Chapter Three - Nautical Twilight

You brought food?" Amanda was amazed. Lee never remembered to bring food and they hadn't even known they were going to be spending the night.

"Well, once I knew we were going to be bringing the Mata Hari down here, I knew the odds were good that I was going to be here for a while."

"But there's so much!"

"Well, I thought it might be easier to persuade you to stay if I had something good to tempt you with."

Amanda's heart rate increased just a bit at the smile that had accompanied that quip. She could feel the blush rising in her face, even though after three years she knew he couldn't have meant it that way. He never meant it that way, not with her – she knew he did it just to bug her, that she could ever think there could be a thing between them. She ducked her head, hiding her embarrassment at how much she wished he had meant it that way by starting to dig through the supplies. "You're trying to tempt me with beef jerky?"

Her voice was muffled as she peered into the paper bag and Lee used the opportunity to mask his disappointment that she was ignoring his attempt to flirt. Just as well he thought it would be a long night if she'd understood and wasn't receptive to the idea.

"Oh, I didn't mean to bring that one in," he said, with embarrassment. "That's for my pocket stash."

"Since when do you have a pocket stash?" Her voice had been warm with humor and her eyes were sparkling when she looked up at him.

"Um, well, since that night we were stuck out at Sacker's compound, actually. I, uh, I started keeping snacks in my pockets in case anything like that happens again.

"Really?" Her smile was getting brighter.

"Yeah, I guess your scouting skills rubbed off a little." He gave an awkward shudder. "I never want to be that hungry again."

Amanda began to giggle and straightened up, reaching into her jeans pocket and slowly pulling out a small bag of jelly beans that she put down on the tiny galley counter, then looked up at him.

"You too?" he asked.

She didn't answer, she simply reached over to pick up her jacket and began to empty those pockets too. The jelly beans were joined by two wrapped cookies, a packet of Lifesavers, and another plastic bag filled with red, white and blue candy. "Yeah, me too. That's just my pockets - you should see my purse."

As he started to laugh, Lee's eye was caught by the candy that had come out last and picked them up to inspect them more closely. "Amanda? Where did you get these? Why do they have the Presidential seal printed on them? "

"Ahhhh," she mumbled with embarrassment. "Well, those would be M&Ms from the White House. I grabbed a handful from a candy bowl when we were there the other week. They make good pocket snacks – you know, 'melts in your mouth not in your hands'?"

"Amanda!"

"What?" she replied defensively. "There were bowls of them everywhere! If they didn't want us to help ourselves, they shouldn't just leave them laying around!"

"Amanda! We were supposed to be there saving the President, not stocking our candy jars!" He was trying to sound stern but he was having a very hard time keeping a straight face.

"Oh Lee! It was after that! I didn't stop for a snack on the way to the Lincoln Bedroom!" She'd sounded so outraged that he'd even think that, that he couldn't hold back the laughter any longer.

"Well, we should probably get rid of the evidence tonight anyway," he'd finally managed to splutter out. Meeting her inquiring look, he'd gone on. "I didn't remember to bring dessert."

The intimacy of the small cabin and the fine wine – which of course he had remembered to bring - made her a bit reckless. "Lee?"

"Mmm?" he was leaning back on the cushioned bench absently admiring the way the candlelight was playing on her hair as she stared at the table playing with the scattered M&Ms. He was caught unawares by what came next.

"Did you really tell Harry you'd follow me through a blizzard at midnight?" Her eyes had flicked up to meet his for a moment before she'd looked back down at the table, her blush obvious even in the dim light.

The wine, the candlelight and the late hour made him reckless too. "Actually I said 'blind through a blizzard at midnight," he answered truthfully. He wondered if Harry had also told her that he'd said she was beautiful.

"What does it even mean?"

"It's something Andy used to say." Her hands stilled on the table and he knew she was holding her breath at this unexpected mention of his partner. He leaned forward and began to play with the M&Ms as well, letting his fingers brush lightly against hers. "This is a business without a lot of trust in it. You learn to expect everyone to double-cross you at some point. A contact you've trusted for years can suddenly turn on you for an easy buck. It's a business that is made up almost entirely of secrets – national secrets, secret informants, lies of omission, lies about who you know or what you know… secrets about who you really are." He paused and watched as her hand slid over his in a gesture of comfort. "But even so, there are people you trust with those secrets, people like Emily or Harry, people you know you can trust with your life, people who count on you and vice versa." He stopped and raised his eyes to meet her clear-eyed look. People you love. "People you would follow blind through a blizzard at midnight. People like you."

"Oh," she breathed out, surprised that he'd answered her so honestly. She ducked her head down and blinked back the tears she could feel threatening. "Well, thank you."

Lee knew he'd overwhelmed her with his response. Picking up her hand in his, he'd given it a squeeze and added, "And also - your scouting skills are so much superior to mine in that kind of situation."

Amanda gave a gasp of laughter and the tension lifted a bit. "And my sailing skills as well?"

Lee chuckled, glad to be back on the safer ground of teasing. "And your sailing skills as well. But you have to admit, my skill in the galley is almost an equal match."

"That they are. Dinner was marvellous, you outdid yourself with that bit of planning."

"Well, like I said, I figured there'd be the off-chance that we might get stuck, and – well, I wanted to make it as pleasant as it could possibly be."

"And you did. Thank you." Amanda pulled her hand from his and picked up one of the candies, popping it into her mouth. There was a moment of silence as they smiled at each other across the table, jarringly broken by the sudden ringing of the telephone.

12:45. They'd talked through two check-ins – no wonder Billy was calling to check up on them. Lee had to smile at the difference a few years had made. Amanda had simply wrapped herself in a blanket and sacked out as if she didn't have a care in the world – so unlike those early days when she had watched him warily as if he might jump her with some kind of James Bond innuendo. He shook his head and laughed inwardly as he turned to put out the light behind him – if only she knew that she was in far more danger now - now that he had grown to appreciate her wide-eyed steady gaze, her laughter, her friendship, the way she fit in the circle of his arm – and then she'd blown out the candle on the table and plunged the cabin into darkness.

Lee slumped back onto the bench and stared at the glowing tip of the candle wick.

I can do this. It's not completely dark. I'm not alone. I'm not underground, I'm on a boat. There are no rats. Rats. Ships. Rats on a sinking ship.

Without stopping to think, he lunged forward and lit the candle again. It only took a few seconds for Amanda to reappear over the edge of the table, with an expression of disbelief.

"Shouldn't it be dark in here?" Amanda watched with hidden amusement as Lee stammered his way through an explanation of why he wanted to leave the candle lit. She'd been exposed to enough of his far-fetched field work stories over the years that she didn't believe a word of it - although she had to admit he was really committing to it. The way he was fussing with the blanket and not looking her in the eye told her it was all a joke and that he was putting her on with some sort of spy version of a campfire ghost story. Far more likely he just wanted to make sure he didn't fall asleep on watch, she thought, or needed the light to make his notes.

Giggling quietly to herself – she could really feel the wine affecting her now - she waited until he'd leaned back and closed his eyes before sitting up silently and pinching the candle out again.

"Amanda!" He'd sounded more exasperated than she'd thought he would and she lifted her head to look at him seriously.

"I'm not going to sleep a wink with the light on it," she said reasonably. He stared back at her, unblinkingly and reached for the lighter. "I'm just going to blow it out again as soon as you're asleep," she added as she settled back on the bench, pulling the blanket over her face to block the light.

"You can do whatever you like once it's your watch," she heard him mutter belligerently.

"Fine."

"Fine."

She couldn't have been asleep more than an hour when she'd woken to a strange sound. It was raising the hairs on the back of her neck and she stayed motionless for a moment, trying to assess whatever danger it was before realizing that something was missing.

Lee. Where's Lee? She sat up and stared around wildly in the dim light of the candle that was close to guttering out. Lee was sitting opposite her, still wrapped in a blanket, but his head had lolled to one side, he was bathed in sweat and he was muttering in a panicked tone she'd never heard from him before.

"Lee! What's the matter?" She got no response and reached across the table to try and wake him. "Lee! Wake up! Are you alright?" He still wasn't responding and she scooted around the table to shake him more firmly, calling his name.

"Amanda?" He finally seemed to be aware of where he was but he was still wild-eyed with a greenish tinge under his tan.

"Oh my gosh, Lee – what's wrong? Are you seasick?" She grabbed a napkin off the table and dabbed his forehead, then reached for a glass to pour him some water.

"I'm fine! I'm fine! Stop mothering me!" It was a relief to hear him snap at her as he batted her hand away – she'd been worried something was seriously wrong with him.

"Lee, you're not fine! What's wrong?"

She could see him struggling for a moment with the desire not to tell her, but when he glanced up at her face and saw her expression, he sighed and muttered, "Rats."

"Rats?"

"I was dreaming about the rats, ok?" He was getting angry and defensive now and she pulled back to really look at him.

"Seriously?" He flinched under her hand and she put a hand on his cheek to turn his face until he was facing her and she caught her breath at the look in his eyes. "They were real? You weren't just trying to spook me before?" She knew the answer without hearing it and pulled him into her arms without thinking. "Oh Lee, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have teased you."

He tensed for a second, almost lashing out in his usual shut down mode but something in the way she was combing her fingers through his damp hair stopped him - he relaxed and leaned his forehead on her shoulder.

"It's not usually so bad when I'm not alone," he sighed.

"Well, you're not alone. I won't leave you alone." She reached up to the shelf behind them and picked up a new candle and replaced the one that had finally just gone out on the table. Picking up the lighter off the table, she tried to get it to light but realized it must be out of fuel.

Lee gave a near hysterical groan. "Oh that's just great!"

"Hang on, I've got matches in my purse."

He waited for her to dig around in her purse to find them and light the candle again before giving a low laugh. "A whole box of matches, Amanda? I thought you only needed one?"

It was a relief to hear him starting to calm down and she chuckled along with him. "I never said I only had one match – I said a good scout only needs one match!"

"How perfectly logical you are, Amanda."

His voice was calmer but she still didn't like how fast his heart had been beating under her hand. She shifted slightly to reach across for her own blanket, noticing that he didn't take the opportunity to pull back.

"Okay, well you need sleep, so I'm going to stay here and I want you to try and relax."

"Amanda!" he started to protest – very half-heartedly.

"Lee, you said it yourself – you need sleep because you tend to stay alive longer that way. Now shush. Us mothers learn to sleep with one ear open – it'll be fine." For the briefest second she thought he was going to refuse but he just sighed and leaned back against the cushions.

"Fine," he grumbled, "but if you start humming lullabies, I'm going to go sleep on the deck!"

His eyes were closed but he heard her soft giggle at that image and knew she was smiling.

"What did your uncle used to do to get you to sleep?"

"He'd put on a '45 of The Ballad of the Green Berets and scowl at me from the doorway."

The giggles increased. "Lee! That song wasn't even around when you were a kid!"

"Who said I meant when I was a kid? That was just the last time he visited." He loved the sound of the gurgling laugh he'd provoked.

"Go to sleep, Lee. I won't leave you alone."

The sun was shining on the water of the Chesapeake and the glare of it in his eyes kept him from seeing the person at his elbow properly, but he knew who it was. Amanda was at the stern, hands resting lazily on the wheel, face raised to try and catch the slight warmth of the autumn sun. He could almost guarantee the next time he looked, there'd be new freckles across her cheeks from it.

"I like her," said the voice beside him.

"Yeah, me too," he answered without taking his gaze from her.

"What's that flag mean?" A finger in his peripheral vision pointed to the flapping pennant fixed to a rope above her head.

"Safe harbor," answered Lee. "If Bart sees it, he'll know we're looking for him."

"That's what she is too."

Lee hadn't turned his head but he knew the dream beside him sensed his confusion.

"That's what Amanda is," explained the voice. "She's your safe harbor."

"I thought that was your job," he'd turned finally, slightly accusingly to meet Andy's laughing eyes.

"It's still my job, Honey – why do you think she was on that platform that morning?"

"Oh right – my past lover sent me a guardian angel in the form of a housewife? I don't believe that kind of stuff."

The warmth in Andy's eyes increased. "Really, Cowboy? Because you're the one talking to me in a dream."

"How perfectly logical you are"

"We're two of a kind, me and her." A warm hand had reached out and caressed his cheek. "She won't leave you alone."

"She won't? Everyone else does." He turned to look at Amanda who was looking back at him now, perfectly contented look on her face.

"She won't – I promise. She's your safe harbor. Just follow her lead."

He felt it the moment the presence beside him vanished – the familiar pang of sorrow was still there but it was assuaged by the warmth of Amanda's smile as she called out to him, "Almost home, Lee. Safe harbor straight ahead."

Safe harbor. Just follow her lead.

Lee woke briefly in the half-light of the cabin, listening to the soft breathing in his ear from where his head leaned against Amanda's. The candle was still flickering on the table – she hadn't put it out this time – and she had one of his hands clasped between both of hers as if she thought he might pull away. He let himself come just enough awake to do a sensory sweep of the room before relaxing back with a sigh and closing his eyes to drift off again

Not alone. Safe harbor. Home.