AN: To be clear, most of these jokes were thought up by E4E. BB15 only cleaned them up a bit...or dirtied them up...Both of the Kross Kings worked on this.

Reading: Tinker, Trainer, Huntsman, Why Not?

2: Evaluation

"That spells bad news for me. I just know it." Jaune frowned.

Pyrrha just patted his shoulder. "Now Jaune, I'm sure it won't be too bad."

"You don't know that, Pyrrha!"

"Now, I am not one for question artistic liberties, but, Mr. Nikos, I must ask a crucial question," Ozpin said to the boy seated across from him. "Why, in the name of God, why, does the horse have an erection?"

"…Why is he even asking?!" Weiss demanded, flushed. "T-That's just not needed!"

"Clarification would be nice," Yatsuhashi said with a hand on his chin. Fox nodded in agreement with his arms crossed.

Naruto looked at him, his face utmost serious.

"Well that should be obvious, Professor." He huffed. "It's for glory!"

"For glory, Zorro! For glory!" Naruto's red egg chimed in, while the boy grinned.

"That's too much glory." Blake deadpanned.

"There can never be too much glory!" Nora declared.

The comment played by the little wonder drew Ozpin's attention to it.

"Ah, yes, your little friend. Q, was it?"

"Well, his official designation is QB-9, but I just call him Q for short." The whiskered blond said with a pat on the shell of his prized creation.

"Might I get a little more detail? He seems like quite the little marvel." Ozpin praised. He cracked a smile when QB-9 trilled and beeped proudly. "And very advanced, even compared to some of Atlas' latest breaks in robotic development."

"Bullshit." Weiss glared at the television.

"Swear jar!"

"Oh, shut up, Ruby!"

"Psh, Atlas wishes their tinker toys were as cool as QB-9. I built his first prototype when I was five and upgraded as time went on." Naruto bragged while he buffed his nails on his chest.

"But...Why an egg?" Ozpin inquired. Naruto shrugged.

"Sis thinks he's cute," he said simply. "And I'm fourteen. Girls are either one third or half the topics that cross my mind most of the time."

"Huh, that's smart." Yatsuhashi rubbed his chin. Fox nodded in agreement, a smirk of approval on his face.

"Looks like you've got a little player in the making on your hands, Nikos," Coco said to the younger girl.

Pyrrha frowned and sat back in her chair.

"My milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard, and they're like, it's better than yours!" QB-9's speakers sang out.

"I appreciate what it did there. Nice." Yang nodded her head.

"Exactly." Naruto nodded sagely.

"I...see." Ozpin blinked. "...Anyway, Mr. Nikos, I'd like to offer you an olive branch so to speak. How would you feel being a student-?"

"Yes."

"You didn't let me-"

"Yes!"

"Mr. Nikos, do you always act so-?"

"Juvenile? Of course he does." Weiss rolled her eyes when Pyrrha frowned at her. "You know I'm only speaking the truth."

"I know, but I don't have to like it."

"Yes! I did it! I did it!" Naruto whooped and jumped out of his seat, doing a victory lap around the office. Opzin raised a brow in bemusement while he watched the boy lap his office. The blond stopped behind his chair and pointed at the droid.

"Q, play the victory music!"

"We are the champions, my friends! We'll keep on fighting til the end!" The music played from the egg's speakers while Naruto rocked out on an air guitar.

"Someone pull the power." Blake groaned while she covered her ears, Velvet doing the same.

"Respect the classics." Coco scoffed and held up a lighter, as did Fox, Yatsuhashi, Ren and Nora.

"Where did you guys even get those!?" Weiss asked.

"Fifty cents at the school's store."

"...The school has a store?!"

"Duh."

"How have we never heard about this!?"

"Mr. Nikos," Ozpin said in an attempt to gain the young man's attention.

"Just a sec!" Naruto said as QB-9 finished the old song and played one of the top hits performed by the Foolish Fools.

"One more time...Just gonna celebrate! Oh yeah all right, let's party dance now."

"This offer is not going to wait for your song to play."

"Oh that's harsh, Ozpin." Yang winced. "Victory music is always needed."

"No, it's really not." Weiss scoffed.

"I'm with Yang on this one, Weiss." Ruby nodded. "Victory music is awesome."

"B-But victory song!" Naruto whined and QB-9 whirred sadly as its music cut out.

"I'm sure it will be there after we iron out the details."

"Fi-i-ine." Naruto grumbled as he plopped down into his seat, crossing his arms and pouted. Naruto's eyes immediately lit up with excitement as a thought crossed his mind. "So, do I get my own team? Oh! Do I get to make my own team? Cuz I gots the best homies."

"Oh dear god, no. Just…no!" Weiss shuddered at the thought. Like she wanted to see more gremlins running around campus. Ruby was bad enough, but with Pyrrha's little imp of a brother now?

It would be a miracle if Weiss' alternate self didn't lose her mind.

"No, Mr. Nikos, you won't be making your own team." Ozpin shook his head.

"A-Are you sure? They're on speed dial," Naruto said, holding his scroll - which was customized to have an orange holographic screen, because of course it was - up to show the options he had available. He pouted slightly. "They're really good! They got skillz, with a 'z'!"

"That is talented." Ruby said. She was a touch impressed if the look on her face was anything to go by.

"No, no that's alright. I already have a team in mind." Ozpin assured him with a small smile.

"...It's not with the Carbon dork that called me a shrimp, right?" Naruto asked, his pout becoming a heavy scowl. He pressed a finger onto the arm of his chair to emphasize his words. "Because, if the team is with those four cowards, I will poop hellfire and whizz brimstone all over this campus.

"Naruto!" Pyrrha scowled, such language.

"Whoa, that's a demon-riding puberty if I ever saw one." Yang told Pyrrha.

"I'm sure he's not going to be that bad…"

"True, lil Bae does have his fun moments."

"Cradle Robber." Blake snorted.

"For the Bae and only for the Bae."

There will be a reckoning. People will ask what happened to Beacon, and I will say, 'what Beacon'?"

"Er, dramatics aside, no," Ozpin said with a blink. Naruto relaxed in his seat and the Headmaster continued. "I was not planning to put you with a group full of unknown persons. The thought never crossed my mind."

"Well, good for you...and your campus." Naruto nodded in approval. He crossed his arms and arched a brow. "Then what poor schmucks am I going to be stuck with."

"Funny you should say that…" Ozpin took a sip of his coffee to conceal his amused smile.

"I call dibs!"

"Yang." Pyrrha gave the blonde a dry look. "You cannot call dibs on my other's brother."

"I just did, he's mine!" Yang argued.

"Pedo." Blake muttered.

"Lil' Bae is fictional, thus I am not a pedo." Yang protested. "Besides, he's the Bae. It's all forgiven when Bae is involved."

His eyes twinkled while Naruto and QB-9 exchanged a look.

"So...Pyrrha, you never said anything about a younger brother," Jaune said to his partner and teammate as they sat down across from Team RWBY in the cafeteria. Ren and Nora, seated on Jaune's other side, both looked just as curiously at their redheaded teammate. Even the four girls seated across from them looked interested. The red haired beauty paused and placed her fork down before she could take a bite of her lunch.

"Well, you know how the media can be," Pyrrha said softly. "I try to keep Naruto away from that as much as possible. It's difficult with his strong personality, but I've managed well so far I think."

"I would say you did a fantastic job." Weiss said flatly. "I was as flabbergasted as everyone else last night during the reveal."

"Wow, read a dictionary that day?" Yang snickered.

"I'm sorry that I have a far superior vocabulary than you, Yang. Why not go pout over your Bae's absence from reality?"

"…Die, just die in a ditch."

"Yang, be nice!" Ruby scolded her sister.

"I'll think about it." Yang grumbled.

Ruby giggled. "Flabbergasted…"

"Oh, grow up, Ruby." Weiss rolled her eyes.

"You'd think that sort of thing would've made its way to at least the fan forums," Blake said dryly.

"Oh, they tried." The eight students jumped when a certain short blond popped up between Jaune and Pyrrha.

Jaune let out a girlish scream and jumped in his seat.

"Uh, you okay?" Ren asked while the others in the room looked at him.

Jaune looked around and rubbed the back of his neck while he sheepishly muttered. "I thought he was going to do something."

"Ah, I see." Ren nodded.

Naruto grinned and lifted his goggles off of his eyes before he turned to his sister. "Did you stop using the sponsor shampoo? I had to recalibrate my tracking software like three times. That stuff was easy as hell to track, what's the new stuff?"

"A local pharmacy's-Wait, tracking!? Naruto, what have I told you about invading my privacy?" Pyrrha asked with a small frown.

"He has a sister tracker? I want that." Ruby pouted at Yang. "You ditch me way too many times!"

"Out of love, Rubes. Out of love."

"I wasn't invading your privacy - this time - I was just trying to find you. Do you even know how big this campus is!?

"Big time." Ruby and Jaune hung their heads.

I mean, you literally could've been anywhere." Naruto said as he squeezed his way onto the bench between his sister and the older blond boy. He frowned at his elder sister. "I liked the other one. Made your hair all lush and shiny. And it was much easier to break down in chemical formula..."

"Why you gotta make things so complicated~?" QB-9 asked.

"Exactly! See? Q understands my woes." Naruto nodded.

"He seems very...knowledgable for his age." Weiss complimented. Her eyes drifted to the wide silver-eyed girl on her left, who was staring at the machine floating beside Naruto. "Unlike someone else I know…"

"Hey..." Ruby pouted at Weiss.

The heiress just rolled her eyes. "Please, you know that's how you were at the start of the semester."

"Doesn't mean you have to bring it up." Ruby mumbled with a deeper pout.

"It's so cute!" Ruby muttered and looked at Naruto pleadingly. "Can I hug him?"

"I'd hug him to death." Ruby nodded in agreement.

"But can you suffocate him?" Yang teased.

Ruby looked at her weirdly. "Why would I do that?"

"Nothing, never mind."

"I like women. I don't understand them, but I like them." An elder, accented voice left the speakers of the small egg-like machine.

"Uh, did that egg just hit on my sister?" Yang asked.

Ruby snorted. "That's just silly."

"Although a legitimate concern," Yang said dryly.

"Probably." Naruto shrugged and then whacked QB-9 down to the table. "Knock it off, Q."

"...Shaken, not stirred…" QB-9 played as it groggily floated off of the tabletop.

"Serves you right." Pyrrha huffed. "Honestly, Naruto, where does he learn these things?"

"I...Interwebs?" Naruto said, unsurely.

"So porn." Yang cracked a grin at the little blond.

"Yang!" Pyrrha's hands latched onto Naruto's ears and the whiskered boy groaned.

"Yang!" Pyrrha glared at the one in the room.

"Pyrrha!" Yang shot back. She snorted and rolled her eyes. Honestly, not even Ruby was that ignorant and no way Naruto was either.

"Nora!" Nora cheered loudly.

"Oh, come on! I know what porn is!"

"Don't lie to me, Naruto. It's not funny." Pyrrha frowned at her brother as she removed her hands from his ears.

"Wow, that's just - Pyrrha, your other is acting a bit too overprotective." Yang told her.

"No, she's not."

"Uh, yeah, I'm with Yang on this," Jaune said sheepishly. "My sisters were never that bad."

"And they say I have selective hearing," Naruto said with a huff. QB-9 let out a series of beeps and Naruto nodded. "I know right!? God, the gall of some people…"

"...Did you just...understand that?" Jaune asked, bewildered.

"Didn't you?" Naruto asked, blinking innocently.

"I, uh, well, that's to say-" The older blond boy faltered for an excuse.

Pyrrha shook her head. "Don't let him get to you, Jaune. Only Naruto could understand that. He's a techno-path."

"…What?" Ruby scratched her head.

"I think he does Techno." Coco snickered.

Yang grinned. "I could wrap my head around that."

"...Did you just make that up? It sounds like you just made that up." Nora deadpanned. Naruto nodded in agreement.

"Actually, I made it up when I was seven. Thank you for acknowledging it!" The whiskered boy said proudly. "I'm even credited in Today's Lingo for it."

Nora inhaled sharply. "That means he's big on the interwebs."

"Nora, trust me. Naruto's a little invasive. He probably hacked the site," Pyrrha said with a disapproving frown aimed at her brother. "Which you're not supposed to do…"

"You have no proof of that! I call slander!"

Nora moved closer to Naruto, invading his personal space with her eyes narrowed. "I swear I've seen him somewhere. Ren! Help me remember!"

"He must have a VeeTube channel." Velvet giggled.

Pyrrha frowned. "What? Why?"

"Because of the fun times on the internet?" Yang shrugged.

"Nora, we did just run into him last night." The collected teen pointed out before he took a bite of his salad.

"No, no, no! Before that!" Nora waved the deadpanned answer off.

"Maybe you saw him in a video or something." Blake suggested. Naruto's eyes widened marginally and he quickly drummed his fingers on the table in a specific pattern.

"Huh, if he's that worried he must be famous."

Pyrrha frowned at Yang's comment.

Why wouldn't Naruto tell her that?

The pattern was reflected by QB-9's lone eye flickering, but otherwise overlooked by the other eight teens.

"I don't know," Nora said thoughtfully. "I only watch the cooking videos and explody stuff with a bit of world history."

Everyone looked at Nora, even Ren, in bewilderment.

She shrugged back. "I like history."

"Weird. Maybe I just have one of those faces," Naruto said with a shrug. He propped up his chin on his elbow and looked around the table. "You know, I'd have thought someone would ask why I was still here by now."

"...That is a very good point." Jaune blinked and turned to the younger boy. "Why are you still here? You broke into Beacon and apparently desecrated most of the school."

"Because he was accepted?" Ruby noted.

Jaune gave her a dry look. "None of our others know that."

"Oh, right."

"Something Mr. Brunner will deal with when you get back home." Pyrrha frowned at her brother.

"Nope!" Naruto said, popping the 'p' as he sat back and grinned. "Sorry sis, but you are looking at Beacons newest and youngest student evah~! Who bad?"

"He's BAD!" QB-9 played.

"YES!" Ruby jumped to her feet and cheered. She proceeded to do a small dance where she stood and QB-9, feeling the victory, played a triumphant tune. "Normal knees, whoo! Who's got them? I do! I do!"

"Yay!" Ruby whooped and got to her feet, breaking into a dance like her other. "Normal knee-ees~! Normal knee-ees~!"

"...I think we're missing some context," Ren said with a blink of his eyes.

"Not really, it's Ruby." Weiss dismissed the dark haired boy's confusion.

"Hm, fair point."

Yang, who pulled Ruby by the hood of her cloak back down into her seat, grinned.

Yang did the same with her Ruby.

"Hey!" The younger of the two protested.

"You were blocking the show, Rubes."

"Hey, that's pretty cool. Right, Pyrrha?" She asked. Her smile died a bit when her lilac eyes landed on the red-haired girl. "Uh, Pyrrha?"

The Invincible Girl had a worried look on her face. "B-but you never went to combat school!"

"And cue worried sister mode." Weiss shook her head. "I've been on the end of that many times."

Ruby grumbled and looked accusingly at Yang.

"I don't baby you that much." Yang huffed.

"Yeah, but you could lighten up a little."

"When you're not socially awkward, we'll talk."

The leader of team RWBY pouted, since she had no refute to that.

"So? I've watched you fight all the time. I even trained with you. Compared to that, this'll be easy, sis." Naruto waved her off.

"But you'll get hurt!"

"And then whatever hurt me will be blown up." Naruto grinned and patted QB-9 on the head. "I've...made some special modifications to Q since you've been gone."

"Oh man, with that devilish mind, what'd he do?" Jaune looked worried.

"...What did you do this time?"

"That...is a secret."

The way he paused for dramatic effect only managed to fill Pyrrha with even more dread.

"I feel that, right here." Jaune pointed to his stomach.

"So, who's team are you on?" Jaune asked, taking a bite of his sandwich.

"Some group of N00Bs. They're called Team JNPR, I think." Naruto grinned when the older boy choked on his food mid chew.

"…N00Bs?" Jaune, Ren and Nora frowned while Pyrrha just covered her eyes.

"I'm sorry?" "Come again?" Were the confused words that escaped his sister's and his new teammate's mouths.

"Actually, I just did." The quote that QB-9 chose to use was followed by a laugh track.

"Ew, Q, that's...people are trying to eat!" Naruto frowned at his tittering machine. Nora looked at her pancakes, and shrugged.

"Waste not, want not." With that, she took a mighty bite from her stack and chewed away happily.

"Psh, waffles rule." Naruto snorted.

"That little fool." Ren muttered.

Nora's eye twitched. "He said what now?"

"Oh no…" Ren paled as he inched away from Nora, who had dropped her fork. Robotically, the orange haired girl turned towards the younger boy.

"Say that again, little person?" Nora challenged the boy.

"Yeah, say it again..." Nora reached for her hammer.

"Naruto…" Pyrrha warned softly.

"Waffles. Rule. Pancakes-"

"Don't. You. Dare." Nora glared.

"Dro-o-o-ol." Naruto dragged the word out with a mad grin on his face. A hand slammed onto the table, leaving a crack where it impacted, and Nora shot to her feet.

"BLASPHEMY!"

"DEATH TO THE NON-BELIEVER!"

"Nora, no! It's just a television show!"

"Don't you even think about breaking the TV, Valkyrie!"

"Nora, calm-!" Ren was knocked aside when he tried to put a hand on his friend.

"Waffles~!" Naruto sang the word.

"Waffles! Waffles, waffles, waf-fles~!" An annoyingly catchy voice sang out from QB-9's speakers. Nora's face turned red and she reached for her hammer.

"I'll crack you like a real egg, you stupid wind-up toy!" The normally cheerful - if not overly battle-happy - girl snarled.

"He's not a stupid wind-up toy!" Naruto snapped, getting in the older girl's face, and consequently climbing over Jaune to do so. "Say it again! I dare you!"

"Naruto! Behave yourself!" Pyrrha cried out as she tried to pull her brother back while Jaune tried to push the boy away.

"Pyrrha! She insulted Q!"

"You mocked the most noble of breakfasts!" Nora angrily accused.

"Nora, calm down please." Pyrrha asked.

"Never!"

"You antagonized her!"

"That's not my fault! Waffles rule and pancakes drool!"

"How dare you insult the almighty cake of pans! Like a little shrimp like you would know!"

"Who are you calling a shrimp you oversized, lardassed-!" A spew of words one should not repeat in public escaped the small blond boy. While Team JNNPR began to break down over a breakfast food of all things, Team RWBY watched in disbelief.

"Wow, what a...colorful vocabulary the kid has." Yang muttered.

"I'm going to wash his mouth out." Pyrrha frowned, a dark aura around her and the lights flickering.

"Please do." Weiss smiled brightly.

"Tch, Bae hater." Yang scoffed.

"Cradle robber." Blake smirked at her partner.

"He is the Bae, your argument is invalid!"

She took a bite of the forkful of fruit salad she had in her hand and chuckled. "I love this school. Nothing's ever dull."

"I would not mind one day of peace." Blake muttered as she turned the page in her book of the day.

Weiss rolled her eyes. "Blake, you're too optimistic."

"...Hey, guys, what's $%#& mean?" Ruby asked. The rest of her team froze and looked at the younger girl with wide eyes.

"...You have fun with that, Yang." Blake and Weiss said simultaneously as they got up and left the table. They left their trays behind in their hurry to speedwalk away.

"Traitors." Yang frowned at the white and black of their team.

"Can't blame them." Coco snickered.

"What-Girls! You traitors!" Yang squawked at the retreating forms of her teammates. Her lilac eye twitched and she glowered at the team opposite of her. Maybe Blake was onto something.

"And what have we learned?" Pyrrha asked while she stood in front of her two rambunctious teammates with her arms crossed. It took a good twenty minutes, but Ren and Pyrrha were able to pry Nora and Naruto away from each other. Amazingly, the two seemed to calm down rather quickly as long as no one mentioned the argument. However, that didn't mean they got off easy.

No. At the moment, both Naruto and Nora had bars of soap shoved in their mouths as punishment for the crass language they threw around.

"I prefer orange scented over lavender?" Nora asked after she spat the bar out, only for Ren to shove it back in.

"True that." Nora nodded in fond memory of her younger years.

"Soap still tastes nasty?" Naruto offered as he pulled the bar from his mouth. QB-9 beeped out behind him and Naruto rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, it's going back in...Geez, Mom…"

"How many times have you used the soap trick on him?" Ren asked, a bit taken aback by how willfully the blond put the bar of soap back in his mouth.

"Q, how many times?" Pyrrha kindly asked.

QB-9's eye flashed and a digital number was projected out in front of the floating egg.

178.

"If it doesn't work after ten, it's hopeless." Yang told Pyrrha.

"What else am I supposed to do?"

"Ground him? Take their toys away? Or if you're really drastic, take his porn magazines away."

"I doubt he even has those." Pyrrha waved off.

Yang just gave her a pitying look. "You poor, poor deluded soul."

"That many?" Jaune asked, eyes wide in disbelief. He scratched his head and whistled. "That's just not nice."

"W-Well, to be fair, I tried time outs and taking away his dessert, but neither works all that well." Pyrrha admitted sheepishly.

"You are too nice, Nikos." Coco shook her head.

"I'm sorry," Pyrrha said apologetically.

Naruto rolled his eyes and began to fiddle with a scroll that he had in his hands. Jaune furrowed his brow and then checked his pockets. His simple check turned frantic before he snapped his attention back to the younger Nikos.

"Hey! That's mine!" He cried out, making a swipe for the tech. Naruto pulled away and glared at the older blond. He turned his whole body away and continued to fiddle with the Scroll, until it finally came apart in two pieces with a loud snap.

"No! It's not insured!" Jaune wailed out. "They won't give me another! I asked!"

"...Klutz?" Coco asked.

Jaune nodded pitifully.

"Your primary school should've made notes on that," Coco said thoughtfully.

"Eh...heh-heh, yeah, probably did..." Jaune laughed sheepishly

"Pyrrha! Do something!" Jaune cried out at seeing his Beacon issued Scroll being broken in half.

"Relax, Jaune, Naruto doesn't just break things for no reason." Pyrrha calmed her team leader down with a gentle smile and a hand on his shoulder. Softly under her breath, she added, "Mostly."

"But-but it's in half?!" Jaune pointed at the device. Pyrrha followed his wild gesture and smiled when she saw both Ren and Nora peering over Naruto's shoulders. It was common to see a few people do the same thing when he was in the middle of a self-assigned project, even she was curious to see what he was doing. The blond ignored them and continued to fiddle with one half of Jaune's Scroll while absentmindedly nibbling on the bar of soap in his mouth.

"Mm, brain food." Yatsuhashi chuckled.

"It's the sudsy goodness." Velvet giggled. "Right Fox?"

Fox's eyes scrunched shut and he stuck his tongue out in disgust.

"Well, if you didn't use such foul language, you wouldn't have suffered," Coco said pointedly.

"He'll put it back together." The redhead said, giving Naruto a pointed look. "Or he'll get no ramen. For a week."

Naruto almost choked on his soap bar.

"You see? That's a threat." Yang nodded in approval. "It's like how I held Ruby's cookies hostage when we were kids until she learned to behave."

"You're a torturer! You abused the cookies" Ruby cried out.

"You survived, didn't you?"

"...Defiler!"

QB-9 flew hard into his back and forced the bar out of the airway, but it stayed in the blond's mouth. Naruto coughed roughly while he furiously fiddled with the scroll. In a matter of moments, the device was whole once again and looked good as new.

"See?" Pyrrha smiled.

Jaune looked skeptical as he walked over and held out his hand for the device. Naruto tossed it to him, making him fumble for it in the air, before he grasped it tightly.

"Phew. So, what did you do?" Jaune asked while he examined his Scroll.

Naruto stared dryly at his new team leader before he pointed at the bar of soap in his mouth.

"Er...You can both stop now?" Jaune said unsurely, looking to Pyrrha for advice. The redheaded girl nodded, and quickly pulled Jaune down to avoid the two bars of soap that were spat out in his direction.

"Drat." Nora snapped her fingers.

"Hey, you could have taken my eye out!" Jaune complained.

"With a bar of soap?" Weiss asked.

"It's possible." Ren deadpanned while Nora grinned.

"Nice reflexes!" Nora complimented the startled team leader before she gagged and rushed for the bathroom. "Ew-ew-ew-ew-ew!"

Naruto picked at his teeth with his tongue. "I think there's some stuck-Yep! Got it."

"Don't eat the soap!" Pyrrha admonished her brother.

"You gave it to me!"

"Don't try to turn this around on me, Naruto."

"It never works." Ruby and Weiss muttered with frowns on their faces.

"Fine…" Naruto crossed his arms and flopped back on the bed. "Anyway, PJ, to answer your-"

"Who?" Jaune and Pyrrha asked.

"You, Jaune. It's your nickname. It's now PJ, since that's all I'll probably ever call you. Forever." Naruto answered with a shit-eating grin on his face. "PJ."

"…I want to strangle him." Jaune looked at Pyrrha.

"You can't, Jaune."

"Why not?!"

"Because he's my other's brother." Pyrrha smiled and leaned in to whisper. "Besides, he's not real here."

"...So not fair." Jaune grumbled. "Stupid Naruto, always getting the breaks."

"...I...I don't get it." Jaune admitted. He looked at Pyrrha curiously and she shrugged, just as lost as he was.

"Anyway, basically, I gave your scroll a bit of an upgrade." Naruto said. He sat up and folded his legs, resting his hands on his knees while he grinned. "You've got unlimited range and connect directly to any of the four CCT towers instead of the relays like the rest of the basic scrolls handed out by the schools do. You can access top secret information and have clearance up to level three, and that's only because I can't hack any higher than that. Yet. Oh, and you've got free subscription to OneLessThanThreeRadio. For life."

"…I want my Scroll tricked out!" Yang waved hers in the air. "Come on!"

"He's not real." Weiss reminded.

"Silence Bae-Hater!"

"How can he get top secret information?" Coco wondered.

"He's a hacker," Velvet reminded her.

"I know, but still. Makes my head spin a little."

"...Top Secret information!? Isn't that restricted for a reason!?" Jaune asked.

"Meh, probably. Who cares?" Naruto asked, grinning.

"I don't want to go to jail!"

"Oh, you'd probably never go to jail, don't worry about it." Naruto waved him off. Jaune blinked.

"R-Really?"

"Yeah, that kind of info is definitely Kill-On-Sight worthy."

"What?!" "Naruto!" Jaune shrieked and Pyrrha snapped.

"He's trying to get me killed!" Jaune wailed.

"I'm starting to think that as well." Blake deadpanned.

Naruto blinked innocently. "What? I'm just trying to help you out. You're the team leader, right? The more you know, the better we can all react."

"I…" Jaune faltered for words and then rubbed his head. "This is too much…"

Ren folded his arms over his chest. "I have a question. How good is he in combat, Pyrrha?"

"Ren." Pyrrha said, an edge in her tone.

"It's a good question," Ren said pointedly. "He is on our team now, right?"

"He can be on the sidelines!"

"I don't think he'd be for that." Velvet pointed out.

"I don't mean to brag, but I'm pretty awesome," Naruto said smugly. Ren ignored him and focused on the older Nikos, awaiting an answer patiently.

"Well," Pyrrha fiddled with her hair. "He's talented, to a degree-"

"Degree!?" Naruto squawked and sent his sister a betrayed pout.

"But this is Beacon, so perhaps a test would suffice?" Pyrrha looked at Naruto worriedly. "If he doesn't pass, I think maybe the Headmaster can find a safer technical position for him."

"...I am not part of the Nerd Clan! I am part of the Raging Geek Society!" Naruto protested.

"Whoo!" Ruby threw her hands in the air and cheered. "RGS! RGS!"

"I'll ask Professor Goodwitch to set something up for our next combat class then." Pyrrha chirped and smiled. "On our skill level."

"Bring it on!" Naruto smirked at his sister.

"And while I do that, you can call Mr. Brunner and tell him the good news!"

"...Wait, what?" Naruto blinked and then paled. "Can't I just face the grumpy hag that tails Ozpin?"

"…I think I found the balance, he has a death wish." Jaune smiled.

Yang frowned at him. "Lil Bae isn't suicidal…I think. He just hasn't experienced Yanging awesomeness."

"Ped-Oh."

"Shut up, Blake!"

"Uh," Jaune said with a nervous look towards Pyrrha. "We're sure there's no way she heard that, right?"

"Jaune, for the last time, Professor Goodwitch is not out to get you."

"You don't know that, Pyrrha!"

"Wait, that grumpy hag is Goodwitch!?" Naruto scowled and crossed his arms. "Sasuke lied to me. He said she was a total babe."

"...A what?" Pyrrha asked.

"Sasuke said she was a very nice socialite." Naruto amended himself.

"Nice save." Weiss snorted.

"Ah, I thought you said something else." Pyrrha nodded. Her little brother was too young to like girls, just like he was too young to be in Beacon.

"You are way too protective." Yang commented.

"I'm not that protective, it's not as though he's wearing a leash." Pyrrha waved off.

"Yet." Yang muttered. She hummed and thought about VA Naruto in a leash. A grin crossed her face. "On the other hand..."

"That's not what he-ow!" Jaune cried out as his Scroll shocked him. He looked at the device in his hand and then at the intense blue eyes locked on him. Both Jaune and Ren took worried steps back from the blond with a cheerful smile on his whiskered face.

"I may have also added a taser function, for self-defense."

Pyrrha smiled and patted his head. "That's very considerate, Naruto."

"I hate him. A lot." Jaune deadpanned.

"You know me, sis." Naruto grinned widely at his team leader. "Mister Generosity."

Jaune and Ren shared a look.

Nora was not the only one they had to keep a close eye on anymore.

"I don't need to be supervised!" Nora scowled.

"Yes. Yes you do," Ren said dryly.

"No, I-!"

"Age twelve, county fair."

"...That was one-!"

"Age thirteen, Mall Street."

"...Touché."

"Man, I love Vale's weather. It's like the sun is always shining. The clouds are perfectly framed in the sky. There's even a warm breeze in the air!" Naruto took a deep breath and closed his eyes while his hands rested on his hips. A heavily, satisfied sigh escaped his lips and he looked at QB-9, who floated beside him. "It's a great day to hunt Grimm, wouldn't you say, Q?"

"They're all going to laugh at you!"

"...Pessimist." Naruto scoffed. He looked back at the observation room overlooking this small walled off portion of the Emerald Forest and waved at his teammates. Pyrrha gave him a small and rather weak wave in return while Nora waved frantically beside her.

"Do you have everything? All of your weapons?" The worried voice of his elder sister came through the earpiece he had wrapped around his left ear.

"Yes, Pyrrha." Naruto sighed out.

"Who'd forget their weapon?" Ruby asked at the sheer ridiculousness of the notion.

Jaune whistled innocently and looked away, examining his nails.

"Are your sandals strapped tightly?"

"Yes, Pyrrha." The whiskered boy rolled his eyes.

"Do you put sunblock on?"

"Wow, that's just so…sister-y." Yang snorted and looked at Ruby in amusement.

"You were never like that."

"I was, in my own little ways." Yang flicked Ruby's nose, who whined in protest at the action.

"Pyrrha!" This time he whipped around to glare at his sister.

"You and I both know you have delicate skin."

"That's nice to know."

"Yang, your creep-o meter is filling, rapidly." Blake warned.

"This is need to know information!"

"No, no it is not."

Pyrrha returned with a frown. Naruto turned away and crossed his arms while he pouted.

"...Do not."

"You do. So did you or did you not?"

"Yes...under protest!" He added under his breath.

Yang stroked her chin and opened her mouth.

"Not that kind of protest." Blake said before Yang could even speak.

"Lame, don't cut me off! At least let me make the joke…"

"Wonderful."

"This is so embarrassing." Naruto muttered to QB-9. The little egg-like bot beeped out an agreement.

"What was that?" Pyrrha asked.

"Nothing~!" Naruto sang out. He returned his attention to the front as Professor Goodwitch's voice came over the loudspeakers and a holographic version of her appeared in front of him.

"Mr. Nikos, this exercise is to erase the doubts from the minds of your peers and the faculty. It will allow us to evaluate whether or not your combat skill is adequate enough for your enrollment as a huntsman or if we should assign you to some of the more technical classes offered in Vale."

"Yeah, okay, whatever." Naruto began to bounce on his feet. "Can I start to blow things up now?"

"Do try to take this seriously."

"Oh, don't worry, Professor. I'm super duper serious. You gots no idea." The blond gave the hologram a thumbs up and patted his utility belt. "I'm even wearing a clean set of undies!"

"I...see. If you're ready-"

"Finally!" Naruto groaned out. "Yes! Open the gates! Bring forth the beasties! Make me a sandwich!"

"Death wish~!" Nora sang.

"Told you." Jaune said smugly to Yang.

"Ha! I'd make him the softest sandwich!"

"What?" Ruby tilted her head.

"Nothing, Rubes."

"Excuse me?"

"Sorry, heat of the moment." Naruto sheepishly rubbed the back of his head under the scrutinizing glare of the holographic professor.

"Quite. Very well. Professor Port, open the gates!" Holographic Goodwitch flickered out of existence as the two alarms atop the metal gates began to flash and a siren rang out. Naruto's grin went wide and readied his hands above his belt.

What'll it be? What'll it be? What'll it be? Ooh, I hope it's a Grabboid. Oh! Oh! Or a Deathstalker! Maybe even a Creeper horde! Or a Griffin flock! That'd be sweet! He thought eagerly as the doors opened far enough to allow three large shadowy figures in.

What they turned out to be, for Naruto anyway, was disappointment.

Three large Ursas, each heavily armored, but not enough to be labeled as ancient Grimm, stalked towards the lone human.

"Three Ursa. That's it?" Naruto asked, his smile falling into a big frown. He turned around and pointed at his sister from where she stood in the observatory. "Pyrrha, explain!"

"Boo, lame!" Nora jeered. "We faced much worse! I thought this was our level?! I want to see blood!"

"Nora!" Pyrrha said with a frown.

"He insulted Pancakes, he must be punished!" Nora said lowly.

"Mr. Nikos, did you really think we'd let anything truly dangerous this close to the school?" Professor Goodwitch asked.

"Yes! They got to fight a giant Nevermore and an ancient Deathstalker!" Naruto pouted at the professor. "I feel like I'm being underestimated!"

"Stop complaining." Jaune grumbled.

"It's not that bad." Pyrrha frowned.

Yang snorted. "Pride is a fragile mistress."

"Naruto, safety extends to more than just-Look out!" Pyrrha's warning came just as one of the three Ursa charged at the boy's exposed back. Naruto didn't move, continuing to pout at the observation deck while the Grimm lunged at him. The others in the observation room cried out in alarm when the boy refused to move.

The Grimm flew right through him, and Naruto flickered into static and fizzled away, the Q floating beside him flying up high above the Grimm.

"Whoa, he has a clone semblance!" Someone in the back of the crowd called out.

"Hologram." Blake corrected, it wasn't anything close to her semblance.

"No he doesn't. That was a hologram." Blake frowned as she eyed the floating bot.

"Exactly."

"You ruin magician's tricks too, Blake-y?" Yang teased.

The cat Faunus pouted. "…Shut up, Pedo."

She then looked to Pyrrha, who braced herself against the observation deck's railing and rested a hand over her heart. Blake then looked at her team, whose eyes were all scanning the area to find the missing boy. She followed their example and crossed her arms.

Something pierced through the Attacking Ursa's neck and the Grimm went shock still. The blade crackled into existence and slowly revealed itself to be a longsword, easily four feet in length, that had glowing glyphs carved into the blade's flat side. The wielder of the blade also crackled into existence, grinning as he put his foot on the Ursa's head and pulled his sword out.

"One down!" Naruto announced while he flicked his longsword and spun it around in his left hand. The reverse grip revealed that the pommel of the sword was in fact an adjustable wrench.

"The Wonder Wrench~!" Ruby named it.

"What? No way. The Adjustable." Weiss smirked.

"Boo. Mine's better!"

"Is not!"

He looked at the two remaining Grimm, who watched him warily.

"I love smart opponents…" Naruto muttered to himself. He pressed a button on the hilt of his sword that collapsed it down into a wrench. The size allowed him to pocket the weapon and beckon the Grimm towards him.

"Hey dingus brains!" The youthful cry drew the class' attention as well as the Grimm's to where the blond stood in front of one of the large trees. Naruto held his hands out to the side in a welcoming manner. "Come and get me! I'm unarmed and chock full of ooey-chewy human-y goodness!"

One of the Ursa roared and charged blindly at the blond.

"Naruto, what're you doing!? You need to keep your weapon available at all-!" Pyrrha yelled into his ear. Naruto winced and reached up to tap the communication device.

"An-n-nd mute button." He muttered under his breath before he looked up at his sister. "Sorry can't hear you over all this awesome!"

"Yes you can, turn the mic back on!" Pyrrha crossed her arms in a huff. "Honestly!"

"He muted me? He muted me! ...Oh my god... I'm going to... going to - Nora, ideas!" Pyrrha looked to the orange haired girl for help.

"Break his legs!

"That seems extensive." Pyrrha frowned.

Nora shrugged. "Says you."

And his toys!"

"...Maybe the latter." Pyrrha mumbled while she returned her attention to the fight below.

"I agree." Pyrrha nodded.

"Ole!" Naruto laughed as he jumped out of the Ursa's way while it charged head-first into the massive tree behind him. He dug around in one of the containers on his belt.

"Let's see...No. No. Nope. That won't-Aha!" Naruto grinned and pulled out a small sharp disk that was no larger than his thumb. "Destruction Disk...Oh, the Y-Warriors would be proud."

Naruto pressed down on the blue button in the center of the disk and threw it at the dazed Ursa. Moments from colliding with the Ursa's body, the disc released a blue light that expanded outwards and sharpened like a saw's blade. The disc lodged itself halfway into the Ursa and Naruto furrowed his brows.

"Huh, weird. It should've cut clean through...Unless…" Naruto paled slightly before he quickly turned tail and ran. "Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap-!"

"Swear!" Ruby cried out on reflex.

The center button of the disc beeped rapidly until the device exploded, the Grimm it was lodged in being blown in half, and the fleeing blond being launched a few feet further. Naruto landed roughly on the ground, coming to a stop after a roll, and his eye twitched.

"I thought I had DMB-DMB pull all of the disk bombs out before I came here. Stupid robot, it was a simple job, how'd he mess that up?"

"Because machines are dumb?"

The blond grumbled under his breath as he climbed back to his feet. Of course, the moment he was back up, he was knocked away by the last Ursa's swipe. Recovering from the surprise attack quickly, Naruto was forced to retreat as the Ursa pursued him relentlessly.

"Not good, not good, not good." He muttered with each backwards jump he made. A series of whirrs and beeps coming through his communication device made him grin. "Heh, about time. All charged up? Then let's finish this, Q!"

"It's a weapon?" Weiss asked in disbelief.

Ruby squealed. "Of course something so cute was a weapon, how could it not be?!"

The egg-shaped bot whirred a confirmation and shot down from where it hovered above the area. The 'face' of the bot flew right into Naruto's extended right hand. QB-9 then cracked along the back before it unfolded out and around Naruto's hand, locking onto the metal bar around his bracer. Gears and metal shifted and clanked around before locking into place as a massive fox-like head. The fox's jaw cracked open and a giant barrel, easily the size of Naruto's head, extended out.

"I want one!" Ruby waved a handful of Lien in her hand. "Gimme!"

"Ruby, you are not getting that." Weiss said firmly, fearing the coming firepower that was no doubt about to occur.

"But it's cute and blows things up!"

"No!"

Naruto stopped retreating and leveled the cannon with his other hand. The earpiece around his left ear clicked and a holographic visor popped out, covering Naruto's left eye with a reticule that locked on the approaching Ursa.

"Eat this, Papa Bear," he said with a sneer. "Supreme Cannon!"

An orb of purple-ish black energy was launched from the barrel. The orb vaporized the Ursa's head clean off, and then obliterated a good upper portion of the far left wall when it impacted. The recoil of the blast sent Naruto flying. He flipped in the air, landing on his feet and skidded to the edge of the grounds. Once stopped, Naruto lifted the weapon up and blew at the smoking muzzle.

"…I want twelve." Ruby corrected herself.

"Your allowance isn't that big." Yang snorted.

"Yang, world's greatest and most beautiful sister-!" Ruby began as she put her hands together and batted her eyelashes.

"Not giving you my money, Rubes."

Ruby clicked her tongue. "Fiddlesticks."

"And that's how it's done," he said as QB-9 broke away from his hand and reverted back into its egg-like form.

"Flawless Victory." The little robot said in a creepy old man's voice.

"No duh, buddy." Naruto cracked a smile and turned to his spectators expectantly. "So, was that an A-plus or what?"

"He gets an A-plus plus for the boom." Coco snickered.

Fox held up a nine and a half.

"You're right, it could've been bigger." Coco nodded.

"You've passed with an acceptable performance." Professor Goodwitch told him, making the young blond scowl.

"So you're calling me a Kriller, when I am clearly a Joku?" Naruto asked, his scowl deepening while he crossed his arms. "Not cool, Professor."

"Would you rather be in the Technical Academy?"

"Er, no. Acceptable is good, I guess…" Naruto muttered.

"Welcome to Team JNPR, Naruto. Is it still pronounced juniper now that it's J-N-N-P-R?" Jaune asked someone in the background. The words made Naruto grin.

"Yes, Double N has returned!"

"Hey, one of those N's are mine!" Nora complained.

"Letter theft!" Nora cried out.

"Sorry, Double N can't hear you, Nora! He's too busy bustin' a move!" Naruto cheered. He pointed at QB-9. "Q, hit the victory music!"

QB-9 trilled and an upbeat funk began to play from his speakers.

"One more time~! Uh, just wanna celebrate, oh yeah all-right, don't stop the dance now!"

"Ren! He stole my N! I'll break his legs!"

"I want my N back!" Nora started to tear up.

"One more time~!" Naruto sang along off-key.

"Yeah Lil Bae, bust that move!" Yang said, wiggling in her own seat to dance a little.

"Cradle robber." Blake shook her head. When would Yang learn? Probably never…or after she gets arrested.

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