44. Welp, gotta go see Dr. DINGUS, soon! In the meantime, I've been entertaining a couple of ideas; kill the doctor or kill myself. Gaster would have nothing on me if I did the latter.

45. Good news, Chara! Today's therapy session went GREAT! In fact, it was so insightful that I fell asleep. Right in front of the doctor. He was THAT boring.

…Okay, he wasn't really boring. I was just tired. I thought I'd shake it off by the time we got there, but I couldn't. Frisk had to constantly shake me awake until I gave up fighting entirely.

"It wasn't worth it," I told myself. "What was the point in being here?" Next thing I knew, I was sitting on Frisk's desk like I always do in the mornings, lost in a daze. I didn't think I'd sleep through the entire session just like THAT! What was I thinking? Then Frisk showed me a video Sans took of me while I was out and… I killed them! But I didn't kill them, because I'm a good flower! On a serious note, I never thought much at being tired since I nap a lot during the day, but now. Now I think something's off.

I consulted Frisk about it because I LET him tag along with me and he said he asked the doctor about it. The doctor said, "Oh yes, that is one of the side effects of his medication. A very common one, I might add." Then Frisk explained that the doctor work to find an alternative if it became too debilitating for me.

...

Oh no, Frisk, it's not debilitating AT ALL! In fact, it's just what I needed. See, I don't need consoling or a SOUL. Nope! I'll just sleep my life away instead. Genius, Dr. DINGUS. You've really saved us now! I'm not going to kill anyone or get tortured or bored or anything. I'm just going to sit here and sleep. As if the "humanistic approach" did something good for once. Ha ha.

46. So I was browsing through YouTube today and I thought I'd do something beneficial to both myself and those around me – listening to music. Today's selection is a piece called Mad World by Gary Jules. Golly, does it speak to my vaguely existing SOUL!

47. You know, I've never contemplated with the idea of getting along with Sans. At least not genuinely, anyway. Why would I? What was there worth seeking behind that sad little existence of his? I had better things to do.

However, after reading through his letter, he's begun to rekindle my interest. He told me not to tell anybody, which is no skin off my stem. It's not like I'm like some OTHER people out there. I'm just frankly surprised he hasn't killed me yet (except for that one time). Or... maybe I shouldn't be surprised. He probably promised Toriel (or Frisk) not to kill me. Because that makes a difference either way.

Other than that, I really do enjoy our times together. Just sitting around, watching TV. Listening to his bad puns. There was no reason mask myself with blamelessness while around him. There was nothing he didn't already know and I was still breathing in spite of that. The more time I spend with him, the more I've realized how blinded I was by my own thirst for power. But all is fair in LOVE and war. No hard feelings, right Sansy?

However, my only suspicion about all this is that Sans has been going out more than usual. It used to be once a day, at nightfall, but now he goes out TWICE a day! It's like he's never home! He's either at Grillby's or he's at Alphys and Undyne's where those two have to babysit me all day. It really agitates me. Not only is he leaving me unsatisfied, but I can't watch any TV around here! Again, that's Toriel's fault! "Oh no, TV is too violent for Flowey! He might get angry and start emulating it!" Hee Hee Hee! How utterly pointless!

48. Just when I thought my DETERMINATION was good for nothing these days, this happened! Today, Alphys and Frisk devised a theory for what's happening to my "SOUL". After Frisk and I told Alphys about what DETERMINATION does to Undyne, they both believe that in a similar fashion, my DETERMINATION is actually recomposing my SOUL. They also theorized that all the RESETS have stifled its progress and that if we stopped RESETing, it could grow stronger (with a lot of LV)!

Ha Ha… Even if I DID have a SOUL, I bet I still wouldn't know how to feel about that. Is life really THAT cruel? Give me part of a SOUL and then a power that keeps me from growing it? All those SAVES… all those numerous timelines… Golly, this is a new low. Even for life's standards!

I hate my life...