Chapter 11: Epilogue

Castiel stood before the sliding glass door of Gabriel's house. His eyes were trained on the path leading up to the cliff side and his whole body was tense and screamed of pain. His blue eyes were filled with tears but he refused to let them fall. He had cried enough. He didn't need to worry Gabriel anymore then he already had. It was bad enough that Razael was keeping a careful eye on him. A sudden hand touched his shoulder and he blinked his eyes refocusing on the reflection in the glass.

"Sam..."

The Winchester gave him a small smile and held out a cup of steaming tea. "Here. You looked like you could use it. How are you holding up Cas? And please tell me the truth. I want to help."

Castiel took the cup and took a small sip of the warm liquid. "Dean is..."

Sam nodded. "I know. I can't imagine how much this is hurting you."

The cup in the angel's hands shook. "I miss him."

"I think we all do." Sam admitted. "We just have to trust that Gabriel knows what he's doing. He can fix this. He just needs time."

"How much time Sam?" Castiel demanded. "It's been three months. How much longer do they need? How much more of this do you think I can take? It's a constant ache that won't go away."

Gabriel suddenly appeared beside them holding a plate with a still steaming piece of apple pie with a scoop of vanilla ice and a fork. "I'll be back. I just need to make an offering."

The angel opened the door and went out leaving Sam and Castiel standing there in the open door. The archangel went down the stairs and headed to the path leading to the cliff. Castiel hesitated and then rushed out after his brother and grabbed his arm. Gabriel turned curious gold eyes on him.

"You're going to see him right? Can...Can you tell him that I miss him and that I still love him?" Castiel asked softly. "I would do it myself but..."

Gabriel smiled and pulled Castiel down to kiss the top of his head. "I know. I'll pass along the message. Maybe this time we'll get a response. I'll be back soon okay? Why don't you head back inside and get Raz to make some tacos for dinner? You're looking pale again."

Castiel nodded and turned and headed back inside. Gabriel sighed as he watched the younger angel head back. Without his normal overcoat it was easy to see just how much weight the angel's vessel had lost. Even his Grace felt weaker due to his depression.

Shaking his head he turned and continued along the path that lead to the cliff. Following the path up he turned the corner and stopped to take in the sight of the person sitting right on the cliff edge. With a rustle he released his wings and pulled out a secondary feather. He twirled it in his fingers before releasing it. The golden feather danced on the wind before moving to dance before the eyes of the lone figure on the cliff. The person stiffened but then relaxed and gave a wave of his hand to let him know he was welcome.

Gabriel smiled and came up the last few steps to the small hut that was up there. He sat down and offered the fresh pie. After a few tense moments a careful hand reached out and took the plate and began eating. Gabriel smiled and wrapped a careful wing around the slim body, pleased when the wing wasn't brushed off like most of the times when he came here.

He carefully brushed across the mind and was pleased when he felt the barrier there drop; he was welcome to talk this time. ^Hey. I have a message for you.^

"A message? Please don't tell me that it's another one from Sam. I'm getting kind of tired of his sappy chick flick stuff."

^Not a message from him. It's from Castiel.^

There was a shudder from the mind he was connected to. "I haven't been trying...I've kept the bond closed like you suggested. I don't want to hurt him but...This is so fucking hard! Please tell me that I haven't hurt him."

Gabriel carefully brushed over the worry and tried to calm him. ^Castiel hasn't felt anything. I think that's what's making this so hard on him. He knows you're there but the feeling isn't. It's hurting us all to see you like this.^

The body under him stiffened and Gabriel felt a tendril of fear and despair seep through. "Then has he finally gotten up the courage to tell me that it's over? Because if so then you need to give me back my weapons so that I can stop hurting him."

^He doesn't want you dead. None of us do. We love you and we are trying to trying to fix this. I just wish it wasn't taking so long. Do you know how much this is killing us that this happened?^

The golden wing was suddenly brushed away and the empty plate was thrown against the wall, shattering and sending bit of glass everywhere. "You know what really kills me? I could have handled dying for you! I could have handled being paralyzed for life! Hell I can even handle be completely deaf now. You what the one thing is that I can't handle though Gabe?"

Gabriel stood and he turned to look at the angry visage of the once great man in front of him and he let one of his wings barely touch his hand so they could form a connection. ^What is the one thing about this that you can't handle Dean?^

Dean turned to glare at the archangel, his green eyes turning black. "It's the fact that the last memory I have before everything turned to hell, was seeing the hatred in Cas and Sam's eyes when they realized just what I became."

^You are still you Dean. I don't know what Crowley did to you but I made you a promise that I would fix this.^ Gabriel said softly, barely brushing his Grace over the half demon and drawing a shudder. ^Please Dean. I know you think you're keeping us safe by staying away and hiding from us up here but all you are really doing is hurting us. Sam keeps having nightmares of never seeing you again. Raz keeps coming out here once an hour to make sure you are still holding up okay. And Cas...^

That had Dean turning to look at the picture sitting on the bedside table. "What about Cas?"

^He's losing weight. His Grace is weaker because he's mourning for you. He is mourning for his mate who had cut him off completely.^

"I did it to protect him." Dean said moving to touch the picture. "I scare myself with all the things I feel right now. I feel like a stranger in my own skin. I'm no better then the things I used to hunt. The best thing that can be done for me is-"

^DON'T!^

Dean's eyes flicked up to the angel's, the color back to their original green. "And why not?"

^Because I made you a promise Dean Winchester. One I intend to keep.^ The archangel snapped. ^You've saved my life three times by my count and that means that I owe you. Give me a chance to save you. Let me repay my debt to you, please.^

Dean seemed to struggle with himself before he held out a hand. Gabriel knew what he wanted and he pulled the hunter into a hug and let him cry. The angel understood why he was breaking now. Dean's life was in shambles. Gabriel managed to save his life only to have it end. Dean had no hope left right now. All he had was a body that was trained enough by demon blood to make him a half demon.

^Come on Dean. Your brothers and your mate want you back. I want you back. Please stop shutting us out Dean. Come home. At least for a few hours. Please.^

He felt the hunter nod into his shoulder. With a smile Gabriel tightly gripped Dean's hand and led him back towards the house. As they got closer he could feel Dean's fear growing and he tightened his grip knowing the hunter would bolt if given the chance. Going up the stairs to the sliding door was the hardest part and Gabriel almost had to crush Dean's hand to keep him from running off.

Opening the door the two stepped inside and the room froze. Raz paused in his cooking to take in the sight of Dean being held tightly in place by his mother before he smiled at the hunter and turned back to making the tacos he had planned for dinner. Sam was staring, his book falling closed as he took in the sight of his brother who he hadn't seen in almost three months. Castiel was standing stock still, his cup of tea poised halfway to his lips. The sudden sight of his mate had the cup falling from his now numb fingers to hit the floor with a crash, shattering and sending tea everywhere.

Dean jumped at the sudden feeling of glass hitting his boots and it was only Gabriel's grip on his wrist that kept him from bolting out the door and back to the cliff. He swallowed thickly and took a quick glance up. Razael was shooting him smiles from across the kitchen. Sam was staring at him much like he had after Cas had brought him back to life. He looked down and took a deep breath before looking at his mate.

Castiel was staring at him, his blue eyes wide and filled with tears. It seemed that the archangel hadn't been lying. Castiel had lost weight; at least a size or two. He also seemed paler then Dean remembered. It made Dean wonder just how much of a strain his condition was putting on his mate. Maybe this was a bad idea but he had to try just once to reconnect to his angel.

"Cas...Cas I..."

"Shut up!"

Dean fell silent and ducked his head. Pain laced through him. He felt the same way he had when he first figured out what had happened. He felt a silver of fear grip his heart while the rest was filled with disgust and hatred for himself. He took a step back and tired to free his wrist but Gabriel refused to let go. The tendril grew bigger. Dean couldn't help but wonder if this is what Castiel had felt when Dean had first turned on him when the angel revealed his feelings. If so then he had been damned lucky that Castiel had even cared to give him a second chance.

Castiel came forward and as he did his mate ducked his head just enough so that he wasn't looking him in the eye. "Look at me Dean. I need you to look at me."

The struggle was visible on Dean's face and finally he looked up and his green eyes filled with pain. Castiel moved closer, probably a bit too fast as Dean's eyes went wide and turned black. The hunter must have felt the change because his eyes slammed closed again. Castiel wasn't deterred this time, the first time Dean's eyes went black he almost tried to smite him. It was understandable that Dean would fear him now.

He reached up and carefully put his hand on his mate's face and the hunter flinched hard, his eyes squeezing tight. Dean was too afraid to even look at him. Not knowing what else to do and knowing Dean couldn't hear him the angel reached up and touched the cage that held his feather, his courting gift to the hunter. Dean's eyes flew open and his hand reached up and grabbed the cage out of his grasp and held it tightly. Castiel didn't understand the fear that was so clear in those green eyes he loved so much.

"Please don't take it away Cas. It's all I have left."

Something in Castiel broke at his hunter words. Had he messed up so badly that Dean feared losing their bond? "I would never take this from you Dean. It was my promise to you. A promise to always love you."

"I'm a monster." Came the whispered admission.

"No. You are my mate. My mate who I miss very much. Please don't shut me out anymore."

Dean shook his head and tried to pull away but Gabriel was still gripping his wrist. "I can't. I don't want to hurt you. The things I feel right now...I'm afraid that I would hurt you and I wouldn't be able to stop myself."

Castiel couldn't take it. He leaned up and kissed Dean hard. He wasn't surprised to find that his mate didn't kiss back at first. He expected that. What he didn't expect was for Dean to start kissing him back only to abruptly pull away.

"I don't want to hurt you Cas. It would kill me if I hurt you. Please." Dean whispered softly.

"You won't hurt me Dean." The angel said with a smile. "I trust you."

Dean suddenly fell to his knees. "I can't trust myself."

Castiel threw himself at Dean and the hunter caught him, holding him tightly. Sam was suddenly across the room as well, clinging tightly to both Dean and Castiel. The hunter closed his eyes and gripped them both tighter, knowing that he shouldn't take the risk but was to afraid to let them go. Fifteen minutes later all three were asleep on the floor and with a snap Gabriel had then upstairs in the overly large guest bed.

Razael turned to his mother. "You know what this means right?"

Gabriel nodded. "Yeah. Think you can watch them and keep Dean under control while I go?"

The dark archangel snorted. "Think you can handle seeing Father and Dad again?"

The blonde frowned. "I don't think I have much of a choice. I need to undo what happened. If I had realized that I was healing Dean with demon blood in him I wouldn't have healed him at all and just brought him back after he died."

"We all make mistakes Mom." Razael said. "We should be fine for a few days. Just be careful in hell. You know how it is."

"Yeah. I'm going to wait and explain it to them." Gabriel said. "I need them to understand that I can fix this."

The blue eyed archangel nodded. "We'll let them rest for a while and I'll finish dinner after they wake up. Why don't you go stay with them in case one of them needs something?"

Gabriel nodded and with a snap he was upstairs in the guest room. He snapped again and summoned his chair and a nice book. Turning on a low level lamp he bunkered down to wait for his family to wake up. They were going to save Dean Winchester.