Chapter 25

"There are still many things that I do not really understand Merlin." Arthur said as he drank some wine in his room, whilst his manservant tidied up around him. "For example how did my bindings get loose and why did my wound heal so quickly? You said it might have been a side effect of Caldwell's spell but I cannot really believe that. Nothing good ever came out of that man's magic"

Having had some time to think up answers for the questions he knew would eventually come Merlin had a ready response. He carried on working as he spoke, hoping his movements might hide the lies he was about to tell.

"No, you are right Arthur. I now believe that it was Gwyn who released and healed you. He must have somehow accessed the magic growing in him. After all we know he was fighting to beat his Father and reject the dark magic. The amulet must have begun working on him even as he said the spell. I think he must have been able to use some of his power to release you and heal you, even unconsciously. His will to remain good was that strong from the very beginning."

"Aye" replied Arthur with a sigh. "Perhaps you are right. But there is more I don't understand… for example how did you know that Gaius was not truly dead? And why was I sent on the wrong path when I left to find you but you were not?"

Merlin sighed (cursing the fact that for once Arthur was not content just to let things go) and answered as best he could.

"I think Caldwell may have done it. He was determined to make Gaius suffer so I suspect he placed a spell on him to find the person he cared for most and bring them to the Manor. The spell must have drawn me."

Here Merlin stopped for a moment, worried that Arthur might be hurt by the implication that the manservant was more important to the physician than his King.

Arthur gave a small smile in response and muttered "It is fine Merlin. Though I know Gaius cares for me as both a friend and his Monarch I am well aware that to him you are as a son. You need not fear for my feelings in this regard." Speaking more loudly Arthur continued "I see what you mean though, Caldwell was so twisted it sounds like something he might do. Call the person nearest to Gaius to come and watch his suffering. He must have delighted in seeing how devastated you were. And also how this hurt Gaius. Honestly, the man was evil and his magic even more so."

Merlin closed his eyes at Arthur's pronouncement on magic. Here was yet another obstacle in the way of the future he dreamt of; another example to the King of how magic could be used for evil. But then…

"Still," Arthur continued slowly as if thinking this for the first time "Gwyn used his power to destroy the amulet and gave his magic up without any compunction. And Deryn helped with the healing. So perhaps not all who use magic are necessarily evil, there are exceptions who prove the rule. But ultimately I suspect that their actions were down to the type of people they are, good to the core."

A flutter of hope stirred in Merlin's heart; something there for him to build on over the coming months or years. A beginning; buried deeply perhaps but there for when Arthur and Camelot were ready to begin to accept magic.

"However that still does not explain how I was diverted away from the correct path though." Arthur continued.

"No, it does Arthur." Merlin carried on with his hastily cobbled together answers. "Think about it. Caldwell wanted me and Gaius to suffer but he did not want everyone else to know what was happening. So he must have designed a spell that would only attract the most important person in Gaius's life. All others would be diverted by the dust and the fake path. He'd not have known who would be summoned; for all he knew it could have been you. And you would have been more sensible than me and taken knights with you. No, Caldwell could not risk that so he placed the misleading incantation to stop anyone else following. It is only down to your tracking ability and you determination to save me that you managed to break the spell."

Merlin hoped that by praising Arthur, the King would get side-tracked from this line of questioning.

But he was not successful. Arthur, unusually, had more questions.

"But what of the things that you saw and did?" He was relentless. "Gaius has told me much of his experience and how your belief in him was what kept him going but you have only told me the barest details."

Merlin stopped readying Arthur's bed and stood stock still as memories blasted across his mind. He needed this to stop.

"Arthur I…I…it was…" Merlin shuddered as he recalled all that had happened and all the suffering. "I don't think that I can…I need to…" He faltered and stopped; his eyes filled with the pain of remembrances. This was not pretence, not a pre-planned way to stop Arthur from asking questions Merlin did not have answers to. This was real pain and regret. There were no lies in Merlin's feelings; only truth and anguish.

The young King looked over to his friend and read the sorrow in his face. Realising that he had gone too far Arthur stopped. There would be time for all this once Merlin was fully recovered. For now it was enough that they were home.

"It's fine Merlin, honestly. You do not have to tell me now." He reached out an arm, touched Merlin on the shoulder and made him to sit down in the next chair. "I am sure there will come a time when you feel able to tell me all and I promise to listen without judgement." At the final moment Arthur could not quite bring himself to say how much Merlin's death would have affected him; but he hoped that the young man would just know without him having to articulate it. "I just wanted to say that I am, um, glad that you are not dead…it would have been dull without you."

For a second Merlin wondered if Arthur had seen something or had worked something out and that perhaps now was the time to tell him everything. But it was just a momentary feeling. Even if Arthur thought that he was ready to hear all Merlin's secrets, the warlock was not ready to tell them. This latest brush with evil and death had weakened him, physically and emotionally and he did not have the strength to risk everything.

Merlin understood that something in him had changed. He now knew that there was evil that was so strong that it could nearly beat him. One of the last naive, trusting parts of him had been breached and his heart had begun to harden. He realised that the wickedness out there, the debased and malevolent enemies of Camelot needed to be beaten by whatever means necessary. Whilst he still rebelled against this idea he was also convinced that more would be needed of him than he had ever imagined. To share all this with Arthur, to let him see that magic was so good yet still could be so dangerous was impossible now. No, Merlin needed to work it all out for himself; figure out how he could defeat those who battled against them; without losing all that made him good.

A balance between his destiny and his own conscience had to be found and until then he was by himself. He could not share his misgivings with Gaius nor his secrets with Arthur. This burden and this hope was his alone to carry. And carry it he would for he believed in the Once and Future King and all that the future foretold.

So Merlin let the moment pass and his secrets remained his own; for now.

XXX

A/N: And there it ends...many thanks to everyone who read, followed and reviewed. It is much appreciated.