My first thought upon waking up was 'hey, why does my bed feel so hard?'

My first thought upon opening my eyes was 'WHY THE FUCK AM I IN A CAVE?'

I shot up, looking around franticly for… something to explain my situation, but only saw some items around on the floor that were quickly filed in my brain as unimportant.

I pinched myself, making sure that I wasn't having some strange dream and swearing loudly when nothing happed.

Ok Dom, just look around and try to figure out what the bloody hell is going on here

I grabbed everything I could find in the small cave; there was a backpack filled with miscellaneous supplies- food, water, camping stuff, that sort of thing-, a recurve bow with a quiver full of arrows, a machete, and, of all things, a dark green cloak.

Whilst doing this, I noticed that I was fully dressed in a black t-shirt with a deadpool logo on it, black jeans, and black trainers (man, I own a lot of black clothes now that I think about it…)

I was also wearing a necklace my big brother got me when he went to a theme park, a little metal pendent of a dragon head, with wings coming out of the side and a red plastic gem in its forehead, breathing fire.

I only say this because it was also on the back of the aforementioned cloak in black, just another thing to add to the ever-growing list of questions.

Taking everything and donning the cloak with a 'fuck you, cloaks are cool´ to fashion, I left the cave.

And my brain promptly shut down when I saw the outside.

I was in a desert, that much was obvious, with sand and… more sand, a few rock here and there, but that wasn't what I was freaking out over.

Even though it was day, I could clearly see the moon, a moon much bigger and closer then Earth's moon, with a space station vaguely shaped like the letter 'H' floating in front of it.

My first thought upon seeing this?

SWEET HOLY FUCK NUGGETS OF ALL THINGS NERDY I'M ON PARDORA!

After getting over the shock of, y'know, BEING IN THE WORLD OF MY FAVORITE VIDEO GAME, I began exploring, the bow in my hands and the machete and quiver on my belt (which, for those of you who get your archery knowledge from inaccurate movies and games, is were it's supposed to go) in case I needed to defend myself from skags or bandits or-

Bandits.

Could…Could I really…do it? End someone else's life, even if it's in self defence?

"YOU'VE GOT TEN SECONDS TO PUT YOUR HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD BEFORE WE RIP THEM OFF, BITCH!"

Looks like I'm about to find out.

Coming over the next dune I saw two cars - a large van and a pickup truck I remember being called a 'Bandit Technical' in game - parked in the middle of a dirt road.

Standing between them were a woman with an annoyed expression and a small group of bandits, five to be exact, three marauders and two psychos.

"Oh come on!" yelled the woman "We paid the Marrow Drinker's 'road tax' a week ago!"

The lead marauder cockily waved his pistol and I had no problems imagining him smirking behind his mask "See, that's the thing; this ain't Marrow Drinkers territory any more, you're in Anarc country now"

That's when I noticed the outfits, see, in the game, bandits wore different clothes in different places, to show they were part of separate clans, but I had never seen these guy's uniforms before; the marauders had their hair in Mohawks and punk spikes and shit like that, red hockey masks, and jackets and pants made of leather; the psychos wore more or less the some old outfit, but the usually orange pants were red, and their chests and arms were covered in tattoos and scars, most notably anarchy symbols that had been branded on to their backs.

"Fine! Good for you!" said the woman, annoyed "how much do you want before you let us go?"

"The way I see it, we could just kill you and take it all… after having our fun, of course! Ain't that right, boys?" The bandits all started to laugh in a way I don't think anyone would like.

N-no…I-I couldn't let this happen! I-I can't, I-I…

I won't.

Staying as calm as I could, I went though the same motions I had nearly every Friday night at archery class, I stood sideways, head facing towards my target, I lifted my bow in my left hand, drew an arrow from the quiver, placed it on the string, bent my arm slightly so the string won't hit my arm.

Breathe in.

Aim.

Release.

I didn't miss.

Bile rose to my throat as I watched the arrow sink into the side of his head, but I forced it down as I dunked behind the dune, bullets flying where I just stood.

Footsteps rapidly approached as a manic voice yelled "LICK AND SCREAM, AND PEE! I'M COMING TO MAKE YOU TEETH!"

I threw the bow down and took the machete out of its sheath, as the first psycho came in to sight.

I raised the blade; barely managing to block the swipe of what I am fairly certain was a table leg, he swung again and I was able to dodge backwards before rushing at him with the blade.

I must have hit something important, because he stopped trying to kill me.

As I pushed him off the other one blindsided me and pushed me to the floor, raising a weapon that looked like a buzzsaw on a stick "I need another head for my merry-go-round" he yelled, pulling a lever on his buzzaxe, causing it to spin "YOURS IS PERFECT!"

I closed my eyes and held my hands out to try and do… something!

I felt a strange sensation and heard the crazed man scream.

I opened my eyes to see him twitching on the ground, and my hand giving off sparks.

W-what? How… did I?...

"Hey skaglick!" yelled a voice from the other side of the dune "if you surrender now maybe we'll just shoot ya!"

They were getting closer; I couldn't use the bow this close, who knows where the machete went, and I don't know how or even what I did to that psycho.

Maybe I could try to run past them, grab that first guy's gun and…

No…

I was doomed, plan and simple.

I closed my eyes waiting, for the inevitable and-

Another strange feeling, and when I opened my eyes I was next to the marauder's corpse.

H-how- no, don't think, just shoot.

I picked up the pistol, aiming as best I could at the men who hadn't yet noticed my disappearing act and…

BANG! BANG!

Twice more, I didn't miss.

The woman, who had apparently hidden behind her van when the bandits where focused on me, walked over "thanks for the save, I don't even want to think what those guys wer-"

I threw up.

After I was done she said "First time you killed a man? Just think about this kid, they were going to kill you, rape and kill me, steal my shit, and then go on to do the same thing to everyone they saw; you did the right thing"

I weakly muttered in agreement.

She nodded "good, go grab your stuff, and anything valuable those bastards had, a ride to the next town's the least I can do"

I nodded, doing as I was asked, before walking back to the van.

To my new life.

Hello, people who saw this fic and thought 'eh, I'll give it a read'! My name is Mgellan.

This weird little idea has been floating around in my head for about two years now, and I finally decided to write it down.

A few notes:

1: Yes, this is a self insert, if you don't like that, don't read, in fact, if you don't like anything in this story, don't read, I'm not forcing you or anything.

2: This is my first fic, so please don't hate too hard if it's a bit shit.

3: I'll try to get at least one chapter out every month (keyword: Try)

4: this is slight AU, it's still the borderlands universe, but I've added some things (like my strange powers, which will be explained at some point) or changed some things to make a bit more sense.

5: Yes, I (as in, me in the story) have played borderlands, no, I won't use my knowledge of the game's plot or anything like that, you'll see why.

6: I'm open to constructive criticism, but if you're just an arsehole, I will ignore the shit out of you.

7: just mentioning, I don't own borderlands, or Deadpool, I do, however, own a shirt with his logo on it. And it makes you feel SO sexy! GET OUT OF MY AUTHORS NOTES, WADE!

So, ya'know, review, follow and favourite if you like it, go read something else if you don't.

Later, mates!