Thoughts of Truth

Chapter 6: The Scientist

35 million people dead.

35 million human beings.

35 million fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, lovers, soldiers, and civilians gone. In an instant.

In one second, there was a flash of pink light. In the next second, there was nothing. Of course, that was the way that Nina Einstein designed it to be. This was what she created it to do. She created it to take, in the same way that Zero took her love away from her. She created it to represent how much a part of her was gone. But she never knew that it would take so much. It was the lives of 35 million people, after all.

As the main designing force behind the F.L.E.I.J.A., the only bomb of its kind to ever exist, shouldn't Nina be happy? The weapon performed exactly as it was expected. Every single step, from the detonation to the final Sphere Reduction effect, was almost perfectly similar to what the test models predicted. It was the perfect experiment. At the cost of millions and counting.

And when Nina Einstein saw the explosion from the relative safety of the Avalon, she was in shock. She knew that Suzaku Kururugi was equipped with a F.L.E.I.J.A. warhead, everyone one the airship knew. What she hadn't expected was that he would use it at such proximity to the city. From the ship, it all seemed so far away – one bright pink flash of light that was gone in a second. But when Lloyd Asplund brought her to see the results, she almost broke down.

There was almost nothing left. The only things that remained were large pieces of debris that got carried in by the air as it rushed to fill in the unoccupied space taken by the explosion. It was a lonely crater that stretched for miles. What used to be a bustling city centre was now gone; and in its place was an empty wasteland. Where the sounds of millions of people doing through their daily lives was now devoid of any form of life, and where a lifeless silence reigned. There was nothing, nothing at all. And she was responsible. Not that anyone would ever be able to tell.

As soon as she returned to the small housing unit onboard the Avalon, Nina locked herself in her room. She flicked the lights of and even moved a shelf in front of the door, then threw herself on top of the small twin-sized bed. It seemed like an eternity before she shed a single tear, but it was all it took before she broke. And all the while, even as tears streamed down her once-innocent features, Nina Einstein only felt pain and sorrow. But in the lightless confines of her room, there was nothing to comfort her but darkness.

Nina finally left her room after three days.

During those three days, Cecile Croomy, the caring woman that she was, managed to get three meals through her door. No clean plates ever returned, however. But when she left her room, it was clear that Nina was a different person. What had been a motivated and hard-working scientist returned a shell of her former self, with no more than a single word to say to anyone. Only Lloyd had managed to get a word out of the girl, and that's because he was annoying her so much that she had to tell him to go away. Everyone knew that she was depressed, but they never said it. They believed that it would only anger the girl further.

However, Nina slowly began to open up. It seemed like weeks, but the prodigious scientist slowly began to speak, and eat, and interact with others again. Based on the way she spoke with the crew, one would almost suspect that Nina had returned to her former state of mind. However, Cecile knew differently.

Ever since returning to work, Nina had never touched anything related to project F.L.E.I.J.A. She would tense up whenever it was mentioned, and refused to speak about the project at all. Whenever work involving the event was brought up to her, she simply passed it on to either Lloyd or Cecile. And when Cecile was looking closely, she could notice Nina's trembling figure when she thought that nobody could see her. She noticed the girl's tear-stained sheets when she handed them in for laundry day. She noticed the regret and sadness that appeared whenever Nina was the most vulnerable.

Nina Einstein once dreamt of taking what was taken away from her, and she nearly succeeded. Her wish cost the lives of millions; millions who would never be able to dream again. So her dreams turned in to nightmares, nightmares that kept her awake every night, imagining the horrors and pain that she had unleashed. The only thing that kept her sane was a wish for acceptance and forgiveness – both blessings that she knew would never come.

Author's Note: Hey everyone, and thanks for reading another chapter of ToT!

I know, I know, it's a short one. However, this is for a multitude of reasons. Throughout the story, Nina is a rather minor character, with the exceptions of the F.L.E.I.J.A. development, her xenophobia, and her infatuation with Princess Euphemia. Two of those points can be related to this chapter. Secondly, while I do my best at describing the situation, it is simply impossible to know the weight of the guilt that Nina was feeling. 35 million is a huge number, and imagine every single digit as a human being. Instead of trying to describe it in detail, I'll let you go through that yourself.

Now, for future updates. Shiranai Atsume sent me a whole bunch of ideas that I can use for The Human Element, and so I'll be preparing one for next week! Also, I have some ideas for a new oneshot that may be kind of dark. We'll see how that goes, but there will definitely be a new update next week and I will push for 2.

What sucks is that I just got sick today, and my brain isn't feeling the best. A new semester also starts at the end of next week and I will do my best to keep writing. For now, I hope you're all having a wonderful day and a wonderful start to the new year.

See you guys in the next update! DYFM out!