Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. I am making no money off of this. Lyrics belong to Elton John.

Warning: Slash! Slash ahead! You have been warned!

Dedication: Unknown as yet

Author's Note: I was sitting at my computer, browsing fanfic.net, and listening to my collection of favorite love songs. "Someday Out of the Blue" by Elton John came on, and it just clicked that that was for Severus and Remus. I had to write this fic...takes place in the fifth year...erm....I've noticed my stuff is leaning a bit towards the dark side. I have no idea where it's coming from. I'm not sure if this ties in with Deathsong Balladeer or not. Tell me what you think...

Someday Out of the Blue

//Some day out of the blue//

//In a crowded street or a deserted square//

//I'll turn and I'll see you//

//As if our love were new//

//Some day we can start again, some day soon//

Severus Snape sat at the faculty table in the Great Hall, musing down into his breakfast. He was having trouble keeping his mind set on the days task. His thoughts kept being drawn to the man at the other end of the table. The man with the gold and silver hair, and haunted face. Remus Lupin. It had been a over a year since he had seen the man last, and in Snape's opinion that wasn't long enough.

But he wasn't being fair to himself. It had caught him by surprise, Lupin being back at Hogwarts. Oh, he knew the man was coming, but he hadn't expected him so soon. Snape had walked into the great hall, and there he was. The potion master's eyes had been drawn to where the werewolf sat, talking and laughing softly with Flitwick. And it had been as if those long years had never happened...

But Snape was not one for sentiments. He had shoved bittersweet memories far back into the recesses of his mind and focused on other things. This meant that Dumbledore was planning on acting far sooner then he had anticipated. And it meant more time spent in that damn man's presence.

Snape had collected himself, his midnight eyes as cold as ever as he swept through the hall to his seat, his gaze never falling anywhere near Remus Lupin. It was...easier that way. Far easier to hate without question. Perhaps not wise, but Severus Snape had never prided himself on making wise choices. And he was working hard enough in his professional life to give much thought to his personal life.

He wasn't sure how he made it through dinner. He was generally silent and cold, so no questions were raised. And Dumbledore was well aware that Voldemort was putting quite a strain on the professor. It was...difficult, this line he was walking. He hated always looking over his shoulder...not that he did, but it was the principle of the thing. That was what surprised him. Regardless of the danger he was in, he didn't give it a second thought. he was well aware that he could very easily find himself dead the next day, or in pain beyond his wildest imagination. But it didn't bother him. He supposed it should. Was he really so dead inside that the prospect of death itself was nothing more then a passing thought?

And did it say something, that he'd rather contemplate his own imminent death then think about Remus Lupin? He would, too. He would often lie awake nights, his mind wandering down various dark thought paths. Usually it was the same. What would happen when he was found out. There was no if to it. He knew as well as Dumbledore he couldn't keep it up forever. Voldemort was suspicious. Snape did his best to ease the doubts of the dark lord, but there was only so much he could do. It didn't bother him though, it was just a fact of life. He thought about it often, the ways he would be killed. There was never any fear associated with it. He thought about his own death the same way he thought about the next days class curriculum. Would it be the Death Curse? Or more...personal means?

Snape was rather certain that most would be deeply disturbed by the things that went on in his mind. There were not many who would casually imagine their own death. Oddly enough, he never though farther then that. Why should he? he'd be dead and gone, and whatever happened afterwards was none of his concern.

When he wasn't thinking about his own demise, he thought about the past. Either his Death Eater days...those were never pleasant. He was rather certain he still hadn't washed all the blood from his hands. Or school....he supposed that was where things went wrong. Perhaps if things had been different in his own school years, he wouldn't have turned out quite the way he had.

Somehow he got through dinner. He rose, swiftly and gracefully, and prepared to stalk out of the great hall when he felt a gentle pressure on his wrist. He froze, his eyes staring strait ahead.

"Severus..."

The potions master hadn't responded. There was nothing he had to say to Lupin. It had all been said and done, over a year ago. Or perhaps it had all been said nearly two decades ago...

"I have nothing to say to you." Snape hissed, pulling his wrist away. How dare the beast touch him? Lupin had slowly let go of Snape's wrist, and he could almost *feel* the hurt that would be in his eyes. Not that it mattered to him whether or not the other man was hurt or not, but still...it just wasn't something he wanted to deal with. Like so many other things, he would ignore it until it faded away and was forgotten.

That night hd been the worst. He went to bed, still feeling the touch of Lupin's hand on his wrist. The other mans hands had been slightly calloused, and rough. But still had a softness too them...no. It would not do to linger on thoughts of a werewolf's touch. Better to think of death...yes. He knew it would not be merciful. No. It would be a painful thing. The cruciatis curse, until his heart gave out. He had seen it done, once, a long time ago. Seen. What an odd choice of words...of course he had seen it, he'd been the one to do it. It had taken nearly four hours...the man had been beyond conscious thought by the end. Babbling and writhing, nearly foaming at the mouth. He had reminded Snape of a rabid dog...

He could remember it so well. The mage leapt to the fore of his mind, without heed. The man...Snape could still remember his name. He remembered all their names. Morgan Chittly. A muggle born ministry worker. He had done nothing wrong, save discover the identity of one of Voldemort's spies. And threaten to go to Dumbledore...he had thought he could bargain. Snape had laughed, and decided that now was the time to see just how much pain the human body could handle. He did it right there, in Morgan's office. Snape could remember the way he fell....his eyes wide in terror and he clutched at the side of his desk to keep himself upright as the pain washed over him. He didn't scream at first...but by the end he was howling unintelligibly. His eyes had been rolling like a madman's...perhaps he had been mad, near the end.

Yes....that was far more comforting to think about then Remus Lupin.

//Here comes the night//

//Here come the memories//

//Lost in your arms//

//Down in the foreign fields//

//Not so long ago//

//Seems like eternity//

//Those sweet afternoons//

//Still capture me//

Breakfast done. Then classes. Longbottom screwing up *again*. Poor child...it wasn't a surprise he was such a dunce, his parents had gone mad from the cruciatis curse. So it did drive the victim mad, if used enough...Snape pushed the thought away. Not during the light of day, he couldn't take it then. Those were thoughts for the dark of night, when it was silent and dead. He oftentimes wondered if he were mad, but knew that if he was rational enough to question his own sanity then he couldn't be. But it was a pleasant thought sometimes.

Lunch. Lupin again. Snape again ignored the other man, his eyes sweeping over him impassively. He did not care. He had more important things to deal with. He had to send another owl to Lucius Malfoy, to keep them up to date on the situation at Hogwarts. Dumbledore was specific about the information that was passed along.

Afternoon classes. The first years were worse then ever. Pathetic, twitching little things...he would be had on them, because that was the way life was. Life was not soft or good or sweet. Better they learn that now, when they could grow with that knowledge in thier minds. Dinner. Ignore him. Then to see to detentions, and then to his rooms.

Damn it all to hell, why could he not get Lupin out of his mind? Whether it be the year he had taught at Hogwarts, the time he had nearly killed him in his werewolf form, or the time before...of late, it had been the time before.

Damn Black. Damn Black for showing him what Lupin really was. It had been hard enough, before that. They were from different houses....Slytherin and Gryffindor. They were opposite as night and day. They had nothing in common...save their self imposed solitude. Or, Lupin had had his friends, but he was a loner regardless. Snape was certain that was what drew him to the young Gryffindor boy in the first place.

~Hogwarts, Snape's fourth year~

"You shouldn't be here, Remus." The young, black haired boy's voice was quiet and steady, but his eyes were smoldering darkly.

"I know." Remus bowed his head, the moonlight frosting his golden blond hair with silver.

"So I suggest you leave." Severus said, a bit more forcefully. The two were outside, on the grounds.

"I don't want to."

"And why, pray tell, not?" Severus arched an eyebrow. The two had come to an uneasy friendship, comprised mainly of clumsy conversations and secretive glances. Neither of their friends were all too pleased about it. But it had been building since last year, and was slowly developing into something Snape didn't like thinking about too deeply. Remus Lupin was lowborn, and a Gryffindor. Not the sort that he should be hanging about, much less think about in a romantic context.

"Because we hardly get to talk in school." Remus said. "I want to talk to you, that's all. Besides, you're out here..."

"I just came out for a smoke." Severus said, gesturing with the hand that held his cigarette. "Not company."

"Well you got both." Remus said, smiling softly.

"Won't your friends be looking for you?" The Slytherin boy sneered, his lips curling as he thought about Potter, Pettigrew and Black. The three boys were positively horrid to him...well, not Potter. Black, mostly. The others just went along with him. Except for Remus. He even stood up for Snape, in his quiet and polite way. Everything about Remus Lupin was so polite. His earnest expression, his tired eyes, his quiet voice...it was as if he lived simply to make things easier for others.

"No." Remus shook his head, and raked his shaggy hair out of his eyes. "And I don't care."

They stood there in silence for a while, Severus smoking slowly. They'd catch hell if they were caught out on the grounds this late, but it seemed neither one of them cared. Why had Remus come out here just to talk to him? And he didn't care if his friends were missing him...well, Severus had always suspected that Remus lived more inside of himself then he let on. He had been well aware of the feelings developing between the two, but hoped Remus was doing the smart thing and ignoring them as well.

"If you wanted to talk, then talk." Severus said, finally. He didn't mind the silence, but Remus was rocking back and forth on his feet impatiently.

"Heh...now I don't know what to talk about..." Remus grinned sheepishly. "Sorry." He brushed his hair out of his eyes again, looking up at Severus. He was tempted to think the blond was flirting with him! But he was so tired looking....no fifteen year old boy should look so damn hunted!

"We could talk about what in hell possessed you to break school rules to come talk to me." Severus said, crushing his cigarette under his boot heel.

"I like you." Remus said, simply. He looked the black haired boy in the eyes, and there was no hint of coy flirtatiousness there now.

"I see." He liked him? Well, yes, that had been established. "You've other friends, Lupin, I suggest you focus your attentions on them."

"They're my friends, Severus." Remus said. "And so are you. But..."

"Remus, I ask you to please not explore that particular branch of thought vocally." Severus said, holding up his hand to still the words that were coming forth. "And please don't snap something cliche like 'you don't even know what I was going to say!', as I know exactly what you're going to say. And I think it's something better left unsaid."

"Why?" There was a hurt note in Remus' voice, and his eyes were questioning and searching. Snape sighed, rolling his eyes heavenwards.

"It would never work. For too many reasons then I can list. I think that a few of those reasons would be obvious to you?" He arched an eyebrow, trying to be gentle. Why couldn't the idiot have just left things alone? Didn't he see how much easier that was?

"Our friends? Sev, who cares about them..."

"I care, and please don't call me that. I am not your lover, so I would appreciate if you did not use pet names with me." His voice became clipped, and he saw Remus flinch away from him. "Yes, that is one reason. Our social standing is another. Our Houses. I'm not even going to touch upon our genders...It wouldn't work. Not for long. And I would rather not have my heart broken by some pretty Gryffindor with puppy dog eyes."

"I wouldn't break your heart, Severus..." But Snape held up his hand again. Why did Remus have to push it?

"I don't want to talk about it." He snapped. "I *asked* you, as a *friend* to leave it be."

"All right." Remus said, and his body slumped. Severus sighed again. He didn't like what he was doing, but it would save them both a whole lot of pain down the line.

"I'm...sorry." He said, the words sounding strange in his throat. He didn't think he'd ever apologized before...

"It's all right..." Remus waved his hand away, but Severus could tell from his voice that it wasn't all right. "I ought to go back inside..." He turned away, and Severus felt awful inside as he watched his shoulders slump...

"Wait..." What was he doing? Remus was going away, like he had asked...

"Yes?" Remus turned, the hope in his eyes enough to send a dagger through Severus' heart.

"I *suppose* I could think about it." Snape sighed, and Remus smiled, his face lighting up. Severus looked away, staring at the ground. He could hear Remus' feet on the thin carpet of leaves on the ground. And he could feel him standing in front of him.

"Thank you..." The words were barely a whisper, and Severus looked up to meet Remus' gaze. They stood, frozen, looking into each other's eyes. Then, almost imperceptibly, Remus leaned forward. Severus closed his eyes, his body tensing in anticipation. Remus' lips grazed his gently, the barest brushing of silk against silk. It was warm and fleeting and over far too soon but hardly soon enough.

"See you tomorrow?" Remus asked, breathily.

"Yes." Severus nodded, his heart beating somewhere in his throat. He had to look at the ground again He felt Remus' hand brush against his cheek, before the other boy turned and headed back to the castle...

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Stay tuned for the next chapter!