Sebastian woke up on Monday morning at an incessant, stupidly annoying knocking on his door. For what seemed like a long time he just tried to ignore it, sure that it would eventually go away. When it becomes painfully obvious that he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep unless it stopped he could feel himself start to get exasperated. He hadn't had a night sleep like this in forever… well, yesterday, but that was not the point. He wanted to enjoy such a rarity as much as he could, and he had been doing a good work at it since the last time he went to bed had been at four o'clock in the afternoon.

He grabbed the pillow next to him and grumpily covered his entire head with it. It worked, for about two seconds, then the noises got louder.

"Go! The fuck! Away!" He yelled as high as he could while still half sleep.

"Sebs, come on! You're gonna miss first period and Mr. Harris said that if it happened again he wouldn't let you in for the rest of the year!"

"Fuck you!"

"You have twenty minutes!" Nick's voice was muffled by the door but his amusement was evident enough for Sebastian to grumble. Everyone knew he wasn't a morning person, never have been, even less lately; Nick must have a death wish to dare to wake him up. What he really needed was coffee. Coffee, sugar, and jerk off. In that order.

But the fucker was right. He needed to get his ass to first period. Mr. Harris was just a senile closet homophobe that hated him just as much as Sebastian hated him back. If it had been a woman all Sebastian would have to do was bat his eyes and act charming, something he was very good doing, but he knew not even the headmistress would be able to help him if the asshole banned him from his class.

He moved like a zombie, dragging his own feet by the room, brushing his teeth and taking a quick shower before putting on his uniform. It smelled like smoke, the same way almost all his clothes did now, smoke and very strong cologne, which helped not only to his purpose but also it made it seem like what he was trying to hide was the smoking and not another entirely different thing.

He knew it wasn't that necessary now, he smelled less with each passing day his sickness reached his end, but he wasn't risking it.

When he opened the door of the room Nick was waiting for him and a silly laugh came out of his mouth as he saw Sebastian.

"Where was the hurricane?" Nick asked as he continued to laugh at him. His hair was wet and his uniform a mess, his red tie just lying undone around his neck and his face was most certainly looking as wrinkled as his shirt.

"Shut the fuck up."

"Uhhh someone's crankier than usual," Jeff's laughter joined his boyfriend's and Sebastian rolled his eyes at the sight of the other boy and started walking away.

"Hey don't leave us. We're good friends, we just saved you from a lot of trouble and you won't even thank us." The blond followed after him, pulling of Nick's arm.

Sebastian remained silent. It was Monday morning, how could anyone be that irritating on Monday morning?

"Jeez, and one would think getting laid would get him at least a little bit more optimistic."

Sebastian stopped as if he'd been petrified, his heart banging in his chest so hard he could now hear it in his head. Could it be possible that Jeff… had he seen him with Kurt? Had Kurt told him?

"I don't know what you're talking about," He said, maybe a little too quickly, then in a smoother, cocky voice he added, "I always get laid."

Both boys went through surprise to confusion to annoyance in the span of a couple of seconds. Sebastian smiled to himself as he continued walking.

"Yeah," Jeff admitted reluctantly. "but you don't usually bring them here. But this one must be different." He grinned at him, a mocking gesture on his face.

"W—" Sebastian cut himself off. Calm down, calm down, he doesn't know, he can't know, he kept repeating, Kurt wouldn't! "Why would you say that?"

Jeff snickered at the question and Nick was beginning to look more cautious than entertained by his sub's apparent enthusiasm.

"The vampire marks on your neck and lip for a start?" The blond winked at him.

The… shit. Sebastian had completely forgotten about those. They'd barely been there yesterday, little almost unnoticeable pink spots, and they should have faded overnight. He resisted the urge to get his fingers on them, to pass his tongue by the corner of his lips where he knew one of them was. Suddenly he thought that doing his tie would have been a very good idea. Jeff was talking again and Sebastian forced himself to quit thinking about it.

"-course you should not feel ashamed. I mean not a lot of doms are into letting themselves be marked like that, which If you ask me is pretty stupid and narrow minded, like 'Oh yeah I'm a dom so being marked by a sub downgrade me in some dumb way' Like, if you like it just do it dude. So I'm pretty surprised that you aren't like that because if I'm being honest I never would have expected you precisely to be—"

"Jeff, leave Sebastian alone." Nick interrupted his boyfriend. Sebastian felt relief flowing through his body. Jeff didn't know. No one knew. They didn't even suspect there was something off, otherwise they wouldn't be telling him anything. It was all good in the world again and Sebastian was safe, safe where no one could touch him.

"Why? I'm just saying—"

"You know you'll only get him mad if you go on."

The other two boys were arguing at his back but Sebastian couldn't care less. They were only talking about him and some faceless guy, some faceless sub, a pretty energetic one but still. He'd have to be more careful in the future, make sure to act as much as a dom as he could, just little things, nothing for what his sickness would get worse but enough so no one would even fathom that he wasn't a dom.

"It's not fair, he makes fun of me all the time."

"That's him, not you."

"I mean it's not my fault that he and his sexual conquests don't know how to be silent, we were just watching a movie and heard sounds, not that sounds, but totally—"

"You mean, that's enough. Besides you'll be late for your class if you don't rush." Nick stated, crossing his arms over his chest and looking from Jeff to Sebastian and back to Jeff. Sebastian raised an eyebrow at the dom, Nick was usually all for Jeff's ridiculous chitchats, and he didn't see a reason why he'd decided right now was the moment to start being considerate. Jeff frowned but with a last glance at his dom he turned around and walked away.

Nick kept his place at his right side all the way out the dormitories and towards their classroom where they both shared first period.

Normally, if not always, Sebastian preferred to walk alone so he could enjoy his last moments of peace, Nick, Jeff and, sometimes Trent were the only warblers that insisted on trying to make him their 'pal', 'bro', or whatever and sometimes, like today, it wasn't so bad, at least they'd gotten him to wake up, but he had always had to pay by having to put up with them talking to him about their problems or joking or anything really so the unnatural silence of today made Sebastian felt uneasy.

Nick wasn't as loud as his boyfriend. He wasn't quiet either but he was calm, composed, and when he wasn't pining over Jeff even a pleasant company. Not that Sebastian wanted to spend more time than the necessary with the dom. Nick, however, had always something on his mind. And if he wasn't talking about it…

"You heard something?" he asked out of nothing, looking ahead of himself to the hallway already crowded with boys in their Dalton blazers.

Nick didn't pretend not to know what he was asking which, again, calmed him.

"Not really," Nick shrugged. "Voices in the corridor, that's all."

Sebastian nodded. "You sure?"

"Yep."

He could tell Nick wasn't telling everything, there must be something, why did Jeff sound almost excited? Why had Nick stopped his ranting about Saturday night? But he was sure asking for more information would seem suspicious and that was the last thing he needed. Not to mention, he didn't want to start being paranoid. "Whatever." He said with a roll of his eyes.

"Of course…" Nick pointed out raising one finger as if he had just remembered something. "We went to Jeff's room after that. We didn't want to risk listening to something that might traumatize us for life."

Sebastian snorted. "Please. As if I could do more damage."

"Mmm," Nick mumbled and one of his hands reached for Sebastian's neck. For a fraction of a second he thought he meant to touch the red spot just above his collarbone and felt the absurd desire to bite that hand away. In the last moment though, the fingers moved to get a grip on his red tie and playfully slap him with it. "You better tie that."

"Don't say anything more." Sebastian warned him. They were less than a minute away from Mr. Harris class and wanted to spend it in serenity. He began to make his tie all the same, no matter how he would have enjoyed the face his teacher would have done at the sight of it.

"I wasn't going to." Nick chuckled. Serenity only lasted three seconds. "I've got a few too, you know."

Sebastian emitted a low grumble in the back of his throat. "I told you–!"

"Nothing comparable to him but—"

"Fucking stop!"

"Language Mr. Smythe." Mr. Harris' voice said next to him and both Nick and Sebastian looked startled at their side to see the teacher passing them to enter the classroom. He was, to Sebastian's delight, in a very bad mood.

…

Later that night Sebastian is marveling in the advantages of going to a first-class school with a ridiculously expensive tuition that would make some his ex-classmates at his old boarding school at France gape at the bill. Not only did he have a room to himself, something he'd always appreciated, he also had his own parking place and the fastest wifi Ohio had to offer with total freedom to download as much porn as he liked. But having his own bathroom on top of that, where he could spend the entire day taking hot showers or just jerking off without no one bothering him, was a plus.

And the tub, yes. He'd never thought he would miss the huge tub in his bathroom back at home so much, but Dalton's significantly smaller one made a good replacement, he thinks as he sinks down in the warm water, his neck now completely submerged leaving only his head free of any slippery liquid.

He sighed. All his limbs going loosen and his eyes closing. Jeff had, evidently, been more than right. Getting laid did get him in a much better mood. That and Mr. Harris expression at the mark on his lower lip. Fucking priceless. All day had passed in a bliss and Sebastian couldn't find a rational explanation for it. He was still sick, still in the same garbage can that was Ohio and still failing to pay full attention to any class, but he was improving. Better, he realized. The itch under his skin was still there but it was noticeably less, he didn't have tremors or nausea anymore and his crotch didn't hurt nearly as much as it used to.

He hadn't even noticed up to that moment his hand wandering through the water down his own body, searching for his quickly interested dick as if it had a mind of its own. He sighed again and gave himself to it, not bothering to try and stop it, it felt too good and he was just in the mood.

His mind didn't take long to go where it always did now; to pale, perfect soft skin and firm muscles, brown hair and blue eyes and that goddamnit pornographic voice. Teasing him, whispering in his ear as he grinded down on him, letting him feel him, letting him come, letting him make him come, making those involuntary sinful noises as Sebastian took him into his mouth.

He didn't even need to go to his hands and fingers and lips and ass and cock before Sebastian had to slow down to prevent himself from coming too soon.

He thought back to days ago instead, though it felt like months ago, to Kurt seating just behind him right here, with him naked underwater, every inch of his body visible for him to look at, his long and talented fingers massaging his back and neck. Sebastian imagined him here now, watching as he touched himself and dragging the moment as long as he wanted, not because Sebastian's sickness needed him to but because it fucking pleased him, because he wanted to torture him out of his pure enjoyment.

Sebastian moaned.

Maybe instead of the massage he would be washing his hair, making sure his good boy was clean and well taken care of.

He whined and choked after accidentally ingesting water from the tub, his cock pulsing in his hand. Had he really went there? Oh god.

It had been one blowjob. One blowjob, a pretty face and basic human decency and he was already losing it? Unbelievable. He was getting too deep, too fast. Best fucking blowjob he'd ever given? Yes, without contest. Hell, best fucking sex he's ever had. And he didn't even come! What did it say of his sex life, which he used to think it was as good as it gets?

What he and Kurt had done? It was just a glimpse of what it could get to; it made Sebastian's brain go batshit crazy with the possibilities. That was something he had never experienced before, he'd never thought of sex with that need, that urge, never felt that anticipation just letting his mind wander.

Sex was just… in and out. Get friction, feel good and go home. It's a mean to an end. And a good distractor.

Was it normal to feel like a privilege to get another man's dick into his mouth? Was he a weirdo, had he been brainwashed? It'd always been nice and he enjoyed it but for some reason with Kurt it just felt like some sort of achievement. And he supposed it was. It was what he'd wanted, right? And it was way better than anything his delirious head could have come to. Fuck, the taste and the smell and the tugging of his hair… Then why couldn't he accept it?

So yeah, the sex was insane, big deal.

And it wasn't just that. As much as he wanted to let it go he just couldn't.

I care about you.

Sebastian believed him. He did. He tried to.

Do you actually think someone's gonna care about you? Someone's gonna waste their time and energy in you for more than a quick fuck? That's what you're for. That's what you all are for. Subs like you? Can find them in every corner. You're not special! You're just a little shit who can't keep his damn mouth shut and behave like what you are. A Smythe. You don't deserve it, to be called that used to mean something. You're a mistake. You weren't even supposed to be born!

He shakes his head. He hated when his thoughts flown to that. It had just ruined his masturbatory session.

Anxiety is fighting to retrieve his body and Sebastian suddenly has an urgent craving for something to smoke. He worries that he may be developing a dependence on it; he didn't use to smoke more than once or twice a month and he wouldn't want to come out of this with a new addiction.

His phone ringing draws his attention away from nicotine. He only would have needed to stretch his arm to get it from where it was on the floor next to the tub but from this angle Sebastian only had to tilt his head to see who was calling him. He groaned out loud.

Unfortunately, he had to do this pretty much every couple of days to prevent bigger problems, so he took the phone and sighing he answered the call.

"What do you want, dad?" He said, his tone irritated and boring obvious to anyone with half a brain.

"Son are you—"

"No!"

"Would you at least let me talk?"

"Why so you can tell me what a bad son I am? What a disappointment?"

"This is not—"

"No, it isn't. No, I won't let you talk and no, I don't want to talk with mom either and frankly I doubt she wants to anyway. Just… Holy fuck, dad. Leave me alone!"

He hung up. Well, it was done. And in just twenty-five seconds, that had to be a personal record.

He knew that eventually he'd have to face the consequents of his actions, but the later the best. He didn't remember his dad calling him so often since he was like six and home alone with the nannies. He'd been given warnings, threats and a lot of crappy emotional blackmail about his mom who, seriously, must be the least interested in what happened in his life.

But of course they wouldn't come to Dalton, no matter how many times his dad claimed that if things didn't change soon along with his behavior he would. Sebastian knew he won't, no matter what he shouted at him over the phone.

His phone rang again maybe ten or fifteen minutes later. Sebastian swore under his breath while his hand moved on his own to find the phone where he'd tossed it after finishing the call. He'd been just falling asleep despite the water growing increasingly colder with every minute and was more than ready to yell at his father to leave him alone once and for all when he became aware of the sound stopping.

He looked at the screen of the phone and saw that it was not a call but a message that had disturbed him. A message from Kurt.

From Princess (19:51): Hi, hope you're doing okay. Sorry, I forgot to mention I won't be able to be there tomorrow. I'll call you to agree on another day, maybe Thursday? My sectionals are on Wednesday so I can't that day either. But if you feel bad call me, I'll do what I can to go.

Sebastian tries to set aside the anger he feels after reading the message (Again?) because really, he understood. Kurt was doing this for him without expecting anything in return, and he has no right to make demands, he told himself not for the first time. Kurt had a life of his own and a competition in two days on top of that, he needed time for practicing he supposed.

So he had no plans for tomorrow. Christmas was just around the corner and since he would not be getting anything for his parents he had a budget available for him to spend on stupid and pricy things that he did not need, so he might as well take it as his relaxing day and shopping online until his credit card made even his father have nightmares. And he knew there was certain someone who deserved Sebastian to be considerate so, that too.

…

Everything was going perfect, honestly. Even with nothing to help him ease his perpetual arousal, even with his grades close to free fall, his position as the captain of the Warblers at risk and his family situation worse than ever, it was being a good day. That, until Sebastian's stupid fixation on coffee brought everything down right to hell.

The moment Sebastian enters the Lima Bean he can see them. Sitting at a table on the opposite end of the establishment it's impossible for him not to recognize the slim figure of the brown-haired boy smiling and laughing out loud with bright blue eyes illuminating his face and everything around him. He wasn't looking at Sebastian; his attention was too occupied by the person in front of him. It wasn't difficult to imagine who it was, even though he was completely with his back to Sebastian, the green short-sleeved shirt, the brown shoes without socks and the black hair combed back with an exorbitant amount of gel left no doubt.

Sebastian has the sensation to be having an episode of dejavú, but he knows that's not it, it's just that this keeps happening and happening and he feels his hands forming fists at the sides of his body. He takes a long breath, seeking to calm his temper.

He's starting to feel like a fool standing there next to the door without moving, a couple of people beginning to look curiously at him, so he forces himself to get under control and put on the calm, indifferent and arrogant look he had perfected the last five years.

When he was less than ten steps from the table Kurt looked up and his eyes landed on him, his smile falling as soon as his eyes had reached him. That made his heart give a painful blow inside his chest but he put a smug smile on his face and concentrated on being the Sebastian he knew, not the one Kurt was trying to convince him he was.

"Hello, Blaine." He said presumptuously, seeing the other boy's head spin to him, his face turning into a startled grimace and giving him a doubtful grin. He didn't care, he wasn't there to please the idiot. "Hi Kurt," he continued a long moment after in a dismissive tone of voice, barely granting the crossed-armed dom a fleeting glance before returning his eyes to the stunned boy before grabbing an empty chair from the table behind and sitting next to the other sub.

"H-Hi—"

"Sebastian, what are you doing here? Are you always here?" Kurt asked, looking more pissed than what Sebastian thought he would get. Of course, that could have had more to do with the fact that Sebastian was hardly looking at him, instead focusing entirely on Blaine, giving him a seductive smirk he could see was making the boy nervous. "Sebastian!"

"Oh, don't get your panties in a twist, Hummel. Why do you guys get so surprised all the time? I'm doing exactly the same as you. Or what? A guy can't go out for coffee once in a while? Jesus…"

Kurt's eyes narrowed in obvious anger, all trace of humor gone from his features. Sebastian smiled wider at Blaine, the man's cheeks coloring instantly.

Kurt snorted. "I don't see you bringing any coffee with you."

"Well, I just got here. Maybe you should bring me some, huh princess?" Sebastian said, finally deigning to properly look at him.

Kurt was looking at him strictly, it seemed like he was scolding him with his eyes, and he was furious, Sebastian could see that from miles away just taking a brief look at his face. That didn't stop him from smiling haughtily. He was experiencing a new, weird and contradictory feeling in response to the exchange. As if something inside him knew that he wasn't allowed to do this, but at the same time there was something so thrilling and magnetic in Kurt's anger. It meant that all his attention focused on him, only on him, and that, at the moment, there was no place for anything else on his mind but Sebastian, the same way there was only Kurt in his.

The dom's fists trembled on the table. "Screw you, meerkat."

Sebastian's lips curled into a satisfied smile.

Blaine, despite Sebastian's lack of manners, didn't seem inclined to leave and was watching between them with a newfound interest. Sebastian, it is not necessary to say, took advantage of this.

"A little bit aggressive today, aren't we? Or did you just wake up on the wrong side of the bed?" He said with a wry smile. Sebastian didn't know anymore the things he said until after they left his mouth. It was as if he was not able to stop it, as if he were on autopilot. His posture was cocky and disdainful and as dominant as he could handle.

He forced himself to take his eyes off Kurt and looked at the boy next to him, well, ogled was a better word for it. He looked at him up and down, sure that with every look Kurt got more and more furious. Blaine hadn't said anything since Kurt had interrupted him the moment he arrived, Sebastian supposed it was because of something about respect, about letting two doms insult each other or something like that.

Sebastian played with the idea of offering Anderson a ride home. Nothing he hadn't done before, anyway. Just to irritate Kurt.

Except he wasn't there for that. And besides, he had no desire to spend any more time with the hobbit.

"So, Blaine… How have you been?"

"Ahh, good I—"

"I don't think that's any of your business…" Kurt's voice almost came out like a hiss. Blaine, for fuck's sake, looked utterly mortified that the usual initial fight didn't seem to come to an end, and Kurt seemed less and less happy with every word that came out of his mouth, almost looked like he would start to growl soon if he didn't stop and Sebastian's impulse to shrink himself was growing proportionally to Kurt's anger. He didn't want to fight… Sebastian was sure he was going to lose… but he wanted Kurt's attention on him enough to ignore it.

"Ah! But it is, I just asked!" he forced a smile. "What it is none of your business is what I ask, just as it is none of my business how dreadful those pants are. Seriously, not even a homeless man would wear that if you paid him for it." It wasn't true, of course. Those pants made Kurt's legs look magnificent, tight in all the right places, which in the case of Kurt's legs was, everywhere. But they were of a white and beige pattern with some purple stitching visible on the sides and they were eccentric enough that any comment about them would make Kurt rage.

"Would you shut up? Every thing you say is more stupid than the last."

Sebastian pretended not to care. He glanced at Blaine, who seemed now downright flattered to have two dominants fight over him. Sebastian straightened his shoulders, turning his body to him and putting his arm around the sub's chair, moving closer to say something directly into Blaine's ear but just as the first sound had left his lips his word were cut short.

"It's enough Sebastian!" Kurt exclaimed before Sebastian could say anything. The stern and commanding tone left no room for disobedience.

He fell silent.

Sebastian fought, he didn't want to give in, he didn't want to be weak, he didn't want to let Kurt win. But he wasn't so strong. He looked away and said nothing more. His stomach hurt and so did his head but he kept a straight face.

"We should go." He heard Kurt tell Blaine and his lips tightened and his teeth began to shake with embarrassment. He got up and walked all the way to the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him and running to the sink to pour water on his face.

The cold liquid dripping from his face did nothing to mitigate the feeling in his stomach. He felt terrible. Idiot, pathetic, like a piece of shit. Why couldn't he behave like a normal person one day in his life? A dom doesn't act that that way, Sebastian. No matter what position he adopted or with what tone of voice he spoke he still acted like a spoiled twelve-year-old boy. He didn't even know what he wanted anymore, he just wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole so he never had to see Kurt's face again.

For a second he imagined that the universe didn't have something against him and he let himself fantasize about the possibility of escaping through the window and take the next flight to the moon, as absurd as that was, it was the first image that came to his head.

It just… it bothered so much. Why had he to be the one that turned out wrong? Why precisely him? Why not Jeff, Trent, Thad, that asshole sure as hell deserved it. And Blaine? What made him better than Sebastian? With the great amount of gays in Dalton it was no surprise that Kurt hadn't managed to leave without a boyfriend, Blaine wasn't that special, it could have been anyone.

But it had been him. Blaine, the kind of guy that would write songs and give flowers and go to school dances, and wait to share their first time and treat Kurt like a king. It infuriated him.

Then he raised his head to look at himself in the mirror and he remembered that universe did have something against him.

"What's wrong with you?" Kurt's reflection exclaimed through the mirror. Not only did he look angry, but totally hysterical. "Who do you think you are? What do you think you were doing out there? Answer me!"

Sebastian can't help his legs from shaking at the demanding tone. He truly, truly didn't think he'd have to confront Kurt so soon and seeing the reality of what his actions caused he can't stop his features from contorting into an ugly frown. Shit, all he wanted was to fall at Kurt's feet and hear him say that it was okay, that everything was fine. But where would that leave him? Where would his self-respect be? His dignity?

He turned around to face the other boy. He was closer than what Sebastian expected him to be and he was looking directly into Sebastian's eyes. The fact that he was slightly taller than Kurt did nothing to make him feel more in control, on the contrary, it felt like a flaw, like yet another thing he didn't do right. One part of him wanted to surrender, to bow or kneel or do anything to be smaller, but the bigger one, the pretentious, self-important one wouldn't let him even consider it.

He had crossed a line, Sebastian knew, but he never thought he would ever see Kurt this furious. Sweet, patient Kurt, he didn't want to believe he'd reached the end of his kindness, that he had abused it so much. He refused to look at him any longer, lowering his eyes to the sink, avoiding at all cost the tears in his eyes from coming out and trying to maintain the little pride he had left.

"Kurt I, I didn't— I was just…" Okay, no, nu-uh, bad start. "I didn't mean to annoy you."

Kurt's eyes widened and Sebastian groaned to himself. What was wrong with his mouth? He said the stupidest things. Of course he'd wanted to annoy him! What it is none of your business is what I ask, just as it is none of my business how dreadful those pants are. Really? He'd managed to insult not only Kurt but also his clothes?

"I mean I was, but… not like this," Sebastian mumbled vaguely and pulled away from his place, startled when Kurt took two big steps towards him. Sebastian moved backward awkwardly but quickly until he was leaning against the door of one of the three bathroom stalls, breathing unconsciously through his mouth and being forced to face Kurt. He still didn't look in a better mood. And he can't blame him, not with all the idiocies that Sebastian kept saying. "Kurt stop! You're getting out of control."

"I'm out of control?!" Kurt asked indignantly. He wasn't screaming and his expression changed to a much more intimidating one. "I'm out of control when you came here with the sole purpose of ridiculing me and making me feel like crap since you first opened your mouth?"

Sebastian started to say something but he stopped almost immediately. He wanted to say it wasn't true, but it was exactly what he'd done ever since he entered the Lima Bean.

"Do you any idea of how it feels? Having someone I've dominated challenging me out there that way? In front of all those people? What did you expect to achieve? Assert your manliness? Prove that you're better than me or what?"

All of a sudden he feels a stream of bitter anger spread through his body, because it's the only coping mechanism he knows and if Kurt won't accept and won't even hear his apology well then what the fuck is he supposed to do?

"And what did you want me to do?" He snaps, trying not to raise his voice too much because he seriously doubts the walls of the Lima Bean bathroom were noise-proof. "Sit there like we're all good friends having tea? No of course you would've preferred if I just let you having your little date with Mr. Immaculate sub shithead and go fuck myself somewhere else. Well, I have you news! I can say whatever I want, whenever I want and I don't care if you like it or not!"

"What, are you really playing victim? You have to be kidding me! Am I not permitted to have coffee with people? Do I have to ask you for permission? And on top of that I have to endure you throwing ridiculous fits whenever I see you in public?"

"Oh you don't like my fits? Do you not want me to throw one right here, Hummel? Because I will." Sebastian claimed, sure he looked for all the world like a petulant child. "You will not ignore me. "

There is a pause in which both of them look at each other without saying a word, Sebastian struggling to keep his rage on top of his guilt and Kurt seeming to be deliberating something in his mind. Whatever it might have been he is the first to talk and when he does he appears to be noticeably calmer. For a single second Sebastian thinks this might be it, the 'Whatever, but don't do it again' but it's only a faint wish because Kurt's eyes still show him the same disapproval they'd done out there.

"You think you can get away with anything, don't you?" He asks and Sebastian doesn't answer, just looks ahead with clenched teeth and tight lips. "Well I'm sorry if I have any fault in that, but what I won't do is take your shit anymore. This is not the first time this happens and I'm not letting you off the hook this time."

Sebastian inhaled, Kurt was not any of his parents, he had no right… "Oh please, drop it. Don't you have to go back to the hobbit?"

And yes, there it was. He saw hesitation in Kurt's expression.

"I told him to wait outside, that I had something to do." Kurt comments easily as he crosses his arms on his chest.

"Ugh, and of course he didn't even question what you had to do in the Lima Bean men's bathroom. That's how you like them? Brainless?" He asked irritably, his gaze fixed on a point in the wall.

Fucking Blaine, always so good, so perfect, why couldn't he get swallowed by the ground?

"At least he respects me."

Sebastian snorts. "Sure he does. What were you doing all that time you were 'practicing' for sectionals huh? Fooling around with Anderson like he's your private boytoy?"

"This is not about Blaine."

"Of course it is."

"So it is about Blaine then? What are you Sebastian, jealous?"

Sebastian gapes at him, surprised not only at the question but at his own words. It takes more than he's proud to admit for him to be able to form an answer at all. "Owh— No! No, it's not— he's stupid," He struggles to get the words out of his mouth, he was too stunned he could hardly think correctly. He felt so bad, he didn't want to fight anymore, he just wanted them to forget about Blaine and forget all this ever happened and that he was a total jerk and just forget everything.

"Well if you are or not I don't care!" Kurt looked intently at Sebastian, pitching his voice low. "I'm not a fucking tool and I won't tolerate you to treat me like one. Especially when you're the one-" Kurt didn`t finish but Sebastian could deduce the rest of the sentence for himself. You're the one who needs me. And it was true, he knew, but it was as if his brain had not yet come to terms with it. He hadn't needed to, Kurt hardly mentioned it and he didn't have much practice thanking for things if he was going to be honest.

He looked down, too embarrassed to say anything, the only thing in his field of vision being the material of his shoes. He stayed that way while Kurt was still looking at him, scrutinizing his expression. He knew there was a pout on his mouth but he didn't fight much to get rid of it, Kurt had already seen it anyway and it wouldn't do any good to try to hide it.

Kurt sighed loudly but Sebastian didn't dare look up, didn't want to see how disappointed Kurt really was. "You'll stop treating me that way in front of anyone." He said, the ultimatum present in his tone of voice. "And if you want this to continue you'll see me as I am. I'm a dom and I'm a person, not your servant for you to call me when you need it and then forget about me when you're better. Tell me if you understand."

Sebastian gulped, surrendering. "Yes, Kurt."

The accumulated tension in the air was almost palpable. Neither of them moved an inch in the following seconds, only the sound of their breathing in the room. There was unmistakable sound of someone slipping and cups falling to the floor and breaking into pieces on the other side of the door and Kurt let out a defeated sound from the back of his throat.

"I have to go back." He said, letting his arms fall to his sides. "I'll see you in your room in two hours."

Sebastian opened his mouth but nothing came out. His heart was pounding fast in his chest and his mouth was dry. "But I thought…" he cut himself, he didn't know what he thought.

"We still need to fix this. And we're doing it today." Kurt stated, and it was more than clear from his face that no amount of complaining would change his mind.

"But then why-" he cleared his throat. He was still startled from Kurt's decision so it wasn't that easy to link words in his mouth as it was in his head. "Then why don't we go back together?" he asked, uncomfortable under the inquiry that Kurt was giving him.

"Blaine's waiting for me." He recalled, as if that was all Sebastian needed to know. "I brought him here so I have to take him back to his house." He moved back on his feet to the bathroom door.

Sebastian extends a hand, surprisingly grabbing the dom's arm, a flow of something desperate and needy in his gut forcing him to do try to stop him. "Wait…"

Kurt looks at him and the watches the hand on his arm and his eyes soften, putting his own hand on his. "I want you on your knees, showered and waiting for me when I arrive. The key of your room under the flowerpot on the console of the hallway. I'll be there soon."

And with that he was out, turning the doorknob and removing the lock Sebastian hadn't even known was on.

…

"Are you okay?"

Kurt took a long, deep breath before replying, if not, who knows what nonsense he would have let escape. He stared at the road in front of him, what he really wanted was to smash his head against the wheel. No, he wasn't okay. He needed to do his job, he needed to go take care of his sub.

Which Sebastian wasn't, he remembered himself.

His stomach moved uncomfortably. That didn't matter, he was responsible for the immediate physical and emotional health of the sub and that meant he had to think twice before doing everything.

"Kurt," He heard Blaine's voice speak to him again but he almost didn't notice it, he was too lost in his thoughts.

"I'm fine," He said. "Sorry I can't take help you with your Christmas presents today, but I'll make space somewhere and let you know."

Kurt turned his head for a second to smile briefly at Blaine. He was concerned, Kurt was aware of that but there wasn't a lot he could do about it right now. It made Kurt feel a little guilty. It was unreal how well they got along, even after all the time they've been apart these months, Blaine was the easier person to talk in the world, he was smart and funny and thoughtful and they had so much in common sometimes it was a little hard to believe.

Why Sebastian had to be so… so… so frustrating.

All this time Kurt had really tried to understand him, to try to imagine his conflict and work with what he had. He knew Sebastian was stressed, he had every reason to be, and so Kurt had tried to be thoughtful, but today had been just the last straw, he was no saint, and watching Sebastian enjoy it…

He'd thought about calling it over, telling Sebastian he wasn't gonna take it anymore and that he was out, so the sooner he found a clinic the better. He'd been so sure of it for a couple of moments, but leaving Sebastian to his fate wasn't the answer. He already didn't have a lot of people to rely on, abandoning him that way just because Kurt didn't have the guts to go along with what he knew had to be done, because he worried, because he was afraid of all that could go wrong if he let himself go too far. So alright, Sebastian wasn't his boyfriend, but he too needed those things, it wasn't Kurt just being selfish.

And that had been the problem, Kurt thought. He'd been trying to be so careful not to cross any of Sebastian boundaries that it hadn't occurred to him to push them, just a little.

It wouldn't have gotten this far if it had, now what was his excuse for letting it happen? Incompetence? He had to attend his sub's needs, and his own. How could he want Sebastian to trust his instincts when he himself wasn't.

How could Sebastian still choose him, when Kurt was making so many stupid mistakes? He was just the worst Dom ever, he was careless and naïve and dumb and—

But not anymore. He was determined not to question himself any longer. He will do what he had, the same way Sebastian had.

"You're angry."

He moved his head again to glance at Blaine, who was eyeing him cautiously.

"What, why?" He asked. Then he realized he was squeezing the steering wheel too harsh. He tries to relax his hands and he frowns when he's incapable of doing it, but he quickly tries to compensate it with a smile.

"I can tell." Blaine assured without taking his eyes off him. "Did you do what you had to in there?"

"Uh, something like that." Kurt murmured softly, he didn't really wanna talk about it, didn't want to come up with excuses or reasons or nothing at all.

"It's because of Sebastian, isn't it?"

The muscles in Kurt's back and arms tensed. Could Blaine know? He hadn't said a word to anyone, not even Rachel or Mercedes, and there was so little to associate him to Sebastian. He doubts their constants fights could do anything to give them away. They were so apathetic to each other, it was completely impossible, he was sure of it, yet his heart was pounding as if he'd been caught red-handed, his fake nonchalant smile gone as soon as the name had come out of Blaine's mouth.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He mumbled with such a serious expression he couldn't have fooled the most credulous man alive.

"Kurt I swear to you, I don't like Sebastian." Blaine said, causing Kurt's eyes to open wide, his brain not fully finishing to process what he'd just heard.

"What?"

Blaine inhaled quickly. "I mean at first I might have liked him a little bit, and I was flattered by the great amount of compliments he threw at me but, he's not what I want."

Kurt's expression cooled ten degrees all at once. "Yeah, only because he didn't keep chasing you." He said, seeing the surprise reflect on Blaine's face.

He couldn't explain the absurd wave of jealousy and possessiveness that was crawling all over his body. It was as if it was consuming him from inside. If Kurt were an animal he was pretty he would be growling.

Just the thought of Blaine and Sebastian…

But that didn't make any sense, he didn't want Blaine anymore, at least he didn't want a relationship with him anymore, so, does that mean…

"I-I promise you, It's not like that." Blaine told him. He tried to take one of his hands, but Kurt took it away, grabbing the steering wheel with both hands again and looking deep into the road.

Oh, right. Blaine still thought Sebastian was a dom. Of course he hadn't even considered the possibility of them being anything more than natural enemies. The idea sometimes shocked Kurt himself. And he had to change that. He had to tell Blaine. He had to tell everyone. He had to scream that he and Sebastian weren't enemies, they were, they were… something else.

But he can't.

"It's okay, I believe you." He said in a sigh, giving it up. He'd have to fix this by himself, in the infinite space in his head. He couldn't hurt Sebastian anymore, and reveal the secret he's been keeping for years would surely not do much to improve his perception of Kurt.

"Really?"

Blaine looked so happy, so full of hope when he looked at him that Kurt had to smile, even if it was a poor attempt at it. "Yes," he said. He tried to look serious then, after all the last thing he wanted was Blaine to start to be suspicious. "But it's not like you have to give me explanations, I'm not your dom anymore."

The sub's lips shook in an uncertain smile, which Kurt didn't see, and his fingers tightened around the material of his thick sweater. "Right."

…

Sebastian concentrated on breathing, in and out, in and out, in and out, for what seemed like a big period of time. There were so many things in his head he had to focus in just that one in order to compose himself. The pressure inside his chest was so bad, he'd tried to get it out through his breathing, to ease it a little by ignoring it or push it with the rest of the things he had to put up with on a daily basis but it wasn't working.

Was Kurt still in Lima? In his own house? With Blaine? On the road to Westerville? Was he still even coming? It'd been two hours, he was pretty sure… or so he thought. Perhaps he'd changed his mind, perhaps he'd decided that Sebastian just didn't worth his time and… No. No, stupid sub brain talking. Kurt would be here, just as he said he would.

Lips pursed together, he shifted on his own weight on the floor. He'd been kneeling for god knows how long and his legs and knees hurt from supporting his body, the pain was good though, even at the times he wanted to give it up, to bend forward and just lie on the floor for a couple of minutes the same pain that prompted him to want it also reminded him this was were he was supposed to be, what he was supposed to be doing and, more importantly, that Kurt wanted him to.

He'd done everything the dom had told him to the letter. Even in his frustration, he knew he had no other choice. If Kurt wanted his knees to hurt from waiting for him, then they'll the hell they will.

The cold shower he took had been long enough to let most of his rage wash off. That, of course after some good twenty minutes filled with images of Kurt's disappointed eyes directed at him, of the tentative smile he'd saw him give to Blaine, leaning on Kurt's black navigator on the Lima Bean parking lot only one minute after leaving Sebastian in the bathroom. Kurt had told him something he hadn't been able to hear but it had made Blaine smile back, walking to get to the passenger side and climb into the car. The same car Sebastian had been pressed and kissed against, the same car he'd been pushed into and had it's owner's hand on his dick, stroking him until he was a sobbing mess. And Sebastian stayed there, watching the car disappear down the road, wondering if Kurt continued feeling as angry as he was minutes ago and imagining how willing Blaine would be to change that.

The nausea had only worsened from there on.

But eventually he felt just tired, and after another ten minutes under the cold water he just wanted to try find a way to lower the resentment he felt at the other sub, it'd been, after all, why it all had started for, his stupid self-sabotaging tendencies and his unhelpful that got him nothing but trouble.

He got out of the shower and slipped into underwear, soft grey sweatpants and a plain white shirt. Was he supposed to kneel naked or something? He didn't think so, it wasn't as if he thought they would be doing nothing very fun anytime soon. He didn't feel like waiting naked would be a good idea, it seemed too much… exposure. This would have to do.

He'd already left the key where Kurt told him to and made sure to clean up a bit (He knew Kurt didn't especially care for the mess,) and as he sank to his knees he started to freak out.

It had taken a while for him to go back to his senses, thoughts like 'What I have done? Did I screw everything up, didn't I? Shit I bet he's so mad. Couldn't I just have just walked out? No, I had to go there and ruin everything. If just the goddamn hobbit wouldn't have been there, didn't his sorry ass have anywhere else to be? And did Kurt not know any other coffee shop anyway?' didn't leave his head until he didn't have anyone else to blame and he'd explored every possibility for a different outcome of the argument.

Next he started searching for something in his mind that could save him from this, recalling to himself the endless pages and pages of information he'd read just last week, but there being so much of it he had barely got a grasp of the whole picture. Mainly, he'd settled for some basic things and every time he got a little bit deeper into it he got kind of horny and forgot it in order to jerk off. Needless to say it wasn't of much help. He thought about all and every excuse his brain came up with and none of them would do any good to his case.

His imagination flashed with everything he would tell Kurt, everything he wanted to tell him, to defend himself, to make Kurt see things his way, some of them lies and some other truth and none of them worked out well, not even in his own mind. In the end he knew it was ridiculous.

But in spite of his frantic pursuit of an outlet, deep inside him he knew that he deserved it. He deserved it all. He'd upset Kurt. Kurt, who was good and kind and the only real friend he'd ever had and who should always be happy and… damn.

It was a monumental disaster. How did he manage to always fuck everything up?

He couldn't be a dom, he couldn't be a proper sub… he'd know it all his life but it'd never feel quite like this, like such a loss.

Maybe… maybe he didn't need to come up with some big backup plan, maybe he could just apologize, accept his failure, just say he was sorry and… and promise he would do better next time, he'd do his best… yes, yes, he still got time.

Then why didn't that feel quite right either?

Apologizing… it did feel better, but it wasn't what his body wanted. He just didn't understand what was that it, not so subtly, was trying to tell him was missing. That, combined with his unmistakable anxiety and the tension and mild-pain sought to strangle him and Sebastian wasn't very certain he could keep up like this for much longer

Whether or not he could have he would never know because at that moment he heard the sound of the key entering the lock on the door.

The tempo of his breathing sped up as he tried to gather himself. He was in a position in which he was facing the door, his knees pressed together with his hands on his thighs and he lowered his head as far as it would go. He winced to the floor, imagining how he would look, prostrated there like this before someone else, little and meek and waiting for a word or any signal to indicate him what to do. Like a servant. Like a slave.

The door clicks shut and Sebastian can hear the sound of steps across the room. They're soft and delicate, slow and calm and that, along with a heavy sigh are the only indications of another person here with him.

It was nothing like what Sebastian had pictured these last hours, in his mind he'd seen Kurt raging, throwing the door open shouting and threatening and livid. This silent, composed being makes him much more uncomfortable, but he tries to focus only in kneeling.

He can see Kurt's shoes now as the boy stands in front of him but he still doesn't lift his gaze. He needs to show he can be good, can be pleasing. He sort of expects to feel the hand on his head at some point but it's clear he doesn't deserve any of that right now. Kurt stays there for almost an entire minute, and then he speaks.

"Straighten your back. And spread your legs a bit."

Sebastian didn't hesitate before moving as the dom directed. His legs shifted without much effort, it was in fact easier this way, but his back did put some resistance. At least his muscles seemed to adapt better to the posture than they had before, even if it was still much harder than what he thought it should be.

"And kneel on this. You're going to hurt yourself."

He saw one of his pillows fall in front of his knees. It wasn't quite a command, the tone acquiring a tired ring to it, but Sebastian still hurried to comply.

It was an instant relief to his knees, although it was a bit more difficult to maintain the position like this, balancing the weight of his body to keep his legs and back in place. It's puzzling as well as calming to think that Kurt cared enough about his physical discomfort in such a situation as he did any other time but he can't help wishing Kurt would just shove him and scream at him and insult him and fucking act as mad as Sebastian knew he was. Take it out on him however he needed. He shouldn't be bottling all that up.

"Have you eaten something?"

Sebastian rushed to answer, the same way he'd done kneeling on the pillow, happy to finally have something to say. He still couldn't see Kurt at all but he could see his shadow on the floor, thanks to the light coming from the window. He was static, almost as much as Sebastian himself and had, apparently for the look of it, his arms crossed.

"Breakfast. Like, at eleven. I had eggs, and bacon and orange juice." He stopped, his mouth opening and closing with the urge to keep talking, but there was nothing more to say. He never got to buy that coffee, after all.

Kurt inhaled and exhaled loudly and for long seconds Sebastian could almost hear him thinking.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" He asks before he can regret it. "I was so mean to you, I'm so mean—"

"I'm-" Kurt says, heated and loud, before pausing and sighing again. "-not being nice. I'm being decent." He doesn't sound calm now, and Sebastian cringes. Kurt is obviously doing a great effort not to shout, by the tone of his voice. When he speaks again he seems to have regained control of it. "In fact, I'm trying very hard not to be angry. I spent thirty minutes inside my car in the parking lot just making sure I was composed enough to do this."

The shadow before Sebastian moves on the floor and soon is not the shadow but the real Kurt he's seeing. He looks up hesitantly and 'composed' is just the right word to describe Kurt's features right now.

"I suppose I don't have to elaborate in how I feel. How… disappointed." Sebastian doesn't move in reaction to the heavy words, to the tiredness surrounding not only the tone but the whole face of the dom, he just bites his tongue and lets his eyes burn with tears he refused to let escape. There was it, all of Sebastian's fears contained in that little word. He failed, he failed Kurt and himself and the trust there was starting to grow between them and he could not stand it. He'd give up everything he had just to go back in time and never enter that coffee shop today, to see Kurt's warm eyes and gentle smile and kiss those plump lips until he couldn't feel his face anymore.

"No, sir." Sebastian bowed, hoping Kurt could see this what him backing down. This was he giving up everything he knew to surrender to the man in front of him, submitting, to the extent he's capable of, to his dominant.

He could almost feel the weight of the hand hovering over his head. So close, so damn close. He longed to for the tenderness of the fingers playing with the strands of his hair, the approval it implied. But it was gone too fast, too suddenly and he wanted to whimper at the loss.

"I'll give you one, and just one chance to explain to me. Really explain, honestly, what happened. Whatever you say won't affect what you did but I want to hear your reasons."

Sebastian licked his lips, looking for something to say. Honestly. He did not have an honest answer, all he had were stupid excuses and pitiful made up stories. But he wanted to be honest, he just sometimes didn't understand himself either, didn't know why he did the things he did, he just knew he wanted Kurt to be proud, to be someone Kurt could be proud of.

Kurt raises an eyebrow at him. "Well?"

"I... I don't know." He keeps his eyes low as he says this. Kurt's shoes feel like the only right place to look at the moment.

"I don't believe you." Kurt says plainly.

Sebastian clenches his eyes shut. Then, in a clear act of submission he bows further, keeping his posture as much as he can. "I'm sorry, sir." he hears his own voice, low and slightly sweetened to try sooth the dom and a knot forms in the back of his throat.

Who is this new person?

Kurt takes a step backward and grabs his desk chair, sitting on it and leaning forward, resigned, as if getting ready for this to take a while.

"I'll only ask this twice. Why you did it?" Kurt eyes him sharply. It sounds so little like a question and so much like a command. Kurt isn't being cold but firm and Sebastian finds it may be just easier to let it happen.

With every nerve he got, he says. "I was pissed. I wanted to rile you up, to irritate you, to show you… I don't know what I wanted to show you."

"Well, from my perspective, it looked like you wanted to show me I don't know you at all, that you're still the same idiot I met a month ago and that I held no power over you. Am I right?" Kurt's words were hard, but they also gave away sentiment. Sebastian was more than sure that Kurt didn't intend for it to show.

He nodded, not totally over his shock yet, because yes, that sounded like him and no, he would not let himself crawl at Kurt's feet and beg for forgiveness.

"And what, exactly, did I do to earn that?"

For some reason, he can't make himself answer, multiple times his mouth opens with the start of a sentence but it dies before he can even pronounce a sound. At least he thinks Kurt knows that he didn't mean it like an act of rebellion, or even resistance, he truly, truly wanted to obey but his brain was making all this much more difficult.

"Sebastian…" Kurt's voice was close and he concentrated on him. "Were you jealous of Blaine?"

"Wha-? I-" Sebastian mumbled incoherently. His face felt faintly warmer and as he looked up at the surprisingly gentle grimace in bewilderment and his lips parted, ready to deny it all. Except he couldn't. The words won't come out as his body fought with his mind. Why was it important anyway? He remembered Kurt saying he didn't care not three hours ago, then why was he asking again? Had he changed his mind? Not that it made any difference. He wasn't jealous. Sebastian Smythe didn't do jealousy.

"Is that why you said all those stupid things on Thursday, too? Five days? Is that how often you'll start doing these displays of psychosis?"

"I'm not… jealous I just— I don't like him. I don't like the way he looks at you. I don't want you near him." Which, he realized, could be the description of jealousy, and didn't make a lot of sense.

If Kurt realized that, if he was affected in the least by his crappy arguments he didn't show it.

"Well, too bad because I'm going out with him tomorrow." He said, undaunted.

"Again?" Sebastian asked disbelievingly, unable to stop. "Isn't tomorrow your sectionals? For which you told me you were practicing today? And I mean, yes I got a little crazy but it's not like it's the first time this happens Kurt, I—"

"Could be the tenth time and you still shouldn't talk to me like that." Kurt cut off his little tantrum. He enunciated every word carefully, precisely, preventing him not to dare let his tongue slip again.

The sub lowered his eyes sheepishly, wincing at his own behavior. "I know."

"You do?" Kurt sounded incredulous at best. Ironic was a more appropriate word for it. Sebastian couldn't blame him; his actions indicated the exact opposite. He stayed quiet, allowing Kurt to see he wasn't defying him, not anymore. He'd accept everything Kurt had to tell him and after he would feel better, he trusted. Kurt will make it better, he always did.

"Eyes up." Kurt demanded, and of course, Sebastian did. "Blaine's helping me with my college application and I'm helping him buy Christmas presents for his parents. I didn't tell you I'd be practicing today, you assumed. Those were the plans for today and if I had to move them to tomorrow you can thank yourself for that." There was a pause. Kurt arched his eyebrow at him and waited until Sebastian nodded before continuing. "And in any case if you ever come upon us in the future you won't open your mouth without thinking beforehand. You'll be respectful to him and any friend I happen to be with. Especially myself, needless to say."

Sebastian nodded again, almost eagerly. The prospect of encounter himself once again in the same scenario than today, frozen as he saw Kurt cheerily chatting and laughing with Blaine made him wanna puke, but he would never, never repeat the same mistakes from today, regardless of how much it upsets him.

"Very good." Kurt's now softer voice muttered as he finally, finally touched him. His hand rose slowly from where it was on the armrest of his chair and came to cup his cheek, fingers sliding all the way from his chin to his cheekbone and using his thumb to caress the skin there. Sebastian nearly whimpered, nuzzling closer to the heat of Kurt's hands and permitting the praise to fill his body with a sense fulfillment.

Kurt let him do it, never taking his eyes off him. "You're so beautiful like this." He said, and Sebastian wanted to whimper again. "Devastatingly beautiful. Can't believe my eyes when I look at you. It makes me wonder why do you resist so much to show this side of you."

Sebastian frowned. "I don't." he replied instantly, but didn't draw back from where he was.

The dom let out yet another sigh. "I saw you. Back in the Lima Bean." He said, and his face showed so much compassion it made Sebastian want to look away. Kurt's fingers still holding his face stopped him from doing exactly that. "I see you. Day after day, trying to be something you're not."

"No, you're wrong. That isn't true. I don't have to try for anything… I—I'm not disciplined, or well mannered. I'm rude and short-tempered and lustful and crude, I am the goddamn epitome of what a sub should not be and you…" Sebastian kept shaking his head as much as Kurt's hand allowed him to but he didn't know what more to say to make Kurt see.

"Don't get me wrong, I know you are all of those things. Is that why you feel the need to disrespect me? To demonstrate how un-submissive you are?"

Kurt's hand lifted his head, ensuring he could not avoid the dom's gaze.

"Kurt—Your not my therapist. No!" Kurt didn't look pissed any more than he did a moment ago, simply firmer, unwavering, as if he was so sure of every word nothing Sebastian could say would change his mind.

"Do you actually want me to think you want to be a dom?"

"No. I don't. I was just pointing out that I'm not pretending."

"I think you are." Kurt said fervently. "At least with me. Most of the time, that is. Especially today. You were trying so hard to be who you think you should be, just as you are now."

Sebastian was preparing to deny again, to raise his voice if he had to in order to be heard, when he noticed. His body had gone stiff with strain, a heavy burden settling over his shoulders and making his posture deform awfully, his jaw practically shaking.

He felt himself deflate, reassuming the correct position on his knees and letting the air he didn't know was holding in his lungs go. His temperament always brought out the worst of him and it was so hard to placate, the smallest aggravation and he was on edge, searching furiously for something to shout back. It was exactly what he was trying to tell Kurt but he just didn't see to understand.

"That's it." The other boy murmured, making Sebastian's eyebrows furrow. "Don't you feel better now?"

The words hung between them. Sebastian half wanted to spat back at him and tell him that no, he didn't feel better in any way, his knees and back hurt and his head was becoming more of a mess the longer Kurt talked. The other half just wanted to snuggle up against him and nod.

At the prolonged silence Kurt hummed. "It's okay if you can't answer just yet. I know that, for some reason I still cannot fully comprehend, you're determined not to let yourself feel your instincts correctly. To block them, even. I can see they do exist, I see it in the way you shiver when I touch your hair or your hands, and I see it in the way your body relaxes and your eyes sort of shine when I give you small orders. When I call you a good boy."

Sebastian fidgets, and Kurt's hold vanishes from under his chin.

"Look, it hasn't been easy for me either, you know. Maybe not to the same extent as you but do you know how it is to be pushed and called names and throw into dumpsters day after day? Knowing that I am constantly laughed at for looking girly, for talking like I do, for expecting someone to want me, to submit to me…" Kurt took a deep breath and leaned on his elbows. "But I face it every day and yes, I may be girly and stereotyped but this is me. And I've learned to accept it. You should too. Believe me, it's easier than hating yourself for things you can't change."

Sebastian just looks, not knowing what to say to that or if he should say something at all. Soft eyes stare at him from above and he marvels at how different this creature is from the tense and edgy one he'd been minutes ago. He isn't sure if it's only because talking and getting all that out of his chest relaxes him or if it's just the response to his own behavior.

It's strange. Kurt's the dom, thinking that he can influence his emotions like this, can hold this little amount of power, to calm him and give him this balance just kneeling and listening is oddly gratifying.

But he can't let himself think much about it because Kurt is talking again, so much showing in his features, so much passion, so much conviction Sebastian has to pay attention. " I'm pretty sure I've told you this before but being a sub doesn't mean you can't have your own thoughts or beliefs or a personality. A sub isn't a mindless robot to serve and bend over for a dom." Kurt's cheeks turned faintly pink, but he didn't let that stop him from continuing scolding the sub. " What you think being a sub means… it retrograde. I don't know if your parents…" He paused, eyeing Sebastian before asking.

There was the smallest of pauses and Kurt shook his head as if to clear it.

"You are entitled to your own life. I get that there are still imbeciles that think otherwise but the good news is that most of them are going to die in the next two or three decades and lot others will grow up. Even if they don't, there are still more good doms that bad ones. And I'll have you know that if you had attended sub classes when you had to you'd know all of this."

The criticism is rather clear in that last sentence and Sebastian strives not to shrink.

"Seriously, what about Nick and Jeff, do you think their relationship is as bad as you think every other is? You think Nick is some crazy asshole who abuses subs in his free time?"

He shrugged, uncomfortable. "They're just like puppies in love, I hardly think they count."

And really, the mental image of those two sharing anything more than cheesy words and pecks between classes made him nauseous on his best days.

Kurt looked up at the ceiling, inhaling sharply. "Why do I feel like everything I say pass through one of your ears and out the other?"

Sebastian opened his mouth to assure Kurt that no, of course he was listening, but a palm lifted stopped him.

The dom took his time, moving his eyes from Sebastian to his own hands to Sebastian again. "But that's not entirely your fault… I- I guess it's my fault too. I haven't been… strong enough for you. You're nothing close to docile, and I've been too soft… It had always been a problem of mine…"

The weary voice went straight to Sebastian's chest. Kurt had to be happy. He had to make him happy.

But instead it was Kurt who reached to reassure him, hand back to his cheek, rubbing softly below his eye. Sebastian let his head fall under the hold of Kurt's hand, leaning against the grip. "You're not soft, you're…" Perfect. Sebastian licked his lips. Rationally, he knew it wasn't true, no one was, but right now his mind wasn't in the best state to be rational.

"Listen to me." Kurt told him, speaking low but clear. "I don't mind if you're mouthy or sarcastic most of the time but I can't let you go on like this. And I know you're too impulsive and willful to even think of what you're doing half of the time but that's exactly the problem."

Something turned in the pit of his stomach. He doesn't like where this all is leading, doesn't like the determining way Kurt is talking. Something's coming, something he'd definitely don't like.

"And you were right before, it is the second time. Second time you insult me like that. First time was last week, Thursday, I'm sure you can remember." And oh if he could.

Do what you want but you could have at least the decency to be sincere and say that you won't come because you will be too busy fucking your ex!

He'd been so damn mad, had felt so damn betrayed. Kurt was reconnecting with Blaine, leaving him aside. And between the two of them, Sebastian knew who was the smart choice.

"I do, I'm sorry." He said, almost absent.

"And today… Your immature outburst only made me see there is something utterly wrong in all this. "

A little bubble of panic was growing deep inside him, his position was losing form and there was wetness filling his eyes. He felt dumb and clingy and lame and he could see from Kurt's look how pathetic he must look.

"Stop that." His thoughts were cut by Kurt, who was now frowning. "Stop being so scared of your own self. You don't need to. Your instincts are good. They're part of you, and you don't need to run from them."

Feeling bold, he said. "Maybe you should follow your own advice."

Kurt evidently wasn't expecting an answer because his eyes wide and his eyebrows lift just a little bit. Sebastian isn't prepared for what comes out of his mouth next. "I am. That's why I'll have to punish you."

It's like a struck across the face. Or as having a bucket of ice poured over him. All those words, all the things Kurt just said to him, and all were leading to this. Of course, he should have seen it, it was the logical thing, predictable, even. Why was he shaking then?

"Punish…" he lost his voice somewhere along the word and coughed, swallowing back the lump growing in his throat. "No, no I… That's not necessary. I-I promise it's not."

"I'm afraid it is." Kurt stated, and he's so fucking calm.

"But I- I thought we—" Kurt let him stumble awkwardly over his words, watching him slowly going insane just with the idea.

"You told me on Saturday that you wanted to try more." Kurt said when he didn't finish, lowering his head to get closer to him. "Punishment is a normal part of a d/s relationship. It happens. And it doesn't have to be something bad."

"I didn't mean that. I wasn't referring to-"

"You were referring to sex. I know. But I wasn't. Until now, I've done everything to respect your limits, but I think you need new ones. Or reconsider them, at least."

Sebastian shook his head, Kurt didn't understand. "I- I can't!"

"Okay. Tell me why."

"I'm not ready."

"Are you really not ready, or are you just afraid?"

His heart is pounding in his ears and his mouth is suddenly so dry. He can see the way he's becoming hysterical but he can't stop himself from freaking out, looking nowhere and everywhere, trying to find anything to save him from his fate.

And despite his body's better judgment he feels his bitter attitude returning.

"You can't make me." Words escape him in a rush, the apple of his throat swaying heavily as he saw Kurt stare intently at him.

"You're right, I can't. And I don't want to."

Relief attempts to flood through his body but Sebastian doesn't quite let it. Knowing Kurt, this had very few possibilities to play off as he wished.

The dom waits for his shakings to slow down, still calm, still quiet, as if they had all the time in the world.

"Tell me something," he says casually, "What would you do if I… ordered you to… go straight to the headmaster and tell him you're a sub, tell him you lied and falsified your documents, will you?"

Sebastian blinks at the absurdity of the question. He didn't have to think about it at all, the answer was on his tongue as soon as he registered the words.

"I- I wouldn't. Never. Not in a million years." It was a nightmare to simply imagine it. God, he almost could see it, the shame, the mockery he'd have to go through, the jokes and laughs at his expenses. He couldn't bear it.

Kurt hummed in agreement. "Control is not something I can take away from you. But you could choose to give it to me, if that's your wish. If it's not there's nothing I can do about it, sickness or not."

He has to echo those words in his head before he can convince himself they are true, but even before that he can't manage o relax completely. Kurt, so kind, so good to him, would never hurt him. And that was the only thing he fully believed.

His muscles unwind considerably and his thighs, which he hadn't noticed where shaking along with his fingertips stop. It's painful how much he needed to hear that. Kurt was a dom, not a puppet master.

"So, you're saying that you won't punish me?"

But he already knows the answer. It's just stubbornness talking, trying to delay the inevitable.

"I'm saying that is your choice. If you say no I won't threaten you with not helping anymore but I won't pretend that I'm helping you beyond going through your sickness." Kurt said, serious.

And that doesn't sound like all that bad, at least not to the Sebastian from three weeks ago, or the anxious one trembling at the mere thought of punishment. But there's a point in between, a part of him that the only thing it wants is forgiveness, but it also wanted to earn that forgiveness, not got it chickening out or just ignoring the subject. Punishment not only scared him, it terrified him. Not just because of the pain it may entail, but because of all of the other implications of it, the sheer indignity of it. And that little part of him that had been growing and growing through the last days, weeks, wanted it. Wanted Kurt to take his fury out on his body, to use him for it, to grant him the chance to prove he could be more, to be good and as perfect as Kurt was to him.

It's the sickness, it's the sickness, he repeats for himself, over and over. That was the only reason he had those desires, it had to be, he'd never before… not since he was so little…

Was he a coward? Was he so reluctant towards punishment because he was afraid to like it? Was it just the actual punishment? Or was he just another subphobic Smythe?

"I think we both need this, I as much as you, maybe. But I'll never, ever do anything that you don't want me to do. You have to know that."

Sebastian heard Kurt's voice close, closer than what he remembers him being. It occurs to him that he could very well say no, just as Kurt offered, ignore that part of him that screamed –do it, do it, do it– and face Kurt methodically helping him out of his sickness, no kisses, no blowjobs, no nothing. And it's bad, but he could do it, all in name of a fragile sense of security.

However… that would mean he'd never get what he so, so secretly wants, what he craves. Or he could have it, in exchange for the rest of his superiority complex.

Kurt's finger under his chin lifted his head again, slow and steady, and Sebastian let out a breath. Kurt smiled, as if already knowing the end of this.

"It won't be as bad as you think. Scening, punishment included, should represent a safe space in which you are free to be and want anything and everything, because if you did trust me you'd be able to let go and let me—" Kurt's eyes fell shut, exhaling sharply, and shaking his head. "And you'll still have your safeword. You always have that. And after everything's done and over, we'll remake our agreement. What do you say?"

And what point there was in thinking more about it, Kurt knew, Sebastian knew, he wasn't fooling anyone.

"F-Fine." The words came out of his mouth as a whisper, his lips numb from being purse together for so long. "Fine. Do it."

Fingers tenderly caressing along his jaw, Kurt bites on his lower lip. "Are you sure?"

Sebastian nods, before he can start doubting himself again.

"Then you have to ask for it."

He stills, his teeth clenching in his mouth. He wants this, he thinks, breathing deeply. He wants to obey, wants to do as he's told, he wants to kneel and please and be… And there was a reason for that, because Sebastian was a submissive. As much as he'd tried to deny it for years, he can't run away from it, not anymore. He only had to do what Kurt said, and he'll make it better. He always did.

His lips parted, mouth dry and voice small. "Would you punish me, sir?"

He half expected Kurt to make him go further, to make him beg for it, but the minute the words are out his mouth there is a hand in his head, fingers carding through his hair.

"Yes, sweetheart. Thank you for thinking that through, I know it mustn't have been easy for you." Sebastian feels like purring, greedily arching on the touch. Kurt's eyes were careful and attentive and his lips curled faintly. The hand fell away, tangling with the other on the dom's lap, a neutral and controlled expression back to his features. "Normally I don't think of spankings as good punishments but this time, and because it's you, it may be a good option."

He doesn't know what that means, whether it's good or bad, but he doesn't linger much in the matter. Immediately an image of Kurt bending him over his knee and pulling his pants down to bare his butt appears in his brain and it's like that originally small part of him it's becoming bigger, heavier and harder to contain as his dick twitches weakly and a throaty moan escapes his mouth.

"Do you agree?" Kurt asks and Sebastian knows he's intentionally no reacting. For Sebastian's sake.

"Anything you want, sir." He says and fuck, his own self from a month ago would punch him on the face if he heard him, hit him until his balls grew back.

"Very good. Stand and take your clothes off."

He did, slowly but resolute. One of his knees cracked a little as he got up on his feet, aching at the movement. It felt almost more painful standing than being on his knees now, the raw sensations of the tingling pain monopolizing all of his attention for a quick moment. He didn't have time to weep over something so minor as that though, not when he had a command to follow.

He grabs his shirt and takes it off, the white, clean soft fabric slipping from his body easily and Sebastian feels a chill run down his spine that has nothing to do with the cold weather outside the building, Dalton's thermostat was nothing if not effective.

He isn't completely sure why he feels that way, undressing in front of other people has never been a problem, but he feels inexplicably so exposed. Maybe it made sense, though… After all, he wasn't undressing for sex, like all those times with other people, or because he was sick and the clothes were too uncomfortable. It was because he was being punished. A sign of utter submission.

Pleasure and shame rolled deliciously in his belly, mixed together and sending shocks of arousal to his lower body, waiting for him to continue his work.

He took the waistband of his pants and lowered them, quickly doing the same with his underwear and folding everything out of pure paranoia, setting them on top of the bedside table.

Kurt rises from his seat, where he'd been watching as Sebastian undressed himself, never touching, -to Sebastian's disappointment- restricting himself to just look even though they were so close that just stretching his hand would have been enough, and he moves to his side, examining his now naked body.

"Still." Kurt paces to his side and off his sight view. He can hear the dom moving things behind his back and he struggles to be obedient and not move to peek what he's doing. It was possibly only seconds but for him it felt like hours. He started questioning the whole thing. Would it be painful? Was he making the right decision? And what if Kurt had brought with him something really bad to hit him with? And oh god, what if someone heard?

"Nick and Jeff." He blurted out without thinking. Somehow he still managed to keep his position.

"What about them?" Kurt's voice was low and inquiring, it also was very close.

"They heard. Us. Saturday night. They could be here, they could hear."

No answer. No sound at all. For long seconds he just stands unmoving, until a hot pressure at the side of both his upper arms makes itself present. Kurt's hands rub over his skin, calming.

The, he whispers. "Then I guess that you'll have to be extra quiet, don't you think?"

Disillusion strikes him hard, but he has to admit he didn't actually believe that was going to change anything.

"Stop that. I want you to really let go. Stop trying to be dominant, stop trying to control things, to control me."

"I wasn't…"

"Unconsciously, maybe. But you were. And it isn't healthy for you to do that all the time." Kurt breaths in his ear, words soothingly warm against his skin. "I want you to feel safe like this. I want you to trust me to make you feel safe. Not a lie."

A shudder passes through him. He wants that. He wants it so badly.

"It's just… I've never done this."

"That's pretty obvious. Don't worry, I'll guide you."

Something pointy nuzzles in the space between his ear and his neck and takes him a great load of concentration before he realizes it's Kurt's nose. It's gone as soon as he recognizes it, along with the fingers on his arms and he's standing there in the middle of the room alone for a few moments more.

"Ready?"

Sebastian nods, restless.

"Use your words."

"Yes, sir."

"Turn around."

And he does. Quickly he spins on his feet and the sight of the bed meets with his eyes for the first time in an hour. There is nothing in particular for him to look at, nothing big or scary or new. Just his bed, stripped of any covers and looking just empty, only the light grey sheets covering the mattress and one single pillow resting on the center. The biggest, plumpest one he never uses and had got on a whim because it was really nice.

And that was all, really. No ropes or gags or anything of the sort. Kurt gave him a moment to assimilate what he saw and then said.

"You're going to lay face down on the bed, the pillow rising your hips and your hands on the headboard." Sebastian looked at him, blinking in confusion. "Go."

His gaze shifted away from the dom again, starting to take a step towards the bed.

"No." Kurt said all of the sudden. He didn't sound hesitant but his tone was a little bit different. Cautious. Excited. "Crawl."

Sebastian swallowed a lump in his throat, recalling his previous urges to crawl at Kurt's feet and beg to be forgiven. He knows Kurt is probably expecting him to refuse, which is why he feels an unexpected surge of pride as he lowers himself to the floor again, but instead of kneeling he gets on all fours and starts to move, very slowly because he still cannot totally believe he's doing this, toward the bed. He feels Kurt's eyes on his back all the way to it, all his attention put solely on him and his breath lightens just a bit.

Once he gets to the bed he climbs onto it and tries to comply with Kurt's command as best as he can. He lies over the pillow, the soft material pressing against his also mostly soft dick, and placing both hands around the slats of the headboard.

It's more awkward than he'd predicted. The right side of his face was completely pressed to the mattress, his stomach felt weird and his jaw was surely going to hurt after all of this. Being honest, he'd never imagined himself in a position like this, ass up in the air, waiting to be beaten and oh, so vulnerable. His hole felt sensitive and exposed and he's suddenly so self-conscious about it.

"Spread your legs." Kurt said, impassive. "More. More. Good enough. Now move a little up. Like that, yes, only your ass on the pillow. Perfect."

The ghost of a hand trails over his back, then it becomes a single finger running down his spine then up again to his neck and hair and arms and lastly his hands on the headboard.

"I won't tie you up, because I want you to stay where I put you all by yourself, do you understand?"

"Yes, sir."

"I'm going to give you twenty slaps on your ass with my hand. You'll count after each one."

By hand? Sebastian had expected some kind of… special thing. Probably for the best since the probabilities of him coming out injured reduced radically.

Incapable of keeping his mouth shut, he asked. "Why do I have to keep count?"

"Because it's part of your punishment and it's so you don't go too far into subspace." Kurt answered effortlessly. Subspace? Was he serious? The feeling that he was not ready for this came rushing back to him. Sebastian wasn't familiar with the concept of subspace, he's heard of it, the way everyone's heard of it, had always seemed like an unreal though, especially if he thought about he having anything to do with it. "You can safeword at any moment if you think you can't go on, and if you have any important question you shall ask. Color?"

"Green." He says instinctively. Focus, Sebastian. Focus.

The surface of bed sinking under Kurt's weight as he sits at the side of his feet is enough. He closes his eyes, waiting for the first blow to come and cringing when he felt Kurt's hand on him, rubbing the skin of his lower back. After some time of this and none of them saying anything Kurt's hand finds his way to Sebastian's hair and the warmth of a kiss is left between the sub's shoulder blades. "Relax, Bas." Kurt whispers there.

I'm here. Kurt doesn't say but that's what Sebastian hears and he automatically feels his limbs unwind, even if he's still too nervous.

"Remember to count."

Sebastian meant to hold his breath but Kurt didn't give him enough time, his hand coming down on him fast and hard and leaving a trail of heat and sting behind.

"O-One."

The hand that wasn't hovering over his ass stroked his hair. "Good boy."

The approval is pleasant, comforting, and he feels himself naturally seeking the touch.

It should have felt so humiliating; he was ass up in the air being spanked by hand like a toddler and having Kurt messing up his hair and calling him a good boy for taking it. And it was, sure as hell it was, but that wasn't what concerned Sebastian, what really bothered him is that he felt himself starting to get hard just by it. But nobody could see him, and Sebastian tried to shelter himself in that and… god. What would other people do if they saw Sebastian like this? Offering himself for it. Anyone with a key could open the door and see him, the principal or one of the directives or the prefect if he really wanted, it was just luck that they hadn't been caught until now. What would the school say? The teachers? What would the Warblers say? Nick, Trent, Thad? His parents… His father's look of disappointment was always present in Sebastian's mind as it was his mother's severe glare.

Smack. Smack. Smack.

Tree more fall on his other cheek and Sebastian makes a little, whimpering sound. "Two, three, four."

"Deep breaths."

He tries. He does, but they come in superficial even taking as much air as he can into his lungs he feels like suffocating.

"Concentrate on me, Bas. Here and now. Deep breathes." Kurt repeats and Sebastian manages to get one proper breath before the next blow comes down.

Smack.

"F-Five."

"Here and now, are we clear?"

"Yes, sir."

"Beautiful."

Smack.

"Six." Sebastian breathes out, burying his head in the mattress. His ass burned already and they weren't at the middle yet. His cock was still sort of half hard and he told himself it was because he was naked and had Kurt's hand on his ass but it was a feeble thought, mainly because Kurt was murmuring things behind his ear, his lips touching the nape of his head now and then as he talked.

"If you could see yourself, you're breathtaking, such a beautiful sight, such a good boy, so good for me."

Smack.

"Seven"

"Fucking gorgeous."

Smack.

"Eight."

Sebastian couldn't hold back from whining, small sounds coming out his mouth at every blow. Kurt kissed his head every time and that seemed to encourage Sebastian because they kept coming. Incompressible babblings and whines and cries of strange pleasure overwhelming him.

Fuck, his cock was getting harder and harder just from listening his own whimpers and he suspected he was leaking because the pillow under his hips felt suddenly damp and he had to remember himself to keep still not to hump the pillow. Kurt's hand kept going down and down until the heat that surrounded his ass seemed to travel to his balls. He was starting to get light-headed and only the thought of subspace made him shake his head, repeatedly, and keep counting.

Smack.

"Ow-" This had been a particularly hard thwack and it made Sebastian almost hiss in pain but also in arousal. He wondered if there'd be mark later, it was very likely by the feel of it and fuck, Sebastian wanted it, he wanted to be bruised from this, to have something real to remind him what he did, was he was capable of going through. "T-Twelve."

"That's it. Almost done, sweetheart."

"Kurt, sir…"

Kurt's hand rubbed his back, making him tremble and moan when Kurt kissed his head again. "Shh, it's okay. I'll take perfect care of you."

Sebastian groaned, feeling the ache in his nose from the contained tears goes away and he doesn't understand why until the salty fluid slides into his mouth. They're just a few, nothing dramatic, but he doubts the heavy tears had passed unnoticed to Kurt's attention. He can't care less if he sees it or not, though. It doesn't matter, not here, not now.

Because for the first time in his life he wasn't fighting. He accepted, he received, even welcomed the painful thwacks. He was sick of fighting it, sick of play-acting everything, to have to guess what someone else would do in his place. Kurt was right about that, was always right. He just wanted to stop having to think and guess. He wanted his punishment to end and be able to look at his red ass and not feel ashamed of this, wanted Kurt to keep him right in this position for hours while he pounded into him again and again until he couldn't walk in a week.

He'd let it happen, Sebastian realized. He'd let Kurt fuck him, he'd bottom for Kurt. Right here, right now, if Kurt would just have him…

Smack. Smack. Smack.

Sebastian moaned, somehow feeling the stimulation all the way to his hole and something in his belly twisted and send shocks of pleasure to his cock. He could totally see now why Kurt wouldn't consider this a punishment.

Kurt hummed in satisfaction and Sebastian felt his head spin at the sound.

"Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen."

They all came fast and punitive, and he couldn't get over how good and bad they felt at the same time. His skin was already badly battered but the blows kept coming making it hurt so bad but so right. Brilliant and beautiful and so hot. Just three, three more and it'd be everything.

Smack. Smack.

"Eighteen. Nineteen."

His ribcage almost hurt with the beating of his heart. One. One. It took so long to come, so long, he couldn't wait for it anymore.

"Please… please, sir. Twenty, twenty please."

Smack.

He made a loud, satisfied noise as the last of the blows hit his left cheek. It was probably the hardest of them all and it made the vibrations follow through his upper thighs and –exquisitely— to his balls. His ass felt twice its normal size now, the skin burning hotter and harsher now that he knew there were no more hits to come and he could only imagine how flushed it must be, wondering if there was any chance his actual face was in fact redder.

He let the air in his lungs go, let his head fall peacefully on the bed and immediately a hand was placed on his back, warm from slapping his ass over and over, drawing small circles over his spine.

"There, perfect."

Everything felt… so right, somehow. Serenity, like he'd never felt it before filled his body, making his limbs feel heavy and lethargic, as if the weight of the world had been took off his shoulders and he finally could rest.

"Humm, has my little rebel been spent?"

Kurt's voice was so self-satisfied, so utterly pleased. Sebastian wanted to wrap himself in it.

"So good, you were so good. My good boy. Everything's perfect now, you're perfect." Kurt is kissing his temple again, murmuring soft words as he feels how the pillow under his hips in gently yanked away, letting him lie flat on his stomach on the bed.

Sebastian barely kept himself from preening at the constant praises whispered in his ear. Was this even real? Sebastian wondered in the back of his mind, he felt too good, too comfortable, his chest felt light at last after he isn't sure how long, days, months, years… he didn't want to move, he didn't want this to end to go back to his everyday misery, he wanted to stay here forever.

"Look at me, Bas." Kurt's voice was the only thing he was aware of besides his own bliss and a few moments later, arms wrapped his shoulders, spinning him just enough so he was lying on his side now, his ass carefully not touching anything. The blue of the dom's eyes met him and Sebastian felt his body quiver, urging him to touch.

"Sir…" Sebastian blinked forcefully. Kurt. It was Kurt now, wasn't it?

"What is it, sweetheart?"

For some reason he can't bring himself to say the words, static as he was by the look that was being given to him, he still couldn't think properly, and wasn't sure how really okay they were right now.

"Bas, I don't want you to be afraid to ask for the things you want. Anything's in your mind, you can always ask."

Licking his lips, Sebastian moved closer and with a voice that sounded pleading even to his own ears, he asked. "Kiss me?"

Kurt's eyes opened, wide and startled. His lips parted, a question lingering in the tip of his tongue, Sebastian recognized, but he froze in the middle of the first syllable. He felt the need tighten in his chest when Kurt leaned the tiniest bit and then a little more, until his lips brushed the sub's in a shivering kiss. It was slow and relaxed where he wished it was rough and desperate but he's learning to cherish this kind of connection too, amazed by the way his body responds to it, the way his heart flutter at the pleasant and familiar contact, making him keen helplessly against the other boy's lips.

When Kurt breaks away his lower lips is shinning bright and Sebastian feels high in his own endorphins.

"This was… it wasn't so horrible."

"No, for the look of your boner it wasn't."

He doesn't let himself feel embarrassed, it's like he can't, not right now and he'd like to always be like this, so free, so protected.

"At the beginning I thought it would just feel like I'm playing a part. But that's what I do every day. With you… that's not at all what I feel."

It was hard wrapping his head around it, accepting he'd been wrong all along, accepting he'd been so afraid of this.

Kurt chuckled. "It sounds like you're going through puberty." He felt his frown furrowing. Kurt gave him a small reassuring smile. "Come here." He said, opening his arms to him.

Sebastian took it as a command and made himself push away from the bed and into Kurt's arms. He felt small there but so, so right, like he belonged. If he hadn't been so absorbed in the feeling he would have yelped at the pain that struck his ass when he sat up. It wasn't so bad, though. He loved the sore feeling of his muscles after a particularly rough exercise and this wasn't that much different.

He'd taken his first punishment, and he couldn't be happier. He didn't feel like a disappointment any longer, Kurt was still here and he was holding him and making feel in a way he didn't know it was possible to feel. Light and cared for and whole and worthy.

But for how long?

Weeks?

Days?

His sickness wasn't the only one with an expiration date.

And that's it, folks. We're getting close to the ending of this story (finally I guess) and I need you to keep me motivated so leave a comment to let me know what you think pleeeease...