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Chapter 10: Wait

The week directly after July 22:

'I see you've been calling me dad, but for a lot of personal reasons, I don't pick up. I still haven't forgiven you for what you did, to be honest with you, I don't know if I ever will be able to. You hurt me. But more importantly, you hurt one of the most important people in the world to me and you weren't the least bit sorry about it. You manipulated me into thinking you were protecting me for years, when really, you were just causing me unnecessary pain. Physically and emotionally and every possible way in between. People like you don't change their ways. I know that now. Our paths are two different ones and they always have been. I don't want to see you and I don't want to hear your voice. Please stop calling me on the phone.'

Michonne put the phone down with trembling hands, forcing herself not to let the tears fall as she waited and waited. It was almost the eighth month of the year and everything was still just as screwed up as it was in the past. Some of it was distant and some of it was just weeks old. The tears waterfalled down her face just at the thought of it. It was the week after the incident, yet she still couldn't bring herself to dial up the person she'd been thinking about for hours upon hours along with what seemed like days upon days.

She promised she'd call on the phone, but it was easier said than done. Tomorrow was thrown out the window. She was nervous, and because of that, she was scared. It'd been years since there was this much tension between the two of them, and she'd lit the spark. She provoked an inevitable explosion of pain and unintentional words. Somehow, she felt numb to the pain and the yelling while also feeling every part of it. She felt it down to her soul as it ached on. The wetness dripping from her eyes began to dry up and her hands halted their trembling. It was time to do something, but she didn't know what. She didn't know which people to tell which parts or whether to at all.

Rick was gone and she was the one who walked away this time. People pushed him over the edge and now she was one of those people too. Daryl was increasingly sad and was trying to hide every part of it. Glenn was acting weird and unlike his usual self. And somehow, she put it all on herself. She watched people suffer and she couldn't help but to feel she had something to do with it. That her own sadness was seeping into others. The people she loved weren't really gone, but it profusely felt like it. The thoughts pounded through her head with no intention to let up.

Michonne looked to the pills thrown precariously onto her old dresser. They sat pathetically, mocking her purely with their unnecessary existence. She wanted to tear them up-destroy them with all the power she possessed. Yet, they remained untouched as she remained disturbed by their presence. Not even a whole week ago it was Rick's dresser the pills took their place on top of. The same dresser that held his drugs along with his insanity. It was useless to dwell on things that couldn't be done over, but it was the only thing that kept her from going insane too.

If she knew Rick at all, he was waiting by the phone, probably biting his knuckles and trying to stop the tick he often had. His teeth were knocking into themselves. He probably talked to Daryl and then went home to think things through.

"Yeah," she said out loud, shocking herself. It was the first word she'd uttered in nearly 20 hours.

It seemed like everything slowly killed people eventually. Drugs. Depression. PTSD. Overwhelmed minds and unsettled disputes. These were the things which plagued Michonne as well as the people she felt most protective over. Why was talking to people who were important to you one of the most difficult things in the world?

A knock at her bedroom door brought her out of thought. It was someone she'd been avoiding for weeks. She got up to pull the door open and was surprised by what she saw. There stood the woman she'd grown to despise. Her mother looked impossibly aged, at just 40 years old. She was tired and it was written all over her demeanor. Rick's words about her mother echoed in her skull, but he was wrong. He was pissed off and he was wrong. That was what she told herself this time. They got right to the point.

"Michonne," she began lowly, her eyes wide and seemingly sincere. Her too-thin structure seemed to make her eyes all the more prominent. "I'm so sorry about what happened. I'm so sorry I didn't do anything to put a stop to it years ago."

"I understood it," she replied instantly, "You were scared of him too."

The unintentional mention of her dad seemed to do it. She knew the piece of shit had touched her mom in the past too. Her mother looked on the verge of a breakdown as they stood in the tall doorway. She wondered how her daughter had become a woman just like that and she had missed out on the process. There were too many tiny, un-communicated thoughts which pieced into a big, unsolvable problem. They didn't know anything real about each other. They grew apart years ago and the pieces would stay undone. Parents were just disappointments waiting to happen.

"You been drinking?" Michonne inquired. The answer was too obvious, the woman's thin figure was worn out and influenced by temporary distractions. From her own daughter and from the rest of the world. The woman was practically unrecognizable.

"Yes," she said, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth in a very familiar way. Michonne shook the thought out. "It's been too quiet with you gone, Tulip."

Michonne's eyes widened at the use of her middle name-her mother hadn't called her by it in years. She scoffed in disbelief. "You really trying to make me feel guilty? I was never your priority. You didn't pay attention to me even when I was happy with you all that time ago. You weren't the only one who lost something important, you know."

Michonne's mother turned away for a moment, and for a second, Michonne thought she had hurt her with those words. She was disgusted with the tiny part of herself that felt decent about it. But the truth was that she'd been away for weeks and her mother had never tried to call or talk about what happened. Words were never uttered out of her mouth. The whole time, she was silent and willfully ignorant.

"I know I hurt you when we stopped talking," her mother continued as if it wouldn't just make things worse. "I know I wasn't there for you when things got too tough and I-I don't even know what to say. Nothing could justify that. The way your dad treated you-the way we treated you-it wasn't okay. It was wrong. I know that now. I'm so, so sorry."

Her mother was sobbing pathetically now, and Michonne fought to keep her own tears where they belonged. She knew what she'd done and Michonne wasn't about to make her think it was okay.

"Is that it?" she asked, her voice cold and void of any type of emotion. Waiting years to give a shitty apology wasn't her idea of sincerity.

"Y-yes," she whispered as she wiped at her tears. Her eyes were drunken and inherently sad.

"Okay, good. I got a phone call to make."

She looked out the window at the cloud cover and the oncoming pour. The person of interest picked up on the second ring.

"Hi." he sounded breathless, but not in the least hesitant. There was no tremble to the word. She had no doubt the phone was pressed tightly to his ear, the rest of the world temporarily shut out.

"Hi, Rick," Michonne whispered, not even knowing where to begin or what to talk about. "You okay?"

"Yeah," he spoke up on the other side instantly, "Well, I am now. You okay?"

"I'm so-"

"Don't even think about it," he interrupted, "I was the jerk. You were just telling the truth and I lost my temper. I was hearing you but I wasn't really listening. So, I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry I hurt you with what I said. It was a dick thing to do and I knew it. I think time was what we needed."

She could tell just by the way he was talking that he'd been off the drugs for at least a week. Since the week. He sounded excited and tired. He sounded like himself again after yesterday along with those days before it. It felt good to talk to each other without actually having to physically see each other yet. It took away the pressure. They were sweet and kind to each other just like they used to be all the time.

She pondered his words. They were true. The way he was the previous week was an effect of the withdrawal, but she knew he'd deny it if she said the words. It was all it would take. "I know you don't want me to tell you it's okay, but I do forgive you. I know I hurt you too and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you."

The phone was quiet for a moment and she heard low talking on the other side. It took just a couple seconds for her to pick up Judith's voice, due to her terrible attempt at whispering.

"I'm on the phone, Jude. Can't it wait?"

"It can't," she whined, and Michonne actually laughed out loud at her unwillingness. Judith's temper was identical to Rick's in a way that was both hilarious and troubling.

"Please," she dragged out in her twinkling voice. She heard Rick sigh as he gave into her charms.

"Judith wants to talk to you," he spoke up, unaware that she heard the whole thing, "That okay?"

"Yeah," she said instantly, wondering what the kid possibly had to say that was so important.

"Hi Michonne." Michonne could hear the smile in the little girl's voice and she couldn't help but to widen her own. She could almost see Judith's bright blue eyes lighting up at getting what she wanted.

"Hey Judy, what's up?"

"I miss you," Judith pouted dramatically as Rick watched. "And Dare. And Gwen."

Michonne heard Rick laughing on the other end as he tried to hide it. Judith never did give up her precious nicknames for Daryl and Glenn. Michonne joined in before getting back to the topic. Rick kept laughing.

"It's only been one week, kid," Michonne said softly after a pause on the other line. Judith was a sensitive kid who was more in tune to people than most were aware of, including her own parents. "You'll see us again soon, I promise."

She wanted to jokingly call Rick an inappropriate name for being a dick, but she wouldn't with Judith on the phone. The kid was too intelligent for her to spell out the words. She could hear more whispering before Rick took the phone back, much to Judith's disappointment. Michonne missed them the two of them too. She wanted to be able to touch that part of her world. She couldn't wait to see their identical icy blues again. They needed time apart, but neither of them truly wanted it.

"Tomorrow, all of us at the park?" Michonne inquired. It took a lot just to let the words out. "Judy could come if she wanted to."

"Yeah," Rick said instantly. He was relieved at not having to be the one to make the invitation. "That sounds good. I'll tell Daryl. I don't know about Glenn, though." She could hear the frown and see the pout taking its place.

"You think there's something he's not telling us?" She asked truthfully. "He's been acting pretty weird."

"Yeah, I think you're right," he sighed, "But I think we should wait until he's ready to tell us. It could be pretty important."

"Yeah," she pondered, wondering what could possibly be that important. Important enough to miss work and lie to your parents.

Rick could sense the worry she felt even through the phone. He felt it too, just as much. "Hey," he whispered, as if they were together in the moment, "If he doesn't tell us within the next couple weeks, we'll talk to him, okay?"

She let out a breath. "Okay."

They talked on the phone for a little while before agreeing to meet up at the pizza place later that day. Their plans were on the table just like that. There, they would talk about doctors and inevitable promises. Along with the issues they were installed with.

"How much you got left?" Michonne whispered over the table. She licked her dry lips twice before peeking around the place.

Rick ran a tired hand through his waves before twiddling with his thumbs. It was an indicator of nerves gone wild and they were equally paranoid. "'Bout 200, give or take. You?"

"With my work paychecks? A little more than 400, but I can tap into my savings account too."

This was a discussion they needed to have. The pizza planet was quiet and nearly void of people, which they were grateful for. It made it easier to think.

"Train tickets are 40 bucks a pop, and once we're there, we gotta worry about different types of therapists, which will be at least 80 an hour, transportation, where we'll stay.. you really think this'll work?"

Rick's eyes were deep with worry and inquiry. The pools of ice he called eyes were intense and soft at the same time. They were tired and focused. The two of them hadn't seen each other in just under a week, but if felt like a while they'd been a part. They talked over iced tea with feigned professionalism.

"I don't know," Michonne sighed truthfully. "But I think we should try it. To at least see if it'll work."

"Yeah," Rick agreed with equal determination. "I think it's about time we tried." The jab wasn't personal, but it definitely felt like it was.

"The next train out is tuesday," she whispered across the table. 'We're really gonna do this, aren't we? We're really gonna leave King County."

"It's just for a little while," he pushed gently, "We can always come back if we change our minds or it turns out it isn't what we wanted. Hell, we'll probably run out of money and have to come back anyway. Our parents.. I don't think that'll be a problem."

Michonne laughed without humor. "Mine definitely won't be. What are you telling yours?"

Rick grinned then, pulling something out of his jacket pocket. He lifted up two thin pieces of paper. "University tour."

She smiled back at him, genuinely impressed. "I like the way you think."

"Yeah?" he teased.

"Yeah.. I think this could work," she said, her chestnut eyes lighting up instantly. It'd been awhile since the glint within her deep eyes was so plainly authentic.

Rick watched her as his own smile widened.

"What?" she asked, tapping one of his thumbs from where it lay on the table.

"Your eyes just look so warm when you're happy."

A blush she didn't see coming spread through her cheeks. She was unsure of what to say to that. His own eyes widened as he looked out the window. He tried to focus individually on the drops of water falling onto the pavement outside. They hadn't been this twitchy around each other since they were 14 years old and going through puberty together.

In time, they made trip arrangements on the phone. They sat without saying a word to each other for a while, just looking down at the table or out the window. Michonne cleared her throat before once again licking her lips twice. In need of a distraction, she called the waitress over and politely asked for more tea. Once the waitress obliged, they left a tip and they were out.

"Jude, come on!" Daryl yelled out as he chased the kid around the park. He dramatically ran slower, pretending he couldn't keep up. "You know I'm an old man."

Judith giggled as plopped herself down onto the ground near the playground. Her knees were scraped up and her wavy hair was thrown into an outlandish ponytail. "You're not an old man, Dare. You're 18."

Daryl scooped her up and put her on top of his shoulders as she tightly held on. "Oh yeah? You proud of yourself for knowin' that?"

"Please don't drop her, Daryl," Rick sighed from where he and Michonne watched under the shade of a nearby oak tree. It was a nice day out, unlike yesterday. The pale blue of the sky was welcomed as it ever was on days like this.

"Don't worry," he assured. "I got her."

Michonne laughed at the way Rick worried about his kid sister so often. It was endearing and it fit his personality.

Daryl put her down a little while later, much to Rick's pleasure, and came to sit with his friends again. Both he and Judith were exhausted from running around the park for nearly 20 minutes. All the while, Rick and Michonne teased the two of them.

"Don't go too far, kid," Rick called out to her as she walked the other direction. She was headed back towards the playground where other kids were.

"I won't," she called without turning around, wearing the dirt on her clothes proudly. She was truly her own person at 4 years old.

"Pass me a smoke?" Rick asked, which caused Daryl's eyebrows to lift in shock. Rick smoked maybe twice a year, if at all.

"Knock yourself out," Daryl said while pulling them out of his pocket, throwing the box of cigarettes to him.

He lit one up instantly. Michonne would never be able to figure out what was so great about filling your lungs with smoke, but she just let the topic go. Daryl strongly disliked talking about it.

"So," Daryl began lowly after leaning up against the tree. "You two leavin' town this week?"

"That's the plan," Michonne piped up. "As long as the weather holds up and everything works out."

Daryl sighed out before shutting his tired eyes. He took the day off work and was happy about it for the first time in a while. His friends were too. Glenn might've been, if he were there with them. They were no longer going to pretend things were normal like they used to be, but they would try to accept the way it was presently.

"Well," he drawled out, "Don't do anything too wild, okay?"

"Yeah," Rick turned to Daryl though his eyes were shut. "I don't think we will."

Unknowingly, Daryl could be just as much of a worry wart as the two of them were. Unfortunately, there wasn't another way. They had to be away from this place.

Michonne pushed Rick's shoulder lightly in disapproval. "We won't. Promise."

A little while later, Tara drove by the park and they waved. It was the peek of their day.

After the park, Daryl and Michonne went home and it was just Rick alone with his thoughts. Now that he was alone again, the drugs began to whisper to him from the place they were hidden. His veins pulsed painfully and his head throbbed. Just the thought of overdosing made him dizzy. All he could see were sharp, metal edges and white powder on top of the dresser. The door was locked and tightly shut. His parents were out. Any individual thought that wasn't about those drugs was discarded.

Withdrawal was more painful each time. The drugs taunted and whispered to him in the dark. His hands trembled as his skull pounded.

Just once. Just this one time.

Rick pushed the thought out. He'd had the same one many times. It wasn't the truth. It wasn't just the one time. This thing was killing him inside. It took the wrong person at the wrong time and the people who cared about him had to watch it transpire. They had to watch it torture and transform the person he was. The plummet was inevitable. It just was.

Just as he was about to give in to temptation, his phone rang loudly. The sound was disturbing and welcomed at the same time.

"Yeah?" he answered without looking to see who it was. He had an inkling.

"I was thinking," Michonne began on the other line, "I know we can't really go to the water tower at the moment, but maybe we could try to stop by Glenn's before we head to the train station tomorrow? It's his birthday next week."

It hit Rick like a ton of bricks. He hadn't forgotten a birthday in a while, but there he was, dumbstruck at forgetting his younger friend was turning 17 on August 2nd. He hadn't even gotten a present yet.

"That's a good idea," he replied uneasily.

Michonne sighed tiredly, "You forgot, didn't you?"

The phone felt like it weighed a thousand pounds all of the sudden as he held it tightly. He hated disappointing people. "..yeah.. what do you think he'd want?"

"You know he likes war games and rpg ones, we could stop by the shopping center then surprise him."

"Oh!" Rick yelled out, an old thought coming back to him. "I know he wanted tekken2, plus the new final fantasy. Probably the new call of duty too. There was that computer update he wanted-"

"Rick," Michonne interrupted. "Between the three of us, we'll be able to do it. I talked to Daryl about it already, you know, while we.. weren't talking."

There was a pause after that time period was brought up for the second time that day. Michonne waited for him to answer through the phone.

"Okay, yeah. I'll be ready tomorrow. 2 o' clock."

July 28:

They stood outside his door in jackets and jeans. They held a tiny birthday cake along with the presents they bought just hours before. They were really hoping Glenn was home to answer the door, so they wouldn't have to awkwardly explain what was transpiring to his parents.

Then the door opened and there he was, completely unsuspecting of their birthday tradition.

"Surprise!" they yelled in unison, Daryl pushing the tiny white cake into Glenn's face. He took a deep breath before wiping at the cream.

"I'm gonna kill you guys," he threatened, though a happy grin spread across his whole face. "You do know my birthday isn't until next week, right?"

"Of course we know that, dumbass," Daryl scoffed. "It's only been, what, 8 years?"

"Alright, alright," he conceded in defeat. "Come in, I was just hanging out upstairs."

Michonne, Daryl and Rick piled inside, taking their jackets off at the door. They stealthily avoided having to talk with Glenn's parents. That conversation always went the same way, plummeting into unnecessary places.

The dog lay underneath Glenn's computer desk upstairs, his ears perking up at the familiar people. He jumped up to greet them with his tail wagging. After some petting, he settled down back under the desk.

"No way!" Glenn shouted in excitement as he looked through the presents. "You guys didn't have to do this."

"We did," Michonne winked. "Those ones were Rick's idea," she spoke up.

He'd been unusually quiet since they arrived at Glenn's place.

"Thank you," Glenn said to them. "I don't deserve you guys."

"Where's this talk comin' from?" Daryl teased. "We do this every year, just get used to it."

Rick felt it was a good time to tell him about why they were having his birthday celebration a week in advance. "Uh, there's something important we need to tell you."

"Yeah.. ?" Glenn asked genuinely, looking between Rick and Michonne, to Daryl who looked out the window.

"We're leaving town today-I am. Michonne too," he nodded in her direction. "We're takin' a train out to just outside Atlanta."

"Oh, okay," Glenn said, finding the admission a bit odd. "Why?"

Rick and Michonne glanced at each other then. They hadn't agreed upon what they would tell him and what they wouldn't.

"There's a university tour," Rick said, and he watched as Michonne eyes widened in shock in his peripheral vision. The truth was kept from two different parties in the room, and two could play that game. What Rick said was technically true either way. "Afterward, we might stay a couple days to do some touring."

"Touring?" Daryl mimicked suddenly, turning to face them again. Tension was already filling the air. "You're kiddin', right?" Daryl didn't know the whole truth, but he knew the important parts.

Michonne looked guiltily from him to Glenn, even though she hadn't been the one who said it. She might not have said the words, but she let Rick tell them as if they were the truth.

They all seemed to look to her now, waiting for different answers to escape. They were all unusually pale and she was unusually nervous. "Yup."

They tore up the highway in Daryl's truck as he took the wheel. Rick and Michonne didn't talk as they looked out the window in the opposite direction. Before they knew it, the King County train station was coming into view.

Daryl drove into the parking lot and up the entrance, still not looking at the two of them.

"Don't take too long, okay?" he whispered.

There was something in his voice that made Michonne sad. "Daryl, this is what we have to-"

"Yeah, I know. You already said it 'bout twenty times. Just go and don't do nothin' too dumb, okay?"

They wanted to say more, but the train was coming and it wouldn't wait forever. This wasn't the way they wanted to leave things. With a gloomy sky and sour feelings. It was overwhelming, even with the underwhelming weather outside. It would be while before they saw this place or these people.

"Take care of yourself," Rick said to Daryl before stepping out of the truck with his small suitcase. Michonne followed shortly, her own suitcase already wheeled onto the pavement. It was unemotional, yet it was too.

Just like that, Daryl shot them one last knowing look before driving off. It was just the two of them now. The train was just pulling up on the other side of the divider.

That was when the pouring started, and it was so ironic that they had to find it funny, otherwise, it would be painful.

Rick started to walk for the open door when Michonne grabbed his arm. "Rick, wait."

He turned around, and before he knew it, her plump lips were against his in a kiss. The tip of her tongue touched his as she kissed him with passion. It was probably two seconds, but it meant the world to Rick.

"I wanted to do that for a while," she whispered, coming down from her tippy toes. Water splashed onto both of their faces, but they didn't give a damn. As the kiss took place, people drifted away like background parts.

Rick was breathless just from the shock of it, his teeth showing as he smiled down at her.

He waited for the pour to let up just enough to clear the water from his icy eyes. "I thought we didn't do that type of thing anymore?"

"Yeah, well. I think we just did." She replied before kissing him again. Then she pulled away and boarded the train as if it didn't happen. Some things about her, Rick would never understand.

He grinned to himself with pleasure before following. What waited on the other side was uncertain, but something about what just happened was the truest and most obvious thing he'd known in weeks.

I was terrified. I know you were too but we pretended we weren't.

'I'd like to be proud but somehow I'm ashamed, sweet little baby in a world full of pain.. I don't know if I can take it. everybody's talking but what's anybody saying? this is to you.. there is only so much I can do, tough for you to witness it but it was tough for me too. I'm using white lighters to see what's in front of me..' r.i.p. to my youth, the neighbourhood

your thoughts?