Hi, friends! I'm really not sure if this should be rated T or M. It features adult content of the intellectual variety. Not for the easily disturbed. Basically an outburst of my nerdy science brain.

Also, as you may have noticed, I've totally been on a fanfic roll, the past few days. I promise, I won't always be flooding the first page with the contents of my strange mind!

And now, I present to you: "Cat Facts"

"What's up, Vicky?" asked Mungojerrie the Het Author as he returned from the West End premier of HUMANS the musical.

Victoria the Slash Author, who was sitting at her fanfic desk with a shiny laptop computer, replied, "I'm doing some research on cats to make my fanfictions more realistic!"

Mungojerrie hopped up to sit on the desk, facing Victoria. "Cool!" he exclaimed. "Learning anything interesting?"

"Oh, tons! For instance, did you know that color is sex-linked in cats?"

"What does that mean?"

Well, there are two versions of the color gene, per say," Victoria explained. "One gene will make you orange, while the other will make you anything but orange, and this gene is located on the X chromosome. Because girls have two X chromosomes, they can have orange and other colors in their coats. Boys, however, will either be all orange or all other colors, because they have one X chromosome and one Y chromosome."

"But wait!" Mungojerrie protested. "I'm orange, black, and white, and I'm a boy!"

"That's because you're a mutant," Victoria told him. "You have three sex chromosomes – an X, a Y, and an extra X."

"What does that mean for me?"

Victoria smiled sheepishly. "That you're incredibly rare...and probably sterile."

"HA, sucker!" shouted Mistoffelees, who appeared in front of Mungojerrie in a shower of slashy, rainbow sparks to playfully backhand him across the face, before curling up on Victoria's keyboard.

"Don't worry, Jerrie," Victoria assured her fanfic buddy, patting him on the shoulder. "This is fanfiction. No one here gives a shit that you would have totally useless sperm in real life. We love you just the way you are."

Jerrie was still rubbing the side of his face, which was quickly bruising from Misto's assault. "Thanks, Vicky. What else have you got?"

Victoria blushed. "Nothing, really."

"Oh, come on. I know that's a lie. What else did you learn?"

She took a deep breath. "Cat's have barbed penises."

Jerrie and Misto both gasped, "WHAT?"

Victoria shrugged. "Barbed penises. No one's really sure why, either. Some people think it's to scrub away competing sperm, while others-"

"Stop talking," commanded Mistoffelees, looking thoroughly disturbed. Mungojerrie actually looked as though he might faint. The three friends sat in uncomfortable silence for a long time, before Mistoffelees broke it.

"Well, this has been a fun chat."

"And very educational," Mungojerrie agreed.

"I'm just gonna...never show my face again."

"Yeah, me too."

The two toms walked away with horrified looks on their faces, just as Rum Tum Tugger entered the clearing.

"What did I miss?"