"Morning people," you know, those who claim to be completely and utterly infatuated with the rising sun, are Satanists—hellish sinners bred in the deepest parts of Hell. They are re-spawned demons who have grown so accustomed to the bright flames meant to engulf and torture them for eternity that they find solace within the presence of the sun. You know, that wildly hot, totally-overcompensating-for-something "star" orbited by all planets. Whether it be beaming down upon the Earth with scorching rays and roasting poor, innocent humans or shining bright enough to cause a sixty-two car pileup due to its glare, those inconsiderate beings love it.

At least, that's Alfred's theory. And he has a thousand other sweet ones. Alas, those are to be left for another time (never). He also has a striking amount of evidence that is bound to have the DOSD, Department of Supernatural Defense, which is totally a thing, groveling at his feet and begging him to join their team.

Exhibit A(sshole): The Neighbor, also known as, the only Exhibit. Those are minor, minor details. He'd have to ask Matthew for information about the other neighbor another time. Exhibit B(itch) shall be her name, if she proves to be supernatural as well.

1.) His name is Ivan Braginsky (What kind of name is that? Demonic).

Or Brainsky, Bragins, Bangrinky, et cetera, depending on who's sending the mail. Not that Alfred ever got a hold of his mail at any occasion. He totally didn't open and read any of it either. He may have taken a few magazines on space, but the way he sees it, those are totally free game since they're not sealed.

2.) He lives next door.

Duh! Neighbor! Anyway, the important part is that he lives within peeking-distance, sans glasses, of Alfred's bedroom window. Not in a perverted, voyeuristic way, but in a I-know-what-you-are-and-I'm-keeping-my-eye-on-you (and your smoking, hot, slightly blurry bod) kind of way. That, and he was kind of super fucking hot. Alright. Maybe Alfred is the slightest bit attracted to the morning demon guy. It'll make for an awesome story in the future.

3.) He has a dog named Laika, who loves to bark all morning.

Like owner, like dog? In the dog's defense, she doesn't start yapping until Ivan decides to start making noise. Besides, she's too cute and cuddly to be a demon, too. Plus, Alfred has a bag of dog treats stashed in his lower dresser drawer that has yet to run out. There is absolutely no way he's going to let that money go to waste.

4.) He lives alone.

Seriously. Like, no one ever goes in or out of that house that is not him. It's kind of scary. Kind of... mysterious. Definitely a sign of demonic activities going on.

It all adds up.

Okay, okay, okay. So maybe that's not exactly an abundance of solid evidence and unbiased information to prove Ivan's otherworldly status, but Alfred is a busy kid. He has numerous assignments to turn in late, dozens of video games to play, and only measly hours to regain all the energy college saps out of his youthful, irresponsible body. Lately, even those hours have been sent to the chopping block.

He thinks he deserves a little more credit than is usually given to him.

The list is pretty much just for show anyway. There is nothing cooler than glaring out your window at an unsuspecting idiot as you write down—in your super secret notebook—every single observation you make in order to possibly have them executed at a later date for disturbing your sleep. Regardless, the only true evidence Alfred needs to prove that his neighbor is some sort of morning demon from Hell is the fact that he owns...

A LAWNMOWER!