Title: Do Not Love A Monster
Author: Katie
Story Summary: Post Season One Finale. Kala and Wolfgang talk.
Spoilers: Season One
Ratings: PG
Pairing: KalaGang
Authors Note: This is my first Sense8 fic, please read/review
Distribution: Please! Just let me know.
Feedback: Please…Please!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything…at all…

She hasn't seen him since they sailed with Will and Riley; all of them, frightened and relieved in equal measure, visited long enough to assure themselves of their friend's safety and to promise to find a way to cure Will of Whispers. She had barley seen him then – she'd spent a long while feeling his eyes on her back and his nervous agitated energy surrounding her when finally, timing her movements with the sway of the boat, she stood and spun around to face him. Only by the time she turned, he was gone; she saw only a brief glance of the back of his head. She'd wanted to weep, but one look at Riley, cradling Will to her, reminded her that this could be much, much, worse.

After that, he'd blocked her out. She could still feel him faintly, like a marble bouncing around the back of her head, clambering against six others – the rest of their cluster. However, unlike the rest, she couldn't quite pull him forward; couldn't visit or share with him, no matter how hard or often she tried. And she tried often. Every once in a great while, when he felt a particularly strong emotion, she'd feel it too – as if he felt it too fast or too intensely to grab it before it reverberated out to the group – to her. She'd felt a stab of joy, so unadulterated and pure, that she'd been sure it came from Capheus until she was able to focus on it; Felix had made some progress and Wolfgang's joy at that brought her to tears.

He'd figured it out first – how to block the members of the cluster from himself. Sun was next, though she didn't utilize the new skill often, friendly faces being so rare for her. They could all do it now, though Kala found it gave her a headache and wondered idly if Wolfgang's head always hurt – if he found that preferable to seeing her.

At first, it infuriated Kala that he only blocked her – that the other members of the cluster could visit him, with almost no restriction. She'd cried into Capheus's shoulder during Van Damme while Lito promised her that Wolfgang was fine, that he'd checked in on him just that day. Later, she was thankful that she knew Wolfgang was okay, that he was talking to someone. Though, sometimes she'd sit on her bed or on the roof for hours, trying to connect with him. Always disappointed when she could not.

One day, about two weeks after the mansion, she was sitting at her family's kitchen table, typing on her laptop while her father watched the news (it was the most time she'd spent with a member of her family since telling them that she no longer intended to marry Rajan). She freezes when she hears his name – Bogdanow. The words 'savage shooting' and 'organized crime family' fill the family room while she stands, moving quietly to stand behind the couch, trying to get a better view of the television. They show a photograph of the damage the bomb – her bomb – did and she sucks in a breath so hard that her father turns to look at her. She smiles, trying to assuage his concern while the word 'murderer' bounces around in her head and she tried to reconcile it with herself, with Wolfgang. The photo on the television changes and at first she's thankful, and then she looks at all the little pictures, mostly mug shots, with names under them; pictures of the dead, the newscaster tells her – those who died in the mansion and directly after in retaliation.

She mumbles to her father about being sleepy and trips over herself in her haste to get to her room. She's able to close the door before she cries. It's the closest thing to a win she has for the day. She knows, logically, that Wolfgang and Felix are not dead. She can still feel the faint Wolfgang marble in the back of her head telling her that he's alive. If Felix had died, she'd have felt that pain from Wolfgang – she's sure of that. When she closes her eyes, all she can see is the little pictures of Wolfgang and Felix, counting them among the dead and all the logic in the world won't make them go away, so she calls frantically to the members of her cluster for help.

Lito is the first to arrive; he stands in front of her for less than a breath before promising to find out what's going on, kissing her forehead, and disappearing. The rest appear, one by one, taking seats around the room to wait with her – all except Wolfgang and Will.

When Lito returns, she stands and he smiles at her before explaining that Wolfgang knew people might be looking to retaliate, or pull him back into a life that he no longer wants to be a part of. So a friend at the coroner's office had listed his and Felix's names among the dead and another friend has procured them clean ID's and passports. "It's all okay" Lito promises as he hugs her. She nods against his chest "He said he's sorry, that he never thought you'd hear about -"

"Thank You" Kala cuts him off, taking a step back and pulling tears from her eyes. She smiles up and him and he nods back. They all stay for a while, talking mostly about Will and Whispers – Kala has been looking into a few drug combinations that appear promising, she wants desperately to find a way to banish Whispers from Will's mind, they all do. Riley is the first to leave, looking down at something they can't see and explaining with a sad smile that Will is starting to wake up. Soon, everyone is leaving, getting back to their lives. Nomi, however, lingers. Kala gives her a smile and raises inquisitive eyebrows. She does not know Nomi well, though she enjoys her company.

Kala sits on the edge of the bed and Nomi settles into the desk chair, pulling it up so they are face to face. She takes a deep breath before she speaks "He loves you" Nomi says simply, then nods a little before continuing, "I know how frustrating it is that he won't let you in…how much you hate that" she pauses, swallowing thickly, "But I also know what it's like to feel wholly unworthy". Nomi quiets and diverts her eyes as she shares a memory of her mother (Michael, jesus Christ, you look like a circus freak – wash that stuff off your face) followed by one of her classmates (finding a pair of heels stuffed in the back of his locker and tormenting the then young boy). Kala can't help but to reach out and pull Nomi into her arms, hugging her tightly. When they lean back, both have tears gathering in the corners of their eyes. "I know it's hard," Nomi clears her throat, smiling sadly, "but try to be patient with him…he'll come around" she nods a little before she disappears.

It's early, around 8:00 in the evening, but Kala is exhausted and she has a massive headache from crying, so she gathers a set of pajamas and heads towards the bathroom. She takes a steaming how shower, letting herself linger, before stepping out and drying herself. She dresses quickly and takes a few moments to brush out her unruly hair. She looks at herself in the mirror for a long moment before sighing, not finding whatever it is she was looking for, and crossing to her bed. She lies down with a soft sigh and closes her eyes.

When she opens her eyes again, she reads 1:07 AM on the fuzzy digital display of the clock. She blinks the sleep out of her eyes, thinking idly that this is what she gets for letting herself go to sleep so early. She's pushing her face back into the pillow – willing herself to get more sleep. It doesn't take long for her to realize that is not going to happen. So she sighs and reaches her arm out to grab the edge of her lap top, pulling it to her and turning herself into a sitting position – if she can't sleep she'll work on her research, on trying to find Whispers and keep him from WIll. She gasps when she sees him; he's leaning against the wardrobe on the other side of the room, watching her. They hear movement on the other side of her bedroom door, and before she even has time to think about it, she blinks and they are in Berlin.

She looks as him quizzically – it's the first time she's seen him in weeks and she wants to kiss him and hit him in equal measure. They're both standing now, on opposite sides of a very small room. It's a hotel, a cheap one, she realizes looking around. She wonders for a moment if this was an accident, if he didn't mean to let her visit. But she realizes that he would be trying to push her back out if that were the case, instead he looks as if he's been waiting on her. She closes her eyes and chews her bottom lip for a moment, trying to think and focus, before opening her eyes to look directly into his. She holds his gaze for a moment, for a long as she can before walking closer and wrapping her arms around his neck. He folds his arms around her waist in response and she sighs against him. After so long, not being able to feel more than his existence, being here is almost overwhelming – she could live in the sensation of him, and she can feel that he feels the same way.

When they pull back, his hand lands on her cheek, for the briefest of moments, "I never thought you'd hear about the ID's, that you'd think…" he trails off when she shakes her head. "I didn't think it would be important to tell anyone what I was doing" she nods a little – she can feel how terrible he feels about that, how badly he feels for letting her assume the worst. So she nods again, a little more forcefully.

They are silent for a moment, listening to the rain beat down on the roof of the hotel. It's cold in Berlin, almost winter in earnest, and the rain is meant to turn to snow at any moment. Wolfgang is glad he's within walking distance to the hospital Felix is at.

"Is that why you finally let me here, let me visit?" Kala asks, her voice small but her eyes strong as she meets his, demanding answers. "Because you felt badly" she narrows her eyes in hurt "are you going to block me from your life again?" She asks it quietly but keeps her eyes on his.

"I couldn't…" he starts, but trails off. He swallows thickly, breaking eye contact to stare somewhere just over her shoulder. "I couldn't watch you marry Rajan, be there when he touched -"

"You told me to marry Rajan" She cuts him off, almost screaming. He looks at her, nods a little a mumbles an 'I know'. "Do you know how that felt? To hear you tell me to…I love… To be blocked like that, I… How would you feel if I did that to…"She trails off, unable to complete any of her thoughts while Wolfgang watches her with rapt attention and sad eyes. She takes a deep, steadying, breath "I did not marry Rajan" she says it quietly, staring at the floor between them.

He's almost certain that he heard her incorrectly, or that getting his hopes up is some bizarre form of punishment from the universe. He watches her as she refuses to lift her eyes from between them, his heart breaks as a single tear falls in-between them. "I -"

She cuts him off "I'm not ready to say goodbye" she repeats her words from the mansion before she leans up and kisses him. He sinks one hand into her hair while the other rests on her hip. She has one hand on the back of his neck and the other on his shoulder, holding him to her.

When they pull back, he puts his hand under her chin, guiding her forehead to rest against his before his hand slides to her cheek, "I worry that you're not safe with me, schatz" his voice is thick, barley concealing tears that she can see are making his eyes glassy. She can feel how strongly he believes that distancing himself from her is the only thing he can do to assure her safety, how worried he is that just being a part of his life will get her killed.

She shakes her head a little, not hard enough to pull her forehead from his, just enough that he can feel it, "I'm not safe at all anymore, none of us are." She says, thinking of Riley. She feels the pressure of his forehead disappear from hers, just long enough for him to press a comforting kiss there and return his forehead to hers. She looks up at him through long lashes, "Wolfgang, I love you," she feels him suck in an abrupt breath and he tries to pull back, but she's already moved her hand to the back of his neck, holding him to her, "I love you" she repeats, "And I might never be safe again, but I'm safer with you than without you" she presses a single kiss to his lips and leans back a little so she can look at him properly.

It's his turn to look down at the floor between them now. She doesn't know what to say, or how to convince him that she isn't in any more danger with him. She closes her eyes when all the sudden a memory that is not her own plays in front of her; Wolfgang, very young, watching from behind a mostly closed door while his father backhands his mother for preparing the wrong meal – Wolfgang runs out and tries to stop his dad who hits him back against the wall, his head bouncing off before falling against the floor, when his mother tries to get to him, his father steps on her hand – breaking two fingers. Young Wolfgang wouldn't wake for two days but when he did his mother was sitting on the floor by the bed his father on the other side of the locked door. His mother would die three weeks later, under suspicious circumstances. "You were a child, Pyaara" She moves to take his hand, and as she does the memory of him killing his father plays out in front of them again and he backs a half step away from her – as if anticipating her reaction.

"I kill, it's what I know, and you can't be a part of that" He says pulling himself from her and moving away.

She pulls her hand across her cheek, disposing of tears, "You saved Felix" she says and his head snaps towards her. He's going to argue so she speaks quickly "You saved each other" she sees the ghost of a smile play across his lips. "You're no danger to him…and you're no danger to me" she finishes softly.

She walks towards him slowly, as if she's afraid to spook him. When she gets to him, his back is to her, so she places her hand on his shoulder, gently pulling him to face her. When he finally turns, his cheeks are splotchy with tears that match her own and she raises a hand to pull the moisture from under his eyes. He leans into her touch despite himself. She looks up at him, giving him no choice but to look her in the eye; "I know that you think that your some kind of monster, that your life has made you a monster, but you're not" he tries to turn away from her but she continues, moving when he does so she's always right in front of him, "You helped Lito save a girl you don't know, you sang karaoke with me on a roof top, you protect Felix with your life" She swallows, "You are so many things, but you are not a monster…I do not love a monster"

It kills him, looking down are her while she begs him to see what she believes is reason. Because he knows, knows, that he should be the one begging her – that he is completely unworthy of the love she bestows upon him. But he also knows that he is powerless to leave it behind – that he could never truly walk away from her or them. His head falls back and he looks up at the ceiling for an undeterminable amount of time – trying to find the answers he seeks in the popcorn pattern above them. All he can think about is how much he loves the woman in front of him, and he wonders if that's his answer or his curse.

"You may be a demon, but you are not a monster" she says quietly, her voice betraying the small smile that is threatening to break across her face, trying to lift his sprits while she shares the memory of them in her bedroom – as if either of them could forget.

He lets out a strangled laugh despite himself and she smiles shyly. He looks down at her, really looks, trying to find any hidden fear of him or hesitation in her – when he can't he feels a sense of shock and relief wash over him, "You know I love you…I have always loved you, I just worry that -"

She cuts him off with a kiss. "We will always worry about each other, just as we will always take care of each other – always protect each other" she says.

He smiles, shakes his head a little, "You make it sound so easy".

"No" she shakes her head a little, "Not easy. But it will be worth it" she smiles after he does and grins against his lips when he leans down to kiss her.