I own none of the characters or the plots, based on the popular story by Sir-Mercutio-McHuffer, who authorized me to publish these stories as a separate, not-exactly-canon bonus chapters.

Also, this will be aiming for humour and comedy, I already write some adventurous/dark stories, this is just me going on the light side, okay?

Chapter 1

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(Based on Chapter 51 of "Smoke on the Water", where Rose has dreams of Red and Green and I realized it could only mean one thing: CHRISTMAS!)

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'Tis the season to be Armed!

...

"I have a question", asked the serious man at the door, to which his companion added, "Me too, lots of them, actually."

"Shoot", she replied, apparently ignoring them, as she set the final piece of decoration on the wall.

"Why are you hanging wreathes all around the walls of the recreation room?"

"Because it's Christmas time, Phil", the ever-lively Rose Tyler replied.

"... and why are you hiding a taser gun inside that one?"

"Because it's Christmas time, Clint", she replied, more seriously. "And I'm not hiding a taser gun in a wreath."

"Oh, that's good to know", Agent Clint Barton commented.

"I'm also hiding all sorts of other non-lethal weaponry as well, inside each wreath around you."

"That's... so much less good to know", replied Phil Coulson. "Can I ask you why you decided to spread the season's feelings… along with SHIELD's riot-control equipment?"

"Because, and I repeat, it's Christmas Time, Phil!", Rose added, walking backwards and appraising her handiwork. "Almost perfect!"

Clint neared his blonde friend and observed his surroundings. "Did you do something to the table?"

"Yes, I pulled it near to the sound system, where I'm going to set the chocolate fountain on the middle and under it the shotgun loaded with 12 gauge rubber-bullets."

Clint turned around to his older colleague and shrugged. "I have the feeling this ain't a prank, I know when she's being serious about them and she sounds rational."

"As rational as someone that just placed weapons all around a room set for a Christmas party could be, wouldn't you think, Agent Barton?", Coulson asked.

"Guys, I'm not crazy...er here. I passed this through even Fury, he said he was okay with it, as long as there were no firearms."

"... you joking", Barton deadpanned her.

"Nop~e", she said/sang. "Trust me, you should not trust Christmas parties. They are magnets to disasters."

"I think you are exaggerating."

"A Christmas tree tried shredding me into pieces once", she confessed. "Pilot-fish minded Roboform Father Christmas tried shooting me. You guys are going to thank me later for all of this precaution, and if all else fails", she lifted her hand, exibiting a round black sphere, the size of her closed fist, "this 'baby' can take down anything."

"How did you get access to the experimental concussive grenade?", asked Coulson.

"Where were you hiding it?", wondered Barton.

"That is classified. For both."

Clint was about to say something, but saw Agent Coulson leaving the room. "Where you going?"

"I believe her", he stated. "I'm going to get my pocket taser ready for later."

"Don't forget to wear the red pullover I gave you!", Rose advised him.

"You're kidding", Barton replied.

"Nope, and I got you a purple one as well!", she told him. "Now help me get the sofas to the right corner. Careful with that armchair, though."

"What, is there a claymore mine inside of it?"

"Nope, it's just really heavy, I don't want to see you strain your back, Clint."

Later that evening, the party went as scheduled, with lots of questions and cheers, and even a special appearance of Director Fury and his shadows, Maria Hill and newly-instated Agent Romanoff.

About the third round of drinks and eggnogs, the lights of the room suddenly were cut, as the doors to the room were blasted open by a group of men, aiming heavy weaponry towards the Agents of SHIELD gathered there.

Emergency lights came on, revealing three soldiers wearing green leathery clothes.

"Nicholas Fury, we are the Serpent Society! We know you have collected the notes for Dr. Connnors' mutagenic serum, hand it over to us or see your -GURK!"

The speech came short, as the trio of men fell down by a collection of taser darts and tranquilizer shots now riddling their bodies, courtesy of half a dozen of now armed party-goers.

"And that should be all of it!" commented Rose Tyler, setting down the rifle she pulled from beneath the couch she was previously sitting on. "I'm breaking out the cider and wine now, someone help me with the glasses?"

As Agent Hill took the chance to help, the Director surveyed his men and women, mildly impressed by their efficiency, when he noticed his newest Agent's expression.

"Will it always be like this, working for SHIELD?", she asked.

"Not at all", the head of the most powerful secret spy organization in the world replied. "Monday to friday is when things get really weird, Agent Romanoff."

Thanks for reading, and thanks for Sir-Mercutio-McHuffer for giving us such a good story!

Next time: Horses on a Hellicarrier!