A/N: I went through several possible endings to this story, and I think this one works out the best. I wanted to keep it lighthearted and fun. I hope you enjoy it!

Not a sound was heard as Roy turned his key, letting himself into Riza's apartment the next morning. By this time, she would normally have already made a cup of tea for herself and started a cup of coffee for him. He looked around the apartment, stunned by the disarray. There was a pillow and blanket by the couch, a pair of jeans and a black tee shirt thrown not far away. Roy arched an eyebrow in confusion and headed for Riza's open bedroom door. Normally, she never slept with her door open.

Roy could see a tuft of blonde hair sticking out above the covers. Smirking to himself, he walked across the room and pulled the comforter down. Riza let out a loud groan and reached for the blanket, which was just out of her reach. Unable to grab it, she cracked open an eye. "Roy, give it back," she grumbled. Snatching it back from him, she pulled the comforter back over her head.

"Have a little too much fun last night?" Roy asked as he closed the curtains over her window. "What happened to Xingese and a book?"

"Jean." Riza's voice was hardly audible from her current position.

Roy frowned in confusion. "What about Jean?"

"He's going to hell," Riza condemned as she lifted herself ever so slightly. As she reached for the glass of water on her nightstand, Roy noticed that she had skinned her elbow. Realizing where he was looking, Riza paused in her drinking to tell him "It's a long story. One I can tell you once I don't feel like I'm dying."

From Riza's bathroom came the sound of a flushing toilet, followed by a thud. Roy cracked the door to investigate only to find a half-naked Jean Havoc sprawled out on the cold tile. Like Riza, his elbows were skinned. His hair was disheveled and filled with – were those leaves? Havoc's eyes briefly opened, taking in his surroundings as well as his commanding officer. Jean's heart began to pound with adrenaline, and it took his brain a moment to catch up. His eyes flew open and he made a mad scramble backward, his shoulders bumping into the edge of the tub. "I didn't touch her!" he shouted, the fear in his eyes quickly changing to a clouded haze as he hurriedly leaned over the toilet. "If you're gonna torch me, do it quick and put me out of my misery," he begged.

Roy slowly shut the door to the bathroom, watching Havoc's form disappear as the knob clicked into place. He stood with his hand on the doorknob for a long moment. "Riza…" he began, as if he didn't want to know the answer to the question rattling in his mind. He turned around to confront her only to find that she had made her way out of her bedroom. He found her sitting at her kitchen table, her head bent over a cup of coffee. She mumbled something that Roy couldn't quite him, prompting him to ask "What?"

"Never, and I mean never, let Jean Havoc talk me into doing anything ever again."

Roy chuckled softly and placed his hands on her shoulders. "I'll do my best. Why is he here?"

"We got way too drunk. Apparently we thought we should race back here to see who would win some sort of contest. You can imagine how that went." She rubbed her injured elbow absentmindedly. "I opened the door, and I remember Jean complaining something about not being able to win because he didn't have a key to get inside, and he passed out on my couch. I threw a blanket and pillow at him… I remember being mad about something or other that he had said. But that's it. The first thing I clearly remember is my rather rude awakening."

"Sorry about that, I -"

"No, not you. I mean Jean storming into my room, demanding to know where my toilet was, then taking up residence on my bathroom floor."

"I should probably go get him, shouldn't I?" Roy asked, beginning to move away.

Riza caught him by the wrist, her reflexes surprisingly unimpaired. "Don't. If you try to wake him up, he snores in the most ungodly manner. I don't know if he is faking it or not, but nothing can make him stop. I have tried." Her fingers loosened from around Roy's wrist as if in defeat.

"Well, what am I supposed to do? We were going to have today all to ourselves…" Roy trailed off with a smirk. He blinked once before his smirk grew more evil than sensual. "I've got it."

It was almost nightfall when Riza's phone rang shrilly through the apartment. Roy swallowed his mouthful of Xingese noodles before answering the phone. "Hawkeye residence."

"What the hell are you doing answering Riza's phone?" A voice demanded sharply from the other side of the line. "I swear to God, if you -"

"Relax, shrew. We're eating Xingese. That isn't a crime, is it?"

Rebecca huffed into the phone. "Where is she?"

"She just ran to the bathroom. Can I help you with something?" Roy asked, growing slightly impatient.

"I don't know. Can you tell me why Jean Havoc is passed out against my front door, half-naked with his clothes in his lap? If you had something to do with this, Mustang, I -"

"Don't know anything about it, sorry." Roy hung up the phone before Rebecca could say anything more, and he left the phone off the hook so that she couldn't call back?

"Who was that?" Riza asked as she sat back down on the couch.

"Your grandfather," Roy lied. "He asked me again."

"If you wanted to marry me, right?" Riza scoffed. "I know he's from a different age, but nowadays he should know better than to offer my hand for me." She paused before looking at Roy. "What did you say to him?"

"I told him that he asks me that question enough at work, and that berating me over the phone in addition to that is just cruel."

Riza smirked slightly before her mind was taken away by a different thought. "We still haven't heard from Jean. You're sure you got him home okay?"

"Of course. He's well taken care of." Roy's poorly hidden glint in his eye tipped Riza off.

"I know you're not telling the truth, but I know that if this comes back to bite you in the ass, it's going to be all you."

Roy frowned dejectedly. "Gee, thanks."

"I promised that I would protect you from outside forces and from straying for your path. I never said anything about your schemes."

"Ooh, low blow."

Ignoring the comment, Riza settled back under the blanket, picking up her book with one hand and using her chopsticks to eat with the other. "I'm sure I'll get to hear all about it on Monday."

A/N: Thank you for reading! I always enjoy writing humor pieces about Team Mustang, and I hope you enjoy reading them just as much!