Author's Note: This is my first fanfiction. Any mistakes are mine.
Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS LA, nor do I own any of the characters.
One day, she just can't take it anymore. She can't pretend that it isn't killing her, being this close to him, but not touching. She does this almost every day, but today, for some reason, it is unbearable.
Maybe it is the last case that they had. It was a particularly grueling one, one of the cases that didn't turn out well for the good guys. The team had lost the person they'd been trying to protect, and it had left everyone feeling bad.
She always felt these cases hard, but this one was worse. It was her fault that the team had lost. She had made a mistake, a tiny one, but it had been at a critical moment. She knows that no one blames her, but she can't help feeling like she's failed.
If this was a year or two ago, she would have told Eric how she was feeling immediately, and he would have helped her through it. But it isn't a year or two ago, it's now, and as much as she wants to tell him, she's afraid that she will betray herself, and show him how she feels.
At this point, it all becomes too much for her, and she feels tears begin to slide down her cheeks. She does her best to hold in a sob, but she doesn't do a very good job, and Eric, sitting beside her, hears.
He turns to her and asks, "Nell? Are you alright?" She responds by beginning to sob in earnest. Eric slips out of his chair, pulling her up with him, and then into his arms. She sinks into them, and he strokes her hair as she cries, trying to comfort her, but it only makes her cry harder.
Softly, he asks her, "What's wrong, Nell?" She wishes that she could answer him, wishes desperately that it wouldn't ruin everything. Instead, she clutches at him, trying to keep him near her for as long as possible.
"Is it the case?" he asks.
She swallows and replies, "Partly."
"Partly? What's the other part?" She stays quiet, but he presses.
"Is it me? Did I do something wrong?"
"No, of course not!" she exclaims.
"Are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure."
"'Cause I'm not sure what else could make you ignore me all day. Seriously, you didn't
say good morning when you walked in, and you've barely said a word to me since.
"I'm just having a bad day."
"I don't believe you." She pulls away, surprised, but he keeps his hands on her shoulders.
This tiny gesture makes her heart leap, but she presses it down.
"What?!"
"When you're having a bad day, you always want to talk about it. The only time you don't is when your bad day is because of me." She stays silent, both desperately hoping that he'll catch on, and desperately wishing that he won't.
"Wait. Is your bad day because of me? I know it's not because of something that I did, but is it because of something that I didn't do?"
She is surprised that he figured her out so easily. She sometimes forgets how well he knows her, and the tactics that she uses to keep people at bay. She thinks that he must have been paying pretty close attention to her to have noticed that one, the give-a-technically-truthful-answer-but-hide-a-part-of-it tactic. She doesn't use that one too often, at least not around him.
Her surprise must show on her face, because he says, "Aha! I'm right!" His pride in his ability to figure her out quickly slips away as he remembers that she is still miserable.
"Nell, please tell me what's going on. I just want to help you, I promise." She starts crying again, because he's being so nice and kind, and she wants to tell him more than anything, but she knows that if she does, he will still be kind, but it won't be because she's special, it won't be because he loves her, but because it isn't in his nature to be unkind to anyone.
She turns and walks out of Ops, trying to keep her tears under control, but failing miserably.
"Nell!" Eric calls. "Nell!" But she doesn't turn around, because if she does, she'll probably throw herself at him, and ruin everything.
As she walks through the door, she hears him call her name again, "Nell!" but this time, there is something else added to the end.
"I love you!" She swivels around, staring at him, but he is looking at the floor, clearly embarrassed.
"What did you say?" He looks up, and when he sees that she hasn't left, his whole face breaks into a smile.
"I said, 'I love you,'" he says, steadily, normally, like he says it every day.
"Did you mean it?" she asks breathlessly, trying not to get her hopes up, but failing miserably.
"Of course," he says. "Why would I say it if I didn't mean it?"
She runs across the room, and throws herself into his arms, pressing her lips against his. He makes a surprised noise against her lips, but quickly begins to kiss her back. After a few minutes, she pulls away slightly and says, "I love you, too." He smiles as he pulls her lips back to his. She smiles back. This bad day is turning into a very good day.