Heya!

So, if any of you are on AO3, you may already know this story. Believe it or not, i just recently discovered was a thing, so i thought "Eh, why not". Unfortunately the pen name "Good Grief" was already taken, so i had to settle for second best.

This is my first fanfic ever, so please treat it as such :) I have rewritten it from the one on AO3 in some spots i felt could be improved.

It's based somewhat on the ever popular Dreemurr-Reborn Tumblr page (If you don't know what that this, then what the heck are you doing here?), in the sense that risk has given up their SOUL so save Asriel.

I'll try and get the other parts up here as well ASAP.

The first few chapters are mostly build-up, but there will be a lot of action and figthing later on :)

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The door was locked, the blinds were closed, the lights were off and the bedsheets were tear-stained.

Or, they were being stained... slowly.

This was definitely one of the more pathetic breakdowns he had had, it all started so innocently enough even.

"My child, would you care to join us for some snail pie?" his mother had said... But the way she said it, the way she dragged out word "pie" and the way her mouth had formed into a loving smile with just the same kind of angles and curves, just as the words left it.

It reminded him of his... 34th? 47Th reset? He didn't really remember the number, but what he did remember was what was right now being replayed over and over in his mind. He remembered that he had given the whole "Pretend to be a happy family" schtick another go, after about 10 consecutive runs of general carnage, mayhem and soulless genocide, which was fun for a while.
He remembered that he had told his mother the true story, about who he really was. She had cried, of course, she always did when he told her that. They had embraced lovingly, but it was an empty one, they had exchanged words of love and reassurance, but they too, had been empty, at least from his side.
Then one day Toriel had asked him "My child, wold you care to join us for some snail pie?" They had guests over, he remembered, some of Toriels old friends from when she still lived at the castle. He was about to accept the offer, when a sudden idea and desire filled his soulless petals and stem.

He hadn't tried killing anyone with a pastry before.

Idea and desire had quickly turned to action. He remembered how he had ensnared Toriel, his own mother with his vines, and how he had force-fed her the whole pie until she had choked to death, tears of hurt betrayal and confusion on her cheeks. The guests had tried to stop him, of course, but he was too amused to pay them any mind. It didn't last long, and when the turn came to the guests, who were at that point crying over the newly-formed pool of dust on the floor, he remembered them. He remembered them from before, a kind, old duck-like elderly woman and her daughter. He remembered how the old duck had secretly snuck him candy when she visited them before his fall, when he was still Asriel, he liked her, he liked her a lot.

Now?

He liked how she had screamed as he tore her apart, her daughter too.

With the grizzly deed done, he turned to leave, a slight sigh escaping him. Yet another thing that would never amuse him anymore.
He had caught a slight glow in his peripheral vision. A greyish heart was floating above one of the dust piles. His mothers. He had tried absorbing her soul before, of course, it didn't really do much, other than adding a small voice in his head that urged and pleaded with him to stop doing stuff he found amusing, not much more than a proverbial rock in his shoe.

He had edged closer to the soul, he felt a kind, loving warmth radiating from it. Despite all he had, would and probably was going to do to her, despite everything it was still Toriel.

With a casual flick of one of his vines, he cleaved the soul in twain. Despite the love shown to him, despite the warm embrace and pie he could always expect, despite everything he was still Flowey.

With that thought, Asriel finally burst. He screamed loudly, although the pillow he held pressed to his face turned his mournful cry of regret into a muffled "Nooooooooooo..." He was heaving, tossing and turning in his bed, as if he could somehow shake the terrible memories out of his head, trough his eyes or trough his mouth. It never really worked.

But like all things, the breakdown came to an end. Slowly, he forced himself to think of other, happier memories. Of when he was saved, of when he had reunited with his parents once more, even when he had gotten his first A+ in school, anything.
It was an uphill battle, clinging to these memories, like climbing a mountain. He had to hold on with all his strength, or he would slip back down into the dark abyss.

But it slowly became easier. The tears stopped flowing, but the whimpering would carry on for a while longer. He curled up into a fetal position, shaking, sniffling and whimpering "I... Im n-not F-F-Flowey" he stammered. The words continued in his head, unsaid, but still just as true "But I'm not Asriel either"

He suddenly became aware of a pair of arms enveloping him. His mother, of course. He had hoped against hope that the sight of him breaking down into violent tears at the mere suggestion of having pie, wouldn't have worried her. But of course, she was Toriel and he, as unfair as it was, was her son.

Toriel had been sitting at his bedside for the past 5 minutes, gently whispering words of consolation and trying to pick him up into a hug, but while her son was suffering trough having horrible memories forced into his sweet, innocent mind he had trashed about too much. But at long last the wait was over.

"Mom... I-im s-sorry" he whimpered. She pulled him closer "Nonsense, my child. You have nothing to apologize for. I did this to you. I truly don't know how, but it was my words that caused this" she said as she gently stroked one of his ears. Tears had begun pooling in her eyes now. She hated this. She hated how vulnerable they had both became, she hated that her son, and therefore herself, could be reduced to this quivering, shaking mass of fur, tears and apologies at any moment. She hated that they weren't a happy family. A happy family would sit in living room, filling it with laughter, joy and smiles.

But since the barrier broke about half a year ago, there hadn't been a whole lot of that.

She looked down at Asriel and caressed the back of his head. Most of all, she hated what had become of her son. He had told her, vaguely, about what he had done in time after his death. The horrible, terrible acts he had committed for the promise of the slightest amusement. She had never felt so heartbroken, at least not since her son had dissolved into dust in her arms so long ago. Now, with Asriel shaking and whimpering in her arms, it almost felt like he would dissolve again, at any moment.

Finally, after several minutes of caressing, loving kisses and embraces, Asriel finally, gently pushed himself away and sat up, looking away from his mother. He felt rotten looking at her teary-eyed, and how often he had done this to her.

The pie had probably gone cold by now.

"Asriel, my son... please, tell me what to do. I-I want to help you. Is there anything I can do?" She asked, almost desperately. Asriel didn't answer, he never did, but she never stopped asking. She wanted so desperately to help her son, to make him move on, to somehow ligtehn the load on his SOUL.

"I don't think... you should help me" he whispered sadly "I don't deserve it... I don't deserve... you" Tears started forming in his eyes again. Toriel once again picked up her broken son "Oh, my son... don't ever think that. Don't ever think that you don't deserve this" she whimpered.

Night had fallen. The pie had been eaten, cold, but delicious nonetheless, as they always were. Asriel and Toriel had spent the aftermath of his breakdown in the living room. Him sitting on her lap, while she read the same stories to him she used to when they had still lived underground. It reminded him of better, happier days. Days where he didn't feel bad for just being alive. Days were he had really been Prince Asriel Dreemurr.

Now, as he was getting tucked into bed, he had finally regained some semblance of peace of mind. "I'm sorry for being such a crybaby, mom" he said. He really was sorry, for not being brave and strong like a true prince and future king should be. Toriel smiled "It is allright, my child. You are and always will be my little crybaby" she planted yet another kiss on her sons forehead, and slowly, without breaking sight of Asriel, Toriel backed out of the room.

As he did every night, Asriel sat up on his bed after his mother left. He cupped his hands to his chest, and with a heavy sigh, drew his SOUL out of him. Just like every night, he inspected the glowing, gray heart, looking for some kind of imperfection, some kind of stain, some kind of proof that he really was nothing more but a pathetic little wretch, that he didn't deserve this second chance at life that had been so unfairly given to him. That he really wasn't Asriel Dreemurr anymore.
But just like every night, there was nothing to see, save the little, almost invisible red spot in the middle of his SOUL. Frisk, too small to be heard or noticed but they were there nonetheless.
A grieving reminder of what had been lost trying to save him.

With another heavy sigh, he pulled his SOUL back into himself, and snuggled back under the covers. He hugged a plushy heart his father had given him close to his chest, and closed his eyes. He knew he wouldn't get much sleep, the memories and nightmares wouldn't allow it, but for the sake of his mother and Frisk, he would at least try.

Toriel was staring out the window in the living room. Nothing but darkness. A grim, symbolic reminder of what had fallen over the new surface Dreemurr household, lying in the shadow of mt. Ebott. This couldn't go on. She had to save her son, she had already once seen, first hand, what deep despair could make even the most noble and kind souls do.

It was clear that Asriel had lost faith in himself. She had to rekindle that faith, that hope that had been lost. She would help him, of course, but dragging Asriel out of the deep hole he was currently residing in... was something he would have to do mostly on his own.

She found her pen and a notepad and started making plans. She would not lose her son yet again.

She was determined not to.