I do not own Kuroko no Basuke or anything associated with it, author's note at the bottom.

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Fate and Doubt

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A shot in broad daylight shook only a single young man. The red balloon slipped from his hand. He looked as though he were about to fall.

This way, I would never have to face that light again. I could forever hide in the shadows.

It was far too easy after all; there was no way in hell this could have worked out. Kagami, when you took my hand and confessed to my other self, you had such a cute face on that he couldn't help but respond with a kiss. Ah, such a dorky situation, with you both blushing and smiling like idiots. His heart was pounding so loud that it must have shown on his face, but looking back I bet it wasn't the same for you.

It's not just doubt, because I can see your true feelings too. I watch you and my other self walk through this relationship. You both move on, but I stay away, donned in my middle-school uniform to forever remember those forgotten days.

When we went on our first date and you spilt sauce all over yourself, you looked so embarrassed that he almost went into a laughing fit. When we spent that night in the summer camp and snuck away just to look at the stars, we could see the storm far away and you held him to protect him from the wind. You never said it to him directly because you knew he would become defensive. When we spent that winter night together, we were so cold that we became closer than we expected. When we woke up the morning after and it was so awkward, but it was okay because he joked about us being 'lovers' now and you turned beet red, and everything returned to normal.

I won't forget that night.

I watched from the corner as you took my other self's naked hand and asked him if he wanted you to be the one. The me on the bed smiled as he said yes, and the look on your face was one of such relief.

Wait.

I'm getting off track.

Because there's no way, absolutely no way it should have been like that.

We're supposed to make mistakes, and think about lust instead of love.

We're too young for this.

So these feelings my older self says he feels, there's simply no way.

I'm making a mistake.

I'll prove it to myself today, when he waits for you on the bench in the park. Dressed in his casual clothes, he spent ages looking in the mirror for you, you know?

The man with balloons gave him a choice of one for free; he chose the red one surely out of habit more than preference. I will watch from the bushes as my other self sits on the bench, waiting for you. I shall whisper truths into his ear – that you have forgotten to meet with us today, that you don't want to meet us, that you would rather not meet us anymore.

Ah, but you show up early anyway, as usual. One joke and his doubt has flown away again.

I have no choice, you've forced my hand. For the sake of our happiness, and yours, I took desperate measures.

As you both walk away I step out into the daylight and raise the metal in my hand, its dull shine reflecting the same in my eyes. You step away for a moment, telling my other self to wait. With regret he waits for you expectantly. I take no hesitation in firing the gun.

A shot rang out, only heard by me and him.

His eyes widen as a wound opens in his heart, suddenly he feels tears come to him and grips his chest. The red balloon slips out of his hand and his legs shake – he is close to collapsing. Surely with this he must realise the pointlessness of this romance. There is nothing more I need to do.

Everything you could do is pointless.

You approach my other self, a light blue balloon in your hand, with utmost concern. I feel myself smile, for now you cannot-

A bright light.

My other self looks up at you, tears in his eyes. Without regret, words run out of his mouth in a stream. He tells you that he feels fear, and doubt, and guilt. He can't help but confess when he sees your concerned face. Then you touch him on the shoulder, and suddenly the damage that I inflicted on my older self starts to heal. You hold him close and tell him everything is fine, and he believes it and holds you back. The light blue balloon slips from your hand to join the red balloon in the sky, as is its fate. I watch you grow closer, my work undone.

I feel tears in my eyes, so easily they roll down my face.

Ah, no way.

How is it that you heal all of my wounds so easily?

It's wrong; I'm letting my guard down. There must be something, something wrong with this, something wrong with you.

Your stubbornness, the way you patronize me, the way you get annoyed when I interrupt you, the way you just sound dumb sometimes, why, why don't I hate any of it?

Why do I love you so easily?

That's right, it's your fault.

You're the one I have to get rid of, then I'll never get hurt after you, and I'll never have to delay it.

I raise my hand, start squeezing on the trigger, aim for your heart.

By doing this, surely I can hold onto your light forever. If it's only in my memory, it will never diminish.

I press more on the trigger.

But my hand slips.

I never became able to fire.

I don't know why.

Then I see your hand there.

The hand of the younger you, the same age as me, that holds my hand and makes the gun slip out of my fingers. This you that was still so young, the you that still wore that ring with pride, the you that had only just realised a relationship closer than brothers couldn't possibly remain the same forever, that you clung to my hand with the same desperation that I did with the gun. As I look round I see the you that has the same dull, tired eyes, and yet you smile as you wrap one arm around my waist. You bring me closer and I feel your warmth.

Ah, that's right.

You were betrayed too, weren't you?

I'm sorry, for being so selfish.

But your younger self laughs as I say that, and wipes my tears away. He says my name and tells me it's fine, that he feels like everything is okay when he's with me. I can't help but smile.

I embrace him, as he embraces me, and we experience this warmth as one person. As we close our distance I feel my heart racing, and I can feel yours too, but it's okay to be nervous, because I can feel myself fading away. As light surrounds us there is nothing else but you, and I can see it in your eyes that there is nothing else but me.

I suddenly realise that it's okay to leave my older self in your hands, that my painful memories aren't needed anymore. There's nothing he needs to run away from anymore, he can truly believe in you.

I feel myself disappearing from this world, floating into the sky, flying with the wind to become these feelings that I've been rejecting all along.

Kagami-kun, I love you.

Hello all~ I hope you enjoyed my mess of a metaphor story!

I am so not used to first person, so this was really weird for me XS In case I wrote it too vaguely, the narrator was the past Kuroko who couldn't believe that he could trust Kagami, but in the end the past Kagami made him realise that there was no way they could betray each other, and they were both able to let go of their past once and for all~ Also for any misunderstandings the gun wasn't like a self-harm metaphor or anything, just a metaphor for a powerful painful force. Also also, until the last bit I'm pretty sure every 'you' should be Kagami, 'him' should be the real Kuroko and 'I' should be the metaphor Kuroko.

Now I want to rant a bit so feel free to skip to the goodbye.

I know this whole one-shot seems kind of weird and out of the norm, but this whole thing was both a way to get myself back into fic writing and to get my exam frustration out. I wasn't able to write anything in 2 months because I was seriously focusing on my exams, I didn't know just how much focus I would need to get the grades I wanted XD So that got me a little antsy and I started thinking about 'light at the end of the tunnel' ideas, and on my day off of revising I wrote this~ KagaKuro is always my go-to couple when I think about strength to solve a struggle. Now I don't have any more exams but still have a lot to do, my life is changing a lot right now. So long story short I wanna keep writing fanfics, but the big fic projects I've been working on will probably come out after school has started again, until then I do have a couple short ideas I've been toying with :)

To those who are in my place, where life seems to be a little different than it was yesterday, let's find that place we want to get to together.

Good luck everyone, and see you all next time~