It was not news to the rest of the Survey Corps that Captain Levi cut his own hair.

But it was a mystery how he did it.

Every few weeks, the Corporal would disappear in an evening and reappear the next morning with an inch or so suddenly absent from the end of his dark hair in perfect uniform fashion. It was a much debated dinnertime topic amongst the Elite Squad as to how Levi managed to achieve such a straight line on his own. Jean and Connie were convinced he used his ODM blades, and his uncanny sense of perfection, whilst Oluo and Gunther had a running wager that it was a wig made out of Titan hair, to which Levi added to and removed from to give the illusion of it being real.

Hange Zoë had offered to help on numerous occasions, but Levi had flatly pointed out that she was never to come near him with a sharp implement, no matter if he was dead or alive. Petra had also offered, however, Levi's refusal had been slightly politer than his threat to Hange.

But Levi didn't need the help of anyone. He was used to taking care of himself and being independent; and he was certainly more than capable of cutting his own hair.

Until Humanity's Strongest had slipped in the shower and dislodged his right shoulder.

...

Captain Levi walks into his desk for the eighth time that day and swears loudly.

"I can't see a damn thing beneath all this hair," Levi grumbles, attempting to blow dark stands out of his face.

"Just let me cut it for you, Levi," Hange pouts, sidling up to Levi and reaching for his hair with eager hands and eyes alive with mania. Levi can't move out of her grasp quick enough.

"Don't you dare," Levi growls, cradling his dislocated shoulder against his chest. "I swear, Hange, lay a single finger on me and they'll be scraping you off the trees when your ODM gear mysteriously fails."

Hange gives her classic insane laugh of delight. "Ooh, Captain, you are in a mood."

"I'll be fine to do it myself," Levi insists stubbornly, throwing himself into his desk chair.

To prove a point, Levi picks up a pair of scissors and tries to reach behind his head. He grunts and drops his arm immediately. Hange winces.

"Why don't you get Erwin to help?" She prompts tentatively.

Levi scoffs. "With his one arm and my dislocated one, we'd end up beheading me. I'll wait until my shoulder heals."

With an exasperated sigh, Hange leaves his office.

Levi is annoyed. At himself and at Hange. And everyone else. He gently touches his shoulder, recently reset and bound in a sling by a particularly chipper onsite medic which had annoyed Levi even further. The injury was his own fault; a rare lapse of concentration during their latest training session had caused Levi to misjudge the landing of his ODM grapple-hook and slam into a tree in front of his entire squad.

Of course, none of the Elite Squad dared mention it, but instead turned a blind eye as Levi had managed to get himself on the ground and grit his teeth through the pain, pushing himself through another half hour of training. But he'd noticed Jean and Connie sniggering. Levi makes a mental note to have them both severely punished once his ego has healed.

How mortifying.

No. There's no way Levi is going to admit that he needs some assistance.

…

Three days pass before Levi is willing to swallow his pride and ask for help. In those three days, Levi has become so frustrated with his hair that he catches hold of Hange after dinner.

"Find me Cadet Yeager." He grumbles in defeat.

Hange grins. "I'll send him into your office." She disappears and Levi huffs. He is well aware that the entirety of the Survey Corps knows he's an OCD clean-freak maniac. If there's any imperfections where cleaning is concerned, Levi will notice it. But there's only been one recruit who has come close to passing Levi's test, and whom out of anyone he would trust not to mess up a haircut.

As Levi settles himself into his office, Hange enters with a hard faced, but still mildly uneasy looking Eren Yeager.

"Can I stay and watch?" Hange teases, lingering in the doorway but Levi scowls at her.

"Out." He says shortly and Hange leaves, her laughter echoing down the hallway.

"So … what can I do for you, Captain?" Eren asks. Clearly Hange deliberately didn't tell Eren anything so Levi would have to ask Eren himself. Sly witch.

Levi clears his throat. "I need your help, Cadet," he tells him gruffly, unable to look Yeager in the eye. "I need you … to cut my hair."

Eren blinks once, his face blank. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me, Yeager."

"I'm not sure I did, Captain," Eren frowns, rubbing at his ears. "One more time?"

"You want to play games, Yeager, and I will ensure you the worst punishment in –" Levi growls threateningly, his patience fast wearing thin.

Eren holds up his hands in a surrender. "Sorry, Captain. Uh – I don't know how to cut hair. Mikasa does mine and the rest of them in our squad; so you should probably ask her."

Levi sighs. "Yeager, I'm looking at your hair, and I can assure you that Cadet Ackerman is not up to the task."

"Sir."

"So are you going to or not?"

"What makes me competent?" Eren dares ask.

"You can hold a blade and are aware that if you get this wrong I will make your life a living hell."

Eren gulps. "Yes Captain."

"There's some scissors on my desk," Levi tells him, sighing deeply and sitting up straighter in his desk chair to allow Eren a mildly fair chance.

"Right." Eren sounds unsure and painfully anxious.

Keep it together, Yeager. Eren begs himself as he crosses the room and picks up the scissors. They shake violently in his hand.

"In your own time, Cadet," Levi says dryly.

"If you want this done properly, I'll be taking my time, Captain," Eren mutters, standing behind the Corporal.

Eren flounders, unsure of where or how to start. He's watched Mikasa cut Armin's hair and the rest of the 104th Training Squad, but suddenly being thrust a pair of scissors and being threatened with a fate worse than death if this haircut goes wrong, has made Eren's nerves heighten.

"Yeager, I can feel you shaking," Levi comments coolly.

Eren ignores him and opens the scissors, resting a lock of dark hair between the blades, preparing to make the first cut. He can feel beads of cold sweat on his forehead.

"Don't mess it up." Levi pipes up suddenly making Eren jump violently. The temptation to stab Levi in the neck is almost overwhelming.

"Captain, with all due respect, please shut up," Eren begs and with his eyes squeezed tightly and almost shut in fear and anticipation, closes the blades together, the sound of cut hair slicing through the tense silence. Levi's first lock of hair falls by Eren's feet.

Eren releases a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding and sets about trying to maintain a straight line halfway down the Captain's head.

Eren works in silence and finally, he's finished. He steps back to admire his work.

"I … I think I'm done," Eren announces anxiously, eventually breaking the heavy silence. This would be the next worse part; being subject to Levi's ever critical eye. Of course there was going to be something wrong with it. Eren braces himself for the oncoming criticism.

Levi stands and walks over to the adjoining bathroom to the mirror. Silence. Eren's heart thuds in his mouth.

Levi enters the room. More silence. Eren feels like he's about to vomit.

"Captain?" Eren prompts nervously.

"It'll do, Yeager," Levi says by way of gratitude, his expression as always, unreadable.

A grin of relief splits across Eren's face. "Thank God," he says.

"You're dismissed," Levi tells him promptly, sitting back at his desk.

Eren turns to leave, and just as the door is about to close, Levi's voice speaks up again.

"Clearly you walk in a straighter line than you cut hair."

Son of a bitch.