Chapter 14

3rd Pov

Holding her hand out in front of her, blocking some of the light from her face. Eyes focusing on the back of her hand, light seeping between her fingers and Tsuki realized the bright sky that hanged above her. The sky looked endless, so clear that it almost looked so surreal.

Her hand moved beside her, fingers brushing across the cool ground and she recognized the grass texture underneath her palm. Shifting her head to the side, Tsuki saw the lush green field she was laying in.

Tsuki's mind dazed, the fog gradually began to lift to free her, so her head now sat above the clouds. Sitting up, Tsuki glanced down to find her boots were gone along with the straps needed for the maneuver gear. Furrowing, her hand moved up along her arm to realize her scout jacket was missing as well. Her uniform was incomplete, and all she had left was her white shirt and pants.

Then she quickly reached a hand up to her neck, fingers grasping the familiar material. Tugging it out so she could see it, Tsuki saw the necklace she wore all her life. Dropping it down, the necklace now laid over her shirt and Tsuki finally got up to her feet.

The field was vacate. No Wall in the horizon. No Titans in sight or within her reach.

She felt nothing like she was drifting alone where the wind blew.

But at the same time there is this weight slowly clawing over her, the sensation creeping over her shoulders as if something was looming behind her, and the pressure was leaden and the ground would swallow her whole in time.

Tsuki could hear the faint whispers that try to lure her in, but she brought a hand over her ear as she moved forward.

Staying still will only make her vulnerable to whatever that has been tempting her.

It's usually the same dream sequence. An empty plain that feels unlimited, yet Tsuki knew it was a allusion.

A dream disguised as a nightmare that keeps her awake at night lately. A nightmare Tsuki would rather deprive herself from sleep than to ever open her eyes to see this god forsaken place that sends unwanted chills down her spine.

She could never explain why this dream left a bad taste in her mouth, but one thing is certain her instincts haven't been wrong before.

A palm pressed against her forehead as Tsuki tried to remember the last memories before she woke up in this dream. To grab on a line to ground herself instead of continuing to wonder with no clear destination.

Getting onto her feet, Tsuki began to move forward while forcing her mind to recall the recent bits of information to help sort her jumbled state of mind.

The first word was enough to trigger the rest of the series of event linking together formulate the whole picture of what happened before she woke up here.

Trost.

The battle of Trost.

The Garrison and trainees were sent out to evacuate the civilians. Then there an operation in motion to reclaim the district after Commander Pixies arrived on scene. A secret weapon supposedly. Then they successfully sealed the breach in Trost with the power of the Titan.

"Titan Shifter..." Tsuki whispered out, lowering her hand from her head as she clearly remembered it.

The trainee who somehow in some miracle had this power to transform into a Titan.

The comrades that died.

The trainees.

Humanity's first major step toward freedom.

The inability to save those who put their trust and faith in her.

The continuous power struggle of never being enough to fight and end this tiresome war.

Hands clench beside her, frustration building, but Tsuki shook her head as everything that happened from Trost came rushing back to her until she remembered standing alone with Hanji once the others left her.

Then it all went black once she heard the door close behind Levi when he left to attend to his duties.

Nothing came after she turned toward Hanji to start their small one on one chat.

It all faded away before waking to see this dreamland appear once more. This place never settled well with her like it held this underlining façade taunting her.

Tsuki tilted her head, brows furrowed as her eyes caught sight of the small patch of water. A puddle underneath her bare foot. It was strange, or rather new compared to older visits to this dreamland. She has memorized a bare layout of the place, but never has a puddle or any water ever appeared.

Then was static for a minute, the brief noise drawing Tsuki attention, but she couldn't pinpoint the source. There wasn't anything or anyone around. Only the eerie silence where there's nothing, no life to ease the restlessness.

Tsuki flinched, bringing a hand over her ear when she felt something whispered to her. Anxiety slowly building up, the disquietude she experiences within this dream returning. The sudden sensation of being watched.

She took off running. Needing to get away or keep moving. Moving across the field, it felt like she wasn't moving anywhere. Everything looked the same as if her efforts were all in vain, and the allusion caging her in.

Time passed, not sure how much has gone since Tsuki ran off, but it felt like an eternity.

There was a abrupt surge of pain shoot through her body causing Tsuki to lose her footing.

Tsuki tumbled forward with her hands pressing against her chest as if she was wounded. Trying to catch her breath, she found herself struggling to breathe like her lungs were failing her. Shutting her eyes tight, pressing her forehead against the grass while she fought off the urge to cry. This pain... This pain always shows up in this nightmare no matter how much she runs away.

It's the same. The loneliness. The running away of this fear... The ungodly pain. The desperate need to wake up or hide from whatever is chasing her. The constant feeling of never actually moving as if there was an invisible chain tying her down.

A never ending cycle.

She's trapped in here again.

The silence that surrounded her was deafening until she heard something.

Her ears perked at the sound of foot steps nearing, and Tsuki dared to look up to see what could've appeared in this chaotic dreamland of hers.

She hardly saw anyone in this place. And those that do appear afar, out of her sight to only last temporally before they disappear like phantoms. Before she could get a proper look of the apparition.

However, she wasn't expecting to see a reflection of herself- no, she was looking at her own self. Almost like looking into a mirror. A carbon copy of herself stood right in front of her.

Everything looked the same except... Her eyes... She was staring into a pair of dull yellow eyes that made her stomach twist. But what made Tsuki's blood run cold was the fact that those eyes held nothing.

No warmth.

No life.

There wasn't a soul behind those eyes- the eyes that belonged to her were void of everything that made her human.

Tsuki stumbled back, dragging herself away from the imitation of herself.

The figure didn't move toward her or present any reaction toward her skittish behavior. Instead the replica simply drew out her own dreary voice while keeping her dull yellow eyes onto Tsuki.

"You can't possibly do a thing on your own without the full power of the-"

Tsuki clenched her hands over her ears, blocking out the words the phantom reprimand her.

"Stop!"

Another step forward, the figure reached a hand out to Tsuki as she warned the woman, advising her to accept the words being said and give into the future that awaits her.

"You won't last long... If you continue like this-"

Tsuki stood abruptly, moving out of reach as she narrowed her blue eyes, "Shut up!"

Tsuki curled her fingers into a fist, pushing pass the pain she's in while trying to hold her ground against this allusion. To fight back and keep pushing forward.

Fear coursed through her, and Tsuki won't lie about not being afraid because she is. This fear had been buried deep within her, and now it's trying to control her. Tsuki grit her teeth together while she moved away from the lookalike, maintaining a distance.

Tsuki pushed forward passing the phantom that now haunts her unconsciousness. Shouting over her shoulder, declaring a war with no clear end, but Tsuki knew she needs to fight back, "Like hell I'll submit!"

The phantom stood still while Tsuki ran off, but their words echoed loudly even with the distances growing between them.

"...Time is finally catching up to you..."

Tsuki could hear the words ring against her ear as if the figure was right beside her.

Clenching her hands, Tsuki could feel her feet move faster and the next thing she knew, she was running away again, and toward nowhere. Her breath hitched as fear shivered down her spine while she whispered to herself, "I have to leave... I need to wake up."

But she couldn't wake up.

It wasn't in her power to wake up.

Tsuki didn't want to lose whatever composer she still has, but her body tensed up when she picked up on a distant sound.

A faint voice, a small laughter caught Tsuki off guard. Turning sharply, Tsuki brushed her hand against her hip, instinctively reaching for a blade when she knew her gear wasn't with her. She hoped it wasn't the same phantom from before. Tsuki couldn't face herself again, not that empty husk that wore her face.

She called out to the empty field that surrounds her, "Who's there?"

There was nothing. No response. No physical figure to show themselves.

Tsuki knew she must've misheard it or it was one of those ghostly voices that come and go as they pleased. She expected it to be the end, and hope to woke instead of encountering another allusion.

But her heart stopped when a voice broke through again, and it was crystal clear the voice belonged to a child.

"Come on, keep moving!"

A voice reached out to her. A voice she hasn't heard in years that Tsuki couldn't put into words how nostalgic it was to hear it again.

She glanced around, desperately searching for the source of the voice that called for her. Hoping it wasn't a trick her mind was playing on her. And once she found the source of the voice, Tsuki stood flabbergasted at the small figure of a distant memory. A person too familiar, and Tsuki couldn't move as her eyes looked over every inch of an face she hasn't seen in so long.

"Hoshi?"

Her voice broke, tilting her head, Tsuki felt her eyes sting at the mere thought of seeing her older brother. She hasn't seen him since he passed. No dreams of him ever came to her when she needed someone to guide her during the days of solitude she spent. Only memories, memories that blurred and faded over time til she couldn't confidently recall her own childhood life beyond the Walls.

The small child, a boy with light brown hair and a bright smile across his face drawing away the dull tint his form held.

He huffed at her in disappointment before reminding Tsuki, "I told you to keep running, didn't I? Lets go. We have to keep moving."

Hoshi reached out to her, his child like hands grabbing onto hers, tugging on her to follow along while providing a warning from experience, "Don't give into it, it's a trap.

It felt too real to be true. Tsuki reminded herself this was all a dream. Yet it felt real as if he was truly there with her. His small hand around hers. How her brother hadn't aged a day from the last she saw him alive.

The sad truth of outliving him.

It only reminded her of how much she missed him.

Tsuki narrowed her eyes, listening to her logical side instead of her emotions, and raised a skeptical brow while she followed along. "What if you're a trap."

"I would never hurt my sister, you know that. I always looked out for you." Hoshi turned toward her, reassuring Tsuki while meeting her eyes as he vowed, "Then and now."

"I'll be the star to guide you home." His smile soften, turning away Hoshi stared off to the distance while keeping a firm comforting hold of Tsuki's hand.

Tsuki could feel her eyes sting at the emotions surfacing at the words, but she couldn't allow herself to be blindly tricked. Shaking her head, putting off the sentimental memories of her brother as she asked, "Where are you taking me?"

"Somewhere!"

"Where is this somewhere?"

Tsuki frowned, logic is saying to be wary of this allusion taking form of her brother. Wary of the figment of her imagination. Yet her instincts, or rather something deep within was saying to trust this perfect memory of what her brother once was. To accept him as a guide and allow him to whisk her away from the encounter she had earlier.

To have another chance of see and talk to him again.

"Anywhere! Nowhere!" Hoshi laughed, tugging her hand along with him as they ran absently in this endless dreamland of hers. The young boy smiled over to her as he cheerfully said, "Somewhere. Away from here."

"Don't be afraid sis! I know you won't give up, so don't look so down!" The boy swiftly turned on his heels, facing her before deciding to run off, "I bet I can outrun you!"

Her hand fell out of his grasp as he took a head start. Tsuki reached out, wanting to hand onto his hand once more- to keep her brother from leaving her behind again. To hold onto this illusion for another minute or two.

"Wait!"

Tsuki ran after the boy having no trouble catching up to him despite the head start he had over her.

Nostalgia was what Tsuki can describe this moment even if it was all part of a dream. To be able to run alongside her brother, allusion or not, it felt real.

She passed him effortlessly unlike her younger days where she'll follow close behind, but now as time left him behind and pulled her forward.

"Ha! You're so fast sis!" Hoshi burst out laughing before it gradually died down once he came to a stop causing Tsuki paused in her tracks further ahead of him.

His expression sadden, eyes casting down to the grass as he whispered, "I... I couldn't outrun it..." Hoshi sucked in a deep breath, keeping his arms by his side as he brought his gaze to meet Tsuki's. Smiling, Hoshi bid his farewell while reminding her of the forewarning he gave years ago on his own deathbed. "Remember what I told you. So please don't let it catch you too sister."

"No wait!"

Tsuki reached a hand out, hoping to keep him there for a minute longer, but he faded away like a ghost who completed their purpose so they could leave.

"What... What did you mean?"

She stood there staring at the spot her bother once was. Tsuki couldn't put the pieces together of what he told her.

What was he trying to outrun that it ultimately caught him?

"Remember...?"

Tsuki couldn't recall the message Hoshi once told her. It must've been something her brother said while he was alive and the two of them were mere children in their hometown.

"Remember what?!" Tsuki ran her hands through her hair, attempting to dig out the memories containing her brother to hopeful find the warning or message he must've gave her before he died, but nothing comes to mind as she draws a blank.

So many years has gone by Tsuki hardly thought back to her hometown, memories and an old life were all left behind, and now there's nothing for her to grab onto for recollection beside the day they were decimated.

Her life there didn't exist, so she started anew within the Walls hidden in the snow confined a cabin surrounded by trees. Then her life took up a new motive and will once stepping foot on the grounds of the Survey Corps. Later on, she found goals, dreams and conviction as time went on as a scout underneath the cloak and fabric shielding her identity of a rogue from majority of her comrades to civilians of the Walls.

So much has happened since that day. Many steps were taken. Different experiences and desires out of life.

She has moved a long way from that town beyond the Walls where her memories had left behind because now she had a life where she's the one deciding what to do.

But abandoning her old life or merely forgetting the time before the fall of her home. She lost a lot of information of herself and the people that once lived beside her.

The warning Hoshi must've gave her was long buried within her mind, and Tsuki can't help but wonder if she wants to dig up the old skeletons of days long gone. The fear entangled in knowing or rediscovering what was once known has been persistent in back of her mind as of late.

Clasping her hands over her head, Tsuki continued to wonder through the grassy field while she tilted her head up toward the clear blue sky thinking to herself. Reflecting on what Hoshi or the image of him said to her, and comparing to what the mirror image of herself told her.

She was doomed, yet there was hope somewhere in the unseen, and Tsuki needed to hold out and keep moving forward.

Blinking, Tsuki didn't realize the sudden shade she wondered into. Tilting her head to the side, lowering her arms to her side Tsuki saw the tree that stood alone in the abandon land. It felt out of place to see this lively tree with lash color that hanged over her. It was far different from the trees she has seen within the Walls and on her expeditions in Titan territory.

Yet it's the only tree she sees within this dream. The only thing decorating the plan fields of grass that covers this land. Carefully moving alongside the tree, fingers brushing over the wood, Tsuki furrowed her brows as if she's seen this tree before but nothing came to mind like most things. Then something caught her attention from the corner of her eye as she almost came to a complete rotation of the tree.

She saw the green cloak

Her brother led her to the signature Survey Corps cloak. Tsuki walked over to the abandon cloth, and she picked up the green fabric within her fingers. Taking in how worn out the material was, but Tsuki furrowed her brows at the charred ends of the cloak.

It appeared to have survived a fire.

What fire could've burned the fabric? Or what fire even happened to resort to this?

Tsuki wasn't sure where or how these markings appeared on the cloak, but regardless of it the material still remain soft and warm despite the damage it undergone.

Her eyes fell onto the faded crest that decorated the center of the cape, one that held a history with too many names that have fallen on the field carrying this on their backs till the end.

A symbol many devoted themselves to uphold.

Tsuki didn't know where else to go in this endless loop, but she held onto the green cape for a moment before placing it around her and clipped it in place. Tsuki spoke aloud to herself, reminding her of who she was and pushing away the voices that have tried to lead her astray.

"I am Tsuki. Tsuki Church. Lieutenant Church of the Survey Corps."

She stood underneath the tree for a moment while she cling to one thing keeping her grounded. Tsuki had a place to be and people to stay with, and more importantly a promise that keeps her going no matter what may come.

But she won't lie about the darkness that has been crawling over her, the fear of never escaping this endless hell she's been running in. The feeling of a chain slowly yanking her back as it rattles when she's running, and Tsuki couldn't deny the anxiety building up to the moment she won't move freely.

The day she reached the end of the chain.

The day she trips and comes to face the reality that surrounds her bane of her existence.

To realize the freedom she has now was just an allusion as well.

Tsuki wasn't aware of how long she's been walking or how far she has gotten from the tree since she couldn't it anymore. She was physically alone again, but there were invisible figures always within reach so their faint whispers could be heard to send her into an anxious fit.

However, Tsuki could hear words muddled down til they were only garble noises to her ear, but she knew the faces that belonged to those voices that would connect her to reality. The times she'll hear her friends speak, faint sounds with puzzlingly words Tsuki would attempt to make out until she understood the messages from the outside.

Tsuki halted in her tracks once she heard a voice again, but unlike before it wasn't clear like the previous phantom and apparitions. It was incomprehensible, but she knew the voice wasn't from within her mind, so it meant someone speaking on the other side.

Figuring if she's asleep then her friends or someone would be monitoring her.

The words weren't as clarity as she would've hoped for, but she could recognize that voice anywhere. The tone was calm and reserved belonged to one person she knew all too well.

It was Levi.

She would usually hear his voice whenever she was trapped here, it was sparse, Levi wasn't a big talker, but nonetheless, she was grateful for the soundbite every now and then. If it's not him then is was usually Hanji chatting away, a lot of noise to the point it blocks out the chilling whispers within the prison she's stuck in.

Tsuki sighed in relief to hear his voice, distant and distorted, but still it was the only thing keeping her demons at bay until she could wake up. So she'll grab onto the lifeline while she still can and wait for the moment she'll be pulled back. Until then, she'll keep moving while listening to the one sided conversation.

.

.

.

"Don't get yourself in trouble while I'm away."

3rd Pov

Opening her eyes again Tsuki felt her eyelids weigh down on her almost lulling her back to sleep due to the sudden wave of exhaustion wash over her. But she got a glimpse of what once was the endless clear sky become the familiar cream color of the ceiling- her room ceiling within the Survey Corps.

A/N:

Clarification in case there's any misinterpretation this chapter was basically an insight of Tsuki's mind, which will come up again in future chapters. I just wanted to put it out there in case of any misunderstanding.

I dropped this chapter earlier than I anticipated since majority of this chap was already completed beforehand and I've recently been working on this fic and another future project between school to getaway from stress. But I also wanted to get Chap 14 out since I know Chap 15 won't be done any time soon. It'll mostly be done by the time or after my spring semester ends, so I'll leave Chap 14 now and work on my schoolwork.

I'm also so tempted to go back and rewrite past chapters, cut them down, alter, and space them out more, but I'll probably leave that challenge during the summer if I manage to get around to do that.

Until then, hope you have a wonderful day wherever you are :)