Notes: It's nearly midnight here, but I did it. I finished this on time for Sonic's birthday. At first, I was going to do a meaningful oneshot full of flashbacks and nostalgia, but I've been thinking about this idea for a while so I just went with it. I will say that I do know how the Sonic Simulator in Colors works, but I've taken certain liberties in this fic just to make it flow smoothly.

Anyway, happy birthday Sonic! Have this terrible attempt at humor and here's to 25 more!

Forward!

Trapped!

A Sonic Colors fanfiction

Tails is walking behind Sonic in Aquarium Park when the hedgehog finds it. Sonic, who is jogging at a normal walking speed because he's feigning a rush, sees the arcade cabinet and stops. Dead stop. He glances back at Tails with wide eyes and Tails can see the cogs turning in his head. When Tails shakes his head and tries to open his mouth to say, No, we have aliens to save, Sonic is already moving. He picks one leg up, knee bent ninety degrees, and puts it down very pointedly in the direction of the machine.

EGGMAN'S SONIC SIMULATOR it says in large yellow, block letters. There are two gamepads built into the machine's flat top, each with a large joystick and two buttons and what looks a foot pedal recessed in the front paneling. Sonic stares at it critically for a few seconds with a furrowed brow before very gingerly tapping one of the buttons.

The screen fades to black before showing a character select screen with the words INSERT CREDITS superimposed over it. Sonic's brow furrows even further, far enough that Tails swears he's impairing his own vision, and he pulls a ring out and tries to push it into the intake slot.

The ring is too small to fit, so Tails isn't surprised when it falls right out the change slot, but Sonic is for some reason. He scoffs and demands, "What do you want, machine?" as if the cabinet is a rude relative at a family reunion and not some distraction Eggman cooked up. (He knew Sonic would go for it too, the conniving genius, because Sonic is attracted to his own name, especially when it's in a video game.)

Sonic initiates a stare off with the game and Tails already knows where this is going. They could be here all day because Sonic is hard headed at the best of times and concrete stubborn at the worst. The fox sighs and glances around before spying a bench nearby. He very slowly starts to edge toward it.

"Tails!" Sonic whips around and levels an angry pointer finger at him. "You're smart!" He slices his other hand at the game. "Make it work!"

Tails glances up and to the right, as if he's thinking, before shrugging. "Got nothing. Time to move on. Remember, we have aliens to save and—"

"Tails," Sonic's voice is deadly serious, "all heroes need a rest. If I don't get mine, how will I save anyone?"

Tails rolls his eyes and turns his back on Sonic, just to make a statement. "Yeah, well, I need mine. Don't ask me questions because that'll require using my brain and I'm on break."

Sonic huffs but knows not to push Tails, so he just makes an angry sound and swings back around to the simulator. Tails leverages himself onto the bench and prepares to wait a long time.

...

Around hour five, Sonic figures out that the machine takes red rings. Tails has to resist the urge to scream "Hallelujah!" at the top of his lungs. He feeds the larger red rings in and makes an angry sound that makes Tails glance up. "Ten?! This is a rip-off!"

Regardless of his kvetching, he speeds through the character selection screen, picking his own blue face and knocking the speed bar all the way to max. "I have no idea what the limiter is," he mutters as he smashes the start button.

A level select screen shows up next, with seven small, multi-colored sprites extended across the screen. Sonic lets out a small noise of joy. "They look like the Emeralds!" he cries as he selects the only level available—1-1.

His character materializes in a green, blocky world, and it has what looks like robot parts superimposed on it. Tails learns forward a bit to get a better look at the screen, and the robot makes a robot noise, which makes Sonic clap his hands and grin.

"I'm a robot! Oh, Tails! This is cool!"

Tails can't tell if Sonic is being serious or not, but he decides to humor him in case he is. "You do know that there's already a robot version of you..."

"Ssh, Tails. I'm trying to concentrate." He pushes the joystick forward, collects some rings, and runs right into an Eggpawn. "What the—!" he yells, and then looks surprised by his own voice. "That came out of nowhere!"

"Try jumping," Tails advises, pointing at the buttons on the console.

Sonic taps one softly with a finger and the character flies into the air in a ball. He gasps lightly. "I jumped!"

Tails sighs and decides to go get food. Sonic's going to need it.

...

When he returns, Sonic is very proudly standing in front of the cabinet with his arms akimbo on his hips. "I did it," he declares.

"How long have you been standing like that?" Tails sets the food, two burgers and some fries, on the bench trying not to give Sonic the attention he wants. He doesn't need to enable him anymore than he already does.

"Doesn't matter." Sonic's reply is quick, so Tails knows it's probably been a good ten minutes.

He decides not to antagonize Sonic any more than he has to. "Why aren't you still playing?"

"I need more red rings."

"I'm not getting them for you."

"I wasn't going to ask you to. You have the pouch."

"Oh." Tails tries not to feel embarrassed as he produces the pouch and hands it out to his friend. "Don't spend it all in one place."

Sonic clicks his tongue and winks at Tails. "You know me better than that."

...

It occurs to Sonic around hour seven to ask Tails to play.

"You know..." he begins as he pounds the buttons, "this is a two player game. I can add you after I beat this."

Tails, who very much doesn't want to play, makes a vague no noise and gestures vaguely at his tablet. "I gotta... Um... Translator. Yacker... You know..."

Sonic sniffs. "If you don't want to play, you can just say."

...

The first time Sonic dies, it's to a stray laser ball that's aimlessly floating through the air. Having just previously losing all his rings to a stationary enemy, he then plows straight into the energy sphere and goes very quiet. Tails glances up to see him respawn at a checkpoint and can't help but bark a "Ha!" at Sonic's expense.

"The laser is magnetic," Sonic grumbles as an excuse, "and I'm a robot."

"Lasers aren't magnetic."

"They are. I just proved it."

"No you were just... laser guided to death."

"Tails, I want you to sit very quietly on your bench and think about what you just did while I kick this level's ass."

...

The level kicks his ass. He gets a game over and Tails barks a laugh again, breaking his self-imposed silence, or at least that's what he tells himself.

"This is stupid. Why am I playing this?" he says as he digs into the pouch to get more red rings. "And I can't believe Eggman created his own currency for this game."

"All to waste your time."

"All to waste my time," Sonic parrots cheerily. He shoves the rings into the intake, but they don't go in. "Now what's wrong with you, buddy?" He taps the side of the cabinet like it's an old friend and Tails tries very hard not to make an offended noise. He has to remind himself that Sonic is in a talking-to-robots phase right now and to just let him go. It makes him feel better, not actually fighting Eggman and only dealing with his soulless creations, especially when he creates a special connection with them.

The machine boops at him and ten red rings appear in the change slot. Sonic's eyes light up, Tails can see it from where he's sitting, and he swoops down to collect them. "Jackpot!"

He shoves the new rings right back in and continues playing. He's on level 1-3, and he swears there's something special after this, if only because there's no space for any more levels under it.

...

Sonic has taken to humming the music. Once Tails realizes, it only gets on his nerves, but he doesn't say anything. If it helps Sonic concentrate and beat the game quicker, then who is Tails to judge him?

Still, when Sonic says, "Do you think Eggman will give me the soundtrack if I ask him?" Tails wants to clobber him. This is what he's thinking about instead of focusing on the game.

"You'd have to do it nicely," Tails shoots back in the most bitter voice he can manage.

"I'll say please." Then, Sonic goes right back to humming, leaving Tails with his thoughts again.

...

It's only a few more game overs and a couple zingers that even Tails's dead soul finds funny, number one being, "Ooh, it's a puzzle! This game has everything!" in the flattest voice possible, that Sonic beats the third level. He lets out a cheer and jumps and spins around with his fist pumped into the air. "I did it!"

Tails, who is playing Tetris, doesn't bother to look up, though he does hear the machine drone, "PRIZE DISPENSED" in a voice that sounds a lot like Eggman. There's a very loud thunk toward the foot pedal and Tails sees Sonic bend to grab it out the prize door.

Sonic goes quiet for a few seconds, and it's only after his shaky call of, "Tails..." that the fox finally looks away from his tablet. What he sees nearly makes his eyes pop out.

"Give me that," he demands, and Sonic slowly passes it over. Tails gingerly runs the scanner built into his tablet over the gem and it beeps at him. "The scanner says it's legit."

Sonic's face is an astounded cross between surprise and disbelief and he cups his hands to take the Emerald back. "You're telling me... I just won a Chaos Emerald..."

"Uh huh," Tails replies dumbly.

"Well," Sonic tosses the Emerald back into Tails's hands, "you know what that means."

Tails knows; he knows it so much he can feel the dread taking up residence in his stomach. He only shakes his head, trying to discourage Sonic.

The hedgehog cracks his knuckles and rolls his neck. "I have to win them all."

Tails groans.

...

Sonic is busily slapping the buttons like a trained seal, trying to get through level 2-2 while Tails is laying on his back, gazing at the Aquarium Park's dome through the facets of the Emerald, when the fox breaks the tense silence.

"You know Eggman had to collect all of these."

Sonic freezes, hand wrapping tightly around the joystick. On screen, his character nearly careens into a bottomless pit. "You mean the Emeralds?"

"Yeah, he probably got all seven and shoved them into that cabinet."

"I don't... understand... Eggman," Sonic pronounces as he looks back at the screen.

...

"What's to stop you from spindashing the cabinet and getting them out?"

"I can't spindash unless I have a spike wisp."

"Wha..." Tails gives him a very long, confounded look. He shakes his head. "I'm gonna... I need a break." He stands mechanically and marches away with no destination in mind.

...

When Tails comes back, a full day later, Sonic has two more Emeralds and he's still playing. He's practically glued to the machine at this point. He barely acknowledges Tails as he moseys up, though he does mumble, "The foot pedal controls the stomp," and demonstrates by slamming his foot on the pedal. Robo-Sonic crashes into the ground with a small shockwave.

"Handy," Tails mutters as he gathers the new Emeralds.

"No, it's footy," Sonic shoots back, barely moving his mouth.

Tails has to stop just to digest that but decides to give Sonic a pass. Any amount of video game playing would make anyone punchy, and Sonic has been playing for over twelve hours.

They sit in silence for a few seconds before Sonic offers, "Tried cracking open the cabinet. Was nearly shocked to death for my trouble."

"That's illuminating."

"Tails, I'm..."

...

It takes a few more hours, but Sonic manages to get one more Emerald. As he moves on to the next level after bowling the gem over to Tails, and the fox hears him choke.

He looks up to see him upending the red ring pouch and nothing falls out. Tails knows what's coming when Sonic turns to him and he beats his friend to the punch.

"No."

"What?! Tails! I was just—"

"I'm not getting you any red rings."

"I just... wanted you to come with me!"

"Nice save."

...

A whole week later, Sonic and Tails return to Aquarium Park's most remote corner loaded down with as many red rings as they could find. Sonic shoves them into the machine and Tails begrudgingly steps up to the second joystick.

Sonic's eyes light up and he tries very hard not to squeal; Tails can see him swallow the screech.

"I just think it's pathetic how you talk to the machines," he grumbles as an excuse.

Sonic shakes his head and selects two players from the menu. Luckily, it doesn't demand more red ring sacrifice.

"That button is jump," Sonic points at the raised circle and Tails slaps him away.

"Stop being a tutorial and select the level."

Sonic laughs and deftly maneuvers through the menu. As the level starts up, Tails feels the world narrow into only the game.

It takes two hours, lots of yelling, lots of Tails threatening to quit, and lots of teamwork, but they get the rest of the Emeralds. The first time Sonic goes Super, Tails can't help but feel a bloom of pride in his chest. It's been a while since he's been able to help Sonic get the Emeralds, so it feels good to do his part.

Then Sonic says, "Man, I feel super!" and Tails considers throwing himself at the game cabinet to end his own suffering.

I feel like I must apologize for the gratuitous overuse of puns, but I'm not going to.

Special thanks to my lovely gf Yami-sama42 for helping me with some of the dialogue. This fic wouldn't be half as funny without you!

Once again, happy 25th birthday Sonic!

Reviews are cherished. (Let me know your favorite joke!)