"Anders?" Ashlyn asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, he is Hawke's…" He trailed off, unsure of what to call them.

"Lover?" Ashlyn finished.

Cullen felt his face get hot, blushing at the word. He saw Ashlyn's lips curl up in amusement at his reaction before they quickly turned serious again.

"She mentioned him. That she needs to get back to him as soon as possible. Varric told some stories about their crew too."

Cullen nodded as he listened to her. "Anders is one of her companions yes. He was an apostate in Kirkwall, and I had received many reports about him while I was Knight-Captain. But he ran a healer's clinic and he was helping the sick and poor — I could have captured him anytime I wanted but I turned a blind eye." He was now wringing his hands together nervously as he spoke. "He later joined the mage underground in Kirkwall. But he's possessed by the spirit of Justice, and his anger at the Circle and the Chantry… it warped it into Vengeance."

Ashlyn's grey eyes were wide as she listened to the Commander. She was resting against the railings of the rampart, her hands steadying her.

"I will say that he plotted it behind Hawke's back. She was unknowing in the events to come."

Realization finally hit Ashlyn's face, "You mean—"

Cullen nodded, solemnly. "Anders is responsible for the Chantry explosion, yes." He watched helplessly as Ashlyn sank slowly to the stone floor of the rampart. She leaned her back against the railing, sitting in stunned silence. Unsure of what to do, Cullen looked around him to sit too. He gently placed himself on the edge of the stairs leading into his tower, placing his hands between his knees attempting to stop the shaking.

The pair sat on the rampart for a moment, in silence. He watched her, waiting for a reaction. She was looking down at her hands folded in her lap, thinking.

"I remember that day, so vividly. When we found out they were gone." She bit her lip as she continued, "I was in the garden with Ser Augustus Fields, making the most of the lack of parental supervision…" She smiled slightly as she mentioned the other man's name. Cullen noticed and he felt a wave of jealousy hit him.

As she continued though, her eyebrows began to furrow, "I noticed them first — the flags of the Order. I could see them just over the hedges. I remember being excited but confused, as we weren't expecting a visit from them for a couple more months. But then Gus stopped me, holding me back for a moment. I hadn't noticed but the flags… they were at half-mast." She stopped for a moment, glancing up at the sky. He could see her eyes brimming with tears, her long lashes attempting to fight them back. "When I ran inside to the entryway, two Templars were standing in our doorway. My father was kneeling on the floor, howling. I never — in all my years have seen my stoic father so broken. My mother was just frozen… standing there."

Cullen felt his chest tighten as she shared. He had done death notifications for fallen Templars before — standing in the doorway, watching as families were ripped apart with grief. "I have stood in doorways before, delivering that news… It, it is never easy."

The pair sat in silence, each of them immersed in their own memories.

"I don't blame Anders — for their deaths." She said suddenly.

Cullen's eyes flashed, confusion contorting his face. "What do you mean?"

"I've come to understand that this is all much more complicated than good and evil. It's not so stark, so black and white anymore. Haven't you?" Her grey eyes met his, flickering as she watched for his reaction.

Cullen's answer came much easier then he thought it would. "I wouldn't have left the Templars if I didn't think that."

"It's just the more I learn about the Order, and the Mage rebellion and Corypheus... the more I realize my brothers' fates were sealed the day they became Templars. If it hadn't been the Chantry explosion, it would have been the rebellion. If not the rebellion, the Red Templars. Their destinies were made the day they were recruited." She scooted closer to him, reaching out to brush his arm. "But you — you escaped that fate, you changed your destiny. For that, I am very grateful."

"That missed fate haunts me. Every day." He eyed her hand on his forearm, not moving away from the gesture. "It guilts me. More than you know."

Ashlyn nodded, "I understand. Your destiny, your path was different than my brothers, then the rest of the Templars. It is how it was meant to be. So you could be here, with the Inquisition… with me." Her voice was small but honest.

His caramel eyes met her cool ones, looking intently for a deeper meaning in her words. He watched as she blushed pink, taking her hand off of his arm quickly before standing back up. Bracing his hands on his knees, Cullen stood up next to her. They moved back to the rampart, leaning onto it.

"You know all this talk of fate and destiny... you'll make me think you really do believe in something." He joked, a smirk crossing his face.

"I do believe in something Cullen. Just not the Chantry." She said quietly, her eyes flashing.

The Commander nodded, chewing the inside of his cheek. He hadn't intended for the conversation to get so heavy. "I'm sorry…" He muttered, "I don't mean to make our conversations so serious every time we talk."

"No, thank you for telling me. I will still speak to Hawke about it but… I think I'm beginning to accept what's happened to my brothers." Licking her lips, she continued, "Anyways, I like our conversations. Serious or not."

"You — you do?" Cullen's eyebrows raised in surprise.

Ashlyn let out a soft laugh, "Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?" A line formed in the middle of her brows, as she questioned him.

Cullen's face flushed, suddenly feeling embarrassed, "I don't know," He mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. "I like our conversations too." A lopsided smile spread across his face, stretching the scar on his lip.

"Good." Ashlyn said simply. She glanced over her shoulder, looking back towards the entrance of the library. She could see Dorian waiting for her patiently. "I should go," She nodded her head in the direction of her friend.

The Commander looked over her shoulder, realizing she had people waiting for her. "Oh, yes, of course, go." He mustered a smile at her, noticing her hesitation before she turned on her heel and marched back down the rampart.

His stomach swirled as she greeted the mage with a hug. He felt a twang of jealousy again, the same he had felt in Haven. He had felt that their conversation was so vulnerable, so intimate — but she never hugged him like, never touched him like she did Dorian. And this Augustus she had mentioned. Slumping his shoulders, the Commander turned back to his office, feeling worn out.

Ashlyn reread the letter Mother Giselle have given her over again. It was getting worn from being folded and unfolded from her leather pocket for so constantly. Dorian had asked to see it over and over again, trying to figure out what his father, Magister Halward Pavus, could possibly want.

She had went to him as soon as Mother Giselle had given her the letter, not wanting to keep anything from Dorian. He had recognized his father's penmanship and they had devised a plan. Well, not a plan per say — they agreed to approach cautiously incase it was an ambush and if the family retainer was actually there to speak, they would hear him out.

The pair had left Skyhold in the early morning, letting both Cassandra and Leliana know of their plan before they left — Ashlyn had learned her lesson from last time. The Spymaster insisted that her agents would always be close by in Redcliffe, and the Inquisitor did not protest — they had no idea what they were walking in to.

It was the early afternoon when they arrived in town. Ashlyn tied up their horses outside of the tavern, giving Dorian a moment of privacy as they prepared to enter. Her own mind was swimming with thoughts of her own father — the words she had left unsaid, the look on his face as she ran from the estate. With a gulp, she finished tying the knot with the leather reins. Exchanging a nervous glance, the pair pushed open the doors of the Gull and Lantern together.

As they stepped into the establishment however, they found themselves in an eerily quite Tavern. The door creaked behind them, shutting with a dull thud as they realized they were completely alone.

"Uh oh, nobody's here. This doesn't bode well." Dorian's eyes scanned the room, not truly believing they were alone.

"Dorian…" A mysterious voice spoke. Ashlyn's grey eyes darted to the source, a dark-skinned man wearing extravagant robes.

"Father." Dorian's voice was a hiss as he noticed Magister Pavus' sudden entrance.

Ashlyn's stares flickered between the two of them, her fingers twitching at her daggers. She gave her friend the slightest nod, telling him she is ready.

Dorian's lips turned up at his father, "So the whole story about the family retainer was just, what, a smoke screen?"

"Then you were told." The Magister turned to face Ashly, "I apologize for the deception Inquisitor. I never intended for you to be involved." He bowed his head slightly at her, causing Ashlyn to furrow her brows.

Dorian scoffed, "Of course not! Magister Parvis couldn't come to Skyhold and be seen with the dread Inquisitor. What would people think?" Rolling his eyes, he continued, "What exactly is this father? Ambush? Kidnapping? A warm family union?"

His father sighed, "This is how it has always been."

The Inquisitor interrupted, stepping forward slightly to shield Dorian, "Considering you lied to get him here, Dorian has every right to be furious!"

"You don't know the half of it!" He barked back, his eyes suddenly ablaze. "But maybe you should."

The Magister's face fell, "Dorian, there's no need to—"

But he cut his father off, his eyes on the floor as he spoke, "I prefer the company of men. My father disapproves."

"That's… a big concern in Tevinter, then?" Ashlyn's face twisted in both confusion and anger.

"Only if you're trying to live up to an impossible standard. Every Tevinter family is intermarrying to distill the perfect mage, perfect body, perfect mind. The perfect leader. It means every perceived flaw — every aberration — is deviant and shameful. It must be hidden." Dorian fixed his father with a cold stare. The Magister evaded his eyes, looking down to the ground.

Ashlyn felt her heart rising into her throat as she watched her friend's emotional pain. She thought of her own family, how she ran away from them — how easy it had been, how surprisingly easy it was to not face that pain and just run. She grabbed onto her friend's hand, "Then walk away Dorian. You already did that once, didn't you?"

He looked at his father, a snarl growing on his face again. "I agree, let's go. There is nothing more to be gained here."

"Dorian, please. If you'll only listen to me." His father begged.

"Why?!" Dorian took his hand out of Ashlyn's, as he spat at his father. "So you can spout more convenient lies? He taught me to hate blood magic. 'The resort of the weak mind.' Those are his words. But what was the first thing you did when your precious heir refused to play pretend for the rest of his life? You tried to change me!" Dorian's voice breaks on the last two words, hot tears filling his eyes.

The Magister stammered, "I only wanted what was best for you!"

"You wanted the best for you! For your fucking legacy! Anything for that!" Dorian began to pace the room, stopping in front of one of the tables, trying to catch his breath.

Ashlyn stepped forward, bending over slightly to match him. She blinked back her own tears, pushing back her thoughts to stay present for her friend. "I was wrong before, telling you to walk away. Don't leave it like this, Dorian. You'll never forgive yourself. Please believe me — every day you will think of the things unsaid."

His hazel eyes met her grey ones, vibrating slightly as they studied each other's face. He believed her — understanding that she was speaking from experience. Biting his lip, he stood up and backed away from the table, turning to face his father once more. "Tell me why you came."

"If I knew I would drive you to the Inquisition…" His father shook his head in disbelief.

"You didn't…" Dorian said seriously, "I joined the Inquisition because it's the right thing to do! Once I had a father who would have known that."

His father's face turned sad, his mouth opening slightly with shock.

Frustration overcame Dorian again as he turned his back on his father once more, headed for the door.

"Once I had a son who trusted me. A trust I betrayed." His father's voice shook, he was pleading. "I only wanted to talk to him. To hear his voice again. To ask him to forgive me."

Dorian's face contorted with shock and disbelief. He looked to Ashlyn, who had been watching the exchange in silence. She nodded to him, giving him a soundless form of encouragement. He nodded back to her, as she slipped out of the tavern door.

She was unsure of how long they had been in there for, but the sky had become overcast. Grey clouds swirled around the sun, turning the air cold. Moving to the horses, she found her ebony horse. Throwing her arms around its neck, she buried her face in its mane. A shaky breath escaped her as the thoughts she had forced back as she listened to the father and son.

The look on her father's face as she ran out of their front door all those years ago was seared into her mind. She could remember everyone's reaction, but her father's always stuck out so clearly to her. It was replaying over and over in her mind — his heartbreak, his sadness, his understanding.

Clenching her jaw tighter, she blinked the tears brimming in her eyes away. The sound of the approaching footsteps caused her to wipe at her cheeks, before turning around to meet them. Dorian gave her a sad smile, his eyes and face as red as Ashlyn's. They embraced quickly, before each grabbing onto their respective mounts.

"When you're ready…" Ashlyn spoke softly, as she mounted her horse.

Dorian nodded profusely, "Yes. Not here, but soon." His eyes flashed to the Gull and Lantern one more time, before he pulled on his reins. "Let's go home."

The pair traveled back to Skyhold in silence, consumed by their own thoughts and memories. As they approached the gate to the keep, Ashlyn felt overwhelmed. She could see a group of agents already waiting for her, scrolls and requisitions in hand. Apparently, her absence at Skyhold was very noticeable today.

Horse master Dennett greeted her first, taking the reins out of her hands and helping her down. Before her feet could touch the ground, several agents approached her, scrolls and papers thrust out at her — "Inquisitor, if you may," "Inquisitor there has been word…".

"Whoa, alright hold on." Turning around, she glanced back for Dorian but he had already disappeared. Flicking around, she found him climbing the steps that wrapped around the outside of the library tower. With a small wave and sad smile, he disappeared into the tower. Ashlyn swore under her breath, promising herself that she would go check on him as soon as she could.

Taking the time to sign the requisitions, and listen to updates was much more taxing than usual. She was walking and talking at the same time, inspecting the repairs and construction on the walls and barracks. By the time the small crowd around her had dispersed, she felt very on edge. When she turned to see the council approaching, she couldn't help let out a loud breath.

"Inquisitor." Josephine greeted her politely, noting the frustration in her face. "How did everything go?"

"It was fine. A family matter — nothing to do with the Inquisition." Her eyes flicked up to the library tower, her teeth chewing the inside of her lip.

"If I may, I was hoping —" But Ashlyn cut the Commander off, exasperation distorting her face.

"Can we do this later? Please." She added on afterward. "Dorian... he just needs me right now. Just a few more hours? Then I'll be back to being Inquisitor."

Cullen's eyes flashed with disappointment, but he nodded. "Of course Inquisitor." He said formally, bowing his head a little.

She bit her lip trying to look apologetic. "I'm sorry, save me a seat at dinner okay?" She grabbed onto his elbow, before giving the others a quick smile and jogging through the courtyard away from them.

As she took the winding stairs up to the library two at a time, she couldn't help but think of Cullen's sad puppy-dog eyes as she had shut him down. The last time they had truly spoken was quite heavy, and she had yet to really see him since. But Dorian's solemn face suddenly came back into her mind, and she knew she needed to help her friend first.

Her feet landed quietly on the wooden floorboards of the library. She could see the mage, standing in front of the large windows but he did not turn to greet her. His ears perked up when he heard the cream of the floorboards, his ears twitching slightly.

"He says we're alike." He said without turning from the window. "Too much pride. Once I would have been overjoyed to hear him say that. Now I'm not certain."

Dorian finally turned to face Ashlyn — his dark brows were knit together, his mouth turned into a frown.

"He really tried to change you?" She licked her lips, unsure if she really wanted to hear the answer.

"Out of desperation. I wouldn't put on a show, marry the girl, keep everything unsavory private and locked away." He was playing with books on the shelf now, running his fingers along their spines as a distraction. "Selfish, I suppose, not to want to spend my entire life screaming on the inside."

His hand froze on one book, his fingers trembling. "He was going to do a blood ritual. Alter my mind. Make me… acceptable. I found out. I left." His eyes were shiny with new tears.

She chewed the inside of her cheek now, "Can blood magic actually do that?"

"Maybe. It could also have left me a drooling vegetable. It crushed to me think he found that absurd risk preferable to scandal. Part of me has always hoped he didn't really want to go through with it. If he had… I can't even imagine the person I would be now. I wouldn't like that Dorian." His jaw clenched tight, pulling the muscle taut on his face.

Ashlyn grabbed his hand, steadying it. "Are you alright?"

"No. Not really." He stepped away from the bookshelf, looking at her finally. "Thank you for bringing me out there. It wasn't what I expected, but… it's something. Maker knows what you must think of me now, after this whole display." He waved at his puffy, red face exaggeratedly.

"I think you are very brave." She said immediately.

Her friend scoffed, "Brave?"

Ashlyn's grey eyes darkened, turning stormy. "It's not easy to abandon tradition, family and walk your own path. I should know."

"As you said, in the tavern. I don't mean to pry... but as I've now cried to you over my father and outed myself I feel as if I should know."

She shook her head, "I don't want to burden you with my story. You have so much going on."

"It would help to know you've been through something similar."

"Well, my mother was no mage. But if she could've used blood magic to turn me into a proper lady, I swear she would've. My brothers were forced into the Order. They tried — but I'm much more stubborn. So, my mother told me I would be a lady then. Married off to secure land and power as she had been. I drove her crazy — I didn't want the dresses, and dinners, and marriage and babies. I just wanted — wanted to be me.

It was relentless. Her hatred for me. My only saving grace is that my father and brother would teach me how to fight at night in the gardens. And Augustus — he was wonderful. Oh, how it enraged her how much time we spent together. But that was his duty — we just spent our time together in a different way then she imagined." The smile on her face at the mention of Gus slid away as she continued.

"After my brothers died, I stopped fighting. I gave in. She had me engaged to some proper noble git in weeks. No more midnight training sessions, no adventures, no love. Just a castle, and a husband and children." She let out a loud sigh, rubbing her forehead. "When you left... did they know?"

Dorian pursed his lips, thinking. "Yes and no. I snuck out, in the middle of the night. I left a letter though. What about for you?"

Her mouth twitched, "I stormed out in the middle of my engagement dinner."

His eyebrows rose up on his face, a smirk growing on his face, "Very dramatic."

"Yes. It would have been so much easier... if I had just waited. Gone through the garden gates and disappeared. But I knew they would send parties and warrants. It needed to be final." She chewed her lip as she continued.

"I remember coming down the stairs, in this big sweeping gown my mother had made for me. I could barely breathe in it, barely move. And everyone in the room stood up from their chairs — like you should when a lady comes into the room."

"Obviously," Dorian grinned, trying to keep it light.

She tried to smile back, but it didn't take. "I had cut off all my hair, upstairs in my bedroom — using the knife my father gave me." She twirled her fingers around her now long, wavy hair. "Thrown off all the fine jewelry my mother had laid out for me."

"I saw her face first — my mother's. I thought she would be enraged, but she just seemed so shocked. Her face was frozen. Then I saw Gus, his eyes were so wide, so confused." She trailed off, her eyes filling up with tears, "But my father — he knew the second I came down those stairs what I was going to do. And he looked at me like he understood. He let me go. He knew I had to leave."

She sniffled back the tears as Dorian grabbed onto her hand. "Our fathers are making us cry too much today." He lowered his head to look up into her face. "I am very glad to have you as my friend."

"Me too." She murmured, wiping her face on her sleeves.

The pair stood in silence for a moment, blinking away any lingering tears.

Letting out a breath, Dorian finally spoke again. "At any rate, time to drink myself into a stupor. It's been that sort of day. Join me, if you've a mind."

"I think that's an excellent idea." She said, a grin finally setting on her face.

"And… You can tell me more about this Augustus? He sounds dreamy." He said, raising his eyebrow. He linked his arm through her elbow, the pair began to head down the stairs. "Bull has told me that he has found the best spot — perhaps we will skip the dining hall, and just head straight there for a liquid dinner?"

"That I can do." She smiled, "Oh wait," Looking around, she found Sisennia, their cook coming up the stairs with trays of warm bread. "Sisennia! Perfect. Could you do me a favor? Can you let the Commander know I won't be able to make it to dinner?"

"Oh," The fair elf's eyebrows furrowed a little in confusion at first, "Of course I can Inquisitor." She eyed Dorian, before smiling knowingly.

Dorian waited until she had left, before turning to Ashlyn. "Sending your apologies to the Commander?" He asked slyly.

"I told him to save me a seat. It's already rude I'm standing him up, it's the least I can do." She blushed slightly.

"Sure. That's why." He grinned before the pair set off across the grass of the courtyard.