AN: So…instead of finishing the gazillion things I've already working on, I'm starting something new. Go figure. But unlike my other projects, when, how often, and what I write will be dependent on you, the reader.

Yes, that's right. Sarcasticles is taking requests. The idea is that you guys will push me to expand my horizons a little, and hopefully have a little bit of fun along the way. But first, some ground rules:

1. I'm looking specifically to write about different head-canons people have regarding the series, as in little quirks, idiosyncrasies, and bits of backstory that are never confirmed nor denied by Oda, things that will likely never be relevant but you still hold to with the fire of a thousand suns. More traditional prompts are great and all, but will most likely be ignored.

2. No romance. There are precious few ships I care about, and there's enough badly written love stories out there without me adding my two cents. Exceptions will be made for canon ships and things that can be interpreted as friendship, but please keep in mind the T rating before asking for something.

3. AU and crossovers are okay, but I have to be familiar with the other work, and I am woefully behind on pop culture these days.

4. Nothing is too obscure or goofy. I have an entire head-canon regarding a character who is shown in exactly in one panel and was only named in a databook. If there's something serious you want me to write, ask. If there's something funny, ask and I'll try not to mess it up too badly. The worst I can say is no. Again, this is a way for me to expand how I think about the characters and stretch my writing muscles.

5. If you leave a request in a review, please also take the time to write out some sort of critique. Artificially inflated review counts annoy me. Another option is just to PM me directly with your idea.

6. Be polite. This should go without saying, but then again, so should a lot of things. I hold the last say over what prompts I accept and the timetable with which I write them. Rudeness and pestering will cause me to ignore you completely.

That's all for now. Thanks for reading through that ridiculously long note, and without further ado, here's chapter one!

Head-canon: Luffy is a Hufflepuff (found floating around on TvTropes), plus the Houses of the rest of the Straw Hats (courtesy of yours truly)

The Great Hall was quiet as the seconds ticked by and the petulant boy sat impatiently under the brim of the old, black hat. From dais where the professors sat an old man with a wild head of curly dark hair checked his watch. Five minutes and counting. It was the longest Hatstall he'd heard of this decade, and certainly the longest he'd been physically present for. It brought to mind names like Minerva McGonagall and Filius Flitwick, and the professor couldn't help but chuckle. If this boy was anything like the other members of his family, it was no wonder the Sorting Hat was having a difficult time of it.

"What's so funny, Brook?" one of his colleagues asked.

"Yohoho, it's nothing. Just remembering my own sorting, that's all," Professor Brook said.

"Don't we all at this time of year?" the other said, before returning his eyes to where the boy was now picking his nose in boredom.

xxx

'What's this, eh? Music? Not the usual sort of pursuit for a wizard, is it?'

It's what I like, Brook thought as hard as he could. He knew that most people thought it was stupid, but he didn't care. He loved the violin and piano, and would have liked nothing more than to pursue his musical studies at home.

'No need to shout,' the Sorting Hat said, somewhat grouchily. 'I spend three-quarters of the year writing one song. If my makers had half your talent, I'd get it done before Christmas. But despite your cleverness, I don't think Ravenclaw would suit you. No, with a heart like that it's best to go…'

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

xxx

Seated amongst the usual group of seventh-year troublemakers, Franky had to snort when the little pipsqueak taking forever to get Sorted complained loudly that the whole process was taking too long and that he was hungry. With a mouth like that he was Gryffindor material for sure.

"Hey, boss, what do you think?" Kiwi snickered. "Kid's got guts talking to the Hat like that. Think he's got any potential?"

"Too soon to tell, but if he takes much longer we may have to rustle his jimmies on principle. There wasn't any damn cola on the train, and it'd be especially unsuper to die of dehydration before I got any chance to cause any trouble."

The members of the so-called Franky Family laughed, but their leader didn't pay much attention. He was too busy sizing up the little firstie who couldn't decide what House he wanted to be in. He couldn't figure it out, but there was something about the kid reminiscing of himself at that age.

xxx

'Well. This was unexpected.'

"What do you mean, you dumb hat?"

The professor in charge of the Sorting gave Franky a warning glare, which he promptly ignored. Whoever heard of something so ridiculous as choosing a person's House by a frikking Hat? Of all the barmy, random, old-fashioned ways to pick…

'I can hear you, you know,' the Hat reminded him. 'I think we can rule out Slytherin. Ambition aside, you've not got the guile.'

Are you making fun of me? Franky asked incredulously.

'Not at all.' His tone was unconvincing, and he quickly changed the subject. 'Let's see here…good mind. Surprisingly good mind, with more than enough bravado to spare. Driven to prove yourself, yet loyal. Interesting. You're not one to let anyone forget your name, are you?'

"Damn straight," Franky said through grit teeth.

'Well that settles that. Seems to me that you're a…'

"GRYFFINDOR!"

xxx

Having lost interest in the proceedings long before Monkey D. Luffy came to the stool to be sorted, Robin Nico was drawn from her book as her classmates began to murmur to themselves loudly enough that she could no longer concentrate. In their excitement someone accidentally bumped her with their elbow, and her first reaction was to reach for her wand.

"Watch it, Mudblood," Spandam sneered. He adjusted his silver prefect badge so that it was in an even more obvious position on his chest. "Or you'll be the first student in history to lose House points before the year's even begun!"

Robin closed her eyes and resisted the urge to inform him that, technically speaking, the school year started the moment they arrived to Hogwarts, and in 1574 an unfortunate student by the name of Maximillian Truffet had the misfortune of losing fifty points for Hufflepuff during the middle of summer vacation, so he was wrong on both accounts, thank you very much.

Of course, it did no good to argue with power-hungry prefects, and life was difficult enough without getting on Spandam's bad side before the Welcoming Feast.

With a wistful sigh, she gazed enviously at the first year that had everyone in such a titter. If she had a chance of doing it all again, could things have turned out differently? Would she still have gone through her school years alone and miserable and friendless?

There was no way of telling, and it did no good to dwell on it. Ignoring her surroundings, Robin resumed her reading.

xxx

'There's no need to be afraid. Your secrets are safe with me.'

The Hat's voice was gentle, almost kind, but Robin couldn't bring herself to believe it. At the end of the day it was nothing more than a magical artifact, a created tool with no real agency of its own. With the right resources it could be tampered with, taken apart, or even destroyed. That was simply one of the facts of life.

Please, let's just get this over with, Robin said, squeezing her eyes closed to keep the bad memories away, memories that she knew were now being picked apart and analyzed against her will.

'Of course. Three years ago I would have sent you to Ravenclaw, no questions asked. Your mind…it really is quite spectacular. But you don't want knowledge for knowledge's sake. Not anymore.'

Robin's stomach clenched, and she had to fight the urge to cry.

'You're willing to go to any lengths to find what you're looking for,' the Hat mused. 'In Slytherin you could find friends that would help you achieve greatness.'

Greatness she could do without, but Robin would have done anything for a friend. The Sorting Hat sensed her agreement, and the rip along its brim opened wide to bellow out,

"SLYTHERIN!"

xxx

Tony Chopper was more concerned with not getting squished than the Hatstall. After being Sorted he'd somehow gotten seated between two burly seventh years that were almost twice his size. He was afraid that if he so much as twitched he'd be smashed flat, but he was more afraid of saying something and getting noticed.

Thankfully someone else spoke for him.

"Hey, Roux, scoot down a little bit and let the kid breathe," the long-haired boy seated to his right drawled as he watched the spectacle that developing in front of them. The seventh year looked so utterly confident in his own body, and Chopper felt a pang of jealousy.

"Sorry Benn! Didn't see him there!" Roux moved down a few inches. "And sorry to you, too. What did you say your name was?"

All attention was now on Chopper, and he almost felt like hyperventilating. "Ch-Chopper. My name is Tony Chopper."

"Glad to meet you," Roux said with a grin that threatened to split his face in two. "And welcome to Hogwarts."

xxx

'Hmm.'

Chopper didn't know what "hmm" meant. Everyone was watching him, seeing first-hand how pale and peaky he was during the week of the waning gibbous. He was lucky that the transformation had occurred just before he was scheduled to go to Hogwarts, but his luck would last him less than a month. Healer Kureha was convinced no one would find out about his…problem…but they'd thought that in the past and been wrong. Even the development of the Wolf's Bane potion did little to ease the stigma he'd been faced with his whole life, and he was so afraid he didn't even know how to put his fear into words.

But with the Sorting Hat, he didn't have to. 'Not Gryffindor, although if I had hands I would applaud your courage to come to school with your condition. Nor Slytherin, I think. Your dream of finding a cure is ambitious enough, but I sense a certain lack of…astuteness.'

What? Chopper asked.

'Salazar's House is no home to the gullible,' the Hat said cryptically. 'Helga always was one to take in outsiders, but in this case I believe Rowena herself would have chosen you as one of her own.'

Um, what? Chopper asked again.

"RAVENCLAW!"

xxx

Sanji sat sullenly at his seat, drumming his fingers against the table as he waited for the moment he found out whether or not food at Hogwarts was all that it was cracked up to be. His day had taken a turn for the shitty, and he wasn't sure even the famed Welcoming Feast could help.

"Why the long face?" a boy a few years older than him asked. Sanji spared him half a glance, and had to sneer at his fashion sense. Underneath the customary black robes he wore a pastel blue shirt and hot-pink tie that clashed horribly with the makeup on his face. It was quite possibly the gayest thing he'd ever seen, and he turned his back moodily.

"I can't believe I got Sorted into this shitty House."

The other boy was silent for a moment. "You aren't the first to be disappointed," he began slowly, "but, forgive me for being so blunt, I think you're putting too much into appearances and reputation. Think about the traits of our House: hard work, diligence, loyalty. It is an honor to be described as such, truly it is."

Sanji bit back a caustic remark and slumped in his seat. "Yeah, I guess."

"That's the spirit!" The boy extended his hand and a freakishly enthusiastic smile spread across his face, threatening to blind whoever looked at it directly. "Name's Betham."

"Sanji," he replied, pointedly ignoring the extended hand. He may have been stuck in the shittiest of Houses, but damn him where he stood if he was going to look like a dork on the first day of school. "Pleased to meet you."

xxx

'Aha. I think I have it.'

Sanji sat up a little straighter on the stool, proudly waiting to be declared a Gryffindor, or maybe a Ravenclaw. Precious few eleven year olds had endured the hell he had and lived to tell the tale, and if that didn't count as brave, he didn't know what did.

'Not so fast,' the Sorting Hat said. 'You've courage, certainly you have courage, but I think your loyalty and dedication to hard work deserves consideration. Gryffindor's tend to be a proud lot, but you…"

The shitty Hat's voice trailed off, and Sanji grit his teeth. "What?" he said, forgetting for a moment that he didn't need to speak out loud for the Sorting Hat to understand.

What? Sanji repeated, leering into a knot of snickering Ravenclaws that had heard faux pas.

'I think we both know how you see yourself,' the Hat said. 'There are those who sacrifice solely to bolster their own reputations, and those whose sacrifice is devoid of recklessness and showboating. No, it's clear to me you're a…'

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

xxx

"Come on," Usopp whispered to himself as the Sorting Hat continued to deliberate on Luffy's placement. He hadn't realized until the Sorting began how much he wanted them to be in the same House. Oh the fun they'd get into! Usopp could imagine all the brilliant capers he'd be able to pull off with the scraggly youth by his side, plus he'd said something on the train about knowing Usopp's dad. Everyone knew that people in different Houses couldn't be friends, and Usopp desperately wanted to let Luffy fill one of the vacancies left by his friends back home.

"Come on, come on, come on," Usopp repeated, impatiently tapping his foot as he did so. This had no apparent effect on the Sorting Hat, and only seemed to annoy the boy sitting next to him.

"Do you know him?" the green-haired boy asked. His arms were crossed in apparent disinterest, but Usopp could tell he was as curious as the rest of them.

"Not really," Usopp said, momentarily forgetting he was talking to a really buff, scary-looking dude who could probably curse him with the power of his glare alone. Now that he thought about it, the green hair was probably an indication of a basilisk ancestor. Best to tread lightly. "We met on the train."

The boy snorted. "Yeah, me to." When he didn't elaborate, Usopp forced himself to lean back and try to play it cool, although he couldn't have felt antsier if he were sitting on a hill of actual ants.

They had to be in the same House. Usopp didn't know what he would do if they weren't.

xxx

Not Hufflepuff, Usopp begged the moment the Sorting Hat touched the crown of his head. Please, I'll do anything, just don't put me in Hufflepuff.

'Nervous, are we?' the Hat asked. Usopp could have sworn he sounded amused. 'Never fear, you are many things, but a Hufflepuff is not one of them.'

Oh. Good.

'You, a Hufflepuff. The very thought,' the Sorting Hat chortled to himself.

Hey! I could be a great Hufflepuff! Usopp thought defensively. It's just…I don't want to be.

'No, you're afraid to be. You want to be noticed. Appreciated. Looked up to. You're afraid of falling into anonymity, or worse, ridicule. Well, you needn't have worked yourself into such a state, because as a rule Hufflepuff is known for its honesty. Which you aren't,' the Hat said, adding insult to injury. 'But Slytherin…'

NOT SLYTHERIN, Usopp shouted inside his own head, interrupting the irritating Hat mid-thought. Slytherin's worse than Hufflepuff! They're full of Dark wizards and bigoted Purebloods. I'm allergic to Slytherins. If I even go near one I'll get sick and die!

As Usopp's rant wound down, he got the distinct impression that the Sorting Hat was laughing at him. 'Well then. It seems like you have something in mind. Go on, say it. What House do you think you should be placed in?'

Usopp squirmed in his seat. He knew he wasn't smart enough for Ravenclaw nor evil enough to be a snake. Deep, deep, deep inside he knew he was a small, insignificant Hufflepuff. But he could never be honest with himself enough to admit it out loud.

'Sometimes,' the Sorting Hat said, almost sympathetically, 'a wizard is Sorted based on what he wants to become, not what he is at that moment. They need only be brave enough to ask.'

I-I want…Usopp almost faltered, but taking a steading breath he gathered ever tiny scrap of courage he could find. I want to be a Gryffindor.

He could feel the Hat smiling at him, which to be honest was kind of a freaky sensation. 'There are those born with courage to spare, and there are those who must find it within themselves in difficult situations. Personally, I find the latter to be the more valiant sort. Very well, if that's what you want…'

"GRIFFINDOR!"

xxx

Nami took a break from staring at the weirdo who seemed to have broken the Sorting Hat to size up her new classmates. The vast majority wore tailor-fit robes and shiny new shoes in the latest style, and for a moment she felt self-conscious in her second-hand clothes and hand-me-down wand.

She quickly quashed that feeling. She was just as worthy of her seat as they were, and based on the little she'd overheard more talented than a few of them. They underestimated her at their own risk.

Aside from one upper year with her nose stuck in a book, her House seemed focused on Monkey D Luffy. Nami almost told the kid sitting next to her that she'd met him at the train station, and, trust her, he was no threat, but at the last minute she snapped her mouth closed. Knowledge was power. It was good to stay in the habit of keeping things for herself, that way she'd be in practice when something truly important came along.

Besides, there was something different about Monkey D Luffy. He was as thick as they came, but his eyes…there was a sharpness to them that put Nami on guard.

Feigning nonchalance, Nami settled back in her seat and continued to take inventory of the situation through hooded eyes. If she was going to succeed throughout the year she needed to be ready for whatever came her way.

xxx

Are you sure? Nami asked plaintively.

'Quite sure,' the Sorting Hat said.

Damn. I was holding out for Ravenclaw.

'You've the mind for it,' the Hat admitted. 'But your goals at this time don't line up with the Ravenclaw ideal. Ambition, cunning, self-preservation…The world sees these as negative traits, but they need not be. There's no doubt about it, you're best suited for…'

"SLYTHERIN!"

xxx

It was so hard to wait patiently. Zoro wanted to know right that second if the kid with the goofy smile was going to be his ally, his enemy, or somewhere in-between. They'd gotten along pretty well on the train—idiocy aside, the guy was funny—but Zoro wasn't going to let anybody get in the way of his goal to be the greatest duelist the world had ever known. It was good he'd found out that Luffy knew his way around a fight so early. It kept Zoro from wasting time trying to befriend him.

Would he be like Kuina, a sworn rival that he could respect? Or was he more like Helmeppo, who brandished his power recklessly to intimidate innocents? Zoro couldn't tell, and that made Monkey D Luffy dangerous.

He'd find out soon enough. At least he hoped he would. How long did it take a hat to make up its mind, anyway? Or maybe Luffy was so stupid there wasn't enough brain matter to work with, and they'd be stuck here all day.

Zoro chuckled at the thought as he leaned back in his seat. He would be patient, no matter how long it took.

xxx

'A refreshingly simple case,' the Sorting Hat said contentedly. 'Although I suppose there's a little wiggle room for argument, should you have a preference one way or the other.'

I don't care what my damn House is, Zoro groused. Nothing's going to keep me from being the best.

'Spoken like a true…'

"GRYFFINDOR!"

xxx

The minutes ticked by. The Great Hall had gone from unnaturally silence, to humming with anticipation, and was now back to quiet. A good-natured Hufflepuff shouted that they should just flip a galleon and be done with it before being hushed by one of his peers. The show in front of them ceased to be a mere Sorting long ago; it had become entertainment.

It wasn't helped by Luffy's complete lack of self-awareness. Most children caught on to the fact that they need only think for the Hat to understand them. Never one to censor himself in such a way, Luffy proceeded to carry on a rather one-sided conversation with one of Hogwarts most prized treasures.

"I want my own hat back!" he pouted, causing more than a few to gasp at his audacity. He tilted his head as apparently the Sorting Hat spoke to him, confusion crossing over his features. There was something familiar about the look that made it obvious he wore it quite often, and finally he grinned.

"Oh, so you're a mystery hat! That's cool, I guess."

From their corner of the Great Hall, the Ravenclaws sighed. It was obvious that whatever House Monkey D Luffy entered, it was not going to be theirs.

More time passed, and Luffy began to fidget in the stool. Apparently the Hat continued his conversation with the strange boy, because suddenly he burst out laughing.

"Shishishi! Yeah, I broke into the kitchen on the train. I just wanted to find some meat, and the stupid lady wouldn't sell me any."

The professors narrowed their eyes in unison as they identified a potential troublemaker, and the Slytherins groaned. No one in their House would admit to wrongdoing so easily.

At this, the Gryffindors began to stir with excitement. It seemed obvious that the boy was one of their own: bold, outspoken, afraid of no authority…the only question was why it was taking so long. A few of the students remembered their own Sortings, and knew if the kid would just ask, chances were he would tip the Hat in their favor. Everyone knew that Gryffindor was the most well-thought of and famous of the four Houses, Hufflepuff the least. Anyone who was anyone would choose the lion over the badger, and be proud to have done so.

Or so it seemed, because Luffy never said a word one way or the other. He continued to spout his side of a conversation that was quickly becoming incomprehensible without the correct context (and possibly with the correct context, depending on how dumb the kid really was).

Finally a strange, pensive look flashed across Luffy's eyes, and he became uncharacteristically serious. "I don't care about any of that stuff. I just want to have an adventure."

The Gryffindor's grinned amongst themselves. Surely that would seal the deal.

"But first I've gotta find some friends," he added as an afterthought. "An adventure isn't any fun without any friends."

And at that, the rip at the base of the Sorting Hat widened, and he bellowed louder than he had in years, surprising everyone in the castle. Everyone, except maybe Professor Brook, who had been around long enough to have learned a thing or two about the importance of loyalty and comradery to his beloved House.

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

AN: And here's chapter one. Kind of an odd place to start, I know, but the idea hit me out of the blue and I decided to run with it. Fun fact: My computer recognizes Gryffindor as a word, but none of the other houses. Talk about bias.

I've got a head-canon or two that I think would be fun to pursue, but as I said previously, I would like some ideas from you guys. It's more fun that way. And since I know Sorting is Very Serious Business to some people, here is my defense of my choices:

Brook: Seems obvious to me that he'd be Hufflepuff. Not brainy enough for Ravenclaw nor brave enough for Gryffindor nor sneaky enough for Slytherin, he'd fall into Hufflepuff by default. Plus music is known to bring people together, which fits the all-inclusive theme of the House

Franky: Also seems pretty obvious he's a Gryffindor, although at times he brings out the worst of the Gryffindor house with his showboating and recklessness. Definitely smart enough to be a Ravenclaw (the guy rebuilt himself into a cyborg with little to no knowledge of the human body for crying out loud) but his smarts is an aspect that Oda doesn't often draw attention to.

Robin: Probably my most controversial choice, but if you're trying to make parallels with the manga, having her be an outcast in Slytherin would fit her character arc beautifully. Robin shows better than any other Straw Hat that what House a person is Sorted in depends greatly on where they are in their lives. Kid!Robin and StrawHat!Robin both suit Ravenclaw, but BaroqueWorks!Robin screams Slytherin, at least to me.

Chopper: Perhaps also a little controversial, as I could see a little bit of Hufflepuff in our favorite reindeer, but he's also pretty damn smart in his own right, and if Robin is a Slytherin I had to have someone represent Ravenclaw, and no one else fit the bill. I also made him a werewolf as a parallel to the ostracism he received in the manga.

Sanji: I could also see him as a Gryffindor, but I can't overlook the fact he spent ten years ignoring his own dream to settle a debt that no one else believed he owed. It's hidden, but Sanji is always putting other's needs before his own, a very Hufflepuff trait. Plus he's the buttmonkey of the manga, and Hufflepuff has the reputation as the buttmonkey House, so it seems to fit on a more meta level as well.

Usopp: Totally a Gryffindor and no one will convince me otherwise. He's a normal guy in a world full of badasses, and as early as Syrup Island he was fighting for a cause he believed in even though he knew he was hopelessly outmatched. If that's not courage I don't know what is.

Nami: If circumstances beyond her control drove Robin to a Slytherin mindset, Nami is a Slytherin by nature. As time goes on, she shows the more positive characteristics of the House.

Zoro: Again, totally a Gryffindor, with some shades of Hufflepuff as the series progresses. He's got honor, courage, and valor to spare. There's great ambition, yes, but he's too much of a meathead to fit in a House full of schemers.

Luffy: A tossup between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff. I've seen him speculated as a Slytheirn as well, but I don't get that. Sure he wants to be the King of the Pirates, but why? For the adventure. He didn't set out to change the world, the world is changing because of his unyielding loyalty to his crew and friends.

Which is why, in the end, I think Luffy's a Hufflepuff. When he first met Ace, he followed him around for who knows how long because he didn't want to be lonely anymore. He wants to be the strongest so he can protect those he cares about. When Luffy was a kid he was a crybaby and a scaredy-cat who trained himself to be the monster he is today so that he would never lose someone who was precious to him ever again. A Gryffindor would want credit for all the crap he's accomplished, Luffy couldn't care less.

Loyalty. Inclusiveness. Not afraid of hard work. These are the values Hufflepuff embraces, and to me anyway, they make up the core of Luffy's personality. And some food for thought: Luffy came out of the weakest of the four Blues, wouldn't it be fitting if he were sorted to the "least" of the Houses?

That's my thoughts, at least. Tell me what you think, give me an idea or two, and we'll see where this project takes me. If nothing else, it'll be an adventure.