Disclaimer: I do not own any of the NCIS or R&I characters. I also don't own the quote I got the title from.

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AN: So this is AU. It might be a tad confusing at first, but everything will get explained throughout the story. If I accidentally forget to explain something please point it out or if something doesn't make sense.

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Our deepest fear was not love... It was all that we could become of it... the good, the bad, and the uncontrolled.

-A.

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Maura carried the last box up to her room and set it on the bed. 'Never again' she thought. Moving with a clingy five year old with out any help from family was as difficult as it sounded. Sure she didn't have to uproot her life, but when your current life becomes unbearable what else is there to do. Changing her name might have been a little extreme. Maura knew if she didn't though Abby would definitely track her down. Her new name had been easy to come up with. Maura didn't doubt Abby's intelligence, but it was slim that she would looking into adoption records. Maura had simply choose to use the name her birthmother had given her before being forced to give Maura up. Maura whispered to herself, "Kate Todd no longer exist, but Maura Isles does."

"Mommy!" Her five year old yelled running into the room.

Maura swooped down and picked her up. "Tali how do you like the new house?"

"It big!" Tali exclaimed.

Tali had just turned five a month back in December. For her age she was on the smaller side which had concerned Maura at first. The doctor had reassured her that all kids were different and grew at their own pace. Tali looked like Maura in all but two ways. They shared the same smile, dark eyes, and brown hair. Their differences layed within the waves of Tali's hair and her tan complexion.

"Have you decided which room you want?" Maura asked.

The house had a bedroom down stairs and three up stairs. Maura had allowed Tali to pick from two of the room upstairs.

"The one with the seat," Tali replied.

Maura should of known Tali would pick the room with the bay window looking out over the city.

"I think that's an excellent choice," Maura said sitting Tali down on the bed.

She bent down so she could look Tali in the eyes. "Remember what we talked about?"

"My last name Isles now?" Tali asked.

Maura nodded. "Yes, so when people ask you what your name is what do you say?"

"Tali Loraine David-Isles," She replied proudly.

Maura gave her a big smile even though she felt like crying. She wished with everything that none of this had to happen, but NCIS had became to much for her.

"I say all now?" Tali asked.

Maura gave her another nod. "Yes, sweetie you can say all of it now."

With the exception of Gibbs and Jenny no one knew about Maura's personal life. They knew about Tali, but they didn't know much past that. She wondered if Gibbs would tell them why she left. That having to hear them talk about how Ziva deserved to die for lying and putting them in danger. It wasn't Ziva's fault that her half-brother had targeted the team. If anything it was her own fault. She knew Ari had liked her and dating his sister had been a huge betrayal. He had wanted her and Ziva to suffer and the team had been their family. 'Some family' she thought.

They didn't understand how the guilt ate at every cell in her body. She was supposed to die up on the roof. Both of them were. She'd took Ziva's bullet to the vest and Ziva had taken her's in the chest. Ziva had lived long enough to say she loved her and Tali. Gibbs had to drag Maura away as she cursed at what ever was out there listening. She was still crying when Ducky and Tony arrived on the roof. Tony had told them Ari had gotten away. Maura had instantly tried to get out of Gibbs grasp yelling she was going to 'kill that bastard'. When the others had found out Kate had also been shot they instantly blamed Ziva. They'd always had a problem trusting Ziva because of her past.

Maura had been surprised that Tali had never slipped up. Only Gibbs had made the connection between Maura and Ziva. Well more he'd shown up at her house after to check on her when she'd called in because Tali was sick. Ziva had answered the door and all the pieces finally fit in Gibbs' head.

"Mommy we gonna see Grandma and Grandpa any more?" Tali asked frowning.

Maura joined Tali on the bed. "I don't know about Grandpa, but Grandma said she'll come visit."

Maura had only told Jenny where she was going, but she knew Gibbs would find away to get Jenny to tell him. Maura had only told Jenny and Gibbs she was even leaving. She knew it wasn't right, but she needed a clean break.

"I miss Ima," Tali sighed snuggling into Maura's side.

Maura wrapped her arms around Tali. "I do too."

"Mommy?" Tali looked up.

"What Tali?" Maura questioned.

"Why Ima have to go?" Tali asked.

Maura had tried her best to explain it to Tali before, but the five year old couldn't fully understand why her Ima was there one day and gone the next.

"Tali you know how Ima and I helped catch bad guys?"

Tali nodded.

"Well Ima was trying to catch a bad guy, but he got to her before she could catch him," Maura explained.

"Did you get him mommy?" Tali asked.

"Yes, I got him sweetie," Maura answered.

Tali smiled. "Ima would have liked that."

"She would, wouldn't she," Maura spoke.

"Yes," Tali replied with a yawn.

Maura stood picking the box up she'd set on the bed early as she did. "I think it's bed time."

Tali was to tired to protest as Maura picked her up. "Let's get you in your PJs."

"Kay mommy," Tali whispered.

It took a few minutes of searching, but Maura finally found pajamas for the both of them. It didn't take long before they were both in dreamland.

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Maura poured herself a cup of coffee. "Mommy," Tali called walking into the kitchen.

"Morning sweetie," Maura spoke.

"When you work mommy?" Tali asked climbing onto the dining chair.

Maura carried her coffee and Tali's breakfast over to the table. "I start next Monday. We have a whole week to unpack and do what ever you want."

Before working for the secret service Maura has actually worked as an ME. Ari and her had met in medical school. She went to Israel with him and that's where she met Ziva. They'd fell in love and Ziva left Mossad so they could return to the states together. When Maura had first looked into moving to Boston she found an open position for an ME at BPD.

"We paint my room?" Tali asked.

Maura nodded. "We can do that today. What color would you like?"

"Purple!" Tali answered excitedly.

Maura laughed. "I should of known that."

"Blue too," Tali added.

"We can paint your room blue and purple. We'll go get the paint after breakfast," Maura told Tali getting her own plate.

Tali smiled as she drank her orange juice.

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Tony and McGee both eyed Kate's empty desk. The elevator opened. Tony jumped up expecting to see Kate, but instead Abby and Ducky stepped out.

"Gibbs told us to meet up here," Abby spoke.

Jenny and Gibbs walked down from her office.

"What's with the meeting Boss?" McGee asked.

Tony didn't let him answer. "Boss Kate's not here yet."

"DiNozzo don't interrupt," Jenny scolded.

Gibbs took a sip of his coffee. "Kate resigned."

Everyone was shocked.

Tony saw red. "It's because Ziva's brother tried to kill her," His tone was obviously bitter.

Abby was hurt. "Why didn't she tell us?"

"Because she was hurting. Kate needed a fresh start," Gibbs explained.

"This is all Ziva's fault. Kate left cause Ari targeted her. Ziva lied and put the team in danger," Tony spat.

Jenny quickly came to her defense. "Ziva and Kate lied to protect the team. You will not speak badly of Ziva or Kate. It was not Ziva's fault Ari wanted both of them dead. Kate didn't leave because Ari targeted her. She left because she was grieving and all you guys did was talk badly about her dead fiancee. Try explaining to a five year old her Ima isn't coming back. That same five year old had to hear her family talk badly about her mother. If I was Kate I would have left too!"

By the time she was finished every one was in shock. Tony couldn't even get words out.

"Wait so they were together?" McGee asked

Gibbs nodded. "They were. We believe Ari targeted them because he had fallen in love with Kate first. Both of them were supposed to die on that roof, but by trying to protect Ziva Kate saved herself," Jenny spoke.

"So that means Tali was their daughter?" Abby asked.

"Tali," Tony stated, "I should have known. That was Ziva's sister name."

"Why didn't they tell us?" Abby questioned.

"At first to prove that their relationship wouldn't interfere with their work. Then you guys always acted colder towards Ziva because you didn't trust her. They thought it was best people didn't know," Jenny explained.

"How long were they together?" Ducky asked.

Jenny thought for a moment. "I'm not exactly sure, but they've known each other for around ten years. They met during Kate's last year of college. I do know they didn't officially get together till after Kate was out of school though."

Abby and Tony suddenly felt awful for everything bad they had said about Ziva. "Kate's really gone?" Tony whispered.

"She wanted a fresh start," Gibbs repeated moving to his desk.