all depends if you will like it :D.

I'm not an English speaker so... sorry for terrible grammar mistakes and misspells all over the place. Ha.

Anyway (Gosh, am I the only one that is always so nervous while uploading?), have fun!

DISCLAIMER: Nope, I do not own Durarara! at all.

Edit: This chapter was corrected by Shirohime's - Shizaya-stories. Thank you so much Shirohime-sama, for everything *bows deeply* :3

*Somewhere in Ikebukuro...*

-8 A.M-

Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep...

CRASH

Shizuo groaned opening his eyes and shifting himself in a bed. He looked to his right and groaned some more. Great, another alarm clock was destroyed.

Looks like he was spending more money on new alarm clocks than on cigarettes and that was not good.

Shoving the remains of the crashed device into a trash can near his bed, he got up, yawning with his jaw wide open. After attending all of his morning businesses in the bathroom he walked straight to his kitchen while scratching his belly and yawning some more. Opening his fridge, he took a bottle of milk and sat at his table, turning on the TV.

He flipped through the channels and after not finding anything interesting he just left it at some kids show and instead took his phone.

That's right... There were a lot of Dollars notifications yesterday...He frowned at the thought. The damn thing was beeping and beeping while he was trying to fall asleep. He remembered that he just turned the sound off, not bothering to look what the hell was all of that about and simply got back to sleep. Guess it's time to find out...

While sipping at his milk straight from the bottle Shizuo flipped his phone open and launched a browser, typing in Dollars' address.

"Ne, ne, ne! GUUUUYS did you hear?!"

"Hm? About what?"

"Oh god, this is hilarious"

"But what?"

"It looks like... Orihara Izaya... The one and only..."

"Hm? What about him?"

"HE'S GAY!"

"EEEEH?!"

"WTF"

"haha, really funny"

"NOT A JOKE!"

"Do you really expect somebody to believe it?"

"I knew it..."

"IM SERIOUS"

"yeah, and I'm Potter"

"Actually he always looked kind of... girly..."

"ISN'T IT?!"

"Guys, you lost your minds"

"But how do you know?"

"Check out other forums! It's EVERYWHERE!"

"What's everywhere?"

"PHOTOS!"

"EEEH? There are photos?!"

"YAS!"

"WHA, for real?"

"Heheh, wait a sec, I'll upload one"

*jpg*

"OMGOMGOMGOMG"

"That's it... I'm out..."

"THIS IS ACTUALLY TRUE"

The conversation was going on and on. But Shizuo couldn't see it. Since his phone was dead, soaked in milk from a bottle that was crushed in his hand.

"WHAT THE...!"

There were really a photos.

Photos of the flea.

Photos of the flea in an alleyway.

Photos of the flea in an alleyway with some guy.

Photos of the flea in an alleyway MAKING OUT with some guy.

And it seemed like the whole Dollars page was filled with them.

OOO

*Somewhere in Shinjuku*

-At the same time...-

Mistake.

Jesus Chris, such a mistake.

He really couldn't believe it.

Orihara Izaya, the one and only, the master of manipulation, the man capable of starting a gang war at any moment, one of the best informants in Tokyo if not in whole Japan, the guy who had the yakuza eating from his hand, the God for his humans.

Has made a ridiculous mistake.

He accidentally revealed the truth about his sexual orientation. While being drunk.

"Ugh..." Izaya groaned and placed his aching head on his desk. Hangover was killing him.

He heard a chuckle. "What is it?" It was Namie approaching him with a cup of black coffee he had asked her to make. She placed a mug in front of his face and folded her arms with a smirk.

"Looks like you're not all that mighty if it comes to alcohol," Namie said playfully "But what was I expecting from a faggot like you."

Izaya narrowed his eyes. Great, now that she knew, she just wouldn't shut up. But... who didn't know? Izaya was awfully aware of how fast rumors were capable of spreading in Tokyo. He was usually the one spreading them after all...

"I wonder if you are the one taking it up your ass. That would suit you. It would be good if you were gang banged by everyone who's life you fucked. But, never mind, knowing how twisted you are, you would probably enjoy it," Namie continued, obviously proud of her insults.

Izaya smirked back, not showing her how irritated he was. "Eeeh, who knows~? Gang bang could be actually really pleasurable... I wonder if your precious brother would like it? I can request it to happen with a little bit of help from a few of my contacts, ne~?"

Namie's smile dropped immediately. She shoot him a glare and turned back with a "hmph!"

"Disgusting gay bastard," she cursed under her breath and walked back to the couch where she had been dealing with paper work. "Shut up and work already."

"You started it ~" Izaya answered in a sing sang voice and took a sip of his coffee, his smile fading away once Namie busied herself with work.

This really was bad. Izaya didn't liked this turn of events AT ALL. He managed to keep it as a secret for about 7 or 8 years and now it slipped out. What a shame. He shouldn't be affected by it actually. It's just a sexual orientation. So what if he's gay? That's not even the whole truth, he was bisexual after all, but still. There was a bunch of gay humans around. So what's the big deal?

Izaya sighed. Who was he kidding? It's obvious that the more a person is known, the more fuss would be made about such a trivial thing. And it happens that HE indeed IS well known.

There was no point in trying to cover it up. There were definitely too many photos to call it a misunderstanding. Guess I have to deal with it until it will get more quiet...

With another sigh Izaya opened his laptop to check out some e-mails. But he immediately regretted it. The brightness of the screen only caused him another wave of pain to hit him, even if it was dimmed to its maximum. With a groan he closed it and shoved it to the other side of his desk. Nope, no working, not today.

"Namie, take a day off," the informant said with both hands placed on his forehead.

She looked confused "Huh? I'm not even done with cataloging-"

"Just leave," he interrupted while massaging his temples with his fingertips.

"Say no more," and with that, Izaya's secretary quickly gathered her belongings and left his apartment, closing doors with a loud bang.

Izaya grimaced at the sound. Bitch. She did that on purpose. "I guess someone's pay must be deducted...," he murmured to himself and got up from his desk. The informant close to crawled to his couch and laid himself on in. He felt dizzy and nauseous from the alcohol overdose.

The informant couldn't believe that any of this was actually happening. What had gotten into him? He closed his eyes and recalled the events from the previous night.

*The evening before...*

It was an easy job. Take the data. Meet with client. Deliver the data. Done. Boring and no fun at all.

The meeting place was a bar. Well, a gay bar to be more precise, but who was he to judge? A client is a client. So he arrived at said place and quickly localized the man he was supposed to meet in here. Izaya ordered a drink and chatted a little with the yakuza rookie. They were sitting at the counter with a bartender quietly working besides them. But, nevermind him for now.

It turned out that the said rookie was really an amusing human. So much determination, readiness and future plans. Since he was entertaining Izaya so much, the informant decided to stay a little longer. He ordered another drink and after that one, a next. Really now, such an interesting fellow, this client of his. But work needs to be done. Izaya almost regretted when Hise, which was a yakuza's name, decided to call it a night and got to the point.

So Izaya gave him a pen drive, received an envelope with his payment and they did a handshake. With that, the client was gone.

But for some reason, probably due to the fact that Izaya already had a few drinks, he decided to stay in the bar a bit longer, and chatted a little with a the bartender.

Such a cute guy. The funny fact was that he reminded Izaya about a certain someone. Since he had rather fair hair and was wearing a bartender outfit, which in his case was normal, not like in other's cases. He was also pretty attractive. And talkative.

So they chatted, Izaya was drinking and soon the bartender's shift had ended. He closed the bar for other guests and came back to Izaya, making himself a drink as well.

Aaaand bang! Izaya started to flirt. Since the other guy was obviously interested they decided to move somewhere more private. After leaving the pub they were on their way to bartender's place but somehow they ended up in some alleyway making out furiously. That was when Izaya actually started to think that he didn't like the guy at all. When he broke the kiss up, something flashed. Brightly. He snapped his head to the side to notice three girls with their cells, taking one picture after another.

Despite the fact that he was drunk as hell, he managed to think:

Well, now I'm fucked.

Seconds later the girls ran away and Izaya knew he was doomed. He shoved the other guy off, pointed at him with his switchblade and ordered him to fuck off. Which the bartender did, after one look at the sharp object in Izaya's hand.

And then, the informant walked back home on wobbly legs.

~~The End~~

*Back to the present*

"Really now..." Izaya groaned, simply ashamed of himself "Who am I to call Shizu-chan a protozoan since it looks like I'm the one as well..."

It was an act of carelessness to even order the first drink. Izaya knew his body, and he knew how weak he was against alcohol. Also, how he would become clingy and seductive after few drinks.

"Well, at least I didn't target my client..." THAT indeed would have been a disaster. "Aah... what's done is done... Can't go back in time..." Or maybe...? Since there are already headless women and possessed swords walking on the Earth, then maybe it wasn't not that far-fetched...

"Maybe instead of looking for a way to get myself to Valhalla I should focus on finding a time vehicle..." And with this thought in mind he took a few pills of aspirin and drifted to sleep in order to get rid of his hangover.

OOO

What the actual fuck?

Those words were echoing in Shizuo's head like a mantra as he walked through the streets of Ikebukuro. He was supposed to meet up with Tom-san and simply start their usual working routine.

But somehow his mind was occupied.

The thing.

The thing he saw this morning.

Well, to be totally honest, he really didn't see that one coming.

"Shit, that's not my business..." he murmured under his breath.

Okay, the flea was gay. So what? Shizuo didn't care what that louse was doing in his free time, especially, what he was doing in his bedroom. But for some reason he found the whole thing kind of disturbing.

And that photo... That damn guy. He kinda looked like me...

With a groan and "the fuck..." murmured, he lit a cigarette and continued walking.

"Oh, it's Shizu-chan!"

Shizuo flinched at that nickname but fortunately the voice didn't belong to the louse but to that weird otaku girl, from Kadota's gang... Erika was it? She was now happily approaching him.

"Oi, don't call me that," the bodyguard growled at her, but the girl, being her usual self, didn't seem to be intimidated at all.

"Ah, sorry, sorry, I couldn't resist!" She waved her hand. It looked like she was badly excited about something. "Ne, ne, Shizuo-san, did you hear the news?"

"News...?" He tilted his head.

"About Iza-Iza being gay, of course~!"

Shizuo stiffened. But then frowned and answered in his usual manner "Tch. I don't give a flying fuck about anything related to that parasite."

"Eeeh, is that so~~? Well, I'm extremely happy! My dreams are just being fulfilled!" Shizuo could swear that she was sparkling " But, but, I can't believe that you're not affected by this info at all! I mean, just look at this! It's sooo obvious! It's love! Love story! BL! It must be it! Just think about it! Iza-Iza MUST be in love with you! Tho I've always thought it was the other way around, but never mind that! It's still awesome! Just, just... Aaaah, it's sooo heartbreaking! He had to hide his sexuality in order to keep his deep love towards you as a secret, and then, and then, he covered it all up with hatred! Ah, poor, poor Iza-Iza! Now it's out! What will you do?! But, but, more importantly what will YOU do, Shizu-chan?! You can't just leave it! You should just go and pin down his lithe body to the nearest flat surface and make out with him! Besides, aren't you jealous about that other guy? Well, you should be! I mean, come on! Iza-Iza is yours! And then, and then, you should tell him in your low, sexy voice that it's okay now, and that he doesn't have to pretend anymore and that you can finally be together now! AND after that, there would be some steamy, hot and senseless se-"

"KARISAWA-SAN!" Suddenly, there was Walker, the other otaku, covering Erika's mouth with his hand, dirtying it with blood from her nosebleed. "S-Shizuo-san, please forgive her! She didn't mean any of it! Well, she did, but please, try to ignore her!"

But Shizuo was just standing there, his cigarette long ago forsaken, lying on the ground, since it just fell out from his gaping mouth.

"Yo, Shizuo." There was also Kadota approaching, obviously oblivious about Erika's rambling "Off to work?"

"..." But he didn't answer. The former bartender was just trying to register what on Earth that girl was saying.

"Shizuo...?" Kadota tried again.

"O-Oh? Ah, yeah...," he managed to stutter.

"I see. Well, that was unexpected... about Izaya, I mean. I'm pretty sure you heard as well. If not, Erika probably just told you, since she's all over it. Jeez, she won't shut up," Kadota scratched the back of his head. "And to think that I've never noticed it... After all, back in high school, he had some girls, but well... Nah, not my business anyway," he stopped for a moment "Shizuo, are you okay?" since the blond wasn't even looking at him, the former Blue Squares member got concerned.

"..." Shizuo snapped out of it at the sound of his name. "Y-Yeah, I'm fine." He lit another cigarette "Hey, I'm gonna head out, Tom-san is waiting."

"Oh, sure. See you later," Kadota smiled at him and turned to his friends.

So, Shizuo started walking away. He was absentmindedly staring at the ground, slowly recalling every word that left Erika's mouth.

With every next step he took, more and more blood was rushing to his face, leaving him with a furious blush spread across it and a really frustrated expression.

Suddenly, he stopped in his track and grabbed the nearest object, which happened to be some poor soul's motorbike, and he lunched it high into the sky.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL WAS SHE TALKING ABOUT FOR FUCK'S SAKE?!" The words were meant to be said only to himself since they were his voiced thoughts, but out of frustration he screamed from the top of his lungs, letting every living soul around hear them clearly.

The tanned man with dreadlocks, who was currently approaching the blond, heard them as well.

"Woah, aren't you pretty hyped in this beautiful morning, Shizuo?" Tom chuckled as his eyes followed the flying motorcycle. "Who exactly is 'she' and what did she say?" For a second, Shizuo's boss eyes narrowed as he looked closely at his junior. "Wait, am I seeing things or is your face red? If you're not feeling well or have a fever, you should have called, you know?" Tom said with concern.

"I AM NOT FUCKING RED, OKAY?!" Shizuo screamed, but after a moment he realised with huge terror that he just shouted at his boss and his eyes widened. "Oh, I'm sorry Tom-san, I didn't intended to scream," the blond bowed deeply. "And I'm fine, really. I just met a really fucked up person and she was rambling some sick things. That's all."

"I see," the other sighed. "Well, if that's the case, let's just go. There are a lot of guys to visit today, and I'm afraid you're not gonna like them," Tom said and they started to walk away. "Especially in the district that we're heading to now. Some of the thugs living there are kinda aggressive, so please stay as calm as you can. Jeez... This day is going to be a pain."

"Yes, Tom-san. I'll do my best." Sadly, Shizuo was not so sure about staying calm today. Especially with the DAMN PICTURES his mind was showing him after what that STUPID CHICK had said.

"Oh, and by the way, what about the motorbike?" The debt collector said suddenly.

"A motorbike...?" the blond was rather confused.

"Yeah, the one you just happened to send flying through the sky a while ago."

"Oh..." Shizuo looked behind his back but said machine was nowhere in sight. "To be honest I'm not even sure where it landed..."

"Hahah..." Tom chuckled nervously. "Let's hurry then, before anybody notices."

"Yeah."

And so they walked away to get over with their job.

A/N: So, for now, that's it :D. I have the second chapter written down already and third is almost there, so please review and tell me what you think, since I'm not even sure if it's worth updating...

See ya!