You Will (NOT) Embrace Fear
It spread like wildfire:
The Joker, crowned prince of Tokyo-3, hero of the Angel wars and maker of making masses question their views of sanity and reality...was in an insane asylum. And of his own free will and violation, no less!
XXX
The day had already started off with a sense of foreboding and weirdness:
Joker, or the clown formerly known as Shinji Ikari was actually in class, albeit because he had nothing better to do:
Sakura Suzuhara had been cleared from the hospital, which was having a big fundraiser that he was not invited to. Something about a mass murderer killing vibes. Please! If he was there, he'd triple the funds they'd have raised.
Even if that was the case, he wasn't in a killing mood today; nothing had outright dared him to make think that the masses needed embrace laughter and chaos. He had no reason to fear his grandpa or Max coming after him; an unofficial rule of their 'rhythm' was that during this week in particular, Masataka got to relax and unwind without fear of his grandson doing anything to bad.
Harley and Quinn were well fed and resting up, the TV blaring with cartoons when he left. Joker had the distinct impression that Quinn may be pregnant, so he was looking forward to and dreading hyena cubs...especially with what National Geographic had taught him about their natural 'Cain and Abel' sibling rivalries.
No one in his slummy neighbourhood was foolish to mess with him anymore and all the kids he usually entertained were in school. So, with that in mind, the Clown Prince of Tokyo-3 had decided to go to school for once.
He missed Asuka and Rei during the day, to be honest. And school, before...whatever happened...had been a sanctuary for him. It was why he made no attempt to do anything bad during his time in or near such buildings.
On top of actually having the infamous clown-pilot in class, there was another 'cliche' happening: A new student had just enrolled into class.
A boy with grey hair and pale skin with a cheerful smile who caught the eye ofmany girls, especially with his kind and friendly demeanour.
"Ah, Shinji-kun, correct?" He asked sweetly. "My name is Kaworu Nagisa. Oh, my apologies, you go by Joker-kun, correct?"
The biggest thing, however? This newcomer was unafraid of Joker.
"On the contrary, I'm a huge fan of your work." Kaworu confessed smiling happily. "Your Joker fish plot especially, and I have seen each and every episode of your show twice."
"Really?" Joker beamed
"Truly."
The clown boy's grin grew to an almost never befroe seen height
"I HAVE A FAN WHO GETS IT!" He beamed in joy, taking Asuka into his arms and twirling her while capturing her lips
"B-b-baka! Not in public!"
"You didn't mind at the hospital." Rei pointed out
Kaworu's popularity would've taken a dive immediatley after, had the following not occured:
"My only concern is that, I feel you focus on the wrong emotion."
Joker rose an eyebrow.
"Make no mistake again. Comedy is gold. But, I feel there is one emotion that would make your ideals truly stick."
"And that is?' Joker had asked
"Please humour me."
Before Joker could ask what he meant, he felt a whisp of gas enter his nostrils.
XXX
(AN: The following all takes place within Shinji/Joker's mind within 10 seconds)
He found himself on a dimly lit stage, a microphone in front of him and no one in seats.
"...Well, this is kind of weird, but this ain't so ba..."
Suddenly he felt something slide off of him; glancing down he saw white, red, green and purple drip from his body, his suit melting downwards and leaving him in a puddle of the colours. Then the seats began to fill with dummies wearing Grochou Marx glasses.
A mirror suddenly came up from behind him and showed him...what...what he...
He was like before. A simple schoolboy.
Anger filled Joker and he reached for a knife he kept in his pants. It was gone. His reflection looked sad and bored.
This disgusted him and he swung a punch, only to be swung backwards with a broken nose. The ground suddenly became rocky and filled with gravel and grass. A ring caught his ears and he spied...
He remembered this.
He was about six years old and had found an abandoned bike. He was taking home when a policeman found him and accused him of stealing it. No matter what he said, no one believed him.
It was here that he had decided to do whatever people told him to do. It was easier that way. And its not like he mattered.
"That's not me." He said, trying to remember that night that changed everything...but a mix of images filled him and they way the mixed told him that some where imagined:
Liquid greeting his body.
Someone telling him he was a joke.
What had happened?
What had happened?
He used to delight in the inability to recall what had happened.
Now...the uncertainty that had brought him joy and gave him confidence filled him with despair.
How did he justify himself?
"T-that's not me." The boy weakly begged.
'Coward'
'Baka.'
"That's not me!"
'What a freak.'
"That's not me!"
'Useless'
"THAT'S! NOT! ME!"
'Who are you?'
"Joker!" He desperately called as the stage and seats suddenly began to fall downwards, taking him with him.
The colors that had once overtaken his form suddenly took on a humanoid shape and with a smirk, waved goodbye to him as he fell downwards. He reached desperately to catch them but the floated upwards, cackling all the way.
Shinji then landed on a sleek white ground and saw a three year version of him staring at...
"...No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no!"
Not this memory!
ANYTHING but this memory!
Show him being bullied! Remind him of his angst when Asuka was kidnapped! Regale him of how Harley and Quinn tried to eat him! Make him relive his uncle after the Kabuki show!
ANYTHING BUT THIS!
"I love you Shinji." His mother smiled...just before the Evangelion devoured her and slammed down onto him, splattering him into a red paste hat he then fell through as those Joker had killed all stood above him, saying the three most damaging words to him:
"You're not funny."
Then they mashed together to form a gigantic version of his mother, who repeated those words.
"Mommy...Mommy...Mommy...!" Was all he could whimper when he wasn't screaming
XXX
"SHINJI!" Asuka shouted in fear for her beloved as he thrashed and screamed and was placed onto a stretcher. An aide gently pushed her back, making her fall in to Kaworu's arms. "WHAT WAS THAT?!"
"Fear Toxin." Kaworu explained. "Causes hallucinations of one's greatest phobias. As I suspected, Shinji-kun suffers from Monophobia, the fear of being alone
"An angel has been sighted." Rei announced. "We shall settle this matter later."
"To hell with the angel!" Asuka snapped. "He put Shinji in...!"
"I said..." Rei growled with a glare at the new boy. "We. Will. Settle. This. Later."
Make no mistake, since Shinji had forced his way into her life, Rei felt little to no shame in making sure NERV was...tested and the that world learned to smile more. Under any normal circumstances in her newly established 'Joker's sister/apprentice' mindset, she'd have tried to make a joke about the whole situation
But she also wanted there was still a world for her brother to share smiles and his way of life with, so for now, getting rid of the angel was her priority.
Taking a deep breath, Asuka took out her coin and made sure the object of her hate could see the heads side.
"We deal with the angel."
She flipped it over.
"We cripple you right here and now, then go deal with the angel."
Kaworu simply smiled and motioned for her to flip. Just before Asuka did, he noted.
"If you're pkay with running the risk of Joker-kun being hurt on the way over to wherever he's going?"
Asuka paused and put the coin back.
XXX
"This wasn't how it was supposed to go." Gendo growled at Kaworu as the albino boy, now in his Plug Suit, stood at Unit 01
"I thought you didn't care how I got him under control." Kaworu reminded him, playing dumb and being loud enough for all to hear.
"Under control, yes!" Gendo snapped. "You've practically reduced him to a shivering blob and a mess of a clown!"
"Which you can control." Kaworu retorted, finding his gloves more interesting than this conversation.
"But that kind of control takes time to implement and train; time we don't have!"
"For once something we agree on." Kaworu said, just as an enraged Asuka, irritated Rei and concerned but thoroughly angry Misato entered the room.
"I hope you realize, Kaworu, what you've done." Misato glared at the newest pilot. "Shinji..."
"Joker." Rei corrected in spite of it all.
"..has the best record of killing Angels out of everyone in all of NERV. While I have no doubt in Asuka and Rei
"It was the commander's wishes."
...
...
"...What?" Misato asked
"It was the commander's wishes." Kaworu repeated. "Something about getting him under control?"
"ICH WERDE DICH UMBRINGEN!" Asuka roared, the other pilot barely holding her back as she clawed for the commander. Whether this was due to Asuka's enraged strength or Rei's heart breaking over the loss of her brother was anyone's guess.
"LET ME GO, WUNDERGIRL!" Asuka snapped. "HE MUST DIE!"
"Your coin!" Rei weakly pointed outright
"NOT THIS TIME!" Asuka responded, actually throwing Rei out of the way and nearly reaching the object of her hate before Section Two agents managed to restrain her
"I'LL KILL YOU! Watashi wa anata o korosudeshou! ich bring dich um!"
Misato, on the other hand?
BANG!
Gendo fell to the ground, bleeding and screaming
"Oh man up, I just took out a knee." Mistao growled.
"I had to! If he wasn't under control, we'll lose!"
"But dear Commander..." Kaworu grinned evilly. "You already have."
Those words hung over
"In fact, you never had a chance to begin with. The final angel? Its been here from the very beginning. Even further, it was here before the old men were born, before their ancestors were born. Why? Because humanity itself is the final angel."
If Shinji had heard this...he might have been able to snap out
But he was locked deep underground, reeling from what all artists and performers fear the most; the realization that he never had been, and never would be funny.
"Confused, aren't you? Well then, allow me to introduce myself." Kaworu smiled. "Kaworu Nagisa is a mere alias. My true name is Tarbis. An Angel 'created' by SEELE as a final sort of weapon. But since Shinji-kun, pardon, Joker-kun, killed the old men, I've had time to learn and think for myself. And like I said in school, he had the right idea, just the wrong emotion. Laughs may make things seem bearable for a while, but fear? Fear is instinctual. All of is feel it. All of us know what it is and most of us agree what makes us feel it. Humor is sadly subjective."
Kaworu's smile became a saddened and sweet one.
"Still, Joker-kun opened my eyes to this; so when Gendo brought me on, I had to make sure he was out of the way and yet not. You are indeed lucky, Ms Soryu, to hold his brilliant and mind in your hands. I owe everything to Shinji-kun...I love him much like you do."
That did not sit well with Asuka, Rei, Misato or even Gendo but they said nothing.
"I'll go and slay that angel and any more that come." Kaworu assured the broken crowd. "And then? You can all pack up and move on with your lives. Since Shinji killed the old men, there's no need to wipe you all out with those shoddily produced Evas or the JSSDF, and I'm sure history will remember you all as heroes for the rest if time. But not worry, I am certain we'll be able to get your mothers out of the Evas...although Commander, I highly doubt Miss Ikari will want anything to do with you after everything you've done."
And out he walked, leaving all to think.
XXX
Outside the asylum their...friend? Master? Nightmare Fuel attendant and maker?
...
...
Whatever, outside of the asylum where the clown formerly known as Shinji Ikari was being held, Touji, Kensuke and Hikari crouched and waited.
"We're going to be in so much trouble for this." Kensuke noted.
"And yet, I cannot find myself giving a damn." Hikari mused, turning to Touji. "You sure Sakura and my sisters got to the shelter and are together? And won't escape?"
"It was one time, and yes!" Touji groaned, turning his attention to the asylum.
"When Rei gets here, we save the clown."
"IF she gets here, you mean."
They turned to see two unfamiliar faces, both looking disappointed in all of them yet also relieved.
XXX
His screams had subsided, whimpers alone in their place. His throat raw and his eyes blooshot from the tears he had shed.
Guilt was beginning to overtake his being; all those people killed or humiliated, all those jokes and gags? What had it been all worth? This rotten word kept winning anways! No one ever got close to what he did!
And he had honesty thought he could change the world.
...
Wait.
...This rotten world.
...
...
"...heh."
...
"Heh ha."
THAT.
"Heh ha ha."
THAT WAS IT!
"Ha ha ha ha!"
The Joke that started it all!
'Be yourself' everyone said; but they never meant it.
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
Well! HE wasn't going to fall into that trap again! HE WAS JOKER!
"MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
He leapt to his feet and raced towards the door in spite of his straitjacket. Without another thought, he kicked the door with both fight, alerting the guards and orderlies.
(10 minutes of bloodshed and chaos later)
"Gotta give the albino points! He did what nobody did! Going to have to pay him back for that! Say...Wanna hear a joke?" He asked the Section Two agent whose throat he was crushing. A phone than rang
"Agent, what is the status of the Third child?"
"PAPA!" Joker beamed, taking the phone. "Just the man who needs to hear this. Now, stop me if youve heard this one...What do you get...when you abandon a traumatized, mentally ill young boy with nothing to lose and then make him relive all the crap in his life?"
The now choking agent reached for his gun, only for the clown boy to step on his hand and take the gin.
"You get what you fucking deserve!"
BANG!
BANG!
BANG!
BANG!
BANG!
BANG!
CLICK!
CLICK!
CLICK!
He then tossed the gun aside and marched outside of the asylum, where he saw his friends and grandfather waiting for him.
"Little late, but I do so love company!" Joker beamed. "Now then...Where's the albino?"
XXX
The intercom at NERV suddenly blasted out the following words, in a voice which all recognized.
"Ding dong! I know you can hear me; Open up the door, I only want to play a little!"
To be continued...
Happy Halloween!
Hows THAT for an update for something I haven't touched in a couple of years? Pretty good, I hope.
Sorry for the long wait, I just could never figure out how to introduce Kaworu in a way that both made sense in fics and respective canons as well as moved the plot along. While I'm sure a few people just love seeing Shinji drive the world closer and closer into madness, this is a story with an end in mind...an end that will be coming about the next time I update this story...preferably next week.
Special thanks to Determined-OverLord Wang-Yu for helping in the nightmare sequences.
Read and review, won't ye kindly?