Author's Note: So I'm getting ready to move across the country, and I haven't had a ton of time for fanfiction lately. However, Captain is persistent, and since she read the beginning of this, she insisted I finish it. So fine. Here you go, you dictator. And anyone else that wants to read it. :D

WARNING: This is very cracky

Smack Smack Smack

Dean was awoken by some enthusiastic rapping. He gingerly raised his head from where it was planted in his pillow, only to get a lovely close-up with a puddle of drool. He groggily peered around the room: your run-of-the-mill hotel room with two beds, a bathroom, a little entertainment area, and a kitchenette. A quick glance at the hotel alarm clock showed him it was only 4:34 AM. Yeah, this was way too early for anyone to be awake; forget whatever woke him up…

Ring Ring Ring

Great, now his phone was going off. He glared at the device that was sitting on the bedside table that he really should plug the charger into… Eh, ohh well. After purposely flipping his pillow, Dean reburried his face into its downy confines.

Smack Smack Smack

Dean groaned and wondered who was bugging him this early. "Rome, you wanna get that?"

Roman flipped to face him and growled at him. He actually growled at him, like a rabid junkyard dog. Dean stared at the Samoan in astonishment as Roman then flopped back around, facing the other direction to most likely fall back asleep..

Typical. The Big Dog needed his beauty sleep, which meant Dean was stuck leaving the heavenly bed. Dean sighed and slinked out of bed, dragging his feet like they were encased in cement blocks until he reached the door.

RING RING RING

Smack Smack Smack

He pulled it open, cursing under his breath.

A little furry face stared back at him with a little pink tongue poking out of a mouth.

What the hell?

"You know, man, if you didn't want me waking you up this early, I could have just dropped Kevin off last night. I offered."

Dean broke eye contact with Kevin the dog and stared at Seth. "What are you talking about?"

"I said, I could have dropped the guy off last night if you wanted to sleep in," Seth said, patiently in a tone one would usually reserve for a small child\.

Dean kept staring at Seth, uncomprehending the situation. "Why are you dropping Kevin off?"

Seth rolled his eyes. "Man, you are not a morning person. I forgot that it's impossible to have a conversation with you before 9!"

Dean glared at Seth, beginning to shift into his I-hate-everyone-and-anyone-because-it-is-way-to-freaking-early-to-be-awake-and-you-are-way-too-chipper-for-me mood.

"My normal sitter for Kevin was hit by a bus on Thursday, remember? So I had to bring Kevin with me since I couldn't find anyone I trusted in such short notice to watch the poor guy since my family is out of state."

"Wait, your dog sitter was hit by a bus? Is the dude alive?"

Seth shrugged. "I think so. At least, he was last I checked."

"You think so?"

"We're getting off track here, Dean. I need to do all those crazy press things today until I get back sometime tonight, remember? And I can't bring him along since none of the places are pet friendly, so I asked you if you could watch him for me. And you said it was no problem."

Dean shook his head. "I don't remember this at all. You sure you talked to me?"

Seth rolled his eyes. "I'm positive. We talked about this. You told me that it's not like Kevin could talk your ear off, so it was fine."

Dean scratched his head. "You sure that was me? Doesn't sound like me."

"Dean," Seth said, exasperatedly. "There are only a few people I would trust to watch the little guy, and you're one of them. Take it as a compliment. Now let's just get him settled in." Seth pushed past Dean into the hotel room. "Morning Roman"

Roman turned his head to glare at the Architect and growled before he pulled his blanket over his head.

Dean sighed. "Yeah, come right in I guess." Dean closed the door and trailed after Seth.

Seth chuckled at Roman's hibernating bear tactics as he absentmindedly rubbed Kevin's ears. "Man, how did I forget you were worse than Dean in the morning? Okay, Dean, all you have to do is feed him in the morning and in the evening, and make sure you take him for one good walk. If you don't, the poor guy will have too much pent-up energy."

"Yeah, yeah…" Dean mumbled.

Seth set Kevin down on Roman's bed. The small dog burrowed into Roman's blankets, and a little lump in the blanket could be seen slinking around the bed.

With a frown, Seth turned to the Lunatic Fringe. "Dean, I hope you're taking this seriously. I just want to make sure both you and Kevin get the most out of this experience. You're seriously one of the only people I trust with him - well, you and Rome..."

Dean rolled his eyes. "I got it. I got it. Feed him."

"Right"

"Water him."

"Yeah"

"Let him out to pee."

"Course"

"Walk him once a day."

"Yes"

"Send you pictures as evidence he's still alive."

"...You're trying to make me nervous. It's not going to work."

"Let Roman use him as a new and improved cuddle buddy."

"What?" Seth spun around to see Roman snuggling with the little Yorkie. Kevin licked Roman's cheek. "Well, as long as he doesn't squoosh him..." Seth sighed and seemed to ponder if he forgot anything. "I don't know why this is so hard. I always leave him when we're on the road, so it's not like this is anything new."

Dean rolled his eyes. "He'll be fine. Stop acting like a soccer mom on her kid's first day of Kindergarten. Just go do the press stuff. When you're back tomorrow, you'll be reunited with the pooch. Just go, dude."

Seth grumbled under his breath that he wasn't a soccer mom. "Just be careful with him, okay?"

"I will guard him like he's the small, hairy baby you never knew you wanted."

"You worry me sometimes. Bye Kevin, be a good boy. See you Roman," Seth called out as he was leaving the room.

Roman hugged the Yorkie closer to his chest and ignored Seth completely.

Dean made sure the door locked completely before he collapsed back on his bed. He had a brief thought of how he should plug the charger into his phone before he passed out, but the idea seemed too insignificant as he drifted back off to sleep to revisit a very weird dream about taking Seth out to eat at a restaurant called Beef-a-Roo in Illinois.

"You never take me out anymore," Seth griped as he sat with crossed arms, staring out the passenger window. For all intents and purposes, he reminded Dean of one of his pissed-off girlfriends from high school - except, you know, with a beard...

Dean scowled at the road. "That's not true! I take you out all the time!"

"Concessions at work does not count as taking me out!"

"Well, maybe if you wouldn't nag me all the time, I wouldn't mind taking you out!"

"I do not nag you all the time! But even if I did, maybe I wouldn't if you would pay some attention to me once in awhile."

Dean felt himself getting annoyed. "I don't know why you even want me to pay attention to you. You're just a crazy coworker that forces me to dog sit before the crack of dawn!"

"But you like Kevin! And you're my best friend!"

"Yeah," Dean nodded. It was a valid point.

All of a sudden Dean's side began to tickle. He snorted. "Stop that right now, Seth!"

Seth looked at him, offended. "I didn't tickle you." He held out his hands as proof. "See? I'm clean."

The tickling sensation stopped. "Huh, you aren't red handed. I guess you're innocent."

"YOu'd think you'd give me the benefit of the doubt since I'm your best friend."

Dean's side began to tickle again before his face gained the sensation, too. "Stop right now! They don't allow that sort of thing in rental cars!"

Roman sighed in the backseat and he handed the giant red feather to Seth in defeat. The Architect tucked the feather into the fedora hat that he was suddenly wearing.

Dean frowned. "When did you get here, Roman? I thought I was supposed to take Seth out because he's high maintenance."

"And whiney!' Seth chimed in cheerfully.

"Yeah and whiney. So why are you here?"

Roman smiled. "You're giving me a ride to my new part-time job. I want to make sure Maya's turtle has enough money to go to clown college."

"Oh yes, that makes sense," Dean and Seth said, nodding.

Dean crashed the car into a large hedge that was trimmed to look like the New Day riding a unicorn. "We're here!"

Roman frowned. "I hope I don't have to fix that."

Seth grinned. "Beef-a-Roo? Wow, this is perfect! You are my best friend Dean! This is the only place where the entire staff wears hot dog or hamburger costumes!"

Roman smiled from the backseat where he was wearing a hot dog costume. "I'll proudly wear it for Sheldon's clown college!"

"Dean!"

"Dean!"

"Dean!"

Dean jerked awake and blinked at the ceiling. "What the hell?" What was that dream?

"Dean!"

He glanced around the hotel room, startled. "Rome?"

The Samoan let out a little snore as he continued to sleep. The man wouldn't wake up unless there was coffee.

Huh, he could have sworn he heard someone say his name… He let his gaze sweep around the room before it landed on the little Yorkie that was sitting on his bed right in front of him. "How'd you get out of Roman's bear hug?"

Kevin tilted his head and almost seemed to smirk at him. Dean shook his head; he must really be out of it. He grabbed his phone from the bedside table and was pleased to see it was fully charged; although, he didn't remember plugging it in…

He wandered into the bathroom to shower.

Kevin sighed. What did a dog need to do give Seth's friends the hint that he needed to use the little doggie's room. He wasn't a big dog, and his bladder capacity reflected that! He had tickled Dean's side and face, and he had called out to the man until he woke up. Well, maybe Roman would help him…

Roman woke up to the smell of coffee brewing. His narrowed gaze focused on the little hotel coffee maker that was dutifully spilling drops of coffee into the pot. Roman carefully slunk out of bed and dragged himself to the kitchenette to pour himself a mug. After the first couple of sips he began to feel more human. It sure was considerate of Dean to start brewing the essential nectar of life. To show his appreciation, he poured Dean a cup before he trudged back to the bed to check his phone for any new messages.

Kevin stared at Roman in disbelief. Was the man seriously not going to take him outside? It was the morning for barking out loud! Roman obliviously kept tapping on his phone. Kevin yelped in surprise when the bathroom door opened suddenly, and Dean emerged from the bathroom.

Kevin yipped at Dean, hoping the Lunatic Fringe would notice him and remember the list Seth had given him of his needs.

"Quiet, you little furball," Dean said, absentmindedly as he noticed the cup of coffee Roman left for him. That was odd. Normally, Roman would remain a blanket lump until someone else made a pot; he wouldn't drag himself out of bed until he smelled the aroma of fresh coffee, so it was odd he actually made some. "Oh thanks, Roman. I wasn't expecting coffee."

Roman raised an eyebrow at Dean in bafflement. Dean made the coffee; why wouldn't he expect a cup?

Kevin yipped again in annoyance. Those morons. He made the coffee, just the way he and Seth liked it. He hated when he didn't get the proper credit.

"Shh," Dean muttered before he took an indulgent sip of his coffee.

Kevin frowned. The Lunatic did not just shush him! He had to go outside, and he had to go right now! Kevin hopped off the bed, affronted. If Seth's favorite human friends wouldn't help him (even though they knew they were supposed to), Kevin would just have to take matters into his own more than capable paws. The Yorkie hopped off the bed and padded away.

Roman sighed over his phone. "It feels weird to have the entire day off. If it wasn't for the fact we're exhausted I'd want to take advantage of it, but honestly, all I want to do is sleep.

"I would make fun of you for being such a dad, but then I remembered that I am so sore all I want to do is become one with this bed."

Roman smiled, used to the playful jabs from Dean. He mused out loud, "I guess we'll just have to be grateful that arena was overrun with a herd of llamas escaped from the local zoo."

Dean frowned. "I was wondering though. Isn't weird the one zoo had over a hundred llamas? I would've thought that would be something they'd regulate better."

Roman shrugged. "I'll let you know what the protocol is if I ever become a zookeeper."

Dean snorted before he glanced around. "Speaking of animals...where did the furball go?"

"Huh, he was just right here. Kevin!"

"Kevin!"

"Well, it's not like he has anywhere to go," Roman muttered as he stood, still cradling his coffee mug, protectively.

Dean nodded in agreement. While Roman peeked under the beds, Dean wandered into the bathroom. "What the hell?" Dean shouted.

Roman sprinted into the room and gaped at the sight. "Dean, is Kevin peeing in the toilet?"

"Yeah…"

Then a gruff voice with a Brooklyn accent piped up. "What on earth is your problem? Don't you know how to knock? Jeez, I spend all morning trying to get your attention, and you don't give me a second! I even made you two bozos coffee! But as soon as I go take care of some business, which is business that you forfeit the right to watch as soon as you don't take me outside, you decide you need to barge in on me! That's sick and messed up. You happy now? I'm urinating!"

"Kevin just talked to us," Dean said, stunned as Roman fainted.

"No kidding, genius!" Kevin snarled.

"Kevin just talked to us, and he insulted me!"

"And that's just great," Kevin muttered as he jumped off the toilet seat and padded over to the collapsed Samoan. "Now we have sleeping beauty here to worry about. "Dean, do me a favor and call my Seth."

After a second, it clicked that Kevin requested something from him. "Why do you want me to call Seth?"

"Because I'm bored of you, two, and I miss him. It's difficult to find a human who's worth checking in on. Most of them aren't worth the effort, but Seth is different. He's worth the bother."

"Yeah, he is," Dean agreed as he lugged Roman over to his rightful bed. Then the Lunatic Fringe dialed Seth's number. As the phone began ringing, a thought struck Dean, and he hung up the phone. "This isn't going to be a huge surprise for him, is it? We don't need him to have a heart attack when he discovers his dog can talk."

"Well, it's not like I ever out-right told him I can talk...but I have faith in my Seth and I think he can handle it."

Dean's fingers drummed, anxiously on his collarbone. "If you're sure...I just don't want to kill the poor guy."

Kevin managed to give him a look that clearly stated he was not amused.

"Fine," Dean muttered as he redialed Seth's cell number and put the call on speaker.

"Hey Dean, what's up? You didn't lose Kevin, did you?" Seth's voice was suspicious.

Dean chuckled nervously. "No, nothing like that. I just have someone here who wants to talk to you."

"Ohhh, is Kevin missing me?"

"Yeah, I miss you, Seth. I always miss you when you're gone."

There was silence on the other end of the phone until Seth said, "Why do you have ...Is that Enzo with you?"

"You did not just call me Enzo! I can't believe you wouldn't recognize your own dog!"

There it was, Dean thought. Seth was going to either think Dean was pulling the lamest prank in the world or he was going to think he was insane.

"I knew it! I knew you could talk! Ever since I kept getting all those infomercial packages when I didn't order them, I suspected! Why didn't you come clean earlier, Kev?"

Well, Dean wasn't expecting that reaction. Seth was not only perfectly fine with the fact he owned a talking dog, but his only qualm was he hadn't been informed earlier.

"Well, do you blame me? My coat was never this luxurious before I bought that delux dog grooming set. And you love the Ninja Blender. But that's besides the point, I always wanted to tell you, but it's supposed to be a secret. You can imagine the uproar this would cause."

"No kidding. You would cause an internet sensation. But why did you chose now of all times to talk to me?"

Kevin sighed. "I accidentally spoke to Dean and Roman, so I wanted to make sure you knew. It wouldn't be right for them to know but you to be in the dark."

"I appreciate that, buddy. I'm glad you trust me."

Kevin's tail waved at Seth statement. He was pensive a moment before saying, "Oh and another thing, I really hate that dog sitter. He's the worst one you ever hired. I think he was stealing money from you… and he would always eat the vanilla ice cream you'd buy for me, so I would never get a scoop."

There was a beat of silence before a violent exclamation. "That asshole! I knew there was a reason I didn't like him! See Dean, he deserved to get hit by that bus!"

"I don't really know if that means he deserved to get hit by a bus, Seth…" Dean said, wondering when he became the voice of reason.

"Oh course, it does! He made Kevin sad!'

Kevin nodded slightly. "It's true. His presence in my life has caused me angst."

Dean shook his head. "I'm just going to not take sides."

"Oh," Kevin said. "It looks like our Jane Austen heroine is waking up."

Seth snorted. "Roman fainted, didn't he?"

"Yup," Dean said with a smirk.

"Bye Seth. I'll see you soon."

"Take care of Dean, Kevin. Love you, buddy."

Kevin tapped the end call button.

Roman looked around the room, groggily before he slunk out of bed and grabbed another cup of coffee. "I don't know if what happened was real, or if I had a really messed up dream." The Samoan turned around and glared at Dean and Kevin. "But you are a dog, so you can't talk."

Kevin glanced at Dean. "If you say so, Roman."

Roman cringed. "This is so weird. Only Seth would have a talking dog."

Kevin grinned. "Whatever you say, big dog."

Dean snorted while Roman groaned and muttered about he needed something stronger than coffee.

"So, Roman?" Dean asked as he scratched Kevin behind the ear.

"Ahh, yes! Right there! I can never reach that spot!" Kevin sighed out in happiness.

Dean continued, "Have you ever been to a Beef-A-Roo? Because I had the weirdest dream last night about going to one…"

Roman gave him a strange look. "Weirder than what happened this morning?"

"Yeah, I'd say so."

Roman shook his head. "Only you, Dean, could have dreams that are stranger than this reality."

"You think you could scratch right on my tail bone? That's always the itchiest spot," Kevin said.

"Yeah, I'm definitely still dreaming…"

Tell me what you think. :D