Serious intro...

I don't normally like to talk too seriously here, I don't like to bring world problems into my writing like this. I feel we get enough of that in our everyday lives and sometimes it's just nice to have a space where you can momentarily forget how many arseholes there are in the world. However, as a huge Harry Potter fan, I can't express my disappointment enough in the person who wrote such an incredible story about love. It's like she forgot the purpose of the story, that if everyone was able to just love and accept each other, no matter who or what they are, the world would just be a little bit better. I feel let down by someone who I once felt inspired by and I will do everything in my power to help my friends and others in the trans community. I will forever continue to love Harry Potter, so will my trans friends, the stories have brought us so much joy and comfort over the years. But I feel betrayed and honestly, I think Harry does too.

Sorry to be rather serious in this intro. I have been debating whether or not to address it. It's part of the reason why I took so long to post this chapter, but I had to say something. This will be all I say on the matter, at least here anyway...

I hope you enjoy this chapter. We're picking up on some storylines I started at the beginning of Shadows so if you need a refresher, re-read chapters 3 and 5.

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, to all those who have added me to alerts and again to those who are still going back to read The First Cut is the Deepest. Thank you for reading and please remember to leave a review – I would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter.

Much love to you all! x

Chapter 19

Severus didn't even bother to look up when he heard someone walk into his quarters. He kept his focus on the Ever Grow Boost he had agreed to brew for Professor Sprout as payment for the work she was doing on his plants. He knew who the intruder was and he knew that she would just make herself at home as she had done for the last five days.

"Dante Rookwood has been caught wandering the castle after hours," Minerva said and that did make Severus look up from his potion. She stood by the portal, a detention slip held between two fingers.

"Did he say why?" Severus lowered the heat on the cauldron and moved toward her.

"Sleepwalking," Minerva raised an eyebrow and handed the slip to him.

"Poor excuse," he muttered, knowing that he was lying. He read the detention slip and noticed it was Filch who caught him.

"You think it might have something to do with his father?" Minerva asked.

"Could be," Severus turned the slip over in his hands, thinking carefully. With Filius' guidance, he had been able to build on his relationship with Dante and he had been confident that the boy was not, as Dumbledore feared, planning to contact any remaining Death Eaters up on finishing his final year. However, sneaking around after hours... what had he been up to? The elder Rookwood had been a master at lying, at manipulating, could it be that his son had inherited his father's skills?

"Filch wanted to oversee the detention," Minerva nodded to the slip. "But I suspected you would want to take it yourself?"

"Yes," he nodded. "Tomorrow night, after dinner. I have two dozen cauldrons that need cleaning, without magic."

Minerva took the slip from him and turned to head back into her quarters.

"Are you nearly finished?" He asked suddenly and Minerva stopped, her head tilting slightly to look at him over her shoulder.

"I shouldn't be too long," she said, giving him a slight smile before disappearing back into her quarters.

Severus smirked and returned to his potion, eager to finish it before Minerva returned.

He was packing away, the Ever Grow Boost now sitting in jars ready to take to Professor Sprout in the morning, when Minerva walked back into his quarters. She had a book tucked under her arm, her nightgown over the other and she carried a hair brush and two small glass bottles, one green and the other blue.

"Filch isn't particularly happy about handing Rookwood's detention over to you," she said to him.

"I'm sure he'll find someone else to hold in detention soon enough," he grabbed his own book from his desk and headed to his bedroom, Minerva following behind him. "That creepy boy from Hufflepuff... what is his name?"

"Are you talking about Alton Mitchell?" She raised an eyebrow at him, her hands landing on her hips.

"Yes," Severus ignored her look and went into his bathroom.

Even in just 5 days, they had slipped into a sort of routine. Severus always made sure to get into the bathroom first, she didn't seem to mind but even if she did, he didn't care. He liked to make sure that he was in bed before she emerged from the bathroom, it was as much part of his nightly routine now as brushing his teeth.

He only half listened to Minerva berating him for calling the Hufflepuff boy creepy after she came out of the bathroom. His attention was focused on something else entirely.

In the time they had become lovers, Severus thought he had come to know Minerva fairly well. After Russia, he had been left with the distinct feeling that he was one of the few people who truly knew her. She'd proved that to him when she came to him five nights ago. But what he soon realised was that he knew the big things, he knew her secrets, he knew what she looked like when he entered her body, how she looked when she was upset. What he didn't know was the small things, the things she did when he wasn't there, the things she did when they weren't pulling at each other's clothes. He found it fascinating.

The first thing he had learned was that after taking her hair down from the tight bun, she liked to massage her scalp. He had once even seen her use a lavender oil in her massage, a scent which Severus had to admit was probably the reason he had slept so deeply that night. She would always bring her hair over her left shoulder and begin brushing it, her eyes always seemed to close when she did this, reminding him of her animagus form. Once she was satisfied that she had brushed out all the days tangles, she would take her time braiding her hair into a long plait. He smirked when he thought back to one particular night when he wrapped the plait around his hand and pulled her head back as he'd taken her from behind.

The second thing, and perhaps his favourite part of her routine, came next. She would stand on her side of the bed, one foot propped up on the bed as she tipped a creamy liquid from the blue bottle into her hands. Starting at her ankles, she would gently massage the liquid into her skin, paying particular attention to her calf muscles before moving up. He liked the way she inched her nightgown up her thigh, revealing her skin to him as she continued to cover her skin in the cream. She would talk to him while she did this, but Severus rarely listened. To her, this was normal and boring, however to him, it was one of the most seductive things he'd ever seen a woman do.

The final thing she did was to apply cream from the green bottle to her face, neck and hands. By the time she settled into his bed, she smelt fresh and slightly floral. He had often leaned into her, burying his nose into her neck and taking a long, deep breath.

"... just be understanding. He's had a difficult life so far."

Severus realised she had still been talking and he could only assume it was about the creepy Hufflepuff. He grunted a reply, not really sure what he was supposed to say to her seeing as though he hadn't been listening. But after many years of catching students not paying attention in class, Minerva had become a master at spotting those who had let their minds wander.

"You haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?" She asked with a disapproving frown.

"Of course I was listening," he said bitterly, only to hide the truth. "I am no longer one of your students so please do not treat me as such."

He could tell from the way she scoffed that she didn't believe him but rather than engage him in an argument, she merely shook her head and opened her book.

The last five days were oddly domestic between them and Severus often found himself pondering their actions. After Minerva had come to him, he had felt the shift between them. It had deepened their friendship and he had felt closer to her than ever before.

Since that night, they hadn't planned to spend the rest of the week's nights together, it just sort of happened. Tonight was probably the only time that one of them had hinted going to bed at the same time. The other nights had simply been because they had been together, fucking or just talking. They hadn't spoken of her rules at all and Severus supposed this was part of her recovery. She seemed happier, lighter. If he was part of the reason for that change, he was more than happy to share his nights with her for as long as she needed.

The door between them remained open and as yet Minerva had not expressed any wish to remove it. He supposed that at some point he should ask her about it but he didn't want her to think that as she was getting better, that he no longer wanted her using it. On the other hand, he didn't want to take advantage of her relaxed stance on her rules. He supposed, as he watched her turn a page in her book, that he should take her continued presence as the answer to his questions for now.

He picked up his book and opened it but after reading the same sentence for the fifth time, he decided to give up. He placed his book on the table and muttered a quick spell to extinguish his candles, plunging his bedroom into darkness.

"I'm still reading," Minerva scolded him. Severus smirked and once his eyes had adjusted to the darkness, he reached over for her book. She didn't resist when he took if from her. "At least keep my page," she said and he could hear the amusement in her voice. He folded the corner of her page and placed it on top of his own, then turned back to her to pull her against him and kissed her feverishly.

As she straddled his hips and leaned over him to bite down on his neck, Severus thought he should just enjoy this new aspect of their relationship while it lasted.

The next day, after dinner, Severus waited in his classroom for Minerva to bring Dante Rookwood to him. He had 24 cauldrons set out across the tables, ready to be cleaned without magic and he was mentally preparing himself for the conversation ahead.

He knew that the relationship he had built with the boy was strong, they could talk frankly but what he needed to find out, was if he was hiding anything. Sneaking around after hours wasn't something students did without a reason and he needed to find out what he was doing without breaking the trust they had built. Of course, if the boy was more like his father than he let on, Severus knew he needed to tread carefully.

There was a knock at the door and Severus opened it from where he stood by his desk with a flick of his wand. Minerva stood in the doorway and he watched her turn to someone.

"In you go," she nodded to the classroom and after a moment, Dante shuffled into the room. Severus noticed the way the boy kept his eyes on the floor, not once locking eyes with him, something he found unusual for him.

Behind the boy, Minerva was about to close the door.

"Thank you, Professor McGonagall," he said quickly.

Minerva looked over at him, a tiny smile pulling at the corner of her lips. "You're welcome, Professor Snape."

Now that they were alone, Severus pointed to the cauldrons. "There are cleaning potions and brushes in the first cauldron," he said, his voice should leave Dante with little doubt that he was angry. "No wand magic and you must be sure to rinse off all the potions, any remaining solutions will react with whatever is next brewed in the cauldron."

"Please sir..."

"You have two hours," Severus interrupted him and turned his back on him, busying himself with the pile of homework sitting on his desk. "If you don't finish in that time, you will come back tomorrow night."

"May I say something, sir?"

Severus turned around again and looked over at Dante. "Go ahead."

"I'm sorry I was out of the common rooms after hours," he said quickly.

"Sleepwalking?" Severus shook his head. "You couldn't have come up with something better than that? Honestly, Slytherin's who break the rules should at least know how to get out of them if they're caught."

Dante smirked. "Yes sir."

"So what were you doing out of bed?" He asked.

Dante looked at the floor again and after a moment he walked over to the cauldrons and dumped his rucksack on the floor. "I should get on with these if I only have two hours."

Severus narrowed his eyes at the boy. "Dante," he walked over to him. "I can see something is bothering you."

"I'm fine," Dante shrugged.

"I can help you..." Severus started but Dante threw one of the cauldrons on the floor.

"No you can't," he snapped. "You're just... you're all talk..." he paused and Severus noticed the slightly panicked look on his face, as though he had said more than he'd planned. "There's nothing to help with. I'm fine, sir."

"You were out of bed," Severus reminded him.

Dante sighed. "I can't tell you, sir," he said finally. "But I'm sorting it..."

"Is this to do with your father?" He asked but Dante shook his head. "Are you having doubts about your future?"

"No!" Dante snapped. "Would you just leave it?" He snatched up his rucksack and stormed toward the door.

"Step one foot outside this classroom and I will have you in detention every night for the rest of your time at this school," Severus barked. Dante stopped immediately, his hand dropping from the door knob. He turned around slowly, his eyes glancing nervously toward Severus.

"Please, sir," he moved back toward him. "Just... trust me on this."

"How am I supposed to trust you if you won't tell me what this is about?"

Dante shrugged. "Because you asked me to trust you and I did without question," he said after a moment. "And because you said I could carve my own path, so that's what I'm doing."

Severus eyed him curiously for a moment. There was no denying that he seemed honest, he seemed as though he was trying to do the right thing on his own terms. But of course, Severus had seen firsthand how his father had done the same thing when it was to his advantage. Augustus Rookwood had a unique ability to make people do his bidding without using spells. He wondered once more if his son had inherited his special abilities. If so, how could Severus be sure he was telling the truth now and how could he be sure that he had not fallen victim to the same manipulation that Augustus Rookwood had used.

"I'm asking you to trust me Professor," Dante continued. "Because at some point, I think I'm going to need your help."

Severus knew he had very little choice. If he wanted to continue to build on their relationship, and to with any luck eventually find out what was going on, he needed to give the boy his space. If he persisted in pushing him, Dante had shown tonight that he had no issue with walking away if he felt cornered. And in order to ensure that Dante wasn't able to sway Severus by mere suggestion, he would need to rely up on his Occlumency skills once more.

"Very well," he muttered. "But if you are caught out of bed one more time..."

"I promise not to get caught, sir," Dante smirked.

"Better yet, don't wander the castle after hours," Severus gave him a stern look and Dante's smirk vanished.

"Honestly, sir," he said earnestly. "I won't sneak out of the common rooms and I just wanted to say thanks for... you know... listening."

"Don't make me regret it," Severus said, his voice softening just enough to let Dante know that he was off the hook, at least for the time being anyway. "You have 90 minutes left of your detention, I suggest you get started or do you want to spend another night cleaning cauldrons?"

Dante laughed softly. He quickly picked up the cauldron he threw to the floor and slipped on his dragon hide gloves before he began to clean it.

Severus walked back to his desk and sat down. He took one last look at Dante before turning his attention to the homework on his desk that needed marking.

Luckily for Dante, he managed to clean all of the cauldrons within the allotted time and Severus dismissed him five minutes before the end of his detention.

He still felt uneasy about the boy sneaking around the castle, especially as he refused to tell him what had happened. He gave a heavy sigh and sat back in his chair, he knew he needed to talk to the Headmaster...

Severus put away the marked homework and locked his store cupboard quickly. He approached Sir John's portrait and woke the sleeping man with a quick rap of his knuckles on the picture frame.

"If Minerva happens to come into my rooms, could you tell her I'm meeting with the Headmaster?"

Sir John smiled. "Of course my boy," he said. "Should I ask her to wait for you?"

Since he and Minerva had been spending their nights together, Sir John had been more supportive than he had expected. Of course, the painted man had always approved of the friendship between them, had encouraged it often enough in his first year. But to see him being supportive of the other aspects of their friendship had been a surprise. Leander, on the other hand, never let a moment pass without muttering something scathing every time Severus walked past one of his portraits.

"No," Severus said, turning away. "I will come to her when I'm finished." He headed for the Headmaster's Office.

-x-

Walking into the Headmaster's Office still left Severus feeling as though he was in trouble. It was the way the portraits would go silent as soon as you opened the door, it made him feel like they had been talking about him in particular.

"Severus?"

Dumbledore was standing at the top of his stairs, a confused look on his face as he peered down at Severus over the top of his glasses.

"Good evening, Headmaster," Severus approached the stairs. "You wished me to keep you updated on Dante Rookwood."

The confused look on Dumbledore's face quickly turned to one of seriousness. "Come," he beckoned him up the stairs and disappeared from sight.

Severus hesitated for a moment, he glanced around at the sleeping figures in the portraits on the walls and had the distinct feeling that they had been watching him carefully. Putting the thought out of his mind, he ran up the stairs two at a time and found the Headmaster pouring them both a cup of tea.

"You have excellent timing, I have just had a pot of tea brought up," he said as he handed a cup to Severus and offered him a seat.

Severus took the cup and looked around the Headmaster's quarters as he sat down. He'd visited Dumbledore's office many times since he had returned to the school but never had he been into his private quarters. The room they were sitting in was nothing out of the ordinary, at least at first glance. They were surrounded by intricately carved oak cupboards and shelves, shimmering curtains draped the walls and they were sitting in plush chairs of deep purple. Every shelf was packed with books and he was sure there were more in here than in the library. Fawkes was perched by the fireplace, his head tucked under his wing as he dozed peacefully. But what really captured his curiosity was the numerous instruments that whizzed and hummed from every surface. They looked like tubes made from a bright silver metal that seemed to glow in the candle light, they each had a different globe top that floated above the tube, some smooth, some with spikes and some with writing carved into them. They vibrated softly and Severus thought for a moment that he heard a voice come from one of them.

"You have something to report?" Dumbledore inquired, drawing Severus from his thoughts.

"Dante was in detention with me tonight," he began.

"I saw the report from Minerva," Dumbledore nodded. "He was caught out of bed after hours."

"Yes, sir," Severus nodded, trying to keep his focus on the Headmaster and ignore the softly humming instruments. "I requested he take his detention with me so that I could question him on what he was doing."

"And?"

Severus gave a heavy sigh. "He wouldn't tell me." Dumbledore frowned. "He told me he couldn't tell me but that he was sorting it."

"And do you believe him?" Dumbledore observed him over the top of his glasses.

"If it was anyone else, I would have," he said honestly.

"Then what makes him different?"

"His father," Severus said. "Rookwood had a way of manipulating his victims, it was as though he could control people with the power of suggestion alone."

"And you wonder if Dante Rookwood has inherited those abilities," Dumbledore tapped his index finger against his lips, deep in thought.

"I saw no lie in his words," Severus added quickly. "In all our dealings he has only ever been open with me but this is the first time he has refused to confide in me. It makes me wonder if he has been manipulating me in some way."

"You must be more guarded when you are around him," Dumbledore stood up from his chair and began to pace slowly. "Do not give him any chance to sway your mind."

Severus put down his untouched cup of tea and turned to look at the Headmaster. "I already know this," he said, the first twinge of anger simmering under the surface. "I spent a lot of time with Rookwood senior, I know how to handle myself around someone like that."

"Why didn't you consider this before now?" Dumbledore asked, there was an accusation in his tone that Severus didn't like.

"He's a child," Severus snapped. "I can't see him doing something like this."

"And yet here you are, sharing your concerns with me," Dumbledore pointed out and Severus frowned. He was right, of course. He wondered to himself if he would have been this suspicious if Dante had not been related to Rookwood but some other Death Eater. Perhaps not. His concerns lay only in the boy's abilities.

"Do you believe Dante really has chosen a life beyond Voldemort's circle?" Dumbledore asked.

For some reason Severus wanted to say yes, he wanted to believe that Dante truly had chosen his own path. But at the end of the day, he knew Death Eaters. They were all skilful liars, able to hide in plain sight, especially if they thought an enemy, or worse a traitor, was nearby. In truth, the relationship he had built with the boy could not be trusted.

"I don't know," he said after a moment. "All I know is that Dante has asked for time, he has asked for me to trust him. He said he would need my help in the future."

Dumbledore's frown increased. Severus watched him as he began to pace again, his hands clasped behind his back as he walked back and forth. Eventually he stopped and looked over at Severus.

"How is your relationship with Lucius Malfoy?"

Severus frowned. "I have not seen him for over a year," he said. "We did not part on the best of terms but we have corresponded by letter since..."

"If Dante is planning to meet with Death Eaters, we need to find out as much as we can," Dumbledore said. "I want you to meet with Lucius, see what he knows."

"Yes, sir," Severus said, rising from the armchair. He had his next set of orders and he knew the meeting was over. He headed for the stairs but Dumbledore called his name just before he reached them.

"Have you spoken to Minerva?" Dumbledore asked, a twinkle suddenly present in his eyes.

Severus frowned, he felt his palms begin to sweat. "No." Dumbledore gave a heavy sigh and Severus knew he was being baited but he couldn't help himself, he fell for it. "Why?"

"I admit I've been worried about her," Dumbledore said with another heavy sigh. "You might not have noticed but Minerva has not been herself lately." The way in which he said it let Severus know that the Headmaster knew he had been just as worried about her. He was up to something but Severus wasn't sure what.

"If you have a point Headmaster, I would appreciate it if you got to it before midnight," Severus said impatiently. He was immediately caught off guard by the smile that tugged the old man's lips.

"Whatever you did for her, she's seems much happier for it," Dumbledore's eyes watched him very carefully. Severus felt as though all the moisture had left his mouth, his tongue felt as though it were made of lead and he simply stared at the Headmaster.

"I didn't... I don't... she..." he stammered uselessly until he finally managed to get a grip of himself and felt able to construct a full sentence. "I didn't do anything for her."

Dumbledore laughed softly. "Of course," he nodded as though placating a small child. "I know she considers you a friend," he walked toward him. "She has not spoken to me or Filius, not even Pomona. I therefore assumed she had confided in you."

"You assumed wrong," Severus said, his fists clenched by his side. He wasn't sure why he was so angry, why he was rebutting everything Dumbledore was saying. "If that is all Headmaster?" he edged closer to the stairs.

"Thank you, Severus," Dumbledore said with a small smile. "For everything you have done."

"I have done nothing!" Severus said adamantly. "Minerva is working through this at her own pace, I have done nothing but lent her an ear when she wished to talk. It is her that..."

Dumbledore closed his eyes and held up a hand until Severus stopped talking. When he opened his eyes again, Severus was annoyed to see the twinkle had only intensified. "I was referring to you telling me about Dante," he said with a slight smile. "But I'm glad to hear that you're supporting Minerva..."

Severus turned and fled the office as fast as he could.

The damn meddling old fool needed to keep his nose out of his business. It was one thing playing spy for Dumbledore but Severus refused to allow him access to his personal affairs that were not directly connected to the life he once lived. He had already shared with him his most guarded secret, the secret that had dragged him back to the people he had swore to fight against... wasn't that enough? He didn't need to know anything about his relationship with Minerva. He didn't need to know that he felt his heart soar every time she walked into his quarters as though she owned the place, he didn't need to know that he slept better when she was beside him, he didn't need to know that he liked the way her skin felt under his finger tips. He didn't need to know how happy he was when she chose him to be the one she confided in... he didn't need to know that he lov...

Severus stumbled, his hand flew out to steady himself against the wall as he caught his breath. He was letting his emotions get to him. The Headmaster had caught him off guard and he had not been prepared to talk about Minerva.

He leaned his back against the wall and took a few deep breaths as he gathered up his thoughts. He couldn't let that happen again.

Once he felt ready, Severus pushed away from the wall and continued toward his quarters. Sir John roused from a deep sleep as he approached and he sleepily welcomed him back as he opened the door for him. His quarters were dark when he entered them and just as he was about to light some candles, he noticed a sliver of light coming from the door to Minerva's quarters. It was nearing 11.30pm, was she still awake?

Despite the tiny voice in the back of his mind that told him to go to bed alone tonight, the light lured him forward and his feet obeyed.

Minerva was sitting at her dressing table in her nightgown, she had just finished tying off her braid when she spotted him in her mirror. She smiled at him as he approached her and he could smell the lavender oil as he drew nearer.

"Don't worry," she turned to him and stood up, one of her hands brushing up his chest until she reached the top buttons of his robe. Severus watched her hand with amusement as she popped the first button through its hole and looked up at her to see her other hand bring something to his eye level. A blue glass bottle was cupped in her hand and she smirked. "You haven't missed it."

Severus barked a laugh and wrapped his arms around her as he buried his nose in her hair. He took the bottle from her hand and nudged her back into her chair. He lifted her nightgown to reveal her long, shapely legs and Minerva lifted one of them to place her foot in his lap when he knelt in front of her. For five nights he had been mesmerised watching her do this and now, she was letting him do it for her. As he slowly began to massage the cool, smooth cream into her skin he felt himself finally relax for the first time that day.

All thoughts of Dumbledore meddling in his affairs left his mind immediately, his concerns over Dante's motives were nothing but shadows and any dealings with Malfoy could wait until the morning. Everything he wanted to focus on was right in front of him.

Severus glanced up when he felt her fingers in his hair. The way that she looked at him with such warmth, made him believe that she somehow knew he needed this. Like she knew his mind had been close to breaking, that he had been on the brink of lashing out at the nearest thing. Severus thought back to his musings the night before. He had been convinced she was the reason he kept the portal in place, she was the reason he didn't want to bring up her rules, it was all for her recovery.

As she leaned down and placed the softest of kisses to his cheek, he knew that his reasons were not just for her. They were for him too, for he needed her just as much as she seemed to need him.

I seem to be one big cheese monster at the minute. So soppy! But maybe it's because I have plans... lots of angsty plans... lots and lots of angsty plans... mwwwahaha!

You've had a glimpse of it in this chapter, a tiny hint as to something that's building. But that's not the only thing... just wait until Lydia makes another appearance... Oh I'm so evil!

Anyway, thanks for reading guys! I hope you liked this chapter so please remember to let me know what you think. Your feedback means the world to me.

Well, it's 2.30am here so off to bed I go. Night night! x