A/N: Credit to Fetus Llama Farts for coming up with some of the ideas in this. I don't know, okay? I really needed this after recent manga events.

The title is taken from Eren's new character song (seriously, what sort of name is that?). It's kinda relevant, but not really.

Abstract Lust

By Janine (see profile)

A sharp yelp rang out from somewhere in the distance. Armin stopped in his tracks, his arms laden with supplies he was carrying to Headquarters, and squinted at the training grounds. That had sounded suspiciously like –

A flash of red and black darted out from a dim, cobbled street and barrelled straight into him. The supplies cascaded from his arms, rolling and bouncing in every direction. He hit the ground hard. Too hard.

Ouch. He had never understood how one's posterior could contain so much cushiony flesh and yet be completely incapable of serving as an adequate cushion when the situation required it. He rubbed the afflicted area, which seemed to have gone numb, and peered up at the feral creature that had caused him all this agony.

"Mi-Mikasa? What happened? Why are you –"

She appeared not to have heard him, or even registered that she had probably shattered all the bones in his pelvis. Armin had never seen such a look on her face before. Her eyes were on the verge of popping out of their sockets and her cheeks were flushed almost as red as her scarf.

"Um . . . Mikasa? Are you okay?"

Her eyes locked on him, and she gasped, "Eren . . . Eren is . . ."

Humanity's second-strongest having difficulty catching her breath was a rare sight. This was concerning.

"What about him? Did the experimenting go wrong? And are you hyperventilating?"

"Yes – no – I don't know! He has a – a –" She gulped, the colour of her face now definitely indistinguishable from her scarf.

"A what?"

"A – you know!"

Armin scratched his head. "Uh, no, I don't, actually."

Mikasa gestured desperately at Armin's crotch. He instantly felt the colour rise in his own face as the realisation dawned on him, along with an absurd desire to laugh.

"Mikasa, he's a guy – of course he has one! Why is that so surprising to you?" He stopped. "Wait a minute . . . did you actually – actually look at it? Why would you –"

His unfinished question was answered as a deafening roar announced the arrival of Eren's titan, his giant head looming above nearby buildings. Perched on his shoulder was Hanji, who was cheering loudly, her hands in the air. The moment Eren came around the rooftops and they had a clear view of his lower body –

"ARGH!" Armin yelled, burying his face in his hands. "Wi-With all due respect, Squad Leader Hanji – why in the name of the magnificent glistening ocean would you do that to him?"

Footsteps clattered behind him, and he swivelled around and peeked through the gaps between his fingers to see the rest of Squad Levi hurrying towards them. The Captain was the first to notice the . . . modifications . . . that had been made to Eren's titan form. He stopped short, eyes widening, before he discreetly averted his gaze. Jean, Sasha and Connie ran into him from behind, looked up and –

Jean swung around on the spot and smashed his head against a wall.

Sasha screamed something no one understood in her village's dialect and dived into Mikasa's arms.

Connie let loose a flood of very nasty obscenities and ripped Levi's cravat from his neck in his desperation to blindfold himself.

For several long moments no one said anything, save for Hanji, who was still cheering.

"So," Levi began, a dangerous undercurrent in his voice. He shot a meaningful sidelong glance at Connie, who had pressed the pristine cravat to his eyes and was completely oblivious to his superior's displeasure. "I presume this was an accident?" Levi stared intently at the ground as he spoke, but it was clear that his question was directed at Hanji.

Armin could not see how it could possibly have been an accident, but he didn't blame Levi for trying. Part of him was, after all, in fierce denial about what he had just seen. There was nothing wrong with Eren, nothing at all! Well, maybe just a little sign of a botched experiment, but nothing that couldn't be fixed in a minute or two, surely.

Hanji laughed breezily. "An accident? This is the greatest scientific development in history! It'll change the world and secure humanity's freedom."

"Um, how, exactly?" Armin asked, since Levi looked as if he wanted to slice Hanji into a thousand pieces and everyone else was in such a severe state of shock that they had been rendered temporarily speechless.

"Ah, now, I'm glad you asked. You see, I was thinking – wouldn't it be advantageous for us if we could get the titans off our backs while we rummage around in Eren's basement? All we need is something that will cause them to lose their overwhelming desire for humans. But how to achieve that? Well, we had to find a different sort of desire, one so powerful that it makes them forget their primal instinct to eat people. There is, as it turns out, only one such existing desire. And we were able to implant and activate it, and it's proven extremely effective."

Armin blinked. "It . . . has?"

"Certainly it has. Eren's never been attracted to other titans before, have you, Eren?"

Eren shook his head, not looking the least bit embarrassed to admit such a thing. Granted, though, it was hard to tell, since his titan face just looked angry all the time.

"So far we've tested this new technology on a couple of titans we captured, and the results are – quite astounding, I must say. Even when we let them loose, they showed no interest in humans at all –"

"You let them loose?" Levi cut across her, his eyes flashing. "Without consulting anyone, without a single thought for the lives you put at stake?"

"No lives were at stake, Levi, you're not listening to me. They're completely harmless after undergoing treatment, unless they trample you while they're engaged in frivolous activities."

"Uh – Squad Leader, what exactly is this 'new technology', as you call it?" asked Sasha, who had finally disentangled herself from Mikasa.

Hanji looked delighted that someone other than Armin was displaying scientific curiosity at last. "Well, it's an invention I'm very proud of, if I do say so myself –"

"That's enough, shitty glasses," Levi snapped. "No one wants to know."

"But Sasha asked –"

"No, it's fine," said Sasha quickly. She did indeed look somewhat nauseated, as if she regretted saying anything at all. "I changed my mind."

"There you go," said Levi with finality. "No one. Wants. To. Know. Now I suggest you get your arse over to Erwin and explain the reasoning behind all the horrific things you've been doing behind his back."

Oh, thank the Walls, thought Armin. Please just get out of here so Eren can transform back and we'll never have to see –

"What was that, Levi?"

There was a collective groan as everyone recognised the deep, sonorous tones of the Commander. As Erwin approached the group, Jean tried to warn him of the traumatising sight that was about to meet his eyes, shouting, "Commander, don't look!"

But it was too late. Erwin's face contorted for a moment and he shut his eyes as if praying for an early death.

Armin, sensing an impending disaster, signalled silently to Mikasa, Jean, Sasha and Connie, and they dashed away, Jean clutching his bleeding head and Sasha dragging the still-blindfolded Connie by the end of Levi's cravat.

Barely a week had passed when Mikasa burst through the doors of the mess hall at breakfast, wearing the same horrified expression Armin had seen on the day of Hanji's controversial experiment. She slammed into the edge of a table, knocking Levi's cup of tea over. The liquid slopped all over the front of the Captain's uniform.

The squad watched his jaw tighten with some trepidation. Mikasa had never been guilty of such an offence, but then, she was Mikasa. Few situations could destroy her composure, so whatever news she had had to be significant.

To their relief, Levi seemed to take this into account and elected to stay silent.

"It's Eren," Mikasa began, looking wildly around the hall. "She's given him a – a –" Her cheeks flamed and she mimed something with her hands.

"A what?" several people asked.

Mikasa made a few more feeble attempts at sign language, before giving up and bursting out, "A – a condom!"

There was a shocked silence, followed by a wave of clattering noises as people dropped cutlery.

"And it has all these ribbons on it, for decoration, not even for holding it up," she continued with increasing agitation. "As do the ones that were mass-produced for the others –"

"Mass-produced?" echoed Connie, looking dumbstruck. "By who?"

"The Reeves company. Don't ask me why they agreed to do it. And –"

"But why do titans even need them?" Jean demanded, sounding as if he was about to regurgitate his breakfast.

Mikasa shook her head. "Something about protection against diseases."

"Diseases?" said Armin. "They're titans, for crying out loud –"

The doors banged open for the second time that morning, and through them strode Hanji and Eren, who was thankfully back in his human form. They came to a halt at the very centre of the hall, and Hanji peered at Armin very seriously.

"They may be titans, Armin, but they were once human. And thanks to this innovation," she announced to the hall at large, "neither side will have to kill the other. For the first time, there is hope that titans will one day regain their human forms as a result of our ongoing research, and that humanity will be freed from the chains that bind us, once and for all."

"Exactly right," Eren chimed in, grinning at all the shocked faces in the hall. "And besides," he added, holding up something that vaguely resembled a huge, long oven mitt, "these are actually pretty cool!"

The Survey Corps stood outside the gates of Shiganshina District, basked in the glorious light of the setting sun. The land stretched, boundless, in every direction, and the air was sweeter than anything they had ever tasted. There was no longer a need for Walls, or bloodshed, or suffering. They were free.

A great cheer rose from the sea of green, and a hundred pairs of wings of freedom were held up by a hundred pairs of hands, makeshift victory flags fluttering in the wind. The sounds of laughter and weeping reached far into the distance, into the unknown that would soon be unknown no longer.

Armin threw his arms around Eren, tears running down his face. "I'm sorry I ever doubted you, Eren. Thanks to you and the Squad Leader, we were all saved."

"Ah, don't mention it," said Eren, thumping him on the back. "What are you waiting for? Let's go see the ocean."

"Yeah." Armin pulled away and wiped his eyes. "Hopefully it's so stunning that it'll burn a certain horrible image from my memory forever," he muttered under his breath.

Yep that's how it ends the current arc's not happening bye

(I'm sorry about that last sentence, if you know what I'm talking about. I wrote it and a second later I was like, "Ohhh shit." Heh I'm terrible.)