"And it's everything I want,

and nothing I can keep,

behind these metaphors,

I want you literally."

It started in, of all places, a dress shop, with his cousin.

"Does she want the blue dress or the red one?"

"List says blue."

Hiccup unhooked a blue dress from a rail and tossed it over the pile of clothes dangling across his arm. He had a bag hooked on both of his little fingers, and was dragging another along with his foot. His cousin, on the other hand, was carrying nothing but a scrap of paper, his arms folded and toes tapping.

"Why are we doing this?"

"Because they asked us to."

"You remember that day four years ago when there were 18th birthday signs and cups full of vodka in our hands?"

"I didn't do anything like that for my 18th," Hiccup said, absent-mindedly checking the price-tag of another dress on the rack.

"How are we related?"

"Your point?"

"Hiccup," he said. "We're adults. We can do whatever we want. We don't have to be out here doing our parents bidding just because they asked."

Hiccup turned away from the rack and waddled towards the till, still way-laden down with all the bags and clothes, resisting the urge to give a long sigh.

His cousin was a part of the reason he'd moved away from the Isle of Berk.

Hiccup's voice was all in one tone as he spoke again, "We're here because our parents want us to do something for them and they somehow think it'll be a bonding experience for us and bring us closer, and trust me, it's just as excruciating for me as it is for you, Snotlout, so if you could just take one of these bags and pull your weight for once, we can be out of here as soon as possible."

He'd had been calling his cousin Snot ever since he was a kid. His real name was Scott, but toddler Hiccup hadn't been able to pronounce it properly - it always came out as Snot, and the name had stuck. Hiccup had added the 'lout' after a particularly bad drunken night out, a day he refused to let his cousin forget.

Snotlout wrinkled his nose and scowled, but he bent down and picked up two of the bags that Hiccup had been shuffling along with his feet.

He paid, and the two of them high-tailed it out of there as quick as possible, neither of them with any particular desire to look at anymore dresses after being there for a good half-an-hour.

"Where now?" Snotlout asked, shifting to the side so that Hiccup could take the list from where he'd lodged it between his arm and side when he'd picked up the bags.

Hiccup scanned the list. "Cake shop."

Snotlout's eyes brightened, a smile appearing on his face for the first time since they'd been out. "Food?" he said hopefully, licking his lips.

"No taste testing. Just got to pick some stuff up," Hiccup said, his attention focused on the list, mentally calculating how long it would take to get all of these items and drop them off home.

"Why do you have to ruin everything?"

"Genetics."

The cake shop was across town, a quaint family owned business that his parents had fallen in love with, and as the two of them entered, a girl behind the counter offered him a wide smile after he'd recited the order.

"So, are these for anyone special?" she said brightly, the same overly polite service she used for everybody.

Hiccup opened his mouth to answer, but Snotlout got in there first. "Fat chance of Hiccup ever finding anyone special. He doesn't understand the meaning of the phrase sex appeal," he said, sparing a wink to the cashier. "Unlike me, of course."

Hiccup glowered at his cousin, mortified, especially when the cashier's customer service smile slipped.

"It's for a family reunion," he said, taking the order from her hands. "Our parents take these things very seriously. And I'm sorry about him, he wasn't raised right."

The comment earned him a punch on the arm later, after the woman at the till had handed over the cakes with an awkward laugh and eyes that were begging for the two of them to leave.

"You totally embarrassed me in there!" Snotlout whined as they wandered down the street.

"You embarrassed yourself. Christ, I know it's been a long time since you've been to the outside world, but do you have to talk to girls like that?" Hiccup said.

Snotlout scoffed. "At least I talk to girls."

"I can talk to girls."

"How come I've never seen you with a girl, then?"

"Because if I wanted to impress a girl, I certainly wouldn't bring her around you," Hiccup said, shifting a bag from one shoulder to another as his arm got tired.

Snotlout grinned. "Yeah, because you know I'd blow them away and they wouldn't be thinking about you anymore, after I was finished with them," he said, lifting up one bicep after another to give them a kiss.

"Wow, you just did that," Hiccup said, his voice all in one tone, "and countless other strangers and I all saw."

"You're just jealous." Snotlout's voice was smug, a triumphant grin on his face.

"Yeah, I'm green with envy."

"That's what I thought."

The errands continued for another hour or so, until they had crossed everything off the list, and were packing up the car ready to go home.

Snotlout reached up to slam the backdoor shut, before darting into the front seat.

"So, are you going stag again?"

Hiccup rolled his eyes. "It's a family reunion, not prom, Snot."

"You're just saying that because it's embarrassing to admit that you're going to be sitting on your own while everyone couples up," Snotlout said. "I myself am going to be bringing a lovely young lady."

"Your baby sister doesn't count."

Snotlout slammed his hands down on the dashboard. "You're just mad that you're completely incapable of dating anyone, because no girl would ever want to date some loser whose mental age is stuck at eight and whose only friend is a three-legged cat."

That struck a nerve. "How do you know I don't have a girlfriend, huh?"

"Because I know," Snotlout scoffed.

Hiccup knew that he shouldn't let Snotlout get to him, but he'd had to listen to Snotlout's ribbing and teasing all day and he was starting to reach the end of his tether. "Well, where do you think I was last Friday when you wanted to go out drinking?"

"Sitting in your room, eating ice cream and watching Gilmore Girls, just like all lonely single pre-teens do," Snotlout said. "Doesn't prove anything, you're talking bullshit."

"I am not," Hiccup said, his fingers gripping hold of the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were turning a little white.

"Alright then," Snotlout sneered, an unpleasant smile twisting across his face. "If you have do have a girlfriend, which you don't, bring her to the reunion this weekend. Prove it to everyone."

Hiccup scowled. "Fine, I'll bring her. Then you'll see."

"Yeah, I'll see that you're a sad sack that makes up imaginary women just to make himself seem cool."

"And you'll be the one eating your words, when I prove you wrong," Hiccup said through gritted teeth, the car coming to a screeching halt outside of the hotel Snotlout was staying in.

"Fine."

"FINE."

Snotlout slammed the door and stormed off towards the hotel, while Hiccup pressed his face into the steering wheel and fought off the urge to scream.

In retrospect, he should have seen this coming.

Family dinners were the worst.

Standing on the doorstep, his hand hovering over the doorbell, took Hiccup back to day years early when he was still in school, waiting in front of the headmaster's office after a science experiment had gone too far. In Hiccup's defence, he hadn't known that mixing together those specific chemicals was going to cause an explosion so bad it left burn marks on the ceilings. Hiccup still maintained that it was the chemistry teacher's fault.

He felt like an ant in his mother and father's home. Hiccup's family had always been reasonably well off, but after Hiccup had left for university, his father's business took off and his mother's books had a hit a new wave of popularity. They'd really come into the money, and boy, did it show; their new house was now a lavish show of trinkets and furniture, the likes of which made Hiccup cringe. It felt to him like everything had an invisible price sticker, too much money to count, and he dreaded to think the dent it would make in his bank account if he ever had to replace anything. The moment he stepped into the house he felt like he was holding his breath, doing his best not to move, because if he did, his clumsiness would step in and he'd be paying for that genuine Persian rug out of his own pocket.

In a lot of ways, Hiccup felt much more at home in the grubby, mould-ridden student flats that he'd hopped between in his years at university. At least then he knew that wasn't much more that he could do to mess it up.

Hiccup didn't fit in with his parents' new lifestyle, and standing in the hallway in his oversized sweater and ripped jeans didn't do anything to help that.

"Hiccup!" His mother met him with a smile and pulled him into a hug. "It's so good to see you."

"Good to see you too, Mum," he said. "It's only been a few weeks, though."

Her eyes twinkled, as she held his chin to look at his face. "Still too long."

"I missed you too," he said, pulling her in for another hug.

His father appears around the doorway when, entering the room in a way only he could, bounding into the room in a way that made everyone turn to look.

"Good to see you, boy," he said, as he pulled Hiccup in for a tight one-armed hug.

"You too, Dad," Hiccup said, his voice strained with the weight of his father's arms.

His mother was flapping a little, waving her arms and guiding them all into the dining room. "Let's not stand on ceremony, you must be hungry! I'm convinced that you don't feed yourself, Hiccup, you're getting skinnier everyday…"

It wasn't far from the truth. Most days Hiccup was so busy that he just didn't have time to make proper meals, but he wasn't going to let his mother know that the only thing he'd eaten that day was a protein bar he'd hastily stuffed into his mouth before he'd left for work. She'd probably demand that he move back home so that she could feed him properly.

The smell of food wafted into the room from the kitchen, and Hiccup resisted an urge to sigh. It was almost worth the trouble just for the food. For the first course, he let the conversation was over him, only answering with monosyllables while he concentrated on eating as much as possible, letting all talk of this godforsaken family reunion wash all over him.

"We're going to have to invite everyone, of course. We'll open up all the guest bedrooms," Val was saying. "And the whole house needs to be cleaned and decorated."

Every year, everyone from the Haddock family, every aunt, cousin and friend would fill up his parents' house for an event that Hiccup was pretty sure was his mother and father's favourite time of the year. It was the time of the year that they got to show off everything they had, push their event planning skills to the max to top whatever they had done the year before. Every year it was lavish, extravagant and high profile, and as the years went by, Hiccup felt more and more like he wasn't living up to expectations.

"Oh and did you hear, Stoick? Hiccup's bringing a date this year!"

"…Wait, what?" Hiccup froze, his fork hovering mid-air between his plate and his mouth.

Val blinked at him, but kept going. "Oh, Scott told me everything, dear, I can't believe you didn't tell us!"

"What did Snotlout tell you?" Hiccup said, still frozen in space.

His mother rolled her eyes. "I wish you wouldn't keep using that nickname, Hiccup."

"What did Scott tell you?"

"He told us that you were dating someone and that you were going to bring her to the reunion," Val said, her warm eyes crinkling as she smiled wide.

Hiccup felt a pang in his chest. "Look, Mum, Dad, there's something I need to tell you…"

"We're just so happy to see you finally with someone," Val said, something suddenly very sad in her eyes. "We've been so worried about you, Hiccup. You've just seemed a little lonely recently, ever since you graduated university, I've been worrying that you haven't been getting out much."

There was something just so sad in her voice and all of her words were coated with so much relief.

"Yes, son, we're thrilled to see you getting yourself out there."

"What's she like, Hiccup?"

Both of them were looking down at him with the brightest of smiles and for the first time in a while they both looked truly happy with Hiccup – thrilled in fact. His stomach twisted and flopped over.

"She's… nice. I met her in university, we took a couple of classes together."

"That's wonderful," Val said with a smile, clapping her hands together. "You are going to bring her, aren't you Hiccup? You won't leave us in the dark any longer, right?"

A pause. Hiccup sighed.

"Yeah, Mum. I'll bring her."

Hiccup spent the hour's journey back home blaring loud music and ignoring all the speed signs. He parked at his apartment, but instead of going in, he shoved his hands in his pockets and marched down the street.

He didn't even check the time when he opened the door to the bar, slipped onto a bar stool and plonked his head onto the surface.

"Uh, you know we're closing, right?" a female voice said.

"Just give me the strongest thing you have," Hiccup said, as if he hadn't heard her, his voice a little muffled, still pressed onto the bar, doing his best to ignore how sticky it was.

The woman pushed a rag in the bottom of a glass, wiping every last inch clean with the twist of her wrist. "You know I can't do that."

"What's the point in having a bartender for a best friend if she can't let me drown my sorrows in drink?"

"That would make me an enabler."

"I've done something really stupid, Astrid," Hiccup said, lifting his head up so his chin was pressed on the bar and he could look up at her sorrowfully.

She tossed her braid over her shoulder and snorted. "Well, obviously."

"Ha, ha. You're funny," Hiccup said, shoving his face back down on the bar.

"So, come on," Astrid said, putting down the glass and the rag and shifting her weight so that she could lean on the side of the bar. "So, what little hiccup have you had now?"

Her eyes twinkled under the bar lights, a cheeky smile quirking at her lips like she thought she was the funniest person in the world.

"You're still not funny."

One of Astrid's colleagues came out of a back door, pulling on a jacket and checking their pockets for keys. "You alright to lock up tonight, Astrid?" she asked as she passed by. She barely spared Hiccup a second glance. "Hi, Hiccup."

"Yeah, no problem. I just gotta deal with a situation here first," she said, reaching out a finger to prod Hiccup in the head, earning her an indignant squeak in response.

Her co-worker eyed Hiccup knowingly. "I can see that. Well, have fun."

She swept out of the door, turning the 'closed' sign around as she passed, leaving Hiccup and Astrid alone in the bar.

"Why are you not feeding me alcohol?" Hiccup muttered, still face down.

"Not worth getting fired when the manager finds missing stock."

"I didn't say I wasn't going to pay for it."

"Well, that would be sweet, but would you look at that?" Astrid said, a grin on her face as she pointed up towards the clock. "My shift's over. I don't have to get you anything."

"Pleeeeeease."

"Tell you what," Astrid said, "if you let me lock up, we can go home, order pizza and you can tell me all about this colossal mess up of yours."

"Can it have pineapple on it?"

Astrid wrinkled her nose. "Whatever you want, you sick pizza freak."

She grabbed the keys from the back room, pulled on her coat and made sure all the lights were off, and then dragged Hiccup up off his stool, out the door and into her car.

He didn't start talking until he had pizza in his hands.

"Why won't you just tell me?" she'd asked, rolling her eyes.

"I want to make sure you weren't lying about the pineapple," he said with a pout, and she'd given the most exasperated sigh.

"So, I was out with Snotlout," he began, his voice muffled by a mouth full of pizza. "My cousin. The one I told you about before."

"Oh, dear."

"Yes, oh dear." Hiccup scowled. "We were doing errands for the reunion for Mum and Dad because they were too busy to do it themselves. So, he starts ragging on me about my love life and it's getting worse and worse, and I'm just thinking about how I want him to shut up, so my stupid mouth thinks the best thing to do is blurt out that I have a girlfriend."

"Oh," Astrid said, picking pieces of pineapple off the pizza and flicking them onto the pizza box.

"So, of course, he calls bullshit, so I tell him that he doesn't know what he's talking about. And then he says that I've got to prove it by bringing her to the reunion, so now I'm going to look like a fool in front of everybody," Hiccup said, grumpily taking another bite. "Which would be fine, only it gets worse."

"Yeah, your hiccups have a way of doing that," Astrid commented.

Hiccup glared at her. "So anyway," he said sharply, ignoring her jibe, "I'm going to a family meal with my parents, and my mum starts talking about how she's so thrilled that I'm finally bringing a date to one of these family events, because Snotlout had told her everything."

Astrid was starting to catch on now, hiding her smile behind her hand.

"And for the first time in ever, my parents look happy, like, really happy. Like I'm not just a big disappointment anymore, and my mum's looking at me with these really, really sad eyes - seriously, like she was about to cry - talking about how she's so glad that I've found someone and that she's been so worried that I've been lonely, and she asks me if I'm definitely bringing her to the reunion."

Astrid licked sauce off her fingers and raised an eyebrow. "…So, you said?"

"So I said, sure Mum, I'll definitely bring her."

Then there was a silence.

"Well, you were right," Astrid said.

"About what?"

"That was stupid."

Hiccup groaned and slid onto the floor, face down again.

"Oh, no, we are not doing this again," Astrid said, prodding Hiccup in the side. "Stop it, I'm tired of talking to the back of your head."

Hiccup rolled over onto his front, staring up at Astrid's ceiling lights, his vision blurring a little, everything turning into unfocused shapes.

"What am I going to do?"

Astrid shrugged. "Tell the truth?"

Hiccup didn't say anything, he just turned his head and narrowed his eyes at her.

Astrid pushed the pizza box out of the way and joined him on the floor, lying down and resting her hands on top of her stomach.

Hiccup breathed out in a sigh. "...It's not just Snotlout's teasing. I can cope with that, and if the only thing I had to deal with on that weekend was Snotlout's jeering, I mean, it'd be horrible, but I could deal with it, you know?"

Astrid nodded, choosing not to say anything and just let Hiccup speak.

"It was the way Mum looked at me when she was asking about this girl. She just looked so... relieved. She looked so happy, and proud and I tried, but I... I just couldn't bear the thought of telling her that it wasn't true. Like, that would be so much worse than all of Snotlout's worst teasing put together," Hiccup said, speaking much more slowly than before, much less petulant.

"Yeah," Astrid said, softly. "I get it."

"So, now I just don't know what to do."

Astrid heaved herself up and off the floor, opening a cupboard and pulling out a blanket. "What you do is, you put some stupid film on, you laugh at the stupid special effects, you wrap a blanket around yourself, and you don't think about it until you wake up in the morning."

She waved the blanket at him, and he took it with a grin. "You know you're the best, right?" he said.

"Yeah," Astrid said, with a grin. "I know."

Hiccup woke with a crick in his neck on Astrid's sofa, his eyes aching with weariness. They had stayed up very late the night before, just chilling out and talking and watching films. Astrid had eventually gone off to her own bed, leaving Hiccup alone on the sofa.

Still wrapped in the blanket, he stood up and waddled towards the kitchen, where Astrid was already dressed, and cooking something on the stove.

"Morning," she said when she noticed him in the doorway. "You sleep well?"

"Yeah," he said. He wasn't looking at her, just squinting at the frying pan. "Just wondering, are you cooking?"

"...Yeah?"

Hiccup untangled himself from the blanket, folding it up and leaving it on one of the kitchen chairs. Then he went over to the stove and took the frying pan and spatula from Astrid's hands and took over.

"What are you doing?" she said, her voice sounding amused rather than annoyed.

"Trust me, it's for the best."

Astrid raised her hands in surrender, and went to sit at the table, letting Hiccup work on breakfast, picturing in her mind's eye the last time she'd tried to make breakfast.

He was right. It was for the best.

It wasn't long before the eggs were cooked - fried to perfection, if Hiccup said so himself. He delivered two to Astrid's plate before turning back to do a few for himself.

As he turned back to put a few on his own plate, something about Astrid caught his eye. He watched as she tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. Then he looked down at her plate, and at the pan in his hands.

And then he got an idea.